[活动] joy1025的作文本 [复制链接]

wangruitong24 该用户已被删除	17楼发表于 2010-8-12 09:21:49 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽
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18楼

发表于 2010-8-12 22:00:48 |只看该作者

大家帮忙看看第二个观点算跑题不？

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qlshun
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19楼

发表于 2010-8-13 10:59:19 |只看该作者

18# joy1025

我改完了，说的不对的地方，别太介意哈~~

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binghuoshenlong
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20楼

发表于 2010-8-13 11:48:30 |只看该作者

评价完很不错具体见附件

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21楼

发表于 2010-8-14 15:43:53 |只看该作者

超时了10分钟。
例子写太长了，大家看看是不是很罗嗦？？？怎么样言简意赅呢

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qlshun
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22楼

发表于 2010-8-15 10:31:57 |只看该作者

改完了~~

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zyxr90
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23楼

发表于 2010-8-15 18:49:59 |只看该作者

8.14BY joy1025

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24楼

发表于 2010-8-17 17:57:40 |只看该作者

唉

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25楼

发表于 2010-8-18 12:01:20 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 lanzhi_gjy 于 2010-8-18 12:02 编辑

我觉得楼主写的挺好的，看来看去，只改出来了几个小地方。。。请查收~

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26楼

发表于 2010-8-18 12:18:03 |只看该作者

24# joy1025 共同进步~

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幸福就在身边，一点一滴。

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27楼

发表于 2010-8-19 00:32:27 |只看该作者

这题很没思路，more，到底怎么比，跟什么比？求教了

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28楼

发表于 2010-8-20 23:00:30 |只看该作者

改好了

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29楼

发表于 2010-8-31 18:16:11 |只看该作者

望多多指教！

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umichristina
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30楼

发表于 2010-9-3 09:44:33 |只看该作者

In this day and age, the enjoyment（？）competition is so fierce that education is not only an approach to improving one’s spirit, but also commits the responsibility of preparing future career. Many people take（hold） the view that younger school children who aged five to ten should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language in order to become more competitive when hunting for a job in the future, whereas from my perspective, I disagree with the viewpoint for the following reasons.

In the first place, younger school children should have more leisure time for them to play games. Most people miss their childhood due to its carefree. At that time, they do not have to care about the peer pressure or something else and they can play with their friends all the time. As we all know, children aging five to ten already have a lot of curriculum such as math, science, history and language to deal with. If more courses are required, it will inevitably lead to a misery childhood without any happy time. We are supposed to allow younger school children to make their own decisions, rather than prearranged everything for them. Only if children themselves really crazy about studying art and music can we provide them the opportunity to learn art and music.

In the second place, studying art and music could makes younger school children become timid or even lose their self-confidence. Everyone has its own talent. Beethoven is a born musician, Buffett is a born investor, and Churchill is a born statesman. In other words, some younger children might have drawbacks in the area of art and music. If they cannot behave well in studying art and music, it is highly likely that they would doubt about their ability. They would not like to try something new because they do not believe themselves and worry about the mock.

To be sure, everything has two sides and younger school children can benefit from studying art and music to some degree. For instance, through studying art, children can acquire the ability to enjoy the beauty around them. Also, through studying music, children can be more profession professional when they appreciate a live concert. However, in my opinion, they can learn it when they grow up as a desirable way for relaxation, not as a compulsory course which must to follow at a so young age.

In retrospect, younger school children should not be required to study so many courses for the reason that they have the right to have more leisure time to enjoy a happy childhood

写的挺好的，理由也挺充分