寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托学术类备考版 › GRE作文互动版 › 作文版回收站 › issue1 第一篇issue 希望给予修改

返回列表

查看: 1624|回复: 7

[i习作temp] issue1 第一篇issue 希望给予修改 [复制链接]

beilongzhuhai
UID: 175441

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 367
注册时间: 2004-8-22
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-12-2 23:00:56 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue  one :we can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people views contradict our own; disagreement can  cause stress and inhibit learning.
Point :don’t agree with this point.
Syllabus:
1. we can learn from agreement, also can learn from disagreement. they can’t  be compared  about  which will be more learned from in the special situation.
2. We can learn much more from  the disagreement sometimes.
3. We can be concealed  the mistake sometimes by the agreement.
4. Disagreement can make us more brightness sometimes than the causing stress and inhibiting  learning.
Text:
   In our modern life, there are full of many different thoughts or ideas in many different spheres of the world including political region, scientific region ,economic region and so on….which can provide much chance for  our life to be more wonderful and colourful. You can imagine how the world will be if all of  our  things around us only can be stayed  in a same model or a solo idea which can propel our era behind. So, undeniably, the agreements and the disagreements both benefit with us, both  deserve us to learn.
   Unquestionably, we can easily learn from the person who agree with our points  not  only because both of us own the same idea and thought which make us to supply the leaking knowledge and skill each other easily, but also  think both of us  right thus easily accept each other in psychology. So, that is like  right to say that we can learn much from people who have the same point with us. But this is only a superficial view by some people in common situation. In our more  world,  there are much more significance that  disagreement can make much profit  than the agreement do in some situations because  disagreement always is the mirror to bright the right point more brightness. As a contrary  view, it supply  the more aspects which the same point can’t provide and also fulfill the leaking points  which the same point can’t do. for example, when two pupils are studying math questions which their math teacher order, they will learn  each other from the questions which answers are same even the solving way isn’t the same. they can easily learn each other through the different ways to add their skill of solving the problem and also enhance the ability of the math questions. but if their answer aren’t same, they will try  to find  out whose answer is right, and also they can learn why one  of  them do it wrong, even both of them do it wrong for the purpose to avoid to do wrong next time. they can learn more when they own the different answers. This thing illustrate that we can learn much more from people who contradict with us.
   At the same time,  we can make wrong things  when we are in same points even  can do harm to our society .if we insist the same thought when it  is wrong, we can’t learn and make progress each other but be harm each other as individual even to the whole world as members. But we won’t make this mistake when we have  the different views because disagreement  can  awoke us and make us to find out whose point is wrong even find out both of us are wrong thus we can avoid the more wrong things to happen. we can understand it from the man well known by all world who named adolf hitler who destroy thousands of  families  and kill millions of  people.why he can make this so big mistake to do harm to whole world, many jenerals agree his thought to authorize the world.
   As we all known, seven colours  make up the rainbow so beautiful not only because they are both colours in a same quality ,but also they own the solo different bright to bright each other.just like the mankind, the different things make up the world  more beautiful and culourful .unavoidably, the disagreement can make up stress in some people at some situation ,but it won’t  inhibit the much studying from the difference. whether as a common people or as a administrator of the government, they unavoidably receive some contrary  points when they work or do the other things.  If they all cause most stress from those different views to inhibit their learning ,how can our modern society be constructed so beautiful ? how can our politics, science and economy be developed for enhancing our life lever day after day .
Summary, we can learn from each other both of the agreements and the disagreements. but the disagreements can do  more significance in some aspects .don’t leak the  points which contradict yours because it maybe bring you get to learn the genuine theory and benefit yourself much .

回应
0

使用道具举报

不怕开水烫的猪
UID: 187893

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 748
注册时间: 2004-11-30
精华: 0
帖子: 0

沙发

发表于 2004-12-2 23:33:42 |只看该作者

下次贴的时候最好每段之间空一行，让别人看起来舒服一点

大概看了一下，感觉你的语言挺不规范的，有的时候得靠我猜你某句话是什么意思

建议多看看一些老外的规范的文章，体会一下他们的用词和句子结构

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

使用道具举报

beilongzhuhai
UID: 175441

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 367
注册时间: 2004-8-22
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2004-12-2 23:49:53 |只看该作者

Issue  one :we can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people views contradict our own; disagreement can  cause stress and inhibit learning.
Point :don’t agree with this point.

Syllabus:
1. we can learn from agreement, also can learn from disagreement. they can’t  be compared  about  which will be more learned from in the special situation.
2. We can learn much more from  the disagreement sometimes.
3. We can be concealed  the mistake sometimes by the agreement.
4. Disagreement can make us more brightness sometimes than the causing stress and inhibiting  learning.

Text:
            In our modern life, there are full of many different thoughts or ideas in many different spheres of the world including political region, scientific region ,economic region and so on….which can provide much chance for  our life to be more wonderful and colourful. You can imagine how the world will be if all of  our  things around us only can be stayed  in a same model or a solo idea which can propel our era behind. So, undeniably, the agreements and the disagreements both benefit with us, both  deserve us to learn.

               Unquestionably, we can easily learn from the person who agree with our points  not  only because both of us own the same idea and thought which make us to supply the leaking knowledge and skill each other easily, but also  think both of us  right thus easily accept each other in psychology. So, that is like  right to say that we can learn much from people who have the same point with us. But this is only a superficial view by some people in common situation. In our more  world,  there are much more significance that  disagreement can make much profit  than the agreement do in some situations because  disagreement always is the mirror to bright the right point more brightness. As a contrary  view, it supply  the more aspects which the same point can’t provide and also fulfill the leaking points  which the same point can’t do. for example, when two pupils are studying math questions which their math teacher order, they will learn  each other from the questions which answers are same even the solving way isn’t the same. they can easily learn each other through the different ways to add their skill of solving the problem and also enhance the ability of the math questions. but if their answer aren’t same, they will try  to find  out whose answer is right, and also they can learn why one  of  them do it wrong, even both of them do it wrong for the purpose to avoid to do wrong next time. they can learn more when they own the different answers. This thing illustrate that we can learn much more from people who contradict with us.
                  At the same time,  we can make wrong things  when we are in same points even  can do harm to our society .if we insist the same thought when it  is wrong, we can’t learn and make progress each other but be harm each other as individual even to the whole world as members. But we won’t make this mistake when we have  the different views because disagreement  can  awoke us and make us to find out whose point is wrong even find out both of us are wrong thus we can avoid the more wrong things to happen. we can understand it from the man well known by all world who named adolf hitler who destroy thousands of  families  and kill millions of  people.why he can make this so big mistake to do harm to whole world, many jenerals agree his thought to authorize the world.
                  As we all known, seven colours  make up the rainbow so beautiful not only because they are both colours in a same quality ,but also they own the solo different bright to bright each other.just like the mankind, the different things make up the world  more beautiful and culourful .unavoidably, the disagreement can make up stress in some people at some situation ,but it won’t  inhibit the much studying from the difference. whether as a common people or as a administrator of the government, they unavoidably receive some contrary  points when they work or do the other things.  If they all cause most stress from those different views to inhibit their learning ,how can our modern society be constructed so beautiful ? how can our politics, science and economy be developed for enhancing our life lever day after day .
                  Summary, we can learn from each other both of the agreements and the disagreements. but the disagreements can do  more significance in some aspects .don’t leak the  points which contradict yours because it maybe bring you get to learn the genuine theory and benefit yourself much .

使用道具举报

beilongzhuhai
UID: 175441

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 367
注册时间: 2004-8-22
精华: 0
帖子: 0

地板

发表于 2004-12-2 23:52:09 |只看该作者

Issue  one :we can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people views contradict our own; disagreement can  cause stress and inhibit learning.
Point :don’t agree with this point.

Syllabus:
1. we can learn from agreement, also can learn from disagreement. they can’t  be compared  about  which will be more learned from in the special situation.
2. We can learn much more from  the disagreement sometimes.
3. We can be concealed  the mistake sometimes by the agreement.
4. Disagreement can make us more brightness sometimes than the causing stress and inhibiting  learning.

Text:
   In our modern life, there are full of many different thoughts or ideas in many different spheres of the world including political region, scientific region ,economic region and so on….which can provide much chance for  our life to be more wonderful and colourful. You can imagine how the world will be if all of  our  things around us only can be stayed  in a same model or a solo idea which can propel our era behind. So, undeniably, the agreements and the disagreements both benefit with us, both  deserve us to learn.

   Unquestionably, we can easily learn from the person who agree with our points  not  only because both of us own the same idea and thought which make us to supply the leaking knowledge and skill each other easily, but also  think both of us  right thus easily accept each other in psychology. So, that is like  right to say that we can learn much from people who have the same point with us. But this is only a superficial view by some people in common situation. In our more  world,  there are much more significance that  disagreement can make much profit  than the agreement do in some situations because  disagreement always is the mirror to bright the right point more brightness. As a contrary  view, it supply  the more aspects which the same point can’t provide and also fulfill the leaking points  which the same point can’t do. for example, when two pupils are studying math questions which their math teacher order, they will learn  each other from the questions which answers are same even the solving way isn’t the same. they can easily learn each other through the different ways to add their skill of solving the problem and also enhance the ability of the math questions. but if their answer aren’t same, they will try  to find  out whose answer is right, and also they can learn why one  of  them do it wrong, even both of them do it wrong for the purpose to avoid to do wrong next time. they can learn more when they own the different answers. This thing illustrate that we can learn much more from people who contradict with us.

   At the same time,  we can make wrong things  when we are in same points even  can do harm to our society .if we insist the same thought when it  is wrong, we can’t learn and make progress each other but be harm each other as individual even to the whole world as members. But we won’t make this mistake when we have  the different views because disagreement  can  awoke us and make us to find out whose point is wrong even find out both of us are wrong thus we can avoid the more wrong things to happen. we can understand it from the man well known by all world who named adolf hitler who destroy thousands of  families  and kill millions of  people.why he can make this so big mistake to do harm to whole world, many jenerals agree his thought to authorize the world.

   As we all known, seven colours  make up the rainbow so beautiful not only because they are both colours in a same quality ,but also they own the solo different bright to bright each other.just like the mankind, the different things make up the world  more beautiful and culourful .unavoidably, the disagreement can make up stress in some people at some situation ,but it won’t  inhibit the much studying from the difference. whether as a common people or as a administrator of the government, they unavoidably receive some contrary  points when they work or do the other things.  If they all cause most stress from those different views to inhibit their learning ,how can our modern society be constructed so beautiful ? how can our politics, science and economy be developed for enhancing our life lever day after day .

Summary, we can learn from each other both of the agreements and the disagreements. but the disagreements can do  more significance in some aspects .don’t leak the  points which contradict yours because it maybe bring you get to learn the genuine theory and benefit yourself much .

使用道具举报

beilongzhuhai
UID: 175441

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 367
注册时间: 2004-8-22
精华: 0
帖子: 0

5楼

发表于 2004-12-2 23:56:56 |只看该作者

谢谢指导。

这是我的第一篇文章，无论怎么样我还是很高兴能写出第一篇。

我知道我的水平还有待时间去提高，我会加倍努力的！！！

谢谢！！

使用道具举报

xiaohe
UID: 162707

中级会员

Rank: 4

声望: 0
寄托币: 2617
注册时间: 2004-4-26
精华: 3
帖子: 1

6楼

发表于 2004-12-3 03:32:51 |只看该作者

1 论点和论证方面，感觉你主要是在论证说“从持不同意见的人那儿也能学到很多东西，而且是从持相同意见的人那儿学不到的。”所以论点的表达上最好要调整一下，比如说：I agree that people learn much from those whom we share the same ideas. While in the meantime, people can also learn much, if not to say more, from those who contradict our views, （没经过仔细推敲啊，你自己研究一下吧）
分论点和例子好象还不错

2 不得不说语言方面还很不够，以至于严重影响意思表达。我大致指几个问题，并建议你最好仔细修改一下语言：
* if all of our things? around us only （can be stayed 改为 stay）in a same model
* learn from the person who agree with （our points 改为 us）
* supply the leaking? knowledge and skil （加上from） each other easily, but also think both of us right? thus
* In our more? world,
* As we all （known改为know), seven colours make up the rainbow so beautiful not only because they are both? colours in a same quality ,but also they （own应为have） the solo different bright to bright? each other.

是啊，能写出一篇完整的东西来就值得高兴。其实你思路不错，比我写的头几篇都强。一起进步吧！

春风一夜故乡梦

使用道具举报