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[i习作temp] ISSUE 185 丑闻, 限时成功!快烤了,必回报,大家评评, [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-2-27 02:37:34 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Issue185: 451 words  45 minutes
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Do scandals call our attention on problems that no speaker or reformer  could? Generally ,speaking I agree with the speaker insofar as the polotical and academia area  ,while I maintein that scandals can abstract people's attention from what they should concern in other cases.

Firstly, especially in political areas ,scandals are a powerful impetus for the society.The most notorious scandal in modern times may be the Watergate scandal.The Nixon who won the competion through unfair ways provokes his people, and then be rejected by his people. This incidence make people to ponder  some problems of their political   system,that is whether the authority has concetrate too much power that they are liable to do something beyond the law and harm the whole society. Also, the Clintion's sex scandal brought about a problem to populace , a controversy is therefore be widely discussed whether the leader should have high moral standard regardless his high talent of leadership.It seems these scandals instigate people to reflect about something and thus may strive for a better way out.
Secondly, in the realm of the academic , scandals teach people lessons. Perhaps the most common scandal in academic area is the copying. For example , if a famous professor with good reputation is found that he has based on his achievements on something he copied? Many people would feel startle and then wonder the importance of educating person  not only in academic but also in morality. Whether or not we can copy something from others, and what kind of things can we just emulate a little? If the students cheated in a exam , what judgement should he recieve?  They all attract pulic attention on the relationship between morality and research.
However, the scandals are not beneficial to society, sometimes they just distract our attention and even make some people who have the habit of loving pry other's privacy.
For instance, if a unknown actress want to be famous but she  can't attain this goal through excellent performance, she may just formulate a scandal with the famous director, a few people indeed make use of it to be paid attention to. Also, some junalists who like to pry the celebrity's privacy sometimes foster a number of readers who want to observe other's scandals just because of curiocity.These scandals just attact people's attention without doing some good thing for society, people may could put their concern on heath, education, environment as well before.
In sum, in most cases , the scandals do have some good effect on society, they drive people to think , to improve and then develop. Yet , in other cases which scandals have no significance, they do little good  to society which may even be harmful.



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发表于 2005-2-27 10:30:00 |只看该作者
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Do scandals call our attention on problems that no speaker or reformer could? Generally speaking, I agree with the speaker insofar as the politics and academia area, while I maintain that scandals can abstract people's attention from what they should concern in other cases.

Firstly, especially in political areas, scandals are a powerful impetus for the society. The most notorious scandal in modern times may be the Watergate affair. The不要在人名前加the Nixon who won the competition through unfair ways provoked his people, and then were rejected by his people. This incidence made people to ponder some problems of their political system, that is whether the authority has concentrated too much power that they are liable to do something beyond the law and harm the whole society这一句你是想作power的同位语从句还是定语从句呢?做同位语从句意思解释不通,做定语从句语法不对. Also,这种用法很不正式 the不要 Clintion's sex scandal brought about a problem to populace , a controversyto populace a controversial topic,whichis therefore be widely discussed whether the leader should have high moral standard regardless of his high talent of leadership. It seems these scandals instigate people to reflect about something??反应什么? and thus may strive for a better way out.我不理解怎么strive way out

本段的ts是说scandal是社会的强有力动力,可整段我看到的只有危害与不利,所以我个人觉得你需要修改一下ts。感觉你的例子似乎不是讲丑闻的作用而是在说政治家与道德。

Secondly, in the realm of the academic, scandals teach people lessons. Perhaps the most common scandal in academic area is the copyingplagiarizing. For example, if a famous professor with good reputation is found that he has based on不要〕 his achievements on something he copied??? Many people would feel startled and then wonder the importance of educating person not only in academic but also in morality. Whether or not we can copy something from others, and what kind of things can we just emulate a little? If the students cheated in a exam, what judgement should he recieve? They all attract public attention on the relationship between morality and research.

本段的ts是说teach us lesson,那第一段不也是 这个意思吗?所以该段完全可以和第一段揉和在一块。而且这一段你又把问题重点放在morality上,没有明显清晰的提到scandal的作用

However, the scandals are not beneficial to society, sometimes they just distract our attention and even make some people who have the habit of loving pry〔prying〕 other's privacy.这不是把前面的全拍死了吗?对社会并非有益不能这么绝对化
For instance, if an unknown actress want to be famous but she can't attain this goal through excellent performance, she may just formulatemake a scandal with one of a famous directors, which a few people indeed make use of it不要 to be paid attention to. Also, some journalists who like to pry the celebrities’ privacy sometimes foster a number of readers who want to observe other's scandals just because of curiosity. These scandals just attract people's attention without doing some anygood thing for society, people may couldshould
put their concern on health, education, environment as well as before.


In sum, in some cases, the scandals do have some good effect on society, they drive people to think , to improve and then develop. Yet, in other cases which scandals have no significance, they do little to society which may even be harmful.they do little even harmful to society
在第一段中你就说你的看法是会引起坏处,这样你的重心就应该在这一点上,可看你的文章,你把太多篇幅去说scandal的good effect,而harmful却比较弱。建议你可以将前两端写成一段,再将后面的完善化,具体一些!
存在一些语法问题!
加油!

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板凳
发表于 2005-2-27 16:38:26 |只看该作者
拍的真好, 我也觉得一限时就不知道自己的清
晰思路了, 字数是够了,就是结构给乱了
好, 我也来看看你的, 不过可能没你那么高水平, 见晾哦:)



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地板
发表于 2005-2-27 17:26:04 |只看该作者
我也来看看

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发表于 2005-2-27 17:48:58 |只看该作者
高手给点建议吧:)



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发表于 2005-2-27 19:09:07 |只看该作者

一点拙见

Do scandals call our attention on problems that no speaker or reformer could? Generally speaking I agree with the speaker insofar as the polotical political and academia这里的词性是不是搞错了?改成academic area ,while I maintain that scandals can abstract people's attention from what这里是应该用what吗?语法上有问题吧,改为which they should concern in other cases.
首段说出了你的观点,是赞成题目,但有部分让步,接着看看
Firstly, especially in political areas ,scandals are a powerful impetus for the society.丑闻是政治的刺激?不太懂,但是接着看看 The most notorious scandal in modern times may be the Watergate scandal. The Nixon who won the competion competition through unfair ways provokes his people, and then be rejected by his people.最后的改为resigned by facing almost certain impeachment This incidence make people to ponder some problems of their political system, that is whether the authority has concentrate我查了Webster发现这里用concentrate不太合适。换个词比如说own,gather什么的 too much power that they are liable to do something beyond the law and harm the whole society.后面的部分似乎不太必要,个人感觉他还没有给社会造成多大的危害(扯远了),最好说do something illegal without receive any punishment Also, the Clintion's sex scandal brought about a problem to populace,这里是不是有些问题呢?个人感觉最好在problem前面加一个形容词比如说moral a controversy is therefore be widely discussed whether the leader should have high moral standard regardless his high talent of leadership. It seems these scandals instigate people to reflect about something and thus may strive for a better way out.结尾没有看懂
本段论述了,丑闻的好处,但是楼主似乎论述得比较浅显。说完例子后马上加上一句总结就走了,似乎应该有些深度才好
Secondly, in the realm of the academic , scandals teach people lessons.明白你的意思,但是感觉这句话不好,换个说法吧 Perhaps the most common scandal in academic area is the copying.copying?应该是plagiarism For example, if a famous professor with good reputation is found that he has based on his achievements on something he copied?这句话说得太罗嗦了 Many people would feel startle and then wonder the importance of educating person not only in academic but also in morality.句子感觉挺别扭 Whether or notwhether是不是就不用or not了呢?这个我不太清楚 we can copy something from others, and what kind of things can we just emulate a little?不太懂 If the students cheated in a exam , what judgmentcomment是不是比较好呢? should he receive? They all attract public attention on the relationship between morality and research.
你这一段似乎没有写完呀,且不谈没有总结句,就是中间的例子(严格来说也不应该算例子,只是假设)后面也缺少相应的与题目有关的句子,建议再改改
However, the scandals are not beneficial to society, sometimes they just distract our attention and even make some people who have the habit of loving pry other's privacy.这里这么说的话就和你的thesis向违背了吧,而且and后面的也有些问题
For instance, if a unknown actress want to be famous but she can't attain this goal through excellent performance, she may just formulate a scandal with the famous director, a few people indeed make use of it to be paid attention to.你的if过于多了,最好可以举出实例来 Also, some journalists who like to pry the celebrity's privacy sometimes foster a number of readers who want to observe other's scandals这里换成private affairs似乎好点 just because of curiosity. These scandals incident or reports just attract people's attention without doing some good thing for society,说得太绝对了吧 people may could put their concern on heath, education, environment as well before.这么分着说无法说全,改成the stability and development of society
本段的主题和全文的thesis有些违背,你看看你的首段是不是这样写的,而且依然感觉像没写完一样,可能是限时的缘故
In sum, in most cases , the scandals do have some good effect on society, they drive people to think , to improve and then develop. Yet , in other cases which scandals have no significance, they do little good to society which may even be harmful.这里又和主题的对上了,但是和全文不对口,感觉不是全文的总结
楼主限时写的,字数够了,但是语言的使用和结构的把握都存在问题,建议再修改一下,加油呀

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发表于 2005-2-27 19:10:44 |只看该作者
我不是高手,以上仅仅是个人建议,如有不妥,请见谅。

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发表于 2005-2-28 01:04:38 |只看该作者
wonderful! 批的真好, 不胜感激好心人!:)



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发表于 2005-2-28 01:19:12 |只看该作者
Do scandals call our attention on problems that no speaker or reformer could? Generally ,speaking Generally speaking,I agree with the speaker insofar as the polotical and academia area ,while I maintein that scandals can abstract detractpeople's attention from what they should concern in other cases.

Firstly, especially in political areas, scandals are a powerful impetus powerful impetuses for the society. The most notorious scandal in modern times may be the Watergate scandal. The Nixon  who won the competioncompetition through unfair ways provokesprovoked his people, and then bewas rejected by his people. This incidence make people to ponder some problems of their political system, that is whether the authority has concetrate concentrate too much power that they are liable to do something beyond the law and harm the whole society. Also, the Clintion'sClinton’s sex scandal brought about a problem to populace , a controversy is therefore be widely discussed whether the leader should have high moral standard regardless besides his high talent of leadership. It seems these scandals instigate people to reflect about reflect on something and thus may strive for a better way out.a better way for what?
Secondly, in the realm of the academic , scandals teach people lessons. Perhaps the most common scandal in academic area is the copying cribbing. For example , if a famous professor with good reputation is found that he has based ondelete ‘on’ his achievements on something he copied? 没有主句啊!! Many people would feel startle startling and then wonder the importance of educating person not only in academic but also in morality. Whether or not we can copy something from others, and what kind of things can we just emulate a little? If the students cheated in a anexam, what judgement should he receive receive? They all attract pulic attention on the relationship between morality and research. Many people would feel startling and expect our education puts more importance on morality not only on academic knowledge. Teachers should be strict with their students, and give serious punishment on students who cheat in exams. Professors should tell students the difference between emulate and cribbing and help them form a good academic habit. Researchers should be responsible for their experiments data and results. Then the public could finally draw their attention back to the development of our society.
However, the delete scandals are not beneficial to our society, sometimes they just distract our attention and even make some people who have the habit of loving pry other's privacy.habit to spy into other’s activities For instance, if a an unknown actress want to be famous but while she can't attain this goal through excellent performance, she may just formulate a scandal with the famous director, a few people indeed make use of it to be paid attention to. Also, some junalists who like to pry the celebrity's privacy sometimes foster a number of readers who want to observe other's scandals just because of curiocity curiosity. These scandals just attact attractpeople's attention without doing some good thinganything good for society, people may could put their concern on heath, education, environment as well before. Scandals abuse people’s attention which would be otherwise put on more beneficial things, such as health, education, environment and so on.
In sum, in most cases, the scandals do have some good effect on society, they drive people to think , to improve and then develop. Yet , in other cases which scandals have no significance, they do little good to society which may even be harmful. 应该再考虑一下
我的GRE作文不会很好,TOEFL作文竟然才3分,我还有救吗?

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发表于 2005-2-28 01:46:56 |只看该作者
句子比我强多了.万分感谢
看来这篇要好好修理了! 



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发表于 2005-2-28 11:01:21 |只看该作者
Issue185: 451 words 45 minutes
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Do scandals call our attention on problems that no speaker or reformer could? Generally ,speaking I agree with the speaker insofar as the polotical and academia area ,while I maintain that scandals can abstract people's attention from what they should concern in other cases.
Firstly, especially in political areas ,scandals are a powerful impetus for the societyThe most notorious scandal in modern times may be the Watergate scandal.The Nixon who won the competion through unfair ways provokes his people, and then be rejected by his people. This incidence make people to ponder some problems of their political system,that is whether the authority has concetrate too much power that they are liable to do something beyond the law and harm the whole society Also, the Clinton’s sex scandal brought about a problem to populace , a controversy is therefore be widely discussed whether the leader should have high moral standard regardless his high talent of leadership.It seems these scandals instigate people to reflect about something and thus may strive for a better way out.
Secondly, in the realm of the academic , scandals teach people lessons. Perhaps the most common scandal in academic area is the copying. For example , if a famous professor with good reputation is found that he has based on his achievements on something he copied?Many people would feel startle and then wonder the importance of educating person not only in academic but also in morality. Whether or not we can copy something from others, and what kind of things can we just emulate a little? If the students cheated in a exam , what judgement should he recieve? They all attract pulic attention on the relationship between morality and research.
However, the scandals are not beneficial to society,sometimes they just distract our attention and even make some people who have the habit of loving pry other's privacy.
For instance, if a unknown actress want to be famous but she can't attain this goal through excellent performance, she may just formulate a scandal with the famous director, a few people indeed make use of it to be paid attention to. Also, some junalists who like to pry the celebrity's privacy sometimes foster a number of readers who want to observe other's scandals just because of curiocity.These scandals just attact people's attention without doing some good thing for society, people may could put their concern on heath, education, environment as well before
In sum, in most cases , the scandals do have some good effect on society, they drive people to think , to improve and then develop. Yet , in other cases which scandals have no significance, they do little good to society which may even be harmful.
我的目标:永不止步!

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发表于 2005-2-28 11:07:55 |只看该作者
Issue185: 451 words 45 minutes
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Do scandals call our attention on problems that no speaker or reformer could? Generally ,speaking I agree with the speaker insofar as the polotical(political) and academia area ,while I maintain that scandals can abstract people's attention from what they should concern in other cases.
开头还使不错的,分领域讨论。
Firstly, especially in political areas ,scandals are a powerful impetus for the society.(这里scandal表示一类,最好前加the)The most notorious scandal in modern times may be the Watergate scandal.The Nixon(人名前应该加the吗?) who won the competion through unfair ways provokes his people, and then be rejected by his people. This incidence make people to ponder some problems of their political system,that is whether the authority has concetrate too much power that they are liable to do something beyond the law and harm the whole society.(that 改为which,非限制定语从句) Also, the Clinton’s sex scandal brought about a problem to populace , a controversy is therefore be widely discussed whether the leader should have high moral standard regardless his high talent of leadership.It seems these scandals instigate people to reflect about something and thus may strive for a better way out.
Secondly, in the realm of the academic , scandals teach people lessons. Perhaps the most common scandal in academic area is the copying. For example , if a famous professor with good reputation is found that he has based on his achievements on something he copied? (这个例子不错:))Many people would feel startle and then wonder the importance of educating person not only in academic but also in morality. Whether or not we can copy something from others, and what kind of things can we just emulate a little? If the students cheated in a exam , what judgement should he recieve? They all attract pulic attention on the relationship between morality and research.
However, the scandals are not beneficial to society, (这句不好,society范围太广了,对你下面的论证不利)sometimes they just distract our attention and even make some people who have the habit of loving pry other's privacy.
For instance, if a(an) unknown actress want to be famous but she can't attain this goal through excellent performance, she may just formulate a scandal with the famous director, a few people indeed make use of it to be paid attention to. Also, some junalists who like to pry the celebrity's privacy sometimes foster a number of readers who want to observe other's scandals just because of curiocity.These scandals just attact people's attention without doing some good thing for society, people may could put their concern on heath, education, environment as well before.(我认为你这段写的不太好,重点应放在 harmful上, how do they make out of  scandal ,or why do they make scandal is not important ,what should be paid attention is how does it harm the society )

In sum, in most cases , the scandals do have some good effect on society, they drive people to think , to improve and then develop. Yet , in other cases which scandals have no significance, they do little good to society which may even be harmful.
好的地方我不多说了,还有别人已经给出的建议我也不重复了,你的每段的主题应该细化,这样有助于结构的严谨性,感觉如果后面这一段不太好,论证不充分,需要加强一下。还有语法希望也注意一下
]
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发表于 2005-2-28 11:09:17 |只看该作者
抱歉有点晕,总是操作失误
我的目标:永不止步!

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发表于 2005-3-1 02:30:48 |只看该作者
哦, 非常感谢, 什么小组 ,好啊



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发表于 2005-3-2 15:07:57 |只看该作者
楼主什么时候考啊?如果几个人常联系,相互改的化,会比较有针对性,而且相互讨论,这样效果可能会更好一些。。
最初由 jaojie 发布
[B]哦, 非常感谢, 什么小组 ,好啊 [/B]
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RE: ISSUE 185 丑闻, 限时成功!快烤了,必回报,大家评评, [修改]
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ISSUE 185 丑闻, 限时成功!快烤了,必回报,大家评评,
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