[i习作temp] issue150 倒数第三天 [复制链接]

chengenhui
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楼主

发表于 2005-7-28 19:54:29 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue150  第4篇让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户    共用时间：41分50秒    592 words
从2005年6月28日10时10分到2005年6月28日10时41分
------题目------
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
------正文------
The author asserts that with the development of television and worldwide computer connections will result in the obsolete of tourism, since people can view the scene of many places which they never visited through the television and computer. The assertion seems to be reasonable, after thorough analysis, I disagree the author's opinion in several aspects.

In the first place, people can become familiar with a great many places through the television and worldwide internet admittedly. Because of the busy work, people have less leisure time to travel many places as before. However, people can see a documentary which describes the places which he wants to visit on television or in computer. In the documentary, it can introduce people the history of resorts in the places, the traditional culture of local people. People can understand the places from many various perspectives, after having seen the documentary; people can gain a general idea of the places at least. Even it is possible that you understand more information of the places than those who have visited the places before.

In the second place, however, the tourism will never become obsolete because of the development of television and worldwide computer. Tourism is one of the most favorite events for people to relax themselves. To view the scenes of local places before television and computer is one thing, and to visit the places is another thing. The feeling between them is completely different. For example, if you were on the beach of California, you would enjoy the sunlight, breathe the fresh air, and if you like, you can also swim in the sea. You will be totally relaxed in such kind of surroundings and exclaim that how beautiful the nature is. While you sit before the television, you only can view these scenes vividly, but you can not feel them, touch them. There are also other advantages which the tourisms are superior to the television and computer. People can gain exercises through the tourism, since he should visit different places, he need to walk here and there, even climb the mountains. During the process, they can take photographs in the famous resorts, which can reflect that they have visited these places.

Last but not least, I consider that the television and worldwide computer connections will be benefit to the development of tourism rather than impede it.  Since the burdens of life become heavier and heavier, people have less leisure time than before. It is impossible for them to travel a great many places. Through the television and computer, people can know the detailed information of different places, and decide which places they want to visit most, which can be conducive to avoid the traveling blindly. People can make a more proper plan of tourism according to the local information and their own condition, like that they can book the room in hotel in advance, they can also choose which places to visit according to their vocations and budgets. While it also should be mentioned that, in order to arrest the tourists, some resorts make the documentary which describe the scene of local places much better than the real scene. People should be aware of this kind of cheat.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which correlate with each other to generate an integrate whole and becomes more convincing than any single one, we may comfortable to say that tourism will never be obsolete because of the television , on the contrary, it is the television and computer connection that facilitate to the development of society.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-29 at 00:16 ]

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d_messiah
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沙发

发表于 2005-7-28 20:26:55 |只看该作者

The author asserts that with the development of television and worldwide computer connections will result in the obsolete of tourism没有找到主语, since people can view the scene of many places which they never visited through the television and computer.感觉顺序有些别扭，这样如何：through the television and computer， people can view the scene of many places which they never visited The assertion seems to be reasonable, after thorough analysis, I disagree the author's opinion in several aspects.感觉有点儿像ARGU了

In the first place, people can become familiar with a great many places through the television and worldwide internet admittedly是故意放到后边的吗？. Because of the busy work, people have less leisure time to travel many places as before. However, people can see a documentary which describes the places which he wants to visit on television or in compute提到people前面感觉好些r. In the documentary, it红的可以删了 can introduce people the history of resorts in the places, the traditional culture of local people. People can understand the places from many various perspectives, after having seen the documentary; people can gain a general idea of the places at least. Even it is possible that you少用些第二人称的好 understand more information of the places than those who have visited the places before.
感觉这段的例子和题目及你的TS不是很近，documentary有些宽泛，具体点儿好些
有点儿事，出去一下，一会儿回来接着看
In the second place, however, the tourism will never become obsolete because of the development of television and worldwide computer. 没看出因果Tourism is one of the most favorite events for people to relax themselves. To view the scenes of local places before television and computer is one thing, and to visit the places is another thing. The feeling between them is completely different.中文感觉 For example, if you少用第二人称 were on the beach of California, you would enjoy the sunlight, breathe the fresh air, and if you like, you can also swim in the sea. You will be totally relaxed in such kind of surroundings and exclaim that how beautiful the nature is. While you sit before the television, you only can view these scenes vividly, but you can not feel them, touch them有些汉语. There are also other advantages which the tourisms are superior to the television and computer. People can gain exercises through the tourism, since he should visit different places, he need to walk here and there, even climb the mountains. During the process, they can take photographs in the famous resorts, which can reflect that they have visited these places.

Last but not least, I consider that the television and worldwide computer connections will be benefit to the development of tourism rather than impede it. Since the burdens of life become heavier and heavier, people have less leisure time than before. It is impossible for them to travel a great many places. Through the television and computer, people can know the detailed information of different places, and decide which places they want to visit most, which can be conducive to avoid the traveling blindly. People can make a more proper plan of tourism according to the local information and their own condition, like that they can book the room in hotel in advance, they can also choose which places to visit according to their vocations and budgets. While it also should be mentioned that, in order to arrest the tourists, some resorts make the documentary which describe the scene of local places much better than the real scene. People should be aware of this kind of cheat.撤的远了，看看你的TS
To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which correlate with each other to generate an integrate whole and becomes more convincing than any single one, we may comfortable to say that tourism will never be obsolete because of the television , on the contrary, it is the television and computer connection that facilitate to the development of society.

[ Last edited by d_messiah on 2005-7-28 at 22:59 ]

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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abigred
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板凳

发表于 2005-7-28 22:37:46 |只看该作者

The author asserts that with the development of television and worldwide computer connections will result in the obsolete of tourism, since people can view the scene of many places which they never visited through the television and computer. The assertion seems to be reasonable, after thorough analysis, I disagree the author's opinion in several aspects. 这是个病句吧？两个单句

In the first place, people can become familiar with a great many places through the television and worldwide internet admittedly admittedly放在最后看起来有点奇怪. Because of the busy work, people have less leisure time to travel many places as before. However, people can see a documentary which describes the places which he wants to visit on television or in computer. In the documentary, it can introduce people the history of resorts in the places, the traditional culture of local people. People can understand the places from many various perspectives, after having seen the documentary; people can gain a general idea of the places at least. Even it is possible that you understand more information of the places than those who have visited the places before.

In the second place, however, the tourism will never become obsolete because of the development of television and worldwide computer. Tourism is one of the most favorite events events好像是用来形容大事、重要事件的 for people to relax themselves. To view the scenes of local places before television and computer is one thing, and to visit the places is another thing. The feeling between them is completely different. For example, if you were on the beach of California, you would enjoy the sunlight, breathe the fresh air, and if you like, you can also swim in the sea. You will be totally relaxed in such kind of surroundings and exclaim that how beautiful the nature is. While you sit before the television, you only can view these scenes vividly, but you can not feel them, touch them. There are also other advantages which the tourisms are superior to the television and computer. People can gain exercises through the tourism, since he should visit different places, he need to walk here and there, even climb the mountains. During the process, they can take photographs in the famous resorts, which can reflect that they have visited these places.

Last but not least, I consider that the television and worldwide computer connections will be benefit to the development of tourism rather than impede it. Since the burdens of life become heavier and heavier, people have less leisure time than before. It is impossible for them to travel a great many places. Through the television and computer, people can know the detailed information of different places, and decide which places they want to visit most, which can be conducive to avoid the 去掉 traveling blindly. People can make a more proper plan of tourism according to the local information and their own condition, like that they can book the room in hotel in advance, they can also choose which places to visit according to their vocations and budgets. While it also should be mentioned that, in order to arrest the tourists, some resorts make the documentary which describe the scene of local places much better than the real scene. People should be aware of this kind of cheat. 觉得讲节目的真实性没有很大必要。最后加一个总结句吧

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which correlate with each other to generate an integrate whole and becomes more convincing than any single one, we may comfortable to say that tourism will never be obsolete because of the television , on the contrary, it is the television and computer connection that facilitate to the development of society.

看来模板都相当成熟了。八月一号就考了吧，好好加油:)

要做个透明的玻璃娃娃，哪怕被人伤害，也要晶莹透彻

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