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[习作点评] 【无名组】第一小组第七次习作楼10.22 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2011-10-21 23:05:41 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue 112 Requiring university students to take a variety of courses outside their major fields of study is the best way to ensure that students become truly educated.

Writea response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

[97] [The following appeared in an e-mail sent by the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville.]”Over the past ten years, there has been a 20 percent decline in the size of the average audience at Classical Shakespeare Theatre productions. In spite of increased advertising, we are attracting fewer and fewer people to our shows, causing our profits to decrease significantly. We must take action to attract new audience members. The best way to do so is by instituting a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program this summer. Two years ago the nearby Avon Repertory Company started a 'Free Plays in the Park' program, and its profits have increased 10 percent since then. If we start a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program, we can predict that our profits will increase, too."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

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中无有义，无得无失。

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沙发

发表于 2011-10-21 23:13:40 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 fadotian 于 2011-10-21 23:17 编辑

我说说我的感觉吧：
仅供参考~只是我的一点点感悟~ 我觉得大家在观点上没有什么问题，都能提出自己的观点，语言也没有什么大的问题。但是观点如何展开之后的逻辑连接、以及观点与观点之间的互相关系上面有点问题。其实我感觉ETS主要考的是对自己提出观点的分析（怎么样从不同角度分析，如果能把自己的观点往深度里面去挖掘比罗列多个观点要更加体现critical thinking，比如说提出一个自己的观点，然后自己的这个观点在不同的情况可能不同，分不同的情况讨论，不同情况下这个观点产生的效应，如果不这样会怎么样[反面论证],这样就会把这个观点的每个方面都论证全面了），而不是只是罗列一个个平行的观点然后加上例子。
在寄托上找到的链接：
关于coherent的观点
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... 26amp%3Btypeid%3D53
关于逻辑层层深入
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-798900-1-1.html

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板凳

发表于 2011-10-21 23:21:34 |只看该作者

顺便贴个我今天自己分析的一篇OG上的5 分范文，我自己感觉挺有启发的，和大家分享下。6分那篇的写法太别致了，还是5分的这篇感觉比较的常规
The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.

5分
I partially agree with the statement “The best way to teach is to praise positive actions
and ignore negative ones”. Children should be rewarded when they perform well;
however, they should not be ignored for performing sub-optimally. For purposes of
this essay, the term “actions” is defined as behaviors within the classroom.（首先总的说明自己的立场--复述自己的观点--对一些关键的词进行解释）

Utilizing positive reinforcements, such as tangible rewards, can be a good method
to teach children（总起句，观点1表扬好的行为时好的） If the teacher praises children for actions that are desirable, then the children are more likely to repeat those actions（理由1）. For example, a student who completes an assignment on time and does a good job is likely to want to do a good job on the next assignment if he gets positive feedback. Likewise, the children who are not currently engaging in the desirable actions may be more inclined to do so in order to recieve the positive reinforcement.（例子1 注意这个例子分两种情况来写，a 是给正反馈促使学生在下面的学习表现更好 b 为了得到正反馈学生会做得更好，说明了学生行为和表扬正面行为之间的一个相互关系，因为是相互关系，所以就从学生行为和正反馈互相的作用来举两个例子）

Conversely, children should not be ignored for negative actions（观点2，负面行为不应该被忽视）. If a child is not exhibiting appropriate behavior in the classroom, then it is the teacher’s responsibility to encourage the child to perform optimally（理由1因为纠正错误是老师的责任）. Ignoring something doesn’t make it go away, actions and consequences do. A student who is being disruptive in class will continue to be disruptive unless the teacher does something about it（例子1）. However, the teacher’s actions need be appropriate.
以下是如何纠正错误分情况讨论，这个是和上一段联系的。因为作者的观点是，负面的行为不应该被忽视，而是应该去纠正，那么如何纠正呢？作者把这个问题深入挖掘了下去，分别指出两种情况下的纠正：
Before the teacher attempts to modify a child’s behavior, the teacher needs to try
and identify the reason behind the behavior. For instance, children who leave their
seat often, stare in to space, or call out of turn may be initially viewed as having poor
behavior. However, the teacher may suspect that the child has an attentional problem,
and request that the child be tested. If the child does have an attentional problem, then
the teacher can work with a related service, such as occupational therapy, to alter the
classroom environment in order to cater to the needs of the child. For instance, the
teacher could remove some of the stimulating bulliten board displays to make the
room more calming to the child. If the child becomes more attentive in class then the
teacher was able to assist the child without scorning them or ignoring them. The
teacher met the needs of the child and created an enviornment to enable the child to
optimally perform in the educational setting.（情况1，注意在这个情况下，作者不是一味地空洞地说理，而是举出了很多例子，告诉读者应该怎么做）

On the other hand, if the child is tested, and does not have any areas of concern
that may be impacting the educational performance in the classroom, then the
negative behavior may strictly be due to defiance. In such a case, the teacher still
should not ignore the child, because the negative actions may hinder the learning
opportunity for the remaining children in the class. As a result, a child who is being
disruptive to the learning process of the class should be set apart from the class so
that they do not receive the positive reinforcement of peer attention（情况2）

The teacher should not ignore the student who is misbehaving, but that does not
mean that the teacher just needs to punish（观点2的补充，注意，这个其实是举出观点2的一个极端情况）. It is better to address the child privately
and make sure the child is aware of the negative actions. Once the child is aware, then
the teacher should once again try to determine the reason why the child is behaving in
a negative manner. Perhaps the child’s parents are in the middle of a divorce and the
child is outwardly expressing his frustration in the classroom（具体而生动的例子）. Or the academic content of the class may not be challenging enough for the child and so he is misbehaving out of boredom. Whatever the reason behind the behavior, the key factor is that the teacher works with the child to try and identify it. Simply punnishing or ignoring the child would not solve the problem, whereas working to create a plan for success in the classroom would. Likewise, rather than punnishing and defeating the child, the teacher is working with and empowering the child; a much more positive outcome to the situation.

感想：注意观点和观点之间的联系。把一个观点分析透彻，而不是罗列一堆平行的观点。注重的是观点的分析（观点的深度和广度）。表达不是用一些抽象的词，而是用一些实际的例子，应该怎么做。

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地板

发表于 2011-10-22 07:18:28 |只看该作者

"提出一个自己的观点，然后自己的这个观点在不同的情况可能不同，分不同的情况讨论，不同情况下这个观点产生的效应，如果不这样会怎么样[反面论证],这样就会把这个观点的每个方面都论证全面了" 奉为圭皋呀！

之前我也觉得这种“三四个观点平行罗列，中间只是简单的让步或者转折”的形式很刻板而无生气。如果映射到中文作文中，顶多是初中生的水平。TAN的分析让我茅塞顿开呀。不过能在30分钟内把几个观点剖析这么全面，实不容易，需要每个题目都进行过深入的思考。
3# fadotian

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5楼

发表于 2011-10-22 12:02:10 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 fadotian 于 2011-10-22 12:05 编辑

关于argument的写法，我觉得这篇帖子说得真好！
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=416323&extra=page%3D1

摘自 raccoon的帖子
“所谓的argument好写，就是找逻辑错误这样的看法，早就应该扔掉了。这样的错误观点，不知道毒害了多少gter！！！所谓的高分arguement就是因为他们展开的特别好，对某几点说的特别透彻，我也得说这也只是个描述“形式方面”的话，在个文章里面你即便把这个文章里面的survey说的再透彻，你也逃不过低分的命运！！！

比其学一个argument的外形，我们更应该学习的是他内在的神！！！”

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6楼

发表于 2011-10-22 17:54:52 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 fadotian 于 2011-10-22 18:18 编辑

112 Requiring university students to take a variety of courses outside their major fields of study is the best way to ensure that students become truly educated.10.22 16:30

The statement claims that the best way for the university to foster a well-rounded college student is to require students to take various types of the courses. I have felt such assertion is dubious in two fold, first, the true education could be obtained by other methodologies which put the complementary effect on the class teaching, therefore, it is not appropriate to be deemed as the best way. Secondly, considering the principle of the education is to value the distinction among every individual, it is too extreme to make the various courses learning as the complusory task for every student.

Admittedly, by exposing the students to a myriad of courses coached by the professionals in that field enable the students to enrich their horizon of knowledge which is correspondent with the purpose of the education to make a sound person. The courses beyond the major subjects literally provide the common sense which every literate citizen should acquired. A student with the major of science should be accessible to the moral rules and values through the philosophy lesson, which helps to guide the purpose of the research. Likely, the students in art faculty would learn to understand the accurate structure and rules of nature as a human being. Those selective courses hone a civilize person in significant way.

However, whether all the students could bear the pressure to engage in various lessons that the university require to reach the objective of true education? One principle that those higher educational institution should adhere to is treating individuals in different way according to their own preference and talents. It is natural and appropriate for the students with high energy and efficiency to take a variety courses besides their own majors, they would even enjoy them. However, considering the fact taking courses donates that the teachers should enact the criterion for the quality of the lessons and enforcement of students' performance, it would be a heavy burden for those students who intend to do something else, such as taking activities, making friends or just reading books by themselves. Were those students suppressed by the pressure from the other courses, it would be possible that the time on their major education could not guaranteed. To breach the principle of individuality amounts to the digression of the true education.

In addition to the knowledge in forms of theories and lecturing through courses, the instilling and educating of morality and practical ability also constitute the integrity of a well-educated student which require a flexible methods employed without increasing students' pressure. Taking part in the students' union and associations in terms of various interests would foster one's capability to deal with the situation in a real society. For example, the leader of an associate should try to learn how to organize the whole party, listening to the contradicted ideas when it comes to a dispute. When the leader is dealing with the dispute, one should attempt to balance both views by analyzing the validity from a justified stance. Through all the process, the training of his reasoning, leadership and mediating ability is fulfilled, which are indispensable and considerably significant in a societal environment after graduation. And all these capabilities are not likely to be obtained by the traditional classes, or to be evaluated through the grading systems.

不同意这个观点
1 是否一定会带来truly education呢，当然会有机会接触很多的知识啦，而且都是专业的老师上课。扩展知识面肯定好处多。例如文科生学理科。
2但是对于有能力的学生来说，这样当然可以让他们选择。没有能力的话，那么就是负担呀。况且上了课肯定会打分吧，这样加重负担了。所以不能硬性要求吧。而且因为加重负担把专业搞得不好就惨了。
3（1）既然学生时间精力有限，还要保证真正的教育，那么是其它更灵活自由的方法接触知识吧。例如参加活动之类的。（2）何况，一个真正的完整的教育动手能力也很重要吧。品德教育，这些靠课堂上的讲课考试有用吗？没用呀。举例社团活动。

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7楼

发表于 2011-10-22 20:41:21 |只看该作者

I agree with the speaker in so far as students should be required to take courses outside their own majors, but the level of these courses needs to be adjusted to fit the various conditions of students. The value of such requisition lies in a more comprehensive knowledge system and better skill in critical thinking, both of which are crucial in modern higher education. The adjustment of course difficulty serves to limit the time occupied by the study in other fields.

To be truly educated, in my opinion, is to be able to think critically on most topics of daily life. This is the most important goal of education because it enables one to learn specific skills or knowledge in other realms. And to fulfill this goal, students cannot allow themselves to stay only in one fraction of intellectual inquiry. Our everyday experience is connected to changes in many aspects of society, including economy, financial status of the government, or diplomacy. These all bear much meaning to us and for one to be at ease facing the issues concerning these, he should be exposed to them at the stage of education.

Apart from this, for students deciding to enter the academic circle, to become a researcher or professor, being truly educated involves even more exposure to other fields of study. For researchers today, becoming successive in a field almost always require knowledge of other disciplines or branches. One can always borrow ideas, skills or even inspiration from other realms. Almost all students and researchers in sciences today seek strength from math tools. And mathematicians in turn borrow ideas from physicists as in the case of quantum mechanics. Without the exposure to other fields, students’ mind would be restricted and less contributive to intellectual inquiries.

Learning different disciplines is even more important for leadership, either leading a small group or a nation. Since the primary duty of leadership is to reconcile disparaging viewpoints, and, when he leads a large enough group, to listen to advisors from different backgrounds, I see no reason to object to the extreme importance of broad learning. As I have mentioned above, so many aspects of society can have a impact on people’s experience. Then naturally, as a decision maker, one needs to know these aspects to fulfill his purpose.

Negative influence of this policy, of course, can be imagined. By requiring students to enroll in courses unfamiliar to them, we enlarge the time consumption which may have been too great for some of them. But so long as universities can adjust the level of difficulty in these courses and let students choose what fit them most, such worries can be dispersed.

In sum, I support the idea of requiring students to enroll in courses outside of their majors, for such exposure to other systems of knowledge can help ordinary people handle the growingly complex feature of modern life, as well as researchers to become successful. Future leaders need to know multiple areas of knowledge, the scale growing according to his ambition. Though it can be argued that such courses distract students from their main field, it can be solved by adjusting the expectation on these courses.

中无有义，无得无失。

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8楼

发表于 2011-10-22 20:45:06 |只看该作者

112 Requiring university students to take a variety of courses outside their
major fields of study is
the best way to ensure that students become truly
educated.

It is crucial for the university students nowadays to take a variety of courses outside their major fields of study , not only because it can promote them have a profound knowledge of their own fields, but also because only learning a specific field of study cannot meet the need of the current development of globalization. Yet while studying in the wider fields, students should not ignore to build the foundation of their major study. Simultaneously, students should also cultivate their capability of independent thinking since having a broad knowledge does not amount to the true education.

Since taking a variety of courses outside their major fields of study can help the university students have a good command of their own major, students should attend various classes to have a deep and wide knowledge of their own fields of study. For example, the theory of mechanics can be applicable to the arts, which making the perspectives dominate the current fields of painting. A political- science students should know something like the history of psychology, politics and so forth, so that they can analyse the political ideology. And the the combination of mathematics with economics is so close to sustain the operation of the daily life. Thus, it is beneficial for university students to take a variety of courses.

Moreover, in today's tendency of the globalization, it is impossible for those who merely focus on their own majors to satisfy the needs for the future society. The investment consultants have obligations to comprehend the different situations of development of the different industries to help their customers make benefit on investment. So, it is vital for students to learn more before they work. And learning various fields of knowledge will cultivate full-blown markets of ideas. It will make university students more competitive on hunting for jobs. When they work, they will hold a full scene of the profession, which will make them go further.

Taking a variety of courses outside their majors, however, does not mean underplaying the importance of learning their own profession. Having a solid foundation of the major study is the premise of having various studies. If a student has not a good knowledge of his own major and only learns a little knowledge of other fields, he will become a dilettante which not only will not make him succeed but also make him uncompetitive. In addition, having a broad scope of knowledge does not equal to the best education. University students should also cultivate their capabilities of critical ideology, independent thinking and other features. Only combinating the study of knowledge with the maturity of their minds serve to the true education.

In conclusion, it is necessary for students to take a variety of courses outside their majors in the university which will not only have a good effect on their own profession, but also will benefit a lot for their future development. Yet at the same time students should not ignore their majors and the cultivation of their capabilities of independent thinking, which adding to a broad knowledge can be said true education.

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9楼

发表于 2011-10-22 20:52:34 |只看该作者

5# fadotian
楼主的东西我以前看过，真的很好
只是不知道现在A写的时候有要求了，还能不能用，不过稍改一下就可以了吧~~
谢谢tan的分享，获益匪浅！！

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10楼

发表于 2011-10-22 20:53:48 |只看该作者

112 Requiring university students to take a variety of courses outside their major fields of study is the best way to ensure that students become truly educated.10.22 16:30

The statement claims that the best way for the university to foster a well-rounded college student is to require students to take various types of the courses. I have felt such assertion is dubious in two fold, first, the true education could be obtained by other methodologies which put the complementary effect on the class teaching, therefore, it is not appropriate to be deemed as the best way. Secondly, considering the principle of the education is to value the distinction among every individual, it is too extreme to make the various courses learning as the complusory task for every student.

Admittedly, by exposing the students to a myriad of courses coached by the professionals in that field enable the students to enrich their horizon of knowledge which is correspondent with the purpose of the education to make a sound person. The courses beyond the major subjects literally provide the common sense which every literate citizen should acquired. A student with the major of science should be accessible[have access] to the moral rules and values through the philosophy lesson, which helps to guide the purpose of the research. Likely, the students in art faculty would learn to understand the accurate structure and rules of nature as a human being【这个算是学习common sense的例子吗？应该是促进专业学习吧】. Those selective courses hone a civilized person in significant way.
【对造就一个完整的人来说是很重要的

However, whether all the students could bear the pressure to engage in various lessons that the university require to reach the objective of true education? One principle that those higher educational institution should adhere to is treating individuals in different way according to their own preference and talents. It is natural and appropriate for the students with high energy and efficiency to take a variety courses besides their own majors, they would even enjoy them. However, considering the fact taking courses donates that the teachers should enact the criterion for the quality of the lessons and enforcement of students' performance, it would be a heavy burden for those students who intend to do something else, such as taking activities, making friends or just reading books by themselves. Were those students suppressed by the pressure from the other courses, it would be possible that the time on their major education could not guaranteed. To breach the principle of individuality amounts to the digression of the true education.
【强制他们学其他专业的课不符合因材施教的原则

In addition to the knowledge in forms of theories and lecturing through courses, the instilling and educating of morality and practical ability also constitute the integrity of a well-educated student which require a flexible methods employed without increasing students' pressure. Taking part in the students' union and associations in terms of various interests would foster one's capability to deal with the situation in a real society. For example, the leader of an associate should try to learn how to organize the whole party, listening to the contradicted ideas when it comes to a dispute. When the leader is dealing with the dispute, one should attempt to balance both views by analyzing the validity from a justified stance. Through all the process, the training of his reasoning, leadership and mediating ability is fulfilled, which are indispensable and considerably significant in a societal environment after graduation. And all these capabilities are not likely to be obtained by the traditional classes, or to be evaluated through the grading systems.
【实践上的技能、尤其和人打交道的能力不能在课堂上学到。

中无有义，无得无失。

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11楼

发表于 2011-10-22 20:55:29 |只看该作者

@fadotian

嗯，忘了说，tan发的东西我学习了一个下午！搜到源源不断的新材料，收获很大！
Thx~

中无有义，无得无失。

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12楼

发表于 2011-10-22 20:59:52 |只看该作者

7# AetDezac

I agree with the speaker in so far as students should be required to take courses outside their own majors, but the level of these courses needs to be adjusted to fit the various conditions of students（这个论点好像下面就提到了一句。我觉得因为这边是转折关系，一般转折关系but的话是着重but之后吧，但是下文你实际上是着重but之前的）. The value of such requisition lies in a more comprehensive knowledge system and better skill in critical thinking, both of which are crucial in modern higher education（底下你写了leadership，但是开头没有体现出来哦）. The adjustment of course difficulty serves to limit the time occupied by the study in other fields.

To be truly educated, in my opinion, is to be able to think critically on most topics of daily life. This is the most important goal of education because it enables one to learn specific skills or knowledge in other realms. And to fulfill this goal, students cannot allow themselves to stay only in one fraction of intellectual inquiry. Our everyday experience is connected to changes in many aspects of society, including economy, financial status of the government, or diplomacy. These all bear much meaning(这个用法学习下） to us and for one to be at ease facing the issues concerning these, he should be exposed to them at the stage of education.

Apart from this, for students deciding to enter the academic circle, to become a researcher or professor, being truly educated involves even more exposure to other fields of study. For researchers today, becoming successive（继承的？） in a field almost always require knowledge of other disciplines or branches. One can always borrow ideas, skills or even inspiration from other realms. Almost all students and researchers in sciences today seek strength from math tools（我觉得数学是科学专业的必修课吧。所以我觉得数学应该属于major里的学科，所以可以换一个跨度大点的专业试试呢？. And mathematicians in turn borrow ideas from physicists as in the case of quantum mechanics. Without the exposure to other fields, students’ mind would be restricted and less contributive to intellectual inquiries.

Learning different disciplines is even more important for leadership, either leading a small group or a nation. Since the primary duty of leadership is to reconcile disparaging viewpoints, and, when he leads a large enough group, to listen to advisors from different backgrounds, I see no reason to object to the extreme importance of broad learning. As I have mentioned above, so many aspects of society can have a impact on people’s experience. Then naturally, as a decision maker, one needs to know these aspects to fulfill his purpose. （我个人认为领导力并不需要人人都有呀。比如作家艺术家不太需要领导力吧）

Negative influence of this policy, of course, can be imagined. By requiring students to enroll in courses unfamiliar to them, we enlarge the time consumption which may have been too great for some of them. But so long as universities can adjust the level of difficulty in these courses and let students choose what fit them most, such worries can be dispersed.

In sum, I support the idea of requiring students to enroll in courses outside of their majors, for such exposure to other systems of knowledge can help ordinary people handle the growingly complex feature of modern life, as well as researchers to become successful. Future leaders need to know multiple areas of knowledge, the scale growing according to his ambition. Though it can be argued that such courses distract students from their main field, it can be solved by adjusting the expectation on these courses.

你的观点和我完全相反呢~~

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AetDezac
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13楼

发表于 2011-10-22 21:10:24 |只看该作者

112 Requiring university students to take a variety of courses outside their major fields of study is the best way to ensure that students become truly educated.

It is crucial for the university students nowadays to take a variety of courses outside their major fields of study , not only because it can promote them have a profound knowledge of their own fields【句法要略微修改一下吧】, but also because only learning a specific field of study cannot meet the need of the current development of globalization. Yet while studying in the wider fields, students should not ignore to build the foundation of their major study. Simultaneously, students should also cultivate their capability of independent thinking since having a broad knowledge does not amount to the true education.

Since taking a variety of courses outside their major fields of study can help the university students have a good command of their own major, students should attend various classes to have a deep and wide knowledge of their own fields of study. For example, the theory of mechanics can be applicable[applied] to the arts, which making the perspectives dominate the current fields of painting【是指现实主义的画风吗？有点不太清楚】. A political- science students should know something like the history of psychology, politics and so forth, so that they can analyse the political ideology. And the the combination of mathematics with economics is so close to sustain the operation of the daily life. Thus, it is beneficial for university students to take a variety of courses.
【学生深入学习自己的专业，会需要其他专业的知识

Moreover, in today's tendency of the globalization, it is impossible for those who merely focus on their own majors to satisfy the needs for the future society. The investment consultants have obligations to comprehend the different situations of development of the different industries to help their customers make benefit on investment. So, it is vital for students to learn more before they work. And learning various fields of knowledge will cultivate full-blown markets of ideas【这是指什么？】. It will make university students more competitive on hunting for jobs. When they work, they will hold a full scene of the profession, which will make them go further.
【工作时其他专业的知识也同样重要

Taking a variety of courses outside their majors, however, does not mean underplaying the importance of learning their own profession[but they don't have a profession yet]. Having a solid foundation of the major study is the premise of having various studies. If a student has not a good knowledge of his own major and only learns a little knowledge of other fields, he will become a dilettante which not only will not make him succeed but also make him uncompetitive. In addition, having a broad scope of knowledge does not equal to the best education【为什么要在最后提到这一点呢？best education和题目里best way的关系是怎样的？】. University students should also cultivate their capabilities of critical ideology, independent thinking and other features. Only combinating the study of knowledge with the maturity of their minds serve to the true education

In conclusion, it is necessary for students to take a variety of courses outside their majors in the university which will not only have a good effect on their own profession, but also will benefit a lot for their future development. Yet at the same time students should not ignore their majors and the cultivation of their capabilities of independent thinking, which adding to a broad knowledge can be said true education.

中无有义，无得无失。

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14楼

发表于 2011-10-22 21:18:20 |只看该作者

9# rourourou_dada

It is crucial for the university students nowadays to take a variety of courses outside their major fields of study , not only because it can promote them have a profound knowledge of their own fields, but also because only learning a specific field of study cannot meet the need of the current development of globalization（前面部分是赞成观点）. Yet while studying in the wider fields, students should not ignore to build the foundation of their major study（有个转折中间这段是反对的意见，）. Simultaneously, students should also cultivate their capability of independent thinking since having a broad knowledge does not amount to the true education（最后一段是赞成观点）.（感觉第一段的观点表达有点不清晰啊。）

Since taking a variety of courses outside their major fields of study can help the university students have a good command of their own major（其实我觉得你这个观点的前提是学科和学科之间的关系是相互联系的，所以才会帮助掌握自己的专业，我觉得这个总结性概括要放在最前面，先大的generalization,再到推断）, students should attend various classes to have a deep and wide knowledge of their own fields of study. For example, the theory of mechanics can be applicable to the arts, which making the perspectives dominate the current fields of painting. A political- science students should know something like the history of psychology, politics and so forth, so that they can analyse the political ideology. And the the combination of mathematics with economics is so close to sustain the operation of the daily life. Thus, it is beneficial for university students to take a variety of courses（感觉最后这句总结可以说得再具体点，不过具体怎么说我也没琢磨出来）.

Moreover, in today's tendency of the globalization, it is impossible for those who merely focus on their own majors to satisfy the needs for the future society. The investment consultants have obligations to comprehend the different situations of development of the different industries to help their customers make benefit on investment（我觉得这个例子来支持前面“全球化要求我们不光关注自己的学科的论断”有点太弱了，可以说个全球化背景下的例如跨国公司的CEO之类的）. So, it is vital for students to learn more before they work. And learning various fields of knowledge will cultivate full-blown（这个词我学习下） markets of ideas. It will make university students more competitive on hunting for jobs（前面第一句说全球化，这里突然来了句找工作更有竞争力，有点儿突兀呢。）. When they work, they will hold a full scene of the profession, which will make them go further.

Taking a variety of courses outside their majors, however, does not mean underplaying the importance of learning their own profession. Having a solid foundation of the major study is the premise of having various studies. If a student has not a good knowledge of his own major and only learns a little knowledge of other fields（这里的a little knowledge来得有点奇怪，好像上文并没有提到吧）, he will become a dilettante which not only will not make him succeed but also make him uncompetitive. In addition, having a broad scope of knowledge does not equal to the best education. University students should also cultivate their capabilities of critical ideology, independent thinking and other features. Only combinating the study of knowledge with the maturity of their minds serve to the true education（最后一句是说要和其它学科融合么？但是这段最开始你讲得是要关注专业呀）（我觉得这一段一直在说理哎，要怎么怎么样，感觉有点单纯说教的意思）.

In conclusion, it is necessary for students to take a variety of courses outside their majors in the university which will not only have a good effect on their own profession, but also will benefit a lot for their future development. Yet at the same time students should not ignore their majors and the cultivation of their capabilities of independent thinking, which adding to a broad knowledge can be said true education.

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