[习作点评] 第一次写argument，求狠狠打脸。 [复制链接]

西怠怠
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电梯直达

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发表于 2015-1-17 15:46:38 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy
Pancake House restaurants.
Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake
House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This
change, however, has had little impact on our customers. In fact, only
about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average
of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many
servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do
not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these
customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term
‘butter ’ to refer to either butter or margarine.

这是我第一次写argument，能上2分吗？求狠狠打脸。

The author conclude that people have a low sensitive for changing from butter to margarine when they are consuming in Happy Pancake House restaurants. The author reasons that according to statistic, approximately 2 percent of consumers against this replacement directly, which means the rest of customers have already accept this changing. The author further reasons that the customers are not able to discern between margarine and butter, or outline “butter” as butter/margarine. However, the reasoning in this argument cannot afford the further analyze for the following respects.

The first problem is the author’s mistaken assumption that 2 percent of complain is equal to 98 percent satisfaction. Actually, there is s considerable probability that among this 98 percent simple, some consumers also unsatisfied with this replacement but do not express on the questionnaire. Yet the author does not allow for this situation.

Second, the investigation is not able to represent the real condition. Maybe this is only a 100-consumer survey. Yet the population of this area is a huge number. Therefore, the result of this survey is inaccurate to show the primary attitude of this replacement. For instance, if the history shows that the entire customers of Happy Pancake House restaurants in southwestern of Unite States is a million, this convey will be totally unconvinced.

Moreover, the reports from servants can be challenged. Why customers cannot distinguished these two products? Is there any other further explanations about the reference of “buffer”? The author doesn’t manifests both of the two questions. Regarding the first question, maybe the restaurants have already trained the employee how to induce the customers confuse with the terms. Thus people are prone to believe the employee. Regarding the second question, a possible explanation is people who use “buffer” as the reference of both of two productions are about to running out of the time when they are during the business hour. Therefore, they don’t need to indicate particularly which of the “butter” exact is.

In conclusion, I do not find this argument compelling. The author must provide the evidence that the clear attitude of the majority consumers which whether they like or dislike margarine. Besides, the author must also provide an argument for the assumptions that what is the deeper reason for the customer that they cannot discern between margarine and butter.

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wawaGRE
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沙发

发表于 2015-1-20 21:17:56 |只看该作者

冒昧点评一下。
也请回评一下我的吧！地址https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1798532

总体来说如果第一次写的话还是不错的！请楼主继续努力。

second那一段，主题句可以写的在清晰一点。然后其实这段没说到点上，如果有1million，但那100都是随机挑的，其实这个统计还是有说服力的我觉得。如果你要抨击这一点，你可以说，他的统计并不随机，就是随便在一个地区调查的，而且这个地区的人可能更偏向于喜欢margarine，但这并不代表所有地区。

moreover那一段感觉有些乱了，希望楼主能写的清楚些

最后一段我感觉最好不要i do not。。。最好不要有 I 这个词。个人意见

以上是全部个人理解！不一定全都正确，希望楼主批判的接受。欢迎讨论

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