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There is (are)some arguments about whether it is good or bad to build a large factory near the community. In fact, if we want to find the answer, we should look over the advantages and the disadvantages and see which can win over another. Only after drawing the comparisons we could make the decision.
Turning first (firstly, turn)to the advantages that the factory can bring. It is no doubt that a factory will give our community some wonderful opportunites. For example, one factory means more job offers. That is, the factory can help us solve the problem of unemployment more or less. In another way, the factory can be(is the)possible resource of funds that can support the development of our community. Considering the possible advantages which described above, building the new factory seems a clever idea to our community.
(最后一句总结的好,两点论述明确,如果再能变换一下句式就更好了)
However, there(they) are all "possible" advantages but not very sure. When it comes to the troubles the factory will bring, I am very suspect whether we should let the factory built. On the(去掉)one hand, a factory will cause some problems of the enviroment. For example, the noise it makes will destroy the peaceful life of our residents. The gas it may emit can be poisonous and pollute our fresh air. When our enviroment is damaged, it can be(is) very hard to recover. On the other hand, the "large" factory will take a lot of space that was(should have been) a good palce for(of) leisures or exercise of(for) the residents. That means, if the factory are built, the spaces near our communiy would be more crowded and our residents may lose a place for relaxing. As a result, pressure and unhappiness will spread around our residents.
(论点清晰,论据到位且合适)
To sum up, I make my advice that whether the factory can be built in the community(感觉强调一下地点比较好) should be thought carefully. We cannot only look at the merits of a new factory and ignore the damages that can bring to our lives. If the factory are(is) really needed to be built, its influence on the enviroment should be estimated and the place to build should be decided after doing investigate(investigation) in our residents. Without doing such work, any decision can be to early(is too early).
整篇文章总体上看,很不错,论点很清晰,阐述也很到位,感觉注意一下句子结构会更好
Speaking
One of the teachers i've admired most is my Chinese teacher in my junior school. She is an old and(but) very kind woman and she is also the most famous Chinese teacher in our city. Different from other teachers who only give lectures and make the class very boring, she often encouraged the students attending in the class and make the class very interesting. When we come to her class, we can make presentation, hold a debate, and find fun in studying Chinese. When practicing(we practice) writing, she always said that the beatiful sentence is not the only reqiurement. What is more important is whether you tell the truth and express your real feeling. In this way, She has a big influence on my life and changes my attitude to the society and to the world.
(口语觉得相当好,zan~)
[ 本帖最后由 zhangyebb 于 2007-7-18 23:28 编辑 ] |
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