[i习作temp] Issue144[into the fire] zyp8756 [复制链接]

zyp8756
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-5-24 21:11:55 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

The statement asserts that the artist contributes a lot to society with something of lasting value but not critic. From my perspective, without doubt, it is really indispensable that the artist gives something of persistent value and the critic is limited helpful, at times, even harmful to the society, so it can not supply something of lasting value for society.

The society can not leave the artist with his artwork. The work of artist is a momentous part of the society development and means a lot to human being as edifying the cleverness of human being and noting history character. An art professor in our university always says:” the artwork of genius is a mirror of our time." It indicates that artwork reflects our lives and environment changing. Take an example, the music of Beethoven states his time prints getting of the thinking bog and looking for the value of living. Through these explanations， we can see the artist provides something of persistent value for the society progress.

There is no doubt that the lasting value is created by artist. And, to some extent, the critic gives artist a limited help. As an example, the critique by critic can make residents easily understand some abstract artwork and learn to assess art that contributes to society development .And on the other hand, the critic can supply some suggestions to the artist and promote them to look for a better art view. So, to some extent, critic is helpful. However, most of time, the critic is a handicap of society development. Consisted by passion and inspiration，the artwork is created shortly and dazzlingly. After finished, any critique nearly can not help artist sharp again. What is more, even at times, many critiques can annoy the artist to devise. Perhaps after listened the critique, every time when the artist would conceive and be ready to create, he has to think about the suggestion of the critic. In total, the critic can help artist limited and most of time hamper the artist to devise. Therefore，it is nearly impossible to acknowledge that the critic can also give society lasting value alternative.

To sum up, the function of artist is unique and lasting with a lot of benefits as reflecting history and edifying human being cleverness to society. , the critic can only bring some limited function, Moreover, even a handicap. Thus, something for society of lasting value can not be brought by the critic.

已有 1 人评分	声望	收起理由
sha-shine	+ 1	这个怎么没有改捏？

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choose,do and never give up.

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qtangtangs
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-2 13:40:33 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 qtangtangs 于 2009-6-2 13:46 编辑

绿的看法
橘色好
红色语法拼写错

The statement asserts that the artist contributes a lot to society with something of lasting value but not critic. From my perspective, without doubt, it is really indispensable that the artist gives something of persistent value and the critic is limited helpful, at times, even harmful to the society, so it can not supply something of lasting value for society.（这句话感觉翻译不过来，估计是那个indispensable用错了？artist 贡献了永久的value是不可缺少的？？把indispensable改成incontestable会不会好些呢？另外，这句话应该我觉得应该把and 改成while吧，表同时）

The society can not leave the artist with his artwork. The work of artist is a momentous part of the society（social） development and means a lot to human being as edifying the cleverness of human being and noting history(historical) character. An art professor in our university always says:” the artwork of (a) genius is a mirror of our time." It indicates that artwork reflects our lives and environment changing(environmental change?). Take an example, the music of Beethoven states his time prints getting of the thinking bog(? 还真没看懂..) and looking for the value of living. Through these explanations， we can see the artist provides something of persistent value for the society progress.

There is no doubt that the lasting value is created by artist. And, to some extent, the critic gives artist a limited（既然下面说了这多这里很显然就不是limited了，如果要表示Limited下面好的最好少写点） help. As an example, the critique by critic（s） can make residents easily understand some abstract artwork and learn to assess art that contributes to society（social） development .And on the other hand, the critic can supply some suggestions to the artist and promote them to look for a better art view. So, to some extent, critic is helpful. However, most of time, the critic is a handicap of society development. Consisted by passion and inspiration，the artwork is created shortly and dazzlingly（这个应该是两句话了，而且consist本来主语就是sth,没有被动的，直接把consisted by改成with吧我觉得或者改成 being full of？）. After（改成once是不是更好些？） finished, any critique nearly can not help artist（前面是artwork，怎么又突然变成artist了？）sharp again. What is more, even at times, many critiques can annoy the artist to devise. Perhaps after listened（listiening to）the critique, every time when the（并没有特指，也没有指一类，改成an会好些吧） artist would conceive and be ready to create, he has to think about the suggestion of the critic. In total, the critic can help（改成critics’ help to artist is limited and most of time …） artist limited and most of time hamper the artist to devise. Therefore，it is nearly impossible to acknowledge that the critic can also give society lasting value alternative.

To sum up, the function of artist is unique and lasting with a lot of benefits as reflecting history and edifying human being cleverness to society. , the critic can only bring some limited function, Moreover(后面有了even这里就可以不要这个moreover了，而且我觉得这个moreover用在这也不好..), even a handicap（这里少了be动词，实际上这个句子跟上面公用的只有the critic而已）. Thus, something for society of lasting value can not be brought by the critic.

总的来说，观点很有新意。因为段落布置一看就能懂所以提纲我也就不列了。一段是说artist 是能create lasting of value，二段是说critcs能帮助的非常少，有时甚至阻碍了artist
还是语法问题，我真的觉得有必要复习或者好好看看语法知识，因为每次改你的作文我都觉得好纠结阿…
所以高中语法全都给拎起来用了，而且几乎犯的都是些基本语法错，那几个例子用的不错的其实，而且整篇文章布置的也挺好的，一段例子一段属于说理类型，但是因为语法错所以这些光芒就都给盖过去了..
希望以后注意咯～

另外有些句子和词感觉用的很怪特别是那个handicap? 建议可以重写一下以后找另一个人再来改改～～

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