[i习作temp] 【自由修改小组第2次作业8.21】Issue154 [复制链接]

大人先生
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电梯直达

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发表于 2008-8-21 15:07:18 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
WORDS: 709 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2008-8-21 14:58:31

According to this statement, both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools because education is too important to leave solely to group professional educators. While it goes no denying that both parents and communities are important for the development and education of children, there is no need that parents and communities must be involved in the local schools.

First of all, parents, community and professional educators are important in educating children at different stages. Parents are the first teachers of children immediately after their birth. In the process of development of children, they firstly learn many things simply be imitating their parents. It is widely accept that imitating is important for the education of children with many basic skills to cope with their life including the formation of characteristics. Children without parents or divorced parents would inevitably suffer from psychotic shadows, which can hardly be repaired when they are adult. Therefore, the parents can educate the children through daily life. So does the community. The second stage of development in a child is learned through communicating with other children at his age. They can learn how to deal with the competition as well as corporation in a group. They can also learn things from each other. From the community and their group, they would find their social position. After that, children would go to school to be educated with advanced knowledge like the mathematics. In the school, they learn the knowledge that can guarantee their skills to live in the humanity society. So, parents, communities and professional educators play different important roles in the different stages of children's development.

However, the development of children cannot be simply divided into discrete stages as above mentioned. These factors must be seen as an entity in a children’s life. For example, children may confront with difficulties in coping with the competition in their own groups. Then, the parents and teachers can both give him the advices through different ways. Children can learn these by imitating their parents' or they can meditate the way by applying the basic skills learn from their teacher. However, in the community, especially in the group of their age, they can practice these knowledge to achieve development, like better leadership. Thus, students can benefit from parents, communities and professional educators at the same time, although there are differences.

Finally, as they are both important for education, there is no need for the parents and communities to be involved in the local schools. Although the parents and communities are very important for the education of children, they can exert their impact in their own positions. Parents can influence the way of thinking and doing of children in daily life, which is cannot be replaced by education in school. Children usually participate in the activities of communities after school to enjoy their own time. So, there is totally unnecessary to involve the parents and communities in the school to achieve better education. School is the place where children learn advanced knowledge to strengthen their abilities of math, art, literature and other things. Parents and communities cannot be involved in the school to help to achieve these aims. They should fulfill their responsibility of educating children in their own position and their own ways.

In fact, to involve the parents and communities in the school may further decrease the quality of education. We must do things according to other disciplines of their natural development. If we disrupt it, even if with good intention, there will be serious consequences. If parents and communities participate in the professional educator to help achieve better education of the professional skills and specific knowledge, children might become aversion of such education. Even assuming that their scores elevate, there might be some other deficiencies that were supposed to be fulfilled outside the school.

In conclusion, while I admit both parents and communities are important for the education of children as well as the professional educators, they have different roles in this precise process with close relationship. So, there is no need to involve parents and communities in the local school. The best way is to educate our children according to the natural discipline of their development and fulfill the responsibilities of their own.

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torres
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沙发

发表于 2008-8-21 20:31:56 |只看该作者

一上来就这么多这字，不看不知道，一看吓一跳晕ING
According to this statement, both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools because education is too important to leave solely to group （个人觉得可以改成a group of）professional educators. While it goes no denying that both parents and communities are important for the development and education of children, there is no need that parents and communities must be involved in the local schools.

First of all, parents, community and professional educators are important in educating children at different stages. Parents are the first teachers of children immediately after their birth. In the process of development of children, they firstly learn many things simply（by） be （这个be要去掉） imitating their parents. It is widely accept（accepted） that imitating（imitation） is important for the education of children with many basic skills to cope with（个人觉得要加一个a variety of difficulties in因为cope with后面因该接处理对象） their life including the formation of characteristics. Children without parents or divorced parents would inevitably suffer from psychotic shadows, which can hardly be repaired when they are adult. Therefore, the parents can educate the children through daily life. So does the community. The second stage of development in a child is learned through communicating with other children at his（加一个or her） age. They can learn how to deal with the competition as well as corporation in a group. They can also learn things from each other. From the community and their group, they would find their social position. After that, children would go to school to be educated with advanced knowledge like the mathematics（感觉可以多加几个学科，更充分）. In （貌似用at）the school, they learn the knowledge that can guarantee their skills to live in the humanity society. So, parents, communities and professional educators play different important（前面两个important了，这里可以换换significant） roles in the different stages of children's development.

However, the development of children cannot be simply divided into discrete stages as above mentioned. These factors must be seen as an entity in a children’s life. For example, children may confront with difficulties in coping with the competition in their own groups. Then, the parents and teachers can both give him the advices through different ways. Children can learn these by imitating their parents' or they can meditate the way by applying the basic skills learn （learned）from their teacher. However, in the community, especially in the group of their age, they can practice these knowledge to achieve development, like better leadership. Thus, students can benefit from parents, communities and professional educators at the same time, although there are differences. （这段构思很好，把家长，社区跟学校结合起来教育孩子，不过就是感觉说得不够具体，论证得有点粗略）

Finally, as they are both important for education, there is no need for the parents and communities to be involved in the local schools. Although the parents and communities are very important for the education of children, they can exert their impact in their own positions. Parents can influence the way of thinking and doing （behave更真确把）of children in daily life, which is（is去掉） cannot be replaced by education in school. Children usually participate in the activities of communities after school to enjoy their own time. So, there is totally unnecessary to involve the parents and communities in the school to achieve better education. School is the place where children learn advanced knowledge to strengthen their abilities of math, art, literature and other things. Parents and communities cannot be involved in the school to help to achieve these aims. They should fulfill their responsibility of educating children in their own position and their own ways.（这段写得不错，论证第一段的最后一句很清楚，只是父母这个部分的论证与社区相比，不够好，有点离本段中心：to involve is unnecessary）

In fact, to involve the parents and communities in the school may further decrease the quality of education. We must do things according to other disciplines of their natural development. If we disrupt it, even if with good intention, there will be serious consequences. If parents and communities participate in the professional educator to help achieve better education of the professional skills and specific knowledge, children might become aversion of such education. Even assuming that their scores elevate, there might be some other deficiencies that were supposed to be fulfilled outside the school.

In conclusion, while I admit both parents and communities are important for the education of children as well as the professional educators, they have different roles in this precise process with close relationship. So, there is no need to involve parents and communities in the local school. The best way is to educate our children according to the natural discipline of their development and fulfill the responsibilities of their own.

不得不说，你的破题还是很好的，只是我个人觉得正文第一段没有必要说那么长，父母，社区跟学校在教育中的重要性，可以一笔带过，重点可以放在后面几段，第二段更论证更清楚一点，就应该更好了

[ 本帖最后由 torres 于 2008-8-21 20:38 编辑 ]

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