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[i习作temp] issue232 G-89-互助社-8.1日同主题写作，大家来拍砖！ [复制链接]

polymath
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-8-2 10:30:14 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

昨天网速太慢了！我们组的战友都上不去，作文写完了也发不出去，今天重发！希望大家互相修改！发扬互助精神！加油！:victory::)

232. "The purpose of education should be to create an academic environment that is separate from the outside world. This kind of environment is ideal because it allows students to focus on important ideas without being held back by practical concerns." 教育的目的应该是建立一个与世隔离的学术环境。这种环境是很理想的，因为这样学生们就可以不被日常事务牵扯精力而专注于重要的理念。（习作12，2005/08/01）☆教育目的、手段、方式：理论 Vs 实际；教育与社会的接轨

What’s the real purpose of education?As one of the greatest leaders in China, Deng Xiaoping once said(and I paraphrase):The purpose of education must face to the world, the future and its modernization. As far as I am concerned, I tend to contend that education should not be just placed in the ivory towers for pure theoretical research, but take more considerations about the practical concerns and social needs.

To begin with, such idea is not only too ideal to be feasible in practical life, but also bears conspicuous misses that makes it violate with the basic principles of education. As a matter of fact, nobody in the reality lives on a isolated island, so does our students. If the speaker’s ideal state one day actually comes true, not only the education itself, but all students and educators will be stripped out of the rights of freedom.Does this scene that we really prey for? Of course not. Just like a man hoping to come out as stays a long time in a stuffy room,the ultimate purpose of education is to make the students get out of the ivory towers and enter into the society. Next, without being associated with the outer society, the majority of the students that the education cultivates will possibily be armchair strategists. And this lack of connection with the society might be fatal for the education. For example, nowadays more and more companies or employers advertise for skilled workers or employees with some experiences of work. Without having considered this request and practised a certain hand-skill, a graduated student can hardly find an offer, not to say a pleased job. Thus the complete separation between the education and the outside world would seem to be possible only in a Plato’s state.

On the other hand, with the advent of information era, the practical concerns are the real impetus for the development of education, so what the society particularly needs to some extent are the important ideas the educators should concentrate for. When students have already mastered the basic regulations and priciples from books and their teachers, they should seek for the practical use which can be provided by the companys and cooperations outside the campus. In turn, the whole society should present the social concerns to our educators and students. A few people might argue that some famous thinkers and scientists in the history only cared about pure theories and showed little interest in practical things, like Steven Hawking and Einstein. However, through carefully consideration, we could find out such genius in each society is very, very rare. And their signifacant theories have indeed contributed to the solving of our practical concerns. For instance, for his book “A Brief History of Time” which revealing the mysteries of the universe in a style that non-scientists can enjoy, Steven Hawking is gradually influenting our minds about the future. In a word, contents of education should always relate to the practical concerns and students themselves should always remember to get in touch with the society and apply theory to practice.

Admittedly, too many associations with the outside world would also disturb the major studying and thus do harm to students. For example,as a poor country just extricating from the war, Iraqi nowadays has bounds of terror strucks, murders and explosions everyday which preventing the government from providing a fine environment for the students’ education. But in such cases, the importance of creating a quiet and stable environment that is separate from the outside world is already overpassed creating an academic environment that allows students to focus on important ideas.So this argument actually could not support the speaker’s assertion. In any democratic society, the academic environment of education and the practical concerns coming from the society always correlate each other to generate a organic whole and thus develop soundly and rapidly.

To sum up, the insulation from the outside world is lack of deliberation, though it could help students avoid some harms from the outside to some extent. The best education should always accentuate both the atmosphere of academy and the experience of practice.(683)

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-3 at 00:08 ]

Mencius said,"When heaven is about to confer a great office on any man,it first exercises his mind with suffering, and his sinews and bones with toil.It exposes his body to hunger………….By all these methods, it stimulates his mind, consolidates his character, and increases his efficiency".

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polymath
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-2 10:34:24 |只看该作者

自己先顶一个！有改的作文留下连接！:):handshake

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liulin12369
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板凳

发表于 2005-8-2 10:58:21 |只看该作者

第一感觉就是concern这个词用太多了。
感觉有的词语不准：violate with ，stripped out of 这2个恐怕不该这样用。
你的思路：1纯理论不可能2我们需要实践3不能过分实践。分为民主和非民主国家来说
写的挺清楚，但是论证不够深入。例子分析不够。比如：Steven Hawking的例子，感觉有点空。别的都不错，结构逻辑把握很好。继续加油~！

[img]http://edu.gter.net/attachments/candx,20060314182544[1]_69u2M4urY2HE.jpg[/img]

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liulin12369
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地板

发表于 2005-8-2 11:09:55 |只看该作者

我的昨天的作业，很郁闷，改了一下，大家看看说不说得过去，虽然有点理解错误：（

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=309883
昨天帖子删除了，今天重新发了！

[img]http://edu.gter.net/attachments/candx,20060314182544[1]_69u2M4urY2HE.jpg[/img]

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polymath
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5楼

发表于 2005-8-2 11:31:53 |只看该作者

谢谢liulin12369的评改！偶的全文思想you got it !:victory:

violate with ，stripped out of 这2个恐怕不该这样用。
前者为了表达与教育的本质相抵触，你的意思是否是将with去掉？
后者是为了表达将被剥夺自由的权利，这个词用的狠了些！可能stripped out of ，out of有重复之嫌吧！去掉吧！:)

Steven Hawking的例子只是为了说明我们教育和结果都是和社会的需要分不开的，任何理论性的研究都要反映出实际价值才能为你们所接受！

谢谢liulin12369的鼓励！共同进步哦！:victory:

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ryanq
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6楼

发表于 2005-8-2 14:12:55 |只看该作者

What’s the real purpose of education?As one of the greatest leaders in China, Deng Xiaoping once said(and I paraphrase):The purpose of education must face to the world, the future and its modernization. As far as I am concerned, I tend to contend that education should not be just placed in the ivory towers for pure theoretical research(好句子啊，值得学习), buttake(be taken?) more considerations about the practical concerns and social needs.

To begin with, such idea is not only too ideal to be feasible in practical life, but also bears conspicuous misses that makes it violate with(去掉) the basic principles of education. As a matter of fact, nobody in the reality lives on a isolated island, so does our students. If the speaker’s ideal state one day actually comes true, not only the education itself, but all students and educators will be stripped out of(strip off?不敢肯定) the rights of freedom.Does this scene that we really prey for?(Is this scene what we really prey for 或者Do we really prey for this scene) Of course not. Just like a man hoping to come out as stays a long time in a stuffy room,the ultimate purpose of education is to make the students get out of the ivory towers and enter into the society. Next, without being associated with the outer society, the majority of the students that the education cultivates will possibily(possibly) be armchair strategists. And this lack of connection with the society might be fatal for the education(下面例子是对students不利，not education). For example, nowadays more and more companies or employers advertise for skilled workers or employees with some experiences of work. Without having considered this request and practised a certain hand-skill, a graduated student can hardly find an offer, not to say a pleased job. Thus the complete separation between the education and the outside world would seem to be possible only in a Plato’s state.

[On the other hand(这个是转折的时候用的，这里用做承接而非对立观点不合适)], with the advent of information era, the practical concerns are the real impetus for the development of education, so what the society particularly needs to some extent are the important ideas the educators should concentrate for(on). When students have already mastered the basic regulations and priciples from books and their teachers, they should seek for the practical use which can be provided by the companys and cooperations outside the campus. In turn, the whole society should present the social concerns to our educators and students. A few people might argue that some famous thinkers and scientists in the history only cared about pure theories and showed little interest in practical things, like Steven Hawking and Einstein. However, through carefully consideration, we could find out such genius in each society is very, very rare. And their signifacant theories have indeed contributed to the solving of our practical concerns. For instance, for his book “A Brief History of Time” which revealing the mysteries of the universe in a style that non-scientists can enjoy, Steven Hawking is gradually influenting our minds about the future. In a word, contents of education should always relate to the practical concerns and students themselves should always remember to get in touch with the society and apply theory to practice.

Admittedly, too many associations with the outside world would also disturb the major studying and thus do harm to students. For example,as a poor country just extricating from the war, Iraqi(Iraq) nowadays has bounds of terror strucks(strike?), murders and explosions everyday which preventing(没有verb) the government from providing a fine environment for the students’ education. But in such cases, the importance of creating a quiet and stable environment that is separate from the outside world is already overpassed creating an academic environment that allows students to focus on important ideas.So this argument actually could not support the speaker’s assertion. In any democratic society, the academic environment of education and the practical concerns coming from the society always correlate each other to generate a organic whole and thus develop soundly and rapidly.

To sum up, the insulation from the outside world is lack of deliberation, though it could help students avoid some harms from the outside to some extent. The best education should always accentuate both the atmosphere of academy and the experience of(from) practice.(683)

注意用词准确性和拼写，思路挺清晰的，有很多语言闪光的地方，这是你45min写出来的吗？真佩服能写这么多字的人。有可能的话，可以尝试一下改变第一段的套路。大家一起努力:)

我留著陪你,最後的距離
是你的側臉倒在我的懷裡
你慢慢睡去,我搖不醒你,淚水在戰壕裡,宏在哪裡,決了堤

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ahqiu
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7楼

发表于 2005-8-2 20:37:17 |只看该作者

你的明天给看看
这是我的
今天先看你的argu
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ;highlight=%2Bahqiu

谢谢你，虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花，你却给了我银色的世界。

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polymath
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8楼

发表于 2005-8-2 22:15:18 |只看该作者

谢谢ryanq的修改！也谢谢大家的鼓励和支持！我会继续加油的！
:)
education(下面例子是对students不利，not education)
教育的基本职能不就是培养学生，让他们适应社会的需要嘛？学生就业很失败，也可以说成教育的失败吧！

signifacant
应该是：significant

Iraqi(Iraq) nowadays has bounds of terror strucks(strike?), murders and explosions everyday which preventing(没有verb) the government from providing a fine environment for the students’ education
has是动词啊！

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