[i习作temp] 0910G[North America Flying] Issue11 by rainyashley [复制链接]

rainyashley
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-6-4 13:56:21 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

第二次作业

欢迎大家来拍砖！！！
为什么我写的很慢？连个多小时还是在中文提纲很详细的情况下。。。而且写的时候还翻字典。。。
谁能告诉我该怎么解决？？严重感谢啊！！

TOPIC: ISSUE11 -
"All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."
WORDS: 709       TIME: 02:15:42       DATE: 2009-6-4 13:43:31

Is it necessary for all the countries to take part in establishing a global university? What is the global university? As far as I'm concerned, global university is designed to cultivate those comprehensive people who have high abilities and techniques,and devote themselves into addressing the world's most persistent social problems. In today's world,such as those obvious gap between the rich and the poor, the growing energy demands, the misunderstanding and even conflicts in ethnic, the threaten of terrorism, the unfair status of women are still exist and need to handle. It seems that it is sure to solve those problems when a global university is designed. But I cannot be convinced since there are some barriers before establishing the university. The will is good, but is unrealistic.

Admittedly,  the purpose on founding a global university is to promote the countries' cultural communication around the world. The university should be designed  based on a moral standard and educated level that are admitted by the majority, and contribute to offer advantages for all countries to communicate each other in some aspects such as culture, language, science,technology, ect. A series of world famous universities like Harvard, Oxford, Priceton, offer some curriculums about other countries' culture researching in order to achieve a acknowledgement in some aspects. In addition, those global university's students, who come from different counties,different culture, different national faiths and economical level can learn each other and have common progresses so that they can find a solution that can solve widespread and persistent problems. Also, after they graduate, they can go back to their countries and use the way they learned from the university to address their countries' problems and improve the whole level of their countries. Maybe it is a good method to reduce the distance between developing countries and the developed countries.

However, the global university is designed to solve the world's most persistent social problems. But what is the root of those persistent problem? It goes without saying that it is the conflicts which is from the ethnical misunderstanding, the unbalance in economical and political development, the different national belief that caused those persistent problems. These situation lead to the social problems that can also be the obstacles to founding a global university.

The first problem when determine to set up a global university is that where does the money come from. Different countries have different economical level, the poor and the rich.  the rich may give a lot of money to support the project while the poor may refuse to afford money or only give a little. The inequality in economical contribution will result into the inequality in statues. And the other question is who can be believed in and appointed to manage the university, only from minor countries or all the countries in order. Besides, we cannot find a fair entrance examination for all the students from different educated standard and contents. Moreover, it is easy to arise some national conflicts and racial discrimination because of the different national faith and moral bottom line. Even if the obstacles mentioned above can be ruled out, does the global university can solve the world's most persistent social problems as we designed in mind? Obviously not. Because every country has its own national conditions and political system, it will confront different barriers when solutions are put into used. It is like the situation that we cannot bring the American General Education indiscriminately into China.

In sum, I don't advocate to establish a global university. It is not mean that I don't want to solve the persistent social problem. The graduate students are a group who have rational thinking. We can promote the cultural and national combination by students' communication, academic discussion, or even building up an institution in other countries. Only when we know the local situation sufficiently can we bring up a appropriate solution to the problem. In addition, the leader from all countries, and the popular organization among the people should communicate frequently. The most efficient way to solve the world's most persistent social problem is that all the countries should respect other nation and culture and put aside minor differences so as to seek common ground and then achieve a win-win situation on those persistent problems.

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haunteagle
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-4 18:13:35 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 haunteagle 于 2009-6-4 18:14 编辑

TOPIC: ISSUE11 -
"All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."
WORDS: 709       TIME: 02:15:42       DATE: 2009-6-4 13:43:31

Is it necessary for all the countries to take part in establishing a global university? What is the global university? As far as I'm concerned, global university is designed to cultivate those comprehensive people who have high abilities and techniques(有点小问题，应该是somebody pursuing high abilities and techniques吧，techniques感觉也不太好skill会否更好？), and devote themselves into addressing the world's most persistent social problems. In today's world, enduring social problems(这里我帮你补了一个主语，或者用such enduring problems as，单纯such as我感觉缺了主语) such as those obvious(widening) gap between the rich and the poor, the growing energy demands, the misunderstanding and even conflicts in ethnic (between ethnics), the threaten (threat) of terrorism, the unfair status (discrimination) of women are still exist and need to (be) handled. It seems that it is sure to solve those problems when a global university is designed. (It is often assumed that through establishing a global university all these problems can be solved with ease.表达不太地道，想当然可以表述为take it for guanted，或者assumed as a matter of fact) But I cannot be convinced (I cannot agree with it就可以了) since there are some barriers before establishing the university. The will is good, but is unrealistic.

Admittedly,  the purpose on(of) founding a global university is to promote the countries' cultural communication around the world. The university should be designed  based on a moral standard and educated level that are admitted by the majority, and contribute(s) to offer advantages for all countries to communicate each other in some aspects such as culture, language, science,technology, ect. A series of world famous universities like Harvard, Oxford, Priceton, offer some curriculums about other countries' culture researching in order to achieve a acknowledgement(recognition，应该是想表达文化认同感吧？) in some aspects. In addition, those global university's(should be plural forms) students, who come from different countries, different cultures(pr), different national faiths and economical level can learn (from) each other and have common progresses(这句话很费解，不知道什么意思) so that they can find a solution that can solve widespread and persistent problems. Also, after they graduate, they can go back to their countries and use the way they learned from(in) the university to address their countries' problems and improve the whole level of their countries. Maybe it is a good method to reduce the distance between developing countries and the developed countries.
(本段目的还是比较鲜明的，但是句间关系不够紧密，主要是从概念到概念，没有落到实处，而且开头第一句未能充分表明主题，或者可以这样开头Universities play a critical role in the the solution of the entangled and enduring social problems by inculcating its student with a sense of culture recognition.)

However, the global university is designed to solve the world's most persistent social problems.(第一句明显没有意图，删去) But what is the root of those persistent problem? It goes without saying that it is the conflicts which is(derives) from the ethnical misunderstanding, the unbalance in economical and political development, the different national belief that caused those persistent problems. These(This) situation lead(arises) to the social problems that can also be the obstacles to founding a global university.

The first problem when determine to(of) set up a global university is that where does the money come from. Different countries have different economical level, the poor and the rich.  Rhe rich may give a lot of money to support the project while the poor may refuse to afford money or only give a little. The inequality in economical contribution will result into the inequality in statues. And the other question is who can be believed in and appointed to manage the university, only from minor countries or all the countries in order. Besides, we cannot find a fair entrance examination for all the students from different educated standard and contents. Moreover, it is easy to arise some national conflicts and racial discrimination because of the different national faith and moral bottom line.(明显跟前文说的有矛盾，没有充分地展开分析为什么一种different nation faith在学校就是使人向善而在国家层面就是导人向恶) Even if the obstacles mentioned above can be ruled out, does the global university can solve the world's most persistent social problems as we designed in mind? Obviously not.(Why,this is not a common sense) Because every country has its own national conditions and political system, it will confront different barriers when solutions are put into used. It is like the situation that we cannot bring the American General Education indiscriminately into China.

In sum, I don't advocate to establish a global university. It is(dose) not mean that I don't want to solve the persistent social problem. The graduate students are a group who have rational thinking. We can promote the cultural and national combination by students' communication, academic discussion, or even building up an institution in other countries. Only when we know the local situation sufficiently can we bring up a appropriate solution to the problem. In addition, the leader from all countries, and the popular(international) organization(s) among the people should communicate frequently. The most efficient way to solve the world's most persistent social problem is that all the countries should respect other nation and culture and put aside minor differences so as to seek common ground and then achieve a win-win situation on those persistent problems. (最后一句明显可以展开成段)

(最后一段，从最教条的观点来说，应该回应首段，至少是回应前文，但是这段回应的不够，前面的要点并没有全部点到)

merits:
有逻辑表述的倾向，但是并没有很好的组织文章，或许是由于题目不熟悉造成的
drawbacks:
1.第一段着意改动了一下字词的问题，后面的并没有着力改。有些表述明显是经过过分的雕琢了，反而觉得很不自然
2.大部分是从概念到概念，纯粹从概念把问题说得很透彻很困难，应该从概念到具体
3.句间联系问题，有些逻辑关系明显缺失

一不小心改得千里江山一片红……
言多有失，先自道歉，如有冒犯，勿怪

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