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1.Survey类错误—百分比,回应者,回应者背景
2.(无理假设)就算回家完成的工作上升,也不一定导致办公用品销售上升
3.(利润问题)就算人们更需要家用办公用品,增加存货不一定盈利;或者人们不会选择VM的产品
限时的时候要注意调整结构,每一段都是提出错误,错误原因,反驳,总结,不要刚开始阐述理由太多,其实有时没有必要,反而还耽误了后边的时间,或者让后边的论述展不开,让文章在结构上失衡.
错误都找到了,只是论证的方式单一了,光It is entirely possible就用了三四次,还是要在句式上灵活一点.
In this argument, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores recommends that the office-supply departments should increase stock of office supplies and home office machines. To bolster this recommendation, the manager cites a recent servey, 70 percent of the respondents in which reported that they work home more compared to the past. Close scrutiny of this argument, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the manager's statement.
The threshold problem is that the exerpt(?) provides no information about the exact total number of paticipants or their occupational or residential profile. The fewer participants, the less reliable the survey's results. Also, the narrower the spectrum of occupations and geographic areas represented among participants, the more likely that regulations in certain working fields or companies, rather than the work-home-trend in the whole district, played the key role in this survey. Moreover,it is entirely possible that people who work more at home inclined to complain were more likely to respond to this survey that other people were. Unless a suffiecient number of subjects from diverse geographic areas and occupation participated accurately and on a regular basis, and unless accurate response were made on behalf of those working home as usnal as in the past, I simply cannot accept the manager's recommendation.
Even this survey do reveal the home-working-trend for the district, the manager falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that those people should buy home office machines and office instruments due to this trend. However, no evidence is stated in the argument to support this assumption. Lacking such evidence, it is entirely possible that the consume-supply market of office supplies is saturate, or the work people choose to take home do not need any additional office machine. Therefore, the manager cannot justifiably rely on this claim to bolster its recommendation.
Even people need more office machines and supplies to adapt to the home-working trend, by stocking more such instruments would not necessarily be profitable as a result. Profitability is a funcion of both revenue and expense. Thus, it is entirely possible that the costs of renting the warehouse for stocking, or of promoting the machines, might render it unprofitable despite its popularity.Moreover, the fact that empressive sales in Valu-Mart stores' office-supply were not seen might suggest a lack of interest among the residents in this district to this stores' products.Since the manager does not adequately respond to this concern, his recommendation is untenable.
To sum up, the manager fails to substantiate his recommendation that the company should raise the stock of office supplies due to the home-working-trend, because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the manager maintains. |
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