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[a习作temp] "决战830拍砖组™"8月13日作业 A 200同主题高频狂练,请兄弟们狂拍 [复制链接]

林森森
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-8-13 17:18:37 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument200  让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户    共用时间：30分0秒    364 words
从2005年7月13日16时9分到2005年7月13日16时30分
------题目------
Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
------正文------
Merely based upon the dubious and unfounded evidence that  men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are, the arguer recommends that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. To support the conclusion, he cites the result of some dubious statistics. As it stands, the argument suffers from 3 critical flaws as follows.

The arguer tries to convince us that men are more likely to be distressed than women are through misleading statistics. The statistics indeed show that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. However, the arguer fails to mention where the statistics origins. Suppose they rise from a single hospital or even from a single dentist. Then the statistics are to limited to fundamentally inefficient to support the following conclusions.

Moreover, it is possible that men are more likely to be distressed during dental work, however, the arguer fails to consider the real cause for them to be distressed. There may be many causes which have no relation to anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff of the hospital that lead men to distressed. For instance, some unsure physical reasons related to men's specific hormone lead to their faintness. Or the specific structure or tissue of women's jaws helps them to avoid faintness.

Finally, it appears unreasonable to argue that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer. Though there are indeed three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist, it does not mean that there are three times more male consumers than female ones. To some extent, there might be more need to advertise to appease the female consumers since they are always dare not to visit the dentist for fear.

Overall, the conclusion draw by the argument lacks credibility because the statistics might be inefficient and the assumptions are not firm. To make the argument more logically acceptable, the arguer should supply the origination of the statistics and evaluate all possible alternatives for the faintness of men visiting the dentist.

[ Last edited by 林森森 on 2005-8-13 at 18:07 ]

"决战830拍砖组" 成立啦! 欢迎8月30号机考的兄弟们加入进来每天1A 1I 同主题同高频题相互批改到8月30一起上战场!!! 发贴时请在标题注名 "决战830拍砖组™"

总部:https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=317783&page=1#pid1729407

谢谢拍我:
ISSUE 41
ISSUE 4
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=317364&extra=page%3D2%26filter%3Dtype%26typeid%3D101

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林森森
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-13 18:06:33 |只看该作者

up up

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wineyre
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板凳

发表于 2005-8-13 19:31:04 |只看该作者

看了楼主的几篇issue,语言赞啊.
大致看了一下,明天帮你细改吧.

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ahqiu
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地板

发表于 2005-8-13 19:32:53 |只看该作者

格式不对，斑竹有意见的哦，呵呵

谢谢你，虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花，你却给了我银色的世界。

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caogenmanchi
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5楼

发表于 2005-8-13 22:05:13 |只看该作者

拍错了点的话不要见怪啊

Merely based upon the dubious and unfounded evidence that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are, the arguer recommends that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. To support the conclusion, he cites the result of some dubious statistics. As it stands, the argument suffers from 3 critical flaws as follows.

The arguer tries to convince us that men are more likely to be distressed than women are through misleading statistics. The statistics indeed show that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. However, the arguer fails to mention where the statistics origins. Suppose (加个that吧，孙远说这样正式些)they rise from a single hospital or even from a single dentist（这个好像说不过去吧，题目里有Dentists的）. Then the statistics are to limited to fundamentally inefficient to support the following conclusions. (看不懂，呵呵！)

Moreover, it is possible that men are more likely to be distressed during dental work, however, the arguer fails to consider the real cause for them to be distressed. There may be many causes which have no relation to anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff of the hospital that lead men to （be） distressed. For instance, some unsure physical reasons related to men's specific hormone lead to their faintness. Or the specific structure or tissue of women's jaws helps them to avoid faintness（是要用名词faint吗？动词和名词同形的）.
Finally, it appears unreasonable to argue that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer. Though there are indeed three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist, it does not mean that there are three times more male consumers than female ones. To some extent, there might be more need to advertise to appease the female consumers since they are（去掉吧） always dare not to visit the dentist for fear.

Overall, the conclusion draw（n） by the argument lacks credibility because the statistics might be inefficient and the assumptions are not firm. To make the argument more logically acceptable, the arguer should supply the origination of the statistics and evaluate all possible alternatives for the faintness(同上) of men visiting the dentist.

第一次帮人改，水平有限，见谅。望回拍

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=317929

[ Last edited by caogenmanchi on 2005-8-13 at 22:08 ]

我是一片云
漂泊不定
我是一阵风
奔跑不止
美丽的女神在远方
我要去追寻

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wineyre
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6楼

发表于 2005-8-14 13:27:56 |只看该作者

呵呵,有人拍过了啊,那我就去拍别的组员的大作了

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wineyre
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7楼

发表于 2005-8-14 16:19:02 |只看该作者

Merely based upon the dubious and unfounded evidence that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are, the arguer recommends that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumers and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. To support the conclusion, he cites the result of some dubious statistics. 这句话看上去和第一句的开头重复，可以删掉As it stands, the argument suffers from 3 似乎习惯上比较多用three，而不是阿拉伯数字critical flaws as follows.

The arguer tries to convince us that men are more likely to be distressed than women are through misleading statistics. The statistics indeed shows?不确定要不要 that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. However, the arguer fails to mention where the statistics origins. Suppose they rise from a single hospital or even from a single dentist. Then the statistics are to limited to fundamentally inefficient to support the following conclusions. statistics是可数名词复数吗？

Moreover, it is possible that men are more likely to be distressed during dental work, however, the arguer fails to consider the real cause for them to be distressed. There may be many causes which have no relation to anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff of the hospital that lead men to distressed. For instance, some unsure physical reasons related to men's specific hormone lead to their faintness强，这种可能性都想的到. Or the specific structure or tissue of women's jaws helps them to avoid faintness.

Finally, it appears unreasonable to argue that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer. Though there are indeed three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist, it does not mean that there are three times more male consumers than female ones. To some extent, there might be more need to advertise to appease the female consumers since they are always dare not to visit the dentist for fear.

Overall, the conclusion draw by the argument lacks credibility because the statistics might be inefficient and the assumptions are not firm. To make the argument more logically acceptable, the arguer should supply the origination of the statistics and evaluate all possible alternatives for the faintness of men visiting the dentist.

有些语法错误楼上的改了，我就不改了。总体上还可以，就是感觉你提出的possiblities很强啊，以后想不出来的话请教你。
总体不错啊，层次清晰的说。呵呵，有空改改我的。今天A又超时了。

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