[a习作temp] argument97 飞跃dreams-第3次作业 [复制链接]

shallinZ
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发表于 2008-2-3 00:28:42 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument97

The following appeared in a memo from the manager of television station KICK.

"A nationwide survey reveals that a sizeable majority of men would like to see additional sports programs on television. After television station WACK increased its sports broadcasts, its share of the television audience in its viewing area almost doubled. To gain a larger audience share in our area, and thus increase company profits, KICK should also revise its broadcast schedule to include more sports coverage."

In this memo the manage of television station KICK recommends that in order to enhance watching rate the television station KICK should increase more sports coverage. To support this recommendation the manage point out that since the television station WACK adopted similar restrictions their watching rate have risen. The argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
To begin with, the validity of the survey is doubtful. From the survey we find little sigh of such procedures for random sampling, thus doubting whether the respondents are representative of the overall population of the nation. If the subjects are only limited to a certain city or geographic region, the results of the survey will be unconvincing. Even if this survey is representative of the nation, it does not mean that the local inhabitants that could be watching the television station KICK would like to watch more sports coverage. What is more, this survey just faced the men, what about other people such as children, women, the old. If this assumption is carried out, it is likely that the part of audience will lose.
However, manage is failing to consider the population and living habit of two different area. Perhaps there are more men living in television station WACK’s region that in television station KICK. It is also possible that more people would like to watch TV or listen broadcasts with sports news in television station WACK’s region. In addition, manage has failed to consider the relationship between the increasing of the television station WACK’s watching rate and sports programs. Maybe there is no effect on television station WACK’s watching rate due to increasing the sports news. It is entirely likely that they make other changes such as adding the entertainment programs, scandal about famous men and so on.
Furthermore, even though the television station WACK’s watching rate increased due to adding sports programs, no evidence shows that we should add the sports coverage. Perhaps, there were less sports programs in television station WACK than that in the television station KICK in the past, and its circumstance is same as now. If we are adding the sports programs, we may not have superiority and could throw more money into sports programs. Even if the sports program increased lead to the result that the watching rate will rise, none of advertisement attracted may not lead company profits increase.
Overall, to persuade me that the television station KICK should adopt the proposed restrictions the author must supply clear evidence that increasing of television station KICK, and not some other factor, was responsible for the rise in company profits, manage must also provide evidence that a survey that the number of local audience prefer sports programs and the advertisement in sports programs.

[ 本帖最后由 shallinZ 于 2008-2-3 04:18 编辑 ]

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lyoka
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发表于 2008-2-12 10:48:03 |只看该作者

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Argument97 the following appeared in a memo from the manager of television station KICK.
"A nationwide survey reveals that a sizeable majority of men would like to see additional sports programs on television. After television station WACK increased its sports broadcasts, its share of the television audience in its viewing area almost doubled. To gain a larger audience share in our area, and thus increase company profits, KICK should also revise its broadcast schedule to include more sports coverage."

In this memo the manage of television station KICK recommends that in order to enhance watching rate the television station KICK should increase more sports coverage. To support this recommendation the manage points out that since the television station WACK adopted similar restrictions their watching rate have risen. The argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

To begin with, the validity of the survey is doubtful. From the survey we find little sign of such procedures for random sampling, thus doubting whether the respondents are representative of the overall population of the nation. If the subjects are only limited to a certain city or geographic region, the results of the survey will be unconvincing. Even if this survey is representative of the nation, it does not mean that the local inhabitants that could be watching the television station KICK would like to watch more sports coverage. What is more, this survey just faced the men, what about other people such as children, women, the old. If this assumption is carried out, it is likely that the part of audience will lose.
质疑sample，包括随机性和代表性，此段中句子衔接词用的不错，还有让步语气使行文流畅

However, manage is failing to consider the population and living habit of two different areas. Perhaps there are more men living in television station WACK’s region than in television station KICK. It is also possible that more people would like to watch TV or listen broadcasts with sports news in television station WACK’s region. In addition, manage has failed to consider the relationship between the increasing of the television station WACK’s watching rate and sports programs. Maybe there is no effect on television station WACK’s watching rate due to increasing the sports news. It is entirely likely that they make other changes such as adding the entertainment programs, scandal about famous men and so on.
      本段的主题应该是质疑两个地区的差异性吧，但后半段写的是质疑因果关系，这个思路有些混乱，可以分成两端写。

Furthermore, even though the television station WACK’s watching rate increased due to adding sports programs, no evidence shows that we should add the sports coverage. Perhaps, there were less sports programs in television station WACK than that in the television station KICK in the past, and its circumstance is same as now. If we are adding the sports programs, we may not have superiority and could throw more money into sports programs. Even if the sports program increased lead to the result that the watching rate will rise, none of advertisement attracted may not lead to company profits increase.
         质疑采取同样措施会增加利润。列举的其他因素角度很不错

Overall, to persuade me that the television station KICK should adopt the proposed restrictions the author must supply clear evidence that increasing of television station KICK, and not some other factor, was responsible for the rise in company profits,manage must also provide evidence that a survey that the number of local audience prefer sports programs and the advertisement in sports programs.
      最后一句话看不懂，感觉句式混乱。
         文章整体写得挺到位，衔接、用词值得夸奖。如果在安排各段顺序的时候如果能考虑各论点的重要性会更好，还有中间有一段没能很好的围绕主题写。最后给作者提个醒：写文章时各段之间要空一行。不要让人感觉是一段到底似的。

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