[优秀习作] Issue40 菜人的第一篇菜文, 大家请b4吧 [复制链接]

crusade
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电梯直达

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发表于 2004-2-9 22:47:50 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

40 "Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem."
对待学者和研究人员的评价不应该取决于他们的工作是否对整个社会有所贡献。而
应该是看他们怎样为了自己的兴趣而奋斗，不管他们的兴趣看起来是多么不寻常或者多
么特殊。

偶的水平烂,文章也烂, 今天鼓起勇气发偶的第一篇issue, 希望各位高手来指点一二, 尤其是文章有没有跑题, 结构是否够有coherence.

There is debate over whether scholars or researchers should concentrate on the contribution to the larger society or initiate their research based on individual interest. Some people maintain that the pursuit for personal goal make these scholars achieve their accomplishment to most extent, while others argue that only the contribution to the larger society is the stepping stone to their success. As far as I am concerned, scholars and researchers should call for a balance between individual interest and the contribution of their work to the larger society.

To begin with, most paramount achievements usually stem from the individual interests. It is the individual interests that could kindle the spark generated from people's thought to a flame. A research starting from individual interest deprives researchers of most social shackles and pressure, which is beneficial for individual to exhibit his brilliance freely. Meanwhile, sheer individual interest makes researchers extremely concentrate on his study to acquire best prospect.  For example, A scientist who got Nobel physical Prize last year because of his discovery of C60, a chemical element, once said: " I am only interested in this element regardless its contribution to society. It is the interest that leads me to Nobel Prize." When questioned whether this discovery will facilitate material science to provide the society with better practical materials, he answered that he was just a scientist and did not cared about practical profit brought by this discovery at all. Obviously, individual interest is the cornerstone to real study.

On the contrary, if paying most attention to its social contribution, a scholars will distract from his research, even be misled in some cases because of unexpected social factors that result in counterproductive outcome. More often than not, outsiders or government officials who fund this research will often violate a research mainly aiming at social interest. Take nuclear technology for example, the beginning study of nuclear power is generated from the interest of some scientists, epitomized in Einstein. Unfortunately, affected by government emphasizing practical benefit, nuclear power was immediately applied in atomic bomb pursuing for mass destruction. Such social factors greatly made many scientist disappointed, thus, slowed the pace of advancement of nuclear science. Consequently, when researchers are making an effort to contribute their achievement to society, the following troubles will also come into being meanwhile.

However, over-emphasis on personal interest will have negative effect on the larger society. Although the social contribution is not so significant, if the research originated from individual interest overstepped the boundaries of social ethics or laws, such research will not be permitted by the mass of people. In particular, the research violates, even threaten the interest of the majority of people.  For instance, human gene cloning, which could not be accepted according to ethics, has been prohibited by most governments. Moreover, what cost numerous funds should pay more attention to its contribution to society than to individual interest. A case in point is "Space Plan" announced by American president Bush recently. This plan costs at least $12 billions in next 5 years. Since the funds come from the mass of people, researchers engaged in this plan undoubtedly have the obligation to consummate it to be the contribution for the whole society. As a result, no matter how marvellous a research from angle of individuals, the contribution to the larger society is still an inevitable standard used to judge its significance.
时间不够,结尾没写, 结尾是不是很重要捏?

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DriverEntry
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沙发

发表于 2004-2-10 21:32:51 |只看该作者

There is （a） debate over whether scholars or researchers should concentrate on the contribution to the larger society or initiate their research based on individual interest（加s）. Some people maintain that the pursuit for personal goal（加s） make（加s） these scholars achieve their accomplishment to most extent, while others argue that only the contribution to the larger society is the stepping stone to their success. As far as I am concerned, scholars and researchers should call for a balance between individual interest and the contribution of their work to the larger society.

To begin with, most paramount achievements usually stem from the individual interests. It is the individual interests that could（ could和强调句型感觉不配）kindle the spark generated from people's thought to a flame. A research starting from individual interest deprives researchers of most social shackles and pressure, which is beneficial for individual（加s） to exhibit his brilliance freely. Meanwhile, sheer individual interest makes researchers extremely concentrate on his study to acquire best prospect. For example, A scientist who got（won） Nobel physical Prize last year because of his discovery of C60, a chemical element, once said: " I am only interested in this element regardless its contribution to society. It is the interest that leads me to Nobel Prize." When questioned whether this discovery will facilitate material science to provide the society with better practical materials, he answered that he was just a scientist and did not cared about practical profit brought by this discovery at all. Obviously, individual interest is the cornerstone to real study.

On the contrary, if paying most attention to its social contribution, a scholars（a 后面跟个复数？） will distract from his research, even be misled in some cases because of unexpected social factors that result in counterproductive outcome. More often than not, outsiders or government officials who fund this（改为a更合适） research will often violate a research mainly aiming at social interest. Take nuclear technology for example, the beginning study of nuclear power is generated from the interest of some scientists, epitomized（这是个及物动词） in Einstein. Unfortunately, affected by government emphasizing practical benefit, nuclear power was immediately applied in atomic bomb pursuing for（for多余） mass destruction. Such social factors（改成result更好） greatly made many scientist disappointed, thus, slowed the pace of advancement of nuclear science. Consequently, when researchers are making an effort to contribute their achievement to society, the following troubles will also come into being meanwhile. （这句稍微绝对了一点，应该加个“有时”，或者用情态动词）

However, over-emphasis on personal interest will have negative effect（s） on the larger society. Although the social contribution is not so significant, if the research originated from individual interest overstepped the boundaries of social ethics or laws, such research will not be permitted by the mass of people. In particular, the research violates, even threaten the interest of the majority of people（这一句和上一句合并会更好）. For instance, human gene cloning（只克龙基因是没问题的，克龙人就不行了）, which could not be accepted according to ethics, has been prohibited by most governments. Moreover, what cost numerous funds should pay more attention to its contribution to society than to individual interest（花大量的钱来注意？没看明白）. A case in point is "Space Plan" announced by American president Bush recently. This plan costs at least $12 billions in next 5 years. Since the funds come from the mass of people, researchers engaged in this plan undoubtedly have the obligation to consummate it to be the contribution for the whole society. As a result, no matter how marvellous a research from angle of individuals, the contribution to the larger society is still an inevitable standard used to judge its significance.

Moreover后面的没看明白。你似乎想说“大量的资金应该投向对社会有益的研究，而不是凭个人兴趣”这个论点本身有点跑题。后面的“太空计划”的例子想说明什么呢？这个计划对社会是有益的吗？应该解释一下。

时间不够,结尾没写, 结尾是不是很重要捏?
有1篇6分的范文就是没结尾的，不过前面部分要写的非常漂亮才行。其实结尾用一句话即可。

总体感觉：立场清楚，组织比较严密，用词比较丰富，句子结构也有些变化。不过低级的语法错误要注意。单数复数要分清。另外MAKE这个词用的太多了。：（还有就是最后的部分论述不清楚。考虑到第一篇，还是限时完成，比我当年强多了。继续努力！

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crusade
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板凳

发表于 2004-2-11 00:02:28 |只看该作者

感谢DriverEntry的修改, (痛哭流涕状.........)
的确感觉最后部分论证的weak,但是时间有限, 想把每个地方都说清实在力不从心呀, 本意想说太空计划这种耗资巨大的研究, 是不能但凭科学家兴趣来研究的, 因为他用的是大众纳税人的钱, 就要考虑为大众负责, 要重视社会贡献, 写这段也是为了转折论证"对科研只强调兴趣也不行"的论点.

PS: 惭愧啊, 这时偶发的第一篇, 其实偶已经练了几十篇了, 时间太紧, 另外的确我对小的语法错误不太敏感, 写已经写的晕晕乎乎了, 根本没精力注意这些了.

偶是用猫上网的, 速度慢,又费银子, 再加上备考时间紧, 每天只能来一会, 不过我还是争取, 参与到修改文章的大潮中来:)

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DriverEntry
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地板

发表于 2004-2-11 10:05:25 |只看该作者

呵呵，老兄的文章读起来感觉还是可以的。再努力一下，会有更大的提高。
“写这段也是为了转折论证"对科研只强调兴趣也不行"的论点.”。感觉可以这样写。
TS：对科研只强调兴趣也不行
分论点一：因为某些科研花了社会大量的钱财。比如太空计划
分论点二：因为只凭兴趣会导致负面效果。比如克龙人。
这样就清楚了。
不过自己在限时写文章时是很容易范糊涂。所以平时要多准备。万一有些东西没想清楚的话，我觉得还是不要写上去。比如HOWEVER这段，来不及的话光写一个克龙人例子就够了。把他说清楚。人克龙出来后有什么社会问题？比如他的父母是谁？等等。这个例子写透了。字数自然够了。思想上虽然比你现在的要简单些，但至少是清楚的。
这是我的看法：即在时间紧的时候，放弃思想的深刻性，追求论述的清楚有力。不知道老兄有什么建议。
PS：拨号上网的话，可以先把文章考贝下来，然后下线慢慢看和改。改好再上线贴上来。呵呵。总之欢迎老兄一起来改作文。

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