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zhangbaoke
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-7-25 18:31:18 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目
Issue131
“The arts(painting, music, literature) reveal the othrewise hidden ideas and impulses of a society。”

正文————————————————
Ever since the first artistic work comes into being, artistic works begin to serve to reveal the artists inner emotion and hidden ideas of society. At the same, the function of art also includes displaying beauty and bringing people pleasure. Therefore, the author's assertion has some merit, but it does not fairly generalize the function of art. Although art can reveal hidden ideas and impulses of society, it also has other functions.

First, focusing our attention on literature, we tend to realize that literary works, which seemingly serve to reveal artists' inner emotion, actually reflect the hidden ideas and impulses of society. It is because that the literature is based on past or current historical background. Admittedly, what distinguishes literature from purely objective account is it involves in artists' personal emotions and ideas. However, the literary work, in essence, mainly mirror the social value and impulses, while author's emotion serves to make it vivid and more subjective. Taking the Mark Twain's artistic work as example, his novels primarily reflect the people's view of slavery in 19th century in Missouri area, although his personal idea is involved in. Another compelling example is Charles Dickens' novels disclose the value system of people in Britain in 19 century by depicting the affliction of children and poor as well as attitude of surrounding people. Obviously, his works serve mainly to reveal the hidden ideas and impulses of society. In a word, the literature, without involving any hidden social ideas and impulses, is meaningless, even though it is fraught with author's personal emotion.

Similarly, as for architectural works, they also serve to reveal the social value rather than convey personal ideas. Since architectural works are always funded by authority or religious groups, which represent the social ideas, the artistic works in architecture actually reflect the social value. A Byzantine cathedral, for instance, which is featured by excessive embellishment, advocates a concern with sumptuous lives. On the other hand, A Gothic church, which is characterized by grandeur, stresses the solemn atmosphere. It serves to reflect people's piety to God. In short, architectural masterpieces also serve to reveal social hidden value.

However, shifting our focus from architecture to painting, it is tempting to realize that the first and foremost function of painting is conveying painter's personal emotion rather than revealing social ideas. Unlike architecture, portraits, usually, are not subsidized by any people other than painters themselves. Therefore, they could depict what they desire to express. The Degas' portrait of Absinthe Drinker, for example, depicts a picture in which a dejected women is drinking absinthe, which is deemed to be addictive and lethal, to release her depression. The whole picture absolutely reflects Degas's personal view about lives, irrelevant of social value and hidden ideas. In the same way, his another picture Combing the Hair completely results from his aesthetic view, regardless of social value and hidden ideas. In short, since the process of creating a masterpiece in painting involves no subsidy from outside, the painter has no responsibility to take society into consideration. Thus, the portrait tends to purely reflect painters' personal interests.

To sum up, Despite that paintings tend to reflect painters' personal ideas rather than othrewise social hidden impulses, other artists' works such as architecture and literature serve to reflect social value.

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lewvi
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沙发

发表于 2004-7-26 12:17:33 |只看该作者

re

艺术类还没写过

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zhangbaoke
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板凳

发表于 2004-7-26 20:56:35 |只看该作者

希望有人能指教一下，
定会相报，谢谢，：）
留链接也可

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鬼谷子
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地板

发表于 2004-7-26 23:16:31 |只看该作者

Re: Issue131（艺术类）

我也没写过艺术类的，勉强改一下吧，大家见笑了
题目
Issue131
“The arts(painting, music, literature) reveal the othrewise hidden ideas and impulses of a society。”

首先我觉得题目的otherwise很可疑，是否改翻译成其他方面，如果是的，那么，“其他方面”之前的“这个”方面应该是什么方面呢？是否是painting，music，literature等被默认为应该揭示的方面呢？那么，题目的意思是否就是说art揭示了除了它本身范畴之外的ideas and impulses of society呢？想来想去没想明白？是不是我想多了想错了？
正文————————————————
Ever since the first artistic work comes into being, artistic works begin to serve to reveal the artists inner emotion（emotions？）
and hidden ideas of society.（是要让步吗？先承认题目的观点部分正确》？那么我觉得inner emotion 就该放在后面的句子说，然后ideas后面把impulse补上，于题目对应）
At the same（time？）
, the function （functions？）
of art also includes displaying beauty and bringing people pleasure. Therefore, the author's assertion has some merit, but it does not fairly generalize the function of art. Although art can reveal hidden ideas and impulses of society, it also has other functions.（观点是speaker的论断不完整，从艺术的function来说还有reveal inner emotion， display beauty和bring pleasure。题目说的是艺术对社会的function，然后你对应提到除此之外还有对于人的function，部分赞同，对吗？我是这样理解的。那么下面写的body3段应该跟你提出的3个补充function对应吧）

First, focusing our attention on literature, we tend to realize that literary works, which seemingly serve to reveal artists' inner emotion, actually reflect the hidden ideas and impulses of society. （TS吧，但是好像跟我想的不一样，怎么承认题目的观点了呢？）
It is because that the literature is based on past or current historical background. Admittedly, what distinguishes literature from purely objective account is it involves in artists' personal emotions and ideas（我觉得论述的不够，有主观想法的不一定就是文学作品，可能只是subjective account）
. However, the literary work, in essence, mainly mirror the social value and impulses, while author's emotion serves to make it vivid and more subjective. （是要说emotion只是陪衬，揭示社会才是重点？那么这段是要完全赞同题目吧）
Taking the Mark Twain's artistic work as example, his novels primarily reflect the people's view of slavery in 19th century in Missouri area, although his personal idea is involved in. （这么说有点狭隘吧，他的作品主旨不只这么一点吧）
Another compelling example is Charles Dickens' novels disclose the value system of people in Britain in 19 century by depicting the affliction of children and poor as well as attitude of surrounding people.（同样的问题，或者你举具体书的例子更好，个人意见）
Obviously, his works serve mainly to reveal （serve to reveal用了好几次，是否能换成别的形式）
the hidden ideas and impulses of society. In a word, the literature, without involving any hidden social ideas and impulses, is meaningless, （why？）
even though it is fraught with author's personal emotion.（我觉得B1的论述不够有力，只说结论，没说为什么，说服力不强。而且我觉得最好反过来写，让步一下承认有题目提到的society的ideas什么的问题，更重要的是inner emotion。才对应你开头的观点说题目的论述不完整。）

Similarly, as for architectural works, they also serve to reveal the social value rather than convey personal ideas. （这段也是同意艺术对社会的作用吗？那么是否你首段的观点就该修改了？）
Since architectural works are always funded by authority or religious groups（？该是经济的团体吧，为什么是宗教团体啊）
, which represent the social ideas, the artistic works in architecture actually reflect the social value. A Byzantine cathedral, for instance, which is featured by excessive embellishment, advocates a concern with sumptuous lives. On the other hand, A Gothic church, which is characterized by grandeur, stresses the solemn atmosphere. It serves to reflect people's piety to God. In short, architectural masterpieces also serve to reveal social hidden value.（觉得例子有点牵强，至少和上面说的由谁资助的关系不大，所以since那句我觉得该改成由于建筑都是处在一定历史和社会环境中，所以会反映社会价值。而且，我觉得你举的例子更像是反应历史的概念而不是社会的价值。另外，我现在对你总的观点有点糊涂了）

However, shifting our focus from architecture to painting, it is tempting to realize that the first and foremost function of painting is conveying painter's personal emotion rather than revealing social ideas.（B3终于开始出现反对的意见了）
Unlike architecture, portraits（这个该包括在painting里，不该拿出来比啊）
, usually, are not subsidized by any people other than painters themselves.（painting也可能是资助的，而且前文对资助和艺术function影响的关系论述的不清）
Therefore, they could depict what they desire to express. The Degas' portrait of Absinthe Drinker, for example, depicts a picture in which a dejected women is drinking absinthe, which is deemed to be addictive and lethal, to release her depression. The whole picture absolutely reflects Degas's personal view about lives, irrelevant of social value and hidden ideas. In the same way, his another picture Combing the Hair completely results from his aesthetic view, regardless of social value and hidden ideas.（例子不是太好，其实他个人思想就反应了社会的ideas我觉得，而且应该是当时社会的环境造成，或者是一种普遍的思想。例子不是太典型）
In short, since the process of creating a masterpiece in painting involves no subsidy from outside, the painter has no responsibility to take society into consideration. Thus, the portrait tends to purely reflect painters' personal interests.（这个观点也不是太能站的住，如果你说建筑是因为对资助者有责任才反应社会的ideas，那么文学总不是这样吧，何况建筑也并非如此。从你的观点推出，如果艺术揭示社会的ideas和impulses，那么它一定是因为被资助而有责任来这样做。不通吧）

To sum up, Despite that paintings tend to reflect painters' personal ideas rather than othrewise social hidden impulses, other artists' works such as architecture and literature serve to reflect social value.（最后的结尾和开头的观点没什么联系啊，现在我觉得开头你让步了哪个承认了哪个我都不清楚了。而结尾象是没有时间了草草而就。本来3段写得就散，结尾也没联系上。而且看了结尾我觉得3段更孤立了。我觉得是可能是开始就没想好，写写就跑了,还有，开头的beauty和pleasure哪去了啊？）

总体来说文章有点跑，用词也有点单一。艺术的文章确实不好写，以上的观点只是我个人的意见，楼主别怪我哦：）

鬼Ghost
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zhangbaoke
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5楼

发表于 2004-7-27 13:43:33 |只看该作者

首先谢谢鬼谷子同志的认真的修改＋中肯的意见：）
辛苦了

此篇，回头看的确又很多在布局谋篇上的失误，没在开始，策划好，由于时间紧，而出现脱节，现在就鬼谷子提出的意见梳理一下

1。 otherwise,首先还是应该理解为其他方面，但没有必要特别，强掉，我个人认为，比如文学一旦反应society的idea和impulses，就必然与文学本身无关，也就不存在这些idea是否是不同与文学的了

2。提纲修改
B1：literature能反映社会的idea
B2：architecture也能反应社会idea
B3：但painting和architecture不行

3。（先看B1论述）
B1: 对于art领域中的literature来说，包含了社会的hidden idea和impluses，因为，文学是根据历史环境提取出来的，对应body1中的：
It is because that the literature is based on past or current historical background
让步，虽然，literature也包含作者个人的emotion，就是这点区别literature和factual account的区别（这里让步是为了说明，尽管literrature有personal ideas，但大体上还是反映社会的想法）
对应的原文字：

Admittedly, what distinguishes literature from purely objective account is it involves in artists' personal emotions and ideas(写这一句为了引出一个可能的反对意见，即不反应社会的idea，而是是personal emotion)

. However, the literary work, in essence, mainly mirror the social value and impulses, while author's emotion serves to make it vivid and more subjective.
（归根结地，还是主要反应society的idea）
[在这里表赞同意见/color]

以下是例子，两个都证明这句话，

最后一句，要修改，改为
In a word, the literature primatily mirrors the hidden ideas and impluses of a society，
even though it is fraught with author's personal emotion

总结一下，第一段，还是按原来想的，可是发现与开头段所强调的联系不上

结论开头段，没有开好导致了后来的散，即论述不周全，
改：
Ever since the first artistic work comes into being, artistic works begin to serve to reveal hidden ideas and impulses of society . Ahtough in some artistic mastrepieces such as paintings and sculptures, personal emotions are involved, arts are mainly empolyed by artists to indicate the ideas and value system of society as a whole.
(这样改后，去掉了一些beauty和pleasure这类的东东，而且，让观点是个同意的性质的)
前两段分领域同意
后一段，说painting和sculpture不是这样的

B2：在architecture领域也是一样的，主要揭示社会的idea和impulses
原因是：Since architectural works are always funded by authority or religious groups，which represent the social ideas, the artistic works in architecture actually reflect the social value.

例子发现主要是支持body2首句，artchitecture是用来揭示social idea ，而不是支持因为fund而mirror socia ideal
：（其实，本想用一个原因和两个例子并行说明，不知这样可不可，例子摆事实，原因揭示内在因数）

]（加一句用于联系首句和例子，
Carefully scrutinizing disctinctive architecture which spread every corner of the world, it is tempting to detect their function of revealing the hidden dieas and impluses of the public. ）

A Byzantine cathedral, for instance, which is featured by excessive embellishment, manifests a social concern with sumptuous lives. On the other hand, A Gothic church, which is characterized by grandeur, stresses the solemn atmosphere. It serves to reflect people's piety to God.

总结：
In short, architectural masterpieces are mainly used to reveal social hidden value.

这一段主要由一个原因，和两个例子并行支持，由于例子缺少领句，导致，看似例子支持原因，

不知这样分析，对不对

B3：转折，扣题和论述顺序上认为还是没什么大误（可能例子有点牵强，但还是能自园期说）

结尾，和开头不一样，其实结尾才是我真正想支持的

结论，题目开头还是很重要的，
1。不能现太死，例beauty，pleasure这类
2，有个想法，把结尾留到3个body后来写，是不是能使文章连贯性更好，还往探讨

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鬼谷子
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6楼

发表于 2004-7-27 21:07:05 |只看该作者

开头改完了文章结构就紧凑多了
但是我觉得结尾也是个问题
因为你的body有点case by case的写法（不知道说的对不对）
是不是最后应该多说几句联系body的几段，形成一个统一的整体
至于你说的
“2，有个想法，把结尾留到3个body后来写，是不是能使文章连贯性更好，还往探讨”
是不是说要把开头留到body之后写啊？
我觉得这个办法挺好的，我就是这么写的，以防偏离开始的观点
还有就是
对于这个题目
我觉得这种case by case的写法不是太舒服
是否有别的角度来说
我还没想出来比较爽的角度
等待高人吧