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〓DIES IN FLAMS〓　Issue１１９by seiranzcc [复制链接]

seiranzcc1
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-4-4 00:08:01 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 seiranzcc1 于 2009-4-4 00:09 编辑

People always expect to be rewarded from what we have invested in, thus research, as an important part of the development, is anticipated to bring our life advancement. Yet, can we determine the priority of the research of some certain types of territory just by
evaluating whether its result will improve our life? We certainly like such results, however, during the period of our progress, wh have to take the risk of research.

Reaserch is what we use to expolre the answer to the unknown around us and meet our insatiable craving and appetite for knowledge. So in the very notion of research lies my first point that results of research is unpredicable. How could one get ideas about what the research will bring us, or whether the result would make a difference in our society without thouroughly studying it? Even for those that have been meticulously scheduled, we cannot fortell the unexpected things which might occur during the experiments or surveys before they are really conducted. And, in most cases, result of one research might be reflected by other fields. One apt illustration on this point is the insistance and endeavor made by the atomic physicists in 19th centry. No one told them that their descoveries of the atomic world would offer humans another alternative of energy or more efficient means of medical treat, but research of atoms nearly became dominant in that age, even the practical value was really vague then.

Moreover, the adage that a coin has two sides is known to everyone and it is exactly the same when it comes to research. Human beings
do benifit from a lot of achivements research brings to our lives, but at the same time, we also suffer from it. Enjoying the efficiency and convinience the industry provides, we have to be faced up with the more and more serious environmental problems. Antigen frees us from the threat of bacteria to some extent, but the appearence of drug-fast strains put greater pressure on our biologists to find out new types of antigen. When research involves two or more sides of effect, we can hardly determine whether the result improves our lives or detroy them?

Research on some certain types of fields can take quite a long time to see whether its results will improve our lives, which seems costing higher oppotunities than some territories focused on the imediate problems. For instance, public health, a vital subject to study human health and the means of improving it, usually requires long period study on one issue to see the final result, and the appliment of health-improving strategy according to those reseach is in long-term benifits. Compared with the research on social or economic problems, public health improve our lives during a rather long period, and sometimes we are just able to realize its great effect when we look at the incrasing average live-span of human beings.

Although we have to face the risk of research, we have to be circumspect about the research whose results are too vague and too speculative. After all, allocation of source should be taken into consideration and the improvement of people's lives and mtigation of social problems are quite important in our development. Consider the so-called "Star Wars" defense initiative championed by Reagon's administration. The exorbitant money cost on the initiative would have gone a longer way to adress the more imediate social problems like latchkey kids, violence and AIDS. But as it turns out, we are just left with an unpredicable federal buget deficit and lots of social problems.

So we have to realize that we all hope that the research should make great contributions to improving our lives, but determing the priority of research by evaluating its probable result is unpractical. We can know neither what exactly the result of research is, nor whether we will be really improved during the period of research. We should be people orinted, but at the same time, we have to be adventuous. After all, our development is based on probing, which calls for risk all the time.

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seiranzcc1
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板凳

发表于 2009-4-8 13:13:14 |只看该作者

看了批改很有收获，其实我是想说“因为结果很难预测，所以以结果是不是能提高人们的生活来确定priority是不太可行的，难道我们会因为原子物理的实用性不明显而放弃他吗？显然没有”，现在看来没有把这些想法点清楚，另外问题的解决没有写，这点一直要改，谢谢指正 2# yyx017

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ddcmj519
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地板

发表于 2009-4-9 18:12:01 |只看该作者

语法错误
建议

People always expect to be rewarded from what we have invested in, thus research, as an important part of the development, is anticipated to bring our life advancement. Yet, can we determine the priority of the research to some certain types of删 territory just by
evaluating whether its result will improve our life? We certainly like those results, however, during the period of our progress, we have to take the risk of research.

Reaserch is what we use to expolre the answer to the unknown around us and meet our insatiable craving and appetite for knowledge. So in the very notion of research lies the first point that results of research is unpredicable.这句不错~但是这种文章里尽量少用第一人称。 How could one get ideas about what the research will bring us, or whether the result would make a difference in our society without thouroughly studying it? Even for those that have been meticulously scheduled, we cannot fortell the unexpected things which might occur during the experiments or surveys before they are really conducted. And, in most cases, result of one research might be reflected by other fields. One apt illustration on this point is the insistance and endeavor made by the atomic physicists in 19th centry. No one told them that their discovery of the atomic world would offer humans another alternative of energy or more efficient means of medical treat, but research of atoms nearly became dominant in that age, even the practical value was really vague then.

Moreover, the adage that a coin has two sides is known to everyone 这种句子，快被用烂了。换换。and it is exactly the same when it comes to research. Human beings do benifit from a lot of achievements research brings to our lives, but at the same time, we also suffer from it. Enjoying the efficiency and convinience the industry provides, we have to be faced up with the more and more serious environmental problems. Antigen frees us from the threat of bacteria to some extent, but the appearence of drug-fast strains put greater pressure on our biologists to find out new types of antigen. When research involves two or more sides of effect, we can hardly determine whether the result improves our lives or destroy them? 这个，例子和说理不太搭，说理是说环境与工业的，而例子并没有涉及着方面。

Research on some certain types of fields can take quite a long time to see whether its results will improve our lives, which seems costing higher oppotunities than some territories focused on the imediate problems.这句啥意思？ For instance, public health, a vital subject to study human health and the means to improve it, usually requires long period study on one issue to see the final result, and the appliment of health-improving strategy according to those reseach is in long-term benifits. Compared with the research on social or economic problems, public health improve our lives during a rather long period, and sometimes we are just able to realize its great effect when we look at the incrasing average live-span of human beings.

Although we have to face the risk of research, we have to be circumspect about the research whose results are too vague and too speculative. After all, allocation of source should be taken into consideration and the improvement of people's lives and mtigation ? of social problems are quite important in our development. 长句的弊端之一Consider the so-called "Star Wars" defense initiative championed by Reagon's administration. The exorbitant money cost on the initiative would have gone a longer way to adress the more imediate social problems like latchkey kids, violence and AIDS. But as it turns out, we are just left with an unpredicable federal buget deficit and lots of social problems.没看懂那个例子的意思- -

So we have to realize that we all hope that the research should make great contributions to improving our lives, but determing the priority of research by evaluating its probable result is unpractical. We can know neither what exactly the result of research is, nor whether we will be really improved during the period of research. We should be people orinted, but at the same time, we have to be adventuous. After all, our development is based on probing, which calls for risk all the time.

总体行文很顺~赞个。
但是
1.长句多了点。。并不是越长越好，长短一定要结合~！不然看的人也容易乏。但整体的语言运用能力很8错~至少比我好了~
2.我觉得理由段都是属于说明了理由+例子。然后就少了个总结。于是看的时候我就想了，“即使这样，那又怎么样呢？”是有风险，是会改变，但是我们的科技也照样在发展，该研究的也还是在研究。这样看来，我就觉得分析还不是很到位了。在破的同时并没有给一个合理的立论。这样的话反而容易显得比较空洞。而且我觉得你分析的这个点也不是题目的主要矛盾所在。你的着眼点我感觉就是在于 if successful上，但是似乎题目的重心应该是priority，最后也得回到priority上，1是没能总结所以看起来联系的松散，2是有破有立才能完整。

以下私人意见：（个人觉得这个所用探索之前的风险和结果预期在一开始的设计书上貌似都会有所涉及的。而且在根据一定的认知审核后这些大型的项目才能实施。而且真的未来发生什么都说不定，但大家都还在努力，这也可以看做一种对better life 的向往，并没有因为预知的困难而停止额。。所以觉得不是很说服人。。。）

No more words. No more comments.

我想离开。这个浮华的世界。

行走在崩溃的边缘············

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米饭袜子
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5楼

发表于 2009-4-10 10:00:53 |只看该作者

People always expect to be rewarded from what we have invested in, thus research, as an important part of the development, is anticipated to bring our life advancement. Yet, can we determine the priority of the research of some certain types of territory just（题目没说just啊，只是说most important啊，不能偷换题目概念吧？~你这一换just就让我以为你下面要说还有很多需要考虑，这对证明most基本没作用） by
evaluating whether its result will improve our life? We certainly like such results, however, during the period of our progress, wh have to take the risk of research.

Reaserch is what we use to expolre the answer to the unknown around us and meet our insatiable craving and appetite for knowledge. So in the very notion of research lies my first point that results of research is unpredicable. How could one get ideas about what the research will bring us, or whether the result would make a difference in our society without thouroughly studying it?（without后面不理解） Even for those that have been meticulously scheduled, we cannot fortell the unexpected things which might occur during the experiments or surveys before they are really conducted. And, in most cases, result of one research might be reflected by other fields. One apt illustration on this point is the insistance and endeavor made by the atomic physicists in 19th centry. No one told them that their descoveries of the atomic world would offer humans another alternative of energy or more efficient means of medical treat, but research of atoms nearly became dominant in that age, even the practical value was really vague then.

Moreover, the adage that a coin has two sides is known to everyone and it is exactly the same when it comes to research. Human beingsdo benifit from a lot of achivements research brings to our lives, but at the same time, we also suffer from it. Enjoying the efficiency and convinience the industry provides, we have to be faced up with the more and more serious environmental problems. Antigen frees us from the threat of bacteria to some extent, but the appearence of drug-fast strains put greater pressure on our biologists to find out new types of antigen. When research involves two or more sides of effect, we can hardly determine whether the result improves our lives or detroy them?（跑了，跑了，能用这种有利有弊的情况证明不应该把提高生活质量当做首要问题？）

Research on some certain types of fields can take quite a long time to see whether its results will improve our lives,（这讲的不还是research的不可预知性么） which seems costing higher oppotunities than some territories focused on the imediate problems. For instance, public health, a vital subject to study human health and the means of improving it, usually requires long period study on one issue to see the final result, and the appliment of health-improving strategy according to those reseach is in long-term benifits. Compared with the research on social or economic problems, public health improve our lives during a rather long period, and sometimes we are just able to realize its great effect when we look at the incrasing average live-span of human beings.

Although we have to face the risk of research, we have to be circumspect about the research whose results are too vague and too speculative.（这句话有逻辑问题，尽管我们要面对可能的危险，我们还是应当周到考虑？？） After all, allocation of source should be taken into consideration and the improvement of people's lives and mtigation of social problems are quite important in our development. Consider the so-called "Star Wars" defense initiative championed by Reagon's administration. The exorbitant money cost on the initiative would have gone a longer way to adress the more imediate social problems like latchkey kids, violence and AIDS. But as it turns out, we are just left with an unpredicable federal buget deficit and lots of social problems.

So we have to realize that we all hope that the research should make great contributions to improving our lives, but determing the priority of research by evaluating its probable result is unpractical. We can know neither what exactly the result of research is, nor whether we will be really improved during the period of research. We should be people orinted（？）, but at the same time, we have to be adventuous. After all, our development is based on probing, which calls for risk all the time.
Summary：总的来说，这篇文章中间小跑，跑的那段前后又在说一个概念，最后一段和倒数第二段还好又回到了题目，但还是感觉没有展开讲，比如but determing the priority of research by evaluating its probable result is unpractical.，你这里只讲了its probable result，却没讲unpractical，为什么?到最后我还是不清楚。

有什么批得不对的地方JJ包涵啦~

与我们同行的人，比我们要到达的地方更重要

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