[i习作temp] 【悬赏求拍】2月末要考试了！~ issue 59 [复制链接]

jellyjar
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-1-29 15:56:39 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

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本帖最后由 jellyjar 于 2010-1-29 16:41 编辑

第二篇issue，自己改总归没什么想法~ 旁观者清，请大家改改~
59
"Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them."

正文：
The stories of role models have accompanied us since our early age and many of us once determined to follow the life track of the models out of adoration and worship. As we have grown up, we sometimes feel at a loss whether we should stick to our original intentions and copy our models. From my perspective, excessive emphasis is paid on role models that they have prevented us from the best choices for ourselves because of different individual and social background with our models.

First of all, the imitation of role models may end up with failure for lack of the social factors of their time. As a famous Chinese saying goes, " a pivotal time in history contributes to the success of heroes", which can lend credit to every instance in history: call for revolution in China in the beginning of the 20th century pushed Chairman Mao to be a hero for Chinese people who rescued them out of both the dictatorship of the government and intrusion of Japanese; in the 1980s, the golden age of Chinese modern poems witnessed the achievements of many influential poets such as Gucheng and Haizi. However, fans of Chairman Mao today were destined to fail if they used the army to reform any social system, because now forces are against people's interests who wish peace and harmony of the society more than ever before. Neither could the worshipers of Gucheng enjoy a similar national wide fame by imitating his styles due to the different needs of people about literatures in modern society.

Secondly, the career track of some role models can not be copied because of some special traits in them which most of us live without. Considering the founder of Microsoft Bill Gates, a great deal of young people major in computer science or any other realms followed him to dropout from universities and started their own businesses with great ambitions. But it was a pity that the majority felt frustrated and gave up their dreams eventually. They failed because they ignored that Bill Gates went through failures and setbacks again and again with the firm belief that his innovation -- MS DOS system would be popular one day. It is the lack of creativity, foresight and fortitude that prevented the imitators from the final success that Bill accomplished.

Admittedly, role models function as the source of energy for us, which urge us to keep steadily on the way to our life goals. Furthermore, role models are usually respected not only for their feat but also for their virtues, which becomes our own yardstick and help as to work through moral dilemmas. However, suggestions the models gave us are sometimes limited to their own standpoints. For example, Ji Xianlin, a master of theology and literature in China, once told his students that the more time they kept doing researches in the labs, the more they would benefit. But obviously, this advice fails to apply to the students in economy and engineering where practice and experience are highly demanded. Besides, some of their values or moral standards, such as "women are inferior to men" and "people must show complete loyalty to his government", are confined to the ideology of their time, which fail to fit into modern society at all.

To sum up, despite all the positive effects of role models, following them all the time may lead us to confusion in that our idols' choices do not suit our situations on most occasions. We need to reflect upon ourselves and think independently to figure out the best way for ourselves.

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jellyjar
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沙发

发表于 2010-1-29 21:37:12 |只看该作者

拜托高人看看哇~~ 谢谢啦先~

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quechuangyi
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板凳

发表于 2010-2-7 21:02:42 |只看该作者

59
"Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them."
正文：
The stories of role models have accompanied us since our early age and many of us once determined to follow the life track of the models out of adoration and worship. As we have grown up, we sometimes feel at a loss whether we should stick to our original intentions（intention给人以一种动机，意图的感觉，而这里应该想表达“最初的想法”，或许可以换一个词） and(应该是用or与whether搭配吧？) copy our models. From my perspective, excessive emphasis is paid（placed？） on role models that they have prevented us from the best choices for ourselves because of different individual and social background with our models. (最后一句，感觉起来不大通顺，可以改成“....., excessive emphasis is placed on role models, which have prevented us from making the best choices for ourselves,.....)
第一段，先提出现象，再给出自己的观点：过度注重模仿使得我们无法做出最适合自己的选择。最后一句because of后面的内容应该是对下面行文的hint，而你没有写好。。。。
First of all, the imitation of role models may end up with failure for lack of the social factors of their time. （ts貌似与后面的论述连接不紧密，让人有点看不大懂）As a famous Chinese saying goes, " a pivotal time in history contributes to the success of heroes", which can lend credit to every instance in history: call for revolution in China in the beginning of the 20th century pushed Chairman Mao to be a hero for Chinese people who rescued them out of both the dictatorship of the government and intrusion of Japanese; in the 1980s, the golden age of Chinese modern poems witnessed the achievements of many influential poets such as Gucheng and Haizi. However, fans of Chairman Mao today were destined to fail if they used the army to reform any social system, because now forces are against people's interests who wish peace and harmony of the society more than ever before. Neither could the worshipers of Gucheng enjoy a similar national wide fame by imitating his styles due to the different needs of people about literatures in modern society.（为了证明本段分论点，应该将毛泽东和模仿毛泽东的人紧紧连在一起写，对比才明显，更突出论点。而不是先分列毛泽东和海子等，再说模仿者的下场。）
Secondly, the career track of some role models can not be copied because of some special traits in them which most of us live without（我们大多数人都没有，好像不是live without。。。）. Considering the founder of Microsoft Bill Gates（与前面是同位语，应该加逗号）, a great deal（a great deal 修饰不可数名词） of young people major in computer science or any other realms followed him to dropout from universities and started their own businesses with great ambitions. But it was a pity that the majority felt frustrated and gave up their dreams eventually. They failed because they ignored that Bill Gates went through failures and setbacks again and again with the firm belief that his innovation -- MS DOS system would be popular one day. It is the lack of creativity, foresight and fortitude that prevented the imitators from the final success that Bill accomplished.
Admittedly, role models function as the source of energy for us, which urge（s） us to keep steadily on the way to our life goals. Furthermore, role models are usually respected not only for their feat but also for their virtues, which becomes our own yardstick and help as to work through moral dilemmas. However, suggestions the models gave us are sometimes limited to their own standpoints. For example, Ji Xianlin, a master of theology and literature in China, once told his students that the more time they kept doing researches in the labs, the more they would benefit. But obviously, this advice fails to apply to the students in economy and engineering where practice and experience are highly demanded. Besides, some of their values or moral standards, such as "women are inferior to men" and "people must show complete loyalty to his government", are confined to the ideology of their time, which fail to fit into modern society at all.（本段的观点是，However, suggestions the models gave us are sometimes limited to their own standpoints. 首先，从提出观点的方式来说，我觉得ts前面最好不要有admittedly和furthmore两句，开门见山，更顺，而且那两句似乎有点削弱该分论点的倾向；其次，这个分论点似乎有点偏，第一个分论点说，由于时代差异，纯模仿没有好下场，第二个说，由于个人性格特点的差异，乱模仿不会成功，但第三个却说role model的建议有局限性，我们不应该模仿，就好像话题一下子从应不应该模仿role model到批判role model也会有错上。你可以考虑一下。）
To sum up, despite all the positive effects of role models, following them all the time may lead us to confusion in that our idols' choices do not suit our situations on most occasions. We need to reflect upon ourselves and think independently to figure out the best way for ourselves.

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