[i习作temp] ISSUE43, 请指教，谢谢！ [复制链接]

xiliu
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电梯直达

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发表于 2004-11-15 12:06:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

---------题目---------
“To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards”

---------正文---------
Should a public official maintain the highest ethical and moral standards, if they want to be an effective leader? I generally agree that the public officials should keep certain ethical and moral disciplines that a official who hold the puissance citizens give them even a human who must obey, regardless whether he/she want to be a effective leader. However, to some extent, the public official need not maintain the highest ethical and moral standards, even though sometimes citizens expect.

How to define whether a leader is effective or not? And is it necessary that the public officials who maintain the highest ethical and moral standards surly will be an effective leader? Then the public official who wants to be effective must have the highest moral standards?

In fact, the answer is that they may not be required and reach so harsh demand. The primary works a public official should do are doing the work which is in the area of his/her occupation, protecting the rights of citizens, the democratic system and atmosphere, propelling the development of society and the world, at the same time, does not abuse of the power he/she hold. The public official had better not be a specimen of morality whose position could be took place of priest, spirit public or books. Citizens need a useful administrator who is fed by their tax, but not a person do things they could do themselves or have others to do.

The person who can keep the highest ethical standards may not be a effective public official, because the morality dose not equal the capacity of lead and administration. If we request all of the leaders to reach the highest ethical standards, our world will be full of repentance, so that nobody will pay attention on working; researching and other meaningful things and the mess society will abduct into a misleading way of no development of economy, science, art, humanity, emotion and the enhancement of average of people's life.

The leader could maintain higher ethical standard is a good thing, but if he/she do not break the basically ethic and morality disciplines, or even he/she break it but dose not influent the efficiency of his/her administration. For instance, Gandhi and Abraham Lincoln are worthy of praising about their high moral standards, albeit people still think Bill Clinton who had tangled in the sexual scandal were a good president.

Moreover, in the political realm, even in the business and societal realms, if a public official want to take a place in the realm then promote to a higher position, he/she have to know some unrightfully methods such as lying, tricking and disguise facts to reach his/her aims. Although it hears very ruthless, but it just the fact we must face as book The Hardball wrote.

Another thing we should realize is that in different countries and different culture, people will have different standards that request what degree of ethical and moral standards the public officials should maintain. For example, the sexual scandal of Bill Clinton can not be beard in America, but the Europeans such as romantic French think the love even sexual action outside marriage is not immoral and may not have bad effect on the efficiency of the leader’s administration. And in Arabic areas, the leader who has several wives surly does not be rebuked because his action is lawful and confirm to their culture. Nevertheless, a person no matter whether he/she is leader, he/she will be in prison if he/she has more than one spouse.

To sum up, the pubic official should maintain basically ethical and moral standards no matter whether he/she wants to be an effective leader.

由于宿舍上网不方便，所以上一篇(ISSUE40)也没有来得及向大家道谢．这里补谢了．

vicky Lee

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木耳
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沙发

发表于 2004-11-15 21:18:36 |只看该作者

Should a public official maintain the highest ethical and moral standards, if they want to be an effective leader? I generally agree that the public officials should keep certain ethical and moral disciplines that a official who hold the puissance citizens give them even a human who must obey, regardless whether he/she want to be a effective leader. However, to some extent, the public official need not maintain the highest ethical and moral standards, even though sometimes citizens expect.

第一句反问有些多余。I generally agree 那句读着很不顺，改一下吧。个人不赞成第一段太罗嗦。简明扼要说明问题就好。

How to define whether a leader is effective or not? And is it necessary that the public officials who maintain the highest ethical and moral standards surly will be an effective leader? Then the public official who wants to be effective must have the highest moral standards?

这一段的第二和第三个问题是不是有些重复？

In fact, the answer is that they may not be required and reach （两个否定部分并列不能用and吧？）so harsh demand. \\The primary works a public official should do are doing（doing可删掉） the work（work的单复数前后是否该一直?） which is in the area of his/her occupation, protecting the rights of citizens, the democratic system and atmosphere, propelling the development of society and the world, at the same time, does not abuse of the power he/she hold. \\（看看这句话有多长，读起来是不是有些累？at the same time 完全可以另起一句。还有，把这么多东西罗列在一起感觉太宽泛或者说还是有些罗嗦。注意题目的第一句话就提到了leader。这是很重要的，但你再文中好像没有强调。文中的内容也要围绕leader的职责和任务来写）The public official had better not be a specimen of morality whose position could be took place of priest, spirit public or books. Citizens need a useful administrator who is fed by their tax, but not a person do things they could do themselves or have others to do.

The person who can keep the highest ethical standards may not be a effective public official, because the morality dose not equal the capacity of lead （leadership）and administration. If we request all of the leaders to reach the highest ethical standards, our world will be full of repentance, （？full of repentance 没什么道理吧？）so that nobody will pay attention on working; researching and other meaningful things and the mess society will abduct into a misleading way of no development of economy, science, art, humanity, emotion and the enhancement of average of people's life.

我觉得这一段起码是有点杞人忧天的味道。严重点说是耸人听闻。很多事情不能乱说的。你可以说如果我们要求每个领导人都具有最高的道德情操，那这个世界上就没有合格的领导人。或者举一些有道德缺陷的领导人的例子来反正。但这样的没有根据的推测是要不得的。为什么我们要求领导人具有最高的道德标准，我们每个人就都要去忏悔，而不作其他的meaningful things了呢？我就想不明白。

你可以说如果彗星撞地球那人类就有可能会灭亡，这是常识，每人会否认。

The leader could maintain higher ethical standard is a good thing, but if he/she do not break the basically ethic and morality disciplines, or even he/she break it but dose not influent the efficiency of his/her administration. For instance, Gandhi and Abraham Lincoln are worthy of praising about their high moral standards, albeit people still think Bill Clinton who had tangled in the sexual scandal were a good president.

这两个例子都还不错，但用来证明你的论点合适吗？

Moreover, in the political realm, even in the business and societal realms, if a public official want to take a place in the realm then promote to a higher position, he/she have to know some unrightfully methods such as lying, tricking and disguise facts to reach his/her aims.（HAVE TO KNOW 难道这些鬼把戏对于升迁是一定要的吗？） Although it hears very ruthless, but it just the fact we must face as book The Hardball wrote.

这是本什么书？没听说过。厚黑学？我个人从论点上不认同这段话。不可否认我们现在的社会上存在一些不正常的，黑暗的现象。但存在的就是合理的吗？就是我们可以接受的。不同意用一种不正常的或者说不正当的现象当作论据来证明一个正确的道理

Another thing we should realize is that in different countries and different culture, people will have different standards that request what degree of ethical and moral standards the public officials should maintain. For example, the sexual scandal of Bill Clinton can not be beard in America, but the Europeans such as romantic French think the love even sexual action outside marriage is not immoral and may not have bad effect on the efficiency of the leader’s administration. And in Arabic areas, the leader who has several wives surly does not be rebuked because his action is lawful and confirm to their culture. Nevertheless, a person no matter whether he/she is leader, he/she will be in prison if he/she has more than one spouse.

这一段是写的最好的。论据论点都很好。

To sum up, the pubic official should maintain basically ethical and moral standards no matter whether he/she wants to be an effective leader.

文章写得很长，但却有一些比较明显的缺点。

1 段与段之间的逻辑性不是很好。我从头看过改了一遍之后，对文章的整体逻辑关系还是不甚清楚。感觉段与段之间（尤其是中间几段）很相近，没有明显的过渡或是衔接。

2 个别论点除了问题，这是最不应该的。论据写得再好，指导方向就错了什么用也没有。

3 文章长，但每段都比较短，除了层次不分明，有重复感外，还让人觉得重点不突出。

4 总论点和分论点没有很好的对应。 the public officials should keep certain ethical and moral disciplines这句话再文中没有体现，通篇都在论证however后的论点。到结尾的时候却只提了开头前面的部分should maintain basically ethical and moral standards 对征文大篇幅论述的部分侄子未提

写了这么长，看得出你用了一番心思。但写出来的效果不是很好。建议你首先不要写这么长，这么多论点，这样很容易乱。不要觉得把自己所有的东西都倒出来就是好的。一定要先有整体的框架，总论点，分论点，用什么论据，都大概想好了再动笔。

期待着你的下一篇！

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