寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托学术类备考版 › GRE作文互动版 › ISSUE专项突破 › issue12 改了几遍，有提纲和对more类题的总结，欢迎拍砖

返回列表

查看: 5509|回复: 5

[优秀习作] issue12 改了几遍，有提纲和对more类题的总结，欢迎拍砖 [复制链接]

carrie_zhaoli
UID：159219

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 1537
注册时间: 2004-3-23
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-7-25 10:09:53 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

iiseu12 "People's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by any internal characteristic."

同义词：Substantial, significant, prominent, influential
A more b
disagree
The relationship between a and b( optional)
A is significant ( admittedly, or the opposite statement)
In fact b is more substantial, ( by contrary)
Further more ,
(or last but not the least)

position: characteristic play more important role
1, an opposite statement, the out side is improtant
2, so called instinct of people is in fact cultivated through the life time of a person
3 even the emergency happen, hunch based on experience, forming characteristic.
4, further more, the more the same the characteristic of people, the more the same the attitudes they hold.
conclusion

What play more important role in determining our attitudes, the outside or the inside that is people's internal characteristic? Admittedly, people take action when immediate events happening, thus the attitude seems to determined by those situation. However, I strongly disagree with that our individual actions are determined largely by external forces. Although this claim is not entirely without support, it runs contrary to common sense and everyday human experience. people like bomb is pushed by the outside lighting fire, but only classified by different detonators. the characteristic differing according to distinct experience determined the attitudes.

Those who would oppose the speaker's assertion might point out that they take action without consideration, so the attitudes towards the events are almost determined by certain situation. Admittedly, emergency come out suddenly, not all of people have time to think how to do or even what to do. They make decision immediately. thus it seem that their background or the insider characteristic make no efforts.

However, so called instinct of people is in fact cultivated through the life time of a person. He or she always has to make decisions or show attitudes to every happening around him or her, from as trifle as choosing drink to as crucial as deciding what to do in face of impending danger. more or less, once people make decision or form an attitudes, he/she may think of previous experience, that is deferent from born, that is gradually come to form certain characteristic of one’s own. One always take action through his/her own method, Some will appreciate while others will show disgust to avant-guard art; some will be optimistic and active in face of difficulty while others are reduced to pessimism and passivism in the same dilemma.

Even the situation is too immediate to think of fully, they act according to their own way in dealing problems, which is not form suddenly, but gradually from so-called hunch. Those hunch is form whose previous experience, that is those mother tell the truth from the evil, whose teacher taught the first beautiful article, whose friends make comfits and trust, and encouraging when facing with difficulty, confusion, different from the other people. those experience shape different people, forming deferent characteristic, which the hunch bases on.

further more, The more the same the characteristic of people, the more the same the attitudes they hold. For example, in a controversial debate, those aggressive ones always stand up to present their ideas, while introvert ones keep silence and look on. When some celebrity blunders and gossips flooded all kinds of media, those sticking to ethical discipline will certainly denounce the misbehavior, those caring the society will study the influence of it and try to prevent the public from imitation or being undermined by the impact, while those who seldom take notice of public affairs remain indifferent. Conspicuous statistical data can show it is the intrinsic personality such as ethics, values and so on that guides people in delivering their attitudes to anything happening around. Those different people act deferent even in the same situation. there is an old story, when two persons one optimist, one pessimist, push a half of the bottle of wine by mistake, the pessimist may complain that he have lost one half, but the optimist may say he was lucky enough to have one half. We see the different characteristic people have distinct attitudes towards the same situation.

In sum, the emergency dose play an important role in shaping people’s attitudes but the characteristic within people’s heart effluence more. the situation is only the out side push, like the distance of a bomb is determined more by the nature of detonator than by the lighting fire. though the light fire is highly needed, it only play a push not the fundamental elements, without fire we can use other methods, further more, those different lighting fire makes almost the rocket the same distance, only the deferent insider make the distance different.

走过去，前面是个天！
█◤☆◥◤☆◥█ 送星星千百颗...
█☆☆☆☆☆☆█
█◣☆☆☆☆◢█ 生命活的精彩灿烂.
██◣☆☆◢██
███◣◢███ 愿你快乐 ^_^
海内存知己，天涯若比邻

QQ：30391334
msn: zhaoli119@hotmail.com

回应
0

使用道具举报

imong
UID：140258

永久会员

Rank: 16

声望: 266
寄托币: 22475
注册时间: 2003-7-14
精华: 88
帖子: 188

沙发

发表于 2005-1-26 15:50:20 |只看该作者

What（似乎是which？） play more important role in determining our attitudes, the outside or the inside that is people's internal characteristic?（后半句写得乱） Admittedly, people take action when immediate events happening, thus the attitude seems to determined by those situation. However, I strongly disagree with that（the claim吧？） our individual actions are determined largely by external forces. Although this claim is not entirely without support, it runs contrary to common sense and everyday human experience. people like bomb is pushed by the outside lighting fire, but only classified by different detonators. the characteristic differing according to distinct experience determined the attitudes.

Those who would oppose the speaker's assertion might point out that they（指代不明） take action without consideration, so the attitudes towards the events are almost determined by certain situation. Admittedly, emergency come out suddenly, not all of people have time to think how to do or even what to do. They make decision immediately. thus it seem that their background or the insider characteristic make no efforts.

文字上很多地方还需要润色立意上倒不妨一读

Rien de réel ne peut être menacé.
Rien d'irréel n'existe.

使用道具举报

y1ao
UID：193299

新手上路

Rank: 1

声望: 0
寄托币: 34
注册时间: 2005-1-24
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2005-1-27 09:17:02 |只看该作者

i think your fist paragraph needs a second thougt, for the following discussing:
PLEASE TOLERATE MY SPELLING MISTAKES, I AM SORRY.

What play more important role in determining our attitudes, the outside or the inside that is people's internal characteristic? Admittedly, people take ACTION when immediate events happening, thus the ATTITUDE seems to determined by those situation. However, I strongly disagree with that our individual ACTIONS are determined largely by external forces. (As i have pointed out by upper letters, you use action and attitude equally. In my point of view, these two words could not be used equally without any explaination. Action may not represent attitude and vise versa. Sometimes what people do depends on the situation, not reflecting their own will or attitude. For example, if you see a drowning girl but you can not swim. You may probably not jump into the river to save her, but you may simotanously want to save her in will.)

Although this claim is not entirely without support, (I think this sentense is should not be written here, for it does not carry any meaning.)

it runs contrary to common sense and everyday human experience. people like bomb is pushed by the outside lighting fire, but only classified by different detonators. the characteristic differing according to distinct experience determined the attitudes.(I think this example may be better presented in the body of your essay. First paragraph's main funtion is to state the author's position and indicate the whole structure. You may find lots of examples in "老外280".)

be cool~

使用道具举报

noteeth
UID：192534

新手上路

Rank: 1

声望: 0
寄托币: 12
注册时间: 2005-1-17
精华: 0
帖子: 0

地板

发表于 2005-2-18 12:59:28 |只看该作者

有点看不懂，不过不知道是不是老外喜欢这样子的文章~~~
“people like bomb is pushed by the outside lighting fire, but only classified by different detonators.”是啥意思啊？
“Those who would oppose the speaker's assertion might point out that they take action without consideration, so the attitudes towards the events are almost determined by certain situation. ”这个speaker是谁啊？如果是你的话为什么不用my？

使用道具举报

tieren201500
UID：177122

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 141
注册时间: 2004-9-3
精华: 0
帖子: 0

5楼

发表于 2005-2-26 16:47:18 |只看该作者

People's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by any internal characteristic."

Those who would oppose the speaker's assertion might point out that they take action without consideration, so the attitudes towards the events are almost determined by certain situation.

两句对比一下，第二句中的“oppose the speaker's assertion ” 和“the attitudes towards the events are almost determined by certain situation.”好像是自相矛盾的吧？

第二段我个人觉得，所举的例子不是合理，
“make decision immediately. thus it seems that their background or the insider characteristic make no efforts.” 要知道，人类很多的反应都是下意识的，大脑处理的大部分信息，在指挥人体各部分做出反应都是在一瞬间完成的，平时我们所说的经过思考而做出的行动，只占了一小部分。比如，你要伸手去拿杯子，你会实现思考收缩经过的轨迹么？还会考虑手拿杯子所要施加的压力，和把被子送到嘴边的角度么？我想这些决定其实大脑已经在一瞬间做出决定了，只是外在的这个自己不能察觉这一决定罢了。而且这一决定是以这个人平时所积累下来的经验作为判断基础的。这些经验，也就是人平时的生活经历，又是塑造人性格的关键。所以，从正反两个方面都能说得通。这例子不是太有說服力。

我觉得就可以拿我上面的这个解释作为一个例子，来支持自己的观点。呵呵，也不知道行不行得通。

使用道具举报

tieren201500
UID：177122

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 141
注册时间: 2004-9-3
精华: 0
帖子: 0

6楼

发表于 2005-2-26 20:23:02 |只看该作者

刚刚又看了一下，总觉得第二段写得太多了，不如精简一些和第三段合成一段来的清爽。

Admittedly, emergency come out suddenly, not all of people have time to think how to do or even what to do. They make decision immediately.
这里第一句我认为和第一段有点重复句子结构的意思，总觉得两段里的那么近，又同时在相似的位置用了相同的句型，不太好。
还有就是，这两句可不可以合起来写呀，比如“They make decision immediately without any maturely consideration."或者别的什么。

我自己这么想的，也不知道是不适合。大家交流经验嘛。

使用道具举报