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issue41 (kito)终于凑出来了!请大家很拍啊!谢谢!
41. "Such non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
观点:主要是反对
提纲:
1 诚然,这些非主流的东西可以在一定程度上满足人们的好奇心,对未知事物的预测。(①先对astrology等做一下解释;②指出它们的作用 可能要分几个段落来展开)
2 但是这些东西毕竟不是科学的,会给人带来危害.( 遇到挫折不勇敢面对,整日成湎于祷告神仙;相信算命先生的话,一切都是命中注定,而不再奋斗;)
正文:
Does astrology, fortune-telling, psychic and paranormal pursuits as non-mainstream areas of inquiry place play an important role in society in order to satisfy human needs, which are not addressed by mainstream science? Admittedly, I concede that such non-mainstream areas of inquiry could satisfy human curiosity in to some extent. However, after all, they are not scientific which lack of science support这个定语从句简直是乱加,把which改成and吧? and therefore may carry have/bring about negative effects to human.问句+作者观点+表明立场 (确实很淳朴,呵呵)
To begin with, astrology researches on studys the correlation between events on earth and the positions and movements of astronomical bodies, especially the sun, the moon and the stars. Astrologers believe that there is correlation between a person of a particular position in astronomical bodies and the fixed characteristics of that person. Due to this reason, people tend to predict others' character谁的character? especially when people meet some new colleagues.当人们碰到新同事的时候去揣测他们的性格,这个和astrology有关系吗?人们完全可以通过他们的行为和外表判断新同事的兴趣和性格的。我觉得你完全没有必要用一整段解释什么是astrology的,一两句话就OK了呀?
Secondly, fortune-telling is to predict the future by psychic means, such as through the interpretation of signs or communications by supernatural forces你要解释nonmainstream area干脆放到一起讲,为什么要把fortune telling 拿出来单独讲?. A telling这个词放到这挺好的,我以前怎么没想到呢? example could lend support to the role of fortune-telling. In Japan, fortune telling has been undergone a massive boom since 2002. And academic college in Tokyo is Japan’s most popular school for would-be fortunetellers. Students take courses for a number of reasons, such as wanting to be able to read their own fortune, a desire to learn more about a spouse这个不明白?是prospective spouse吗?, to find out how a business will progress. Although fortune-telling has little scientific evidence, it remains popular in many countries because to some extent it satisfies human mental needs.个人认为在这句之前讲的都是与主题无关的内容,你觉得需要那么多论证和例子来解释fortune telling吗? When people occur meet/come across/encounter some problems which are difficult to decide, fortune-telling could relax people to some extent.对,要的就是relax people,可惜这里你的论证太少 这段前面花了那么多笔墨去解释什么是fortune telling 包括举日本大学开设此课程的例子,我觉得真的很没必要
Thirdly, referring to psychic and paranormal pursuits, a typical one is clairvoyance which is an ability to see objects and events beyond normal sight. For instance, some people believe the existence of telepathy, which has no substantial scientific evidence to demonstrate. Thus it is satisfactory for human to acquire insight into events by utilizing this supernatural means.这段很明显又是在逐个进行解释,不过效果不一样,心灵感应的例子很好,它能够满足人们对事件的洞察力,不过很明显你是赞同人们使用这种不科学的方法喽?by utilizing this supernatural means
However these non-mainstream areas of inquiry are considered to be without scientific foundation, therefore they could bring out detriment to individuals and society. On a personal level, for instance, when a person suffers from failure and loses self-confidence, if he or she believes all is destiny all the frustration he encountered are controlled by destiny, he or she can not recover after from the setback and discontinues continue前面有否定呀? working hard, or even commits a suicide to escape from the reality. On the society level, non-mainstream inquiry may impede the development of society. As it is known to all, some religion organization launch a war between different religion organizations for a one reason that it is the order of God.
In conclusion, the non-mainstream areas of inquiry indeed could satisfy some human needs to some extent. However they have detriment to both individuals and society. 结尾有些草率,如果你强调的是好处你应该提到satisfy people's curiosity and relax people from pressure如果你强调的是坏处,你应该提到they provide the frustrated people an illusion that all the failures and innocene they met are arrangeed by the fate 还有they cause the war between different religious organizations你都没有说,难道你的作文是限时写的不成?
智恩,你在开始就说你这篇文章的观点主要是反对,可是我看你用了很大篇幅来逐个解释什么是nonmainstream areas of inquiry我觉得是在变相的赞同作者的观点,可是你真正赞同的论证又是如此的少以至于我相信你是在反对它,你反对的论证写的比较好,是我所期待的。(记得帮我改作文哟,你可以把你的想法全部写上来,象我这样,^_^, waiting for your wonderful comments) |
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