寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托语言类备考版 › TOEFL考试(IBT)讨论版 › TOEFL(IBT)精华区 › Romanus的作文修改铺 *2012年8月13日开始暂停，楼位全部 ...

12 3 4 5 6 7 下一页

返回列表

查看: 25690|回复: 90

[活动] Romanus的作文修改铺 2012年8月13日开始暂停，楼位全部已满 [复制链接]

mpromanus
UID: 2565872

长老一袋

Rank: 8 Rank: 8

声望: 762
寄托币: 12296
注册时间: 2008-10-30
精华: 4
帖子: 907

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-6-22 20:12:16 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2012-8-14 06:32 编辑

8月中旬开始度假然后回国然后要解决一堆家里的私事，估计没神马时间改文了。。预计10月初可以重开。谢谢各位支持~鞠躬~~

------

不知不觉Romanus已经在英国一年了。这一年所学甚多，也思考了很多 - 比如本校教育系最新的一项研究表明在使用英文进行的专业学习中，中国学生和native speaker学生相比最弱的是对专业学术性词汇的习得，而不是语法不是语用甚至不是所谓的‘地道’。。虽然我可以想象为神马会是这样，但是估计还是会让很多人大掉眼球的吧。。

因此，籍着重开修改铺，希望做一些整理、检验自己所学的工作。

首先推荐自用的学术写作入门网站：普渡大学在线写作教室The Purdue Online Writing Lab。

有时间就看全部Academic Writing部分，没时间只看Academic Writing->Essay Writing->Argumentative Essays就好。

声明

1. Romanus不是专职老师，也不专职研究托福考试，因此本人修改标准不代表ETS考试评分标准。

2. 修改质量和格式请参考历年修改铺回顾。Romanus本人认为自己相当手重，所以建议避免考试前晚申请修改。。

Romanus往年的修改铺回顾：

2008年
2009-2010年
2011年

修改铺格式必读

1. 需要修改的作文请单独发帖然后把帖子链接回复至此帖。修改会直接修改在链接中的帖子里。不接受直接在此帖内贴作文。

2. 只改independent writing。。不接受integrated writing。。

3. 求修改请附上完整英文原题目，否则只能改语法语意，改不了议论逻辑。。

4. 一天改一篇，以回帖先后为序。每个ID每周限求一次。这是为了让被修改的童鞋有时间好好消化评语，所以请自觉杜绝马甲重复求改。。排队的情况会不定时更新在1楼。

5. 后续问题请站短。回在修改过的作文帖下面我不会主动去看的。。

6. 修改颜色分类：

红色：语法错误
灰色：删除部分
蓝色：语义/表达问题
棕色：针对文内语法/表达问题的评语
紫色：总结评语

--

*修改存档*

*Week 1: 6.23 - 6.29*

6.23 songlu87
6.24 timicao
6.25 水果的夏天
6.26 sunshinewu
6.27 猛龙过江
6.28 shendaisy0702
6.29

*Week 2: 6.30 - 7.6*

6.30 sunshinewu
7.1 lisicheng123（地板）
7.2 liang0603（5楼）
7.3 dream0611（39楼）
7.4 rayban二代（地板）
7.5 lic158
7.6 westwoodxie

*Week 3: 7.7 - 7.13*

7.7 sunshinewu（5楼）
7.8 水果的夏天
7.9
7.10 achillesliu
7.11 Tony998（地板）
7.12 MD100
7.13

*Week 4: 7.14 - 7.20*

7.14 Ti_Amo（板凳）
7.15 rebecca小芊
7.16 Tony998（23楼）
7.17 sodapeng
7.18 black_marble
7.19 mayijie
7.20 teenteen

*Week 5: 7.21 - 7.27*

7.21 melaniew
7.22 EmmaXu.95
7.23 llshruby
7.24 Gyps_rueppellii
7.25 igrowing
7.26 诗晴
7.27 windmuhua

*Week 6: 7.28 - 8.3*

7.28 tom_cybamic
7.29 CAPITAL.ism
7.30 rebecca小芊
7.31 Gyps_rueppellii
8.1 mgz009
8.2 maoqiu007
8.3 lazysheep

*Week 7: 8.4 - 8.10*

8.4 shashashashass
8.5 emma1987
8.6 vincychu
8.7 westwoodxie
8.8 zhaoxiaoshuai
8.9 夏天雪飘过去
8.10 eileen73

8.11 Ti_Amo
8.12 maoqiu007

--

另外，想写一些关于英文写作的个人看法。。一些可能跟主流的看法不同的想法。。

--

大多数考托福雅思GRE GMAT这些考试的童鞋，都是为了要出国攻读高等教育的学位。。而英美的高等教育中的作文，童鞋们也都知道，是所谓的学术写作。。

但是一般要说学好英语学好作文，都是说看美剧啊看电影啊看报纸专栏看科学美国人看时代周刊看经济学人。。但是在Romanus看来，这些资源用作收集作文素材可以，但是，它们不能让人学会如何写一篇严谨优质的学术论文。。

为什么这么说呢？

因为美剧电影报纸甚至科学美国人时代周刊这些东西，都属于大众传媒。。美剧电影报纸，它们被写出来的目的不是学术，而是娱乐和资讯。。科学美国人时代周刊经济学人这类面向受过高等教育人群的刊物，主要目的也不是纯粹的学术，而是资讯的传播和意见的表达。。

如果你要写一篇中文的论文，你觉得你应该使用新闻联播/南方周刊/羊城晚报/湖南卫视8点黄金档/电影霸王别姬里那样的语言吗？

学术性文章的受众，也就是读你将来要写的论文的人，是大学里的博士生/助教/教授们。他们对论文写作的要求，和对一般写作的要求，是不一样的，至少是不完全一样的。

那么，应该使用什么参考资料呢？

答案是明显的：既然你将来要写的是学术论文，那就应该从别的学术论文中学习。

大学里应该都有论文库。如果没有，请在到了你所就读的大学之后，把学会看journal article学术期刊上的文章作为第一件要事办好。

--

另外一个问题，就是，托福和GRE这类考试里所要求写的作文更倾向于expository essay，和高等教育中的学术论文argumentative essay，是不完全一样的。雅思的作文相对来说要接近社科类的论文一些，但是还是不完全一样的。

The Purdue Online Writing Lab非常明确地指出了这两者的区别：

‘Some confusion may occur between the argumentative essay and the expository essay. These two genres are similar, but the argumentative essay differs from the expository essay in the amount of pre-writing (invention) and research involved. The argumentative essay is commonly assigned as a capstone or final project in first year writing or advanced composition courses and involves lengthy, detailed research. Expository essays involve less research and are shorter in length. Expository essays are often used for in-class writing exercises or tests, such as the GED or GRE.’

所以，托福雅思高分但是论文最后也只是一般，就不是那么难以理解了。。一不完全明白学术性论文的要求和写法，二没有合适的参考和练习，三缺乏用英文进行research的能力和经验。。实际上，绝大多数的中国孩纸们，就算经历了托福雅思，到出国的时候，还是不会写论文的。。

但是，请注意我说的是不完全一样。。

一样的东西是什么呢？用英语进行逻辑论证+精准描述数据的能力。

而这两种能力，是不需要看学术论文就能训练的，也是托福雅思GRE等等的写作所注重的。

--

Romanus的希望就是，被我改过作文的人，都能开始认真思考，进而养成准确的表达力和严谨的论证力。

主流的说法经常是中国人不擅长逻辑思维或者中国式思维是归纳的西方式思维是推演的神马神马。对于这种论调Romanus只能表示，思维方式是一种习惯，而习惯是可以改变的，跟国籍人种无关。。

--

最后，祝各位学业进步。

已有 10 人评分	寄托币	声望	收起理由
东方欲晓bnu		+ 2	弓虽！
Tony998		+ 1	很给力!
genie05	+ 25	+ 25	赞一个!
dream0611		+ 1	很给力!
水果的夏天		+ 2	赞一个!
sonicjam	+ 20	+ 5	amazing~
ifnoword		+ 5	我也要参加！
hycqy	+ 20		精品

总评分: 寄托币 + 70 声望 + 55 查看全部投币

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.12.26

2016 fall语言学Phd申请情况叨叨帖
DMC 3表忠心花痴帖！

回应
34

使用道具举报

秋雨荆州
UID: 2903781

元老版主

Rank: 11

声望: 8090
寄托币: 112852
注册时间: 2010-9-11
精华: 41
帖子: 31910

沙发

发表于 2012-6-22 20:24:51 |只看该作者

感谢楼主，希望版友们能积极参与进来

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

使用道具举报

mpromanus
UID: 2565872

长老一袋

Rank: 8 Rank: 8

声望: 762
寄托币: 12296
注册时间: 2008-10-30
精华: 4
帖子: 907

板凳

发表于 2012-6-23 06:07:34 |只看该作者

踢~

使用道具举报

jiang08
UID: 2391146

元老版主

Rank: 11

声望: 6459
寄托币: 140916
注册时间: 2007-8-28
精华: 22
帖子: 2384

地板

发表于 2012-6-23 08:16:21 |只看该作者

啊啊啊lz又回来啦！感动～～～

这么好的机会，lz实力超强，又非常耐心，同学们写了作文的快上吧。。

使用道具举报

songlu87
UID: 3226063

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 159
注册时间: 2011-12-26
精华: 0
帖子: 92

5楼

发表于 2012-6-23 09:58:19 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 songlu87 于 2012-6-23 09:59 编辑

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... =1388986&extra=

多谢楼主！

使用道具举报

mpromanus
UID: 2565872

长老一袋

Rank: 8 Rank: 8

声望: 762
寄托币: 12296
注册时间: 2008-10-30
精华: 4
帖子: 907

6楼

发表于 2012-6-24 09:30:15 |只看该作者

谢各位版大支持~~

继续求开张！~

使用道具举报

timicao
UID: 3131283

中级会员

Rank: 4

声望: 10
寄托币: 534
注册时间: 2011-7-17
精华: 0
帖子: 121

7楼

发表于 2012-6-24 11:40:14 |只看该作者

Do you agree or disagree:the communication skill is the most importanat factor contributing to one's success

Through taliking with employers we get our first job; by having a conversation with older we gain some insightful knowledge about study, career and life as well; thank to communcation between political leaders, we enjoy a paceful and flourishing life. Therefore, in this modern society, communcation has played a crutial role in our daily life, which can promote understanding, enhance progress and strength peace. So many peole may claim that outstanding communication skills is the most important ability contributing to oursuccess. Remarkable though it is, there are still exist many skills and feats which is essential to one's success.

Undisputablely, equipping with a good communication skill can surly bring us considerately benefits and then make us more close to our success. First,a excellent communciation skill can ensure you a good career. A typical example involes job interview. You may firstly impress you future boss vie your impressive capacity of perfectly responsing to their questions and then you get a job which is the first step towards your success. Meanwhile, the ablity to continue a discussion can provide us numerous information which may be vital to us. For instance, a good skill of communication can help us get some useful mssages from our theachers, predecessor students and colleagues.If your have not the ability to go on a soomth conversation, how can they provide you what you desire to know.Last but not the least, some exchanges have a significant meaning. If you are lacing of the ability to communicate well, how can you handle it soometh and make some huge fruit. Such as the talk between two political leader. In this situation, a good communication skill means solve probles, promotes cooperation and advances development, all of these play a pushing role in each nation's further development.After bringing so many benefit to his/her country, then s/he must be considered a successful leader. While a poor communication skill can couse totally difference on that condition, such as misundestanding,confilition and even war.

Although communication skill is profund to one's success, we can not overlook a serious of other personalities which can not be obviated, such as honesty, patient and confident, etc. Success is a process which need to be abained step by step, so many characteristics may involved to make their contribution. Embrancing honesty, we can win trust and then build some strong relationships, who can give us help along our way to accomplishment. Always being patient, can provide your a careful mind and then ensure you avoid some unnesscessy obstacles. Also confident is the indispensible component of success. And it can make you always stay optimistic and hopeful.

All in all, I consent that good communication skill can have tremendous contribution to one's success, but we also need to keep in mind that only a good communication skill can not lead to final success and other elegant personalities also have a share.

谢谢楼主。。。。请狠拍。。。

使用道具举报

timicao
UID: 3131283

中级会员

Rank: 4

声望: 10
寄托币: 534
注册时间: 2011-7-17
精华: 0
帖子: 121

8楼

发表于 2012-6-24 11:40:59 |只看该作者

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1388152
这是我的作文贴，请楼主多给点建议，谢谢。。。

使用道具举报

水果的夏天
UID: 3022981

荣誉版主

Rank: 9 Rank: 9 Rank: 9

声望: 996
寄托币: 112
注册时间: 2011-3-5
精华: 1
帖子: 1764

9楼

发表于 2012-6-24 12:17:14 |只看该作者

It is more important for the government to built new house than preserve old and historical building.

With the development of society, people were almost using up great land resources. Then they began to built new house and remove the old one. However, in my view, I totally agree that people should preserve old and historical house. The reasons are as follows.

To begin with, old house is the symbol of historical country which historian can help identify the source, structures and tools to extrapolate about civilization‘s economy, work habits and trades. By analyze books and literatures can not visually observe layout of ancient city as well as the design. If government built new house instead protecting old ones, it is impossible for people to explore and know it specifically.

Furthermore, many preserved architectures are unique which represent historical culture. New York has status of liberty. Sydney has Sydney opera house. Paris has Eiffel tower. We can see a variety of building style because they were well-preserved. For example, when government blindly establish new house rather than keep splendid decoration which manifest distinct cultural value. Our next generation would be bored by tedious and formulaic architecture like skyscraper and tall buildings.

The last but not the least, increasing people became to visit historic sits that tourism more and more developed. People would learn from the relics and broaden their horizon. At the same time, foreigners come to look around that increase income of tourism and make contacts of two countries more closely. Moreover, tourism can promote related industry boom including restaurants, hotels, transportation and so forth.

To sum up, old houses not only make historian determine lifestyle, but also present unique culture. What is more, it can push tourism forward. 夏天

使用道具举报