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argument173 模仿前人之作 [复制链接]

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发表于 2004-8-28 15:25:33 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
173The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."
大家看看这篇有没有点样子。
改了些小错。。。
The argument presented above tries to convince us that the foreign bureau should be de-emphasized. But the conclusion is based on some over-simplified and unwarranted reasons.

First, the fact that the poorest-selling magazine was featured by international news on front covers does not mean the international news on front covers causes their poor-selling performance. After all, front cover is only a fraction of the whole magazine and readers mainly look into the content for their favorite articles. Probably, the poorest-selling magazine’s content is fraught with typo as well as out-of-date editorial and old-fashioned articles all of which can not appeal to the readers. Further(这里的逻辑关系不太好吧。), the assertion would be greatly undermined if the better-selling ones are also featured by the international news on the front covers; the only difference lies in the content. Consequently, it is presumptuous for the arguer to impose the poor performance of the magazine on the front cover.

Second, the arguer provides no evidence concerning the performance of competing news-magazines after their decreasing the number of international news on the cover. For one thing, if their circulation is less than before, then we should not learn from a wrong paradigm and should maintain our cover-style with international news. For another thing, their action of decreasing the number of international news may well be the consequence of lacking competency against our international news on the cover. Then, far from the arguer’s suggestion of decreasing our emphasis on international news, it is our very opportunity to capture the market of news-magazine with competent cover with objective and up-dated international news.

In a final analysis, the arguer fails to figure out the cause of increased cost in foreign bureaus. Basically, the arguer fails to convince that the press does not have enough money and can not afford such an increase. If the magazine issuer can still operate smoothly, then there is not need to de-emphasis any bureau. Besides, if the whole trade of press are undergoing a price rising of paper. Then not only the foreign bureaus but also other departments will be affected and all exhibit a cost rising. It is unfair to only decrease the emphasis on the international news and may result a harmful outcome of the foreign bureaus’ malfunction. The arguer should examine all of the departments in the press and decide which section should be refrained after a thorough comparison. Therefore, it is wrongheaded for the arguer to curtail the international news section so unwarrantedly.

To sum up, the conclusion is not compelling due to problematic reasons. To undergird it, a thorough examine should be made concerning the contribution of the international news on the front cover and the cause of the rising cost should be dissected.
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发表于 2004-8-28 16:46:01 |只看该作者
幸福去吧,imong都没改过我的:)

Yesterday is a History
Tomorrow is a Mystery
Today is a Gift
That's why we call it the Present

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板凳
发表于 2004-8-28 20:44:10 |只看该作者
占座位的帖子我删掉了。

觉得可以评个精华了。

展开做的有一定程度了,但组织上可能还拿不到六分。原题的line of reasoning本身就比较跳跃,而你的文章整体的组织线索的安排就需要琢磨一下。如果是全部放在论据不能推出结论(也就是把三部分论据放在三个段落),那么组织上就需要注意前后合理转承衔接,现在的三个段落彼此间看未免略有点散了,在b2 b3更为明显些。

文章本身还是已经不错的。
Rien de réel ne peut être menacé.
Rien d'irréel n'existe.

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发表于 2004-8-28 21:04:20 |只看该作者
精华。。。。实在是汗颜。。。
如果是全部放在论据不能推出结论,那么组织上就需要注意前后合理转承衔接。嗯,学习!
原文推理的错误很显然,但是怕攻击不到位。。。干脆就没攻击。。。
谢谢imong!

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发表于 2004-8-29 09:31:01 |只看该作者
First of all , your summarization is inaccurate. The conclusion is "Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers." rather than "the foreign bureau should be de-emphasized"
In addition, this sentence "the assertion would be greatly undermined if the better-selling ones are also featured by the international news on the front covers" seems to contradict "Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories "However, with respect to thid point,I am not sure.

Furthermore,  "For another thing, their action of decreasing the number of international news may well be the consequence of lacking competency against our international news on the cover."
As far as I am concerned, this sentence is not very convinving itself. In fact, there are other possibilities that you can point out . For example,  it is possible that the number of their international news on the cover was too much in the past, even now their number is still more than ours.......

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Gemini双子座 荣誉版主

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发表于 2004-8-31 16:44:08 |只看该作者
才发现,这篇是我考试时候的argument啊,◎-◎!!!

每一个小的段落内的论证是不错的,很有力度。正如imong所言,唯一美中不足的在于段落间的衔接还可以进一步完善。

如果是我的话就这样结构全文:B1:和你类似,质疑poor selling,提出并非我们 international news 上做得不足。B2:竞争对手的策略变化完全不应影响我们的策略,我们可以不变应万变。在此之中就可以攻击为何对手会有这样的策略,他们的效果究竟如何……等等。B3:即使有其他诸多因素的影响,也不意味着我们应该decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers。

怎么讲,我感觉其实这些东西从内容上来说都是差不多的,但关键在于你框架的把握。就是我以前一直说的层层深入那种效果:攻击A——even if 不管A,B还是有问题——进一步即使抛开B的问题,C这个最终结论还是错误的!就是这样一种步步逼近的感觉,不知道你能否体会。写的已经很不错了,继续加油啊!

Ps:单词也要背起来了,感觉一个多月复习笔试还是很痛苦的,尤其你红宝还没有开始的话!
If I'm who I am because I'm who I am and you're who you are because you are who you are, then I'm who I am and you're who you are.   

If,on the other hand, I'm who I am because you're who you are, and if you are who you are because I'm who I am, then I'm not who I am and you're not who you are.

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发表于 2004-8-31 17:10:55 |只看该作者

占坐。。。

回头好好欣赏欣赏!
走过去,前面是个天!
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███◣◢███ 愿你快乐  ^_^
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发表于 2004-9-1 01:37:03 |只看该作者
精华啊。。。

pfpf~~

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RE: argument173 模仿前人之作 [修改]
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