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[主题活动] 【寄托No.1】杀G小组 第7次作业 我们的第一篇I [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-3-15 15:23:10 |只看该作者
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发表于 2012-3-16 19:53:19 |只看该作者
The statement suggests that college students regard the availability of a job as a basis when choosing their future field of study. Surly there has been no time in history where competitions have been so fierce in the job market that students carry unprecedented burden ever. Oscillating between pursuing field of study a student have great interests in with no guarantee for financial gain and chasing after a field of study that ensures lucrative career with not so much enthusiasm is a common phenomenon among students when it comes to choosing his/her future orientation.
这一段讲了题目的合理性,很好,就是最后一个句子有点长。

The statement attempts to focus only on job availability as a standard while making preference for orientation of future study field. The assumption is that job availability offers potential workforce a good prospect, a prospect that ensures higher salary, higher social rank, better professional training and more chances for promotion, thus in the end, a full realization of one’s life value. In light of this materialized consideration, one can easily conclude that job availability is indeed an essential element in deciding which field to pursue.
这一段继续讲题目的合理性。

However, in the deliberation of whether a field of study is suitable enough for a student, this material indicator alone cannot tell the whole story. Looking back at the introduction, one could easily see that there are two conflicting elements engaged in this tough decision. One is the pursuit of life-sustaining, in a sense, job availability; another, as I would discuss later, is the scholar’s real interest and enthusiasm in a specific field. Infect, neither should be ignored, and the latter, in my opinion should be paid more attention than the former if a student is eager to succeed in his/her field of research. According to a recent study of cognitive research, interests as a coping resource in frustrating learning situations and is central to self-regulation and sustained motivation. It is also scientifically proved that human mind is 70% more activated when he is performing activity that he likes.
这一段是在讲题目没有考虑好的地方吧?头脑昏昏的有点看不进去==其实我觉得这一段的例子有点讲不清,数量不少,但不够深入,都是一两句这样带过去了,感觉不够说服力。

总的来说,看了绿豆你的从开始到现在的作文,感觉你对单词的掌握越来越厉害,使用也越来越流畅自如,这一点很好;
我个人感觉的话,你可能很善于写a,分析很严密,但是对于需要发散一点的,深入讨论的i掌握就比较欠缺一点,似乎总是没有很明确的中心思想?
另外,这一篇你是不是掐着点写的?感觉好像没有写完,起码应该有个收尾段吧?还是被吞了。。。然后这一篇如果你是持支持态度的话,第一段和第二段有些地方表达像是重复了,举例不够生动具体,缺乏感染力,然后第三段可以少写一点我觉得。。。如果是中立的话,这个态度要写出来。主要还是觉得这一篇文章没有写完的样子。。。


@绿豆  改得超差劲的。。原谅我
祝我杀鸡愉快。

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RE: 【寄托No.1】杀G小组 第7次作业 我们的第一篇I [修改]
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