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[经典批改讨论] issue41 奇怪的题目-yaoying，谢拍！有拍必回！ [复制链接]

yaoying
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电梯直达

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发表于 2006-12-12 19:28:59 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

issue41 "Such non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."

OUTLINE:
1. Disagree with the author's assertion
2. Admittedly, such non-mainstream area of inquiry has some function in some aspects, such as to relieve the pain in human life, to satisfy curiosity.
3. However, in my opinion, these non-mainstream areas can not play a vital role in society. Firstly, the developing science and technology can address or explain more and more question in our life, thereby fading the non-mainstream area. Secondly, stubborn adherence to irrational beliefs can lead to some harmful reasults.
4. In sum

Though the non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits can satisfy human needs and curiosity in some way, the assertion that they play a vital role in society is still a beg question at best. In my view, the more advanced the science and technology develop, the less the importance of non-mainstream is. Moreover, to some extent, to insist on these irrational pursuits lead to harmful results.

Admittedly, every thing exists for some reason, not to mention the non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits.When confronting with dilemma or complex question to resolve, people often find that thinking over them carefully in traditional ways such as the logic may be not helpful. Someone in these cases will resort to astrology or fortune telling to resolve problems and to relive the regret and guilt caused by realizing the fact that our choices turn out to be poor ones. Moreover, to some extent, the anguish caused by losing our friends or members of family can be relieved by some kind of irrational pursuit. The presumption of the existence of "past life" regression and "channeling" is often the result of human enduring fascination with search for the other method to connect with our past loved ones. Thirdly, indeed, there are some areas the mainstream science cannot address or attain, and the paranormal pursuits can meet human curiosity by giving some explanations. Even though these explanations might sound ridiculous, it is still impossible to assess their legitimacy by science and technology now.

However, the status of non-mainstream areas of inquiry is fading as the time goes by, so they will never play a vital role in society. As we all know, what we call non-mainstream inquiry was once the "mainstream" one. In the past, they not only had the function like I have discussed above, but also were the authority of the society. The primitive people resort to the astrology , fortune telling and the like to make decision and to meet their psychological need since they are the only "reasonable" methods. Even in this situation, the science and technology still found their way to thrive, because the non-mainstream inquiry cannot meet human need sufficiently. So we can conclude that the rational and reasonable science is the methods human prefer to resort to. On the other hand, stubborn adherence to the irrational pursuit might lead to self deception, delusion, even intolerance. Since the non-mainstream inquiry is an exclusive system whose consequence and logic cannot be explained by science and technology, confronting with the suspicion from others, the ones fascinating the fortune telling and the like will consider the others as heretics or even enemy. The cogent example is easy to find in the world. The holy war and terrorism, which are often caused by the religionary conflict, both are the examples on the societal level.

In sum, even though that the non-mainstream areas of inquiry can relieve human mental suffering and some kinds of problem science cannot address, they still are fading as the time goes by since science is developing rapidly. On the other hand, stubborn adherence to irrational inquiry would lead to some harmful consequence. So, in my view, only the mainstream science plays a vital role in human society.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-26 02:20 编辑 ]

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yaoying
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沙发

发表于 2006-12-12 19:31:22 |只看该作者

写得很辛苦，唉，题目涉及的领域太不熟悉，

还有40天就要考试了，却还要2个小时才能完成，呼呼

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板凳

发表于 2006-12-12 19:41:58 |只看该作者

我也郁闷，我2月7号考，现在也是写issue经常性的要用2个小时。遇上涉及历史、文化、社会的题材还得查资料，用的时间更多。。。
这篇我还没写哈，所以只有先占个位子，等我最快的速度写一下，今明两天来给你改哈~
对咯，你晓得今天是啥作业不啊？？？

结束了。。。生活一下空出很大的空隙，让人猝不及防。。。

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yaoying
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地板

发表于 2006-12-12 20:23:08 |只看该作者

不知道啊，没有布置，自己写一篇吧，呵呵

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5楼

发表于 2006-12-12 20:48:17 |只看该作者

:(
今天周二是贴Argument的时候小姚同学~~~

害我又得改Issue了555555555555555555555~

SEAT TAKEN^——^

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yaoying
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6楼

发表于 2006-12-12 20:54:23 |只看该作者

:eek: ，没有注意呀，呼呼，谢谢好心的斑竹了！！

[ 本帖最后由 yaoying 于 2006-12-12 20:56 编辑 ]

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7楼

发表于 2006-12-12 22:30:36 |只看该作者

issue41 "Such non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital关键字眼 role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
OUTLINE:
1. Disagree with the author's assertion
2. Admittedly, such non-mainstream area of inquiry has some function in some aspects, such as to relieve the pain in human life, to satisfy curiosity.
3. However, in my opinion, these non-mainstream areas can not play a vital role in society. Firstly, the developing science and technology can address or explain more and more question in our life, thereby fading the non-mainstream area. Secondly, stubborn adherence to irrational beliefs can lead to some harmful reasults.
4. In sum
提纲很不错
Though the non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits can satisfy human needs and curiosity in some way, the assertion that they play a vital role in society is still a beg question at best(Good Expression). In my view, the more advanced加入main stream areas, the science and technology 这里相当于默认了science和technology是你认为的主流。题目中没有提到主流是什么，所以我建议在这里还是点明一下你所谓的主流是科学和技术，可以通过插入语的形式。以后遇到题目中存在概念性的词汇都可以在开篇通过某种方式解释给读者在你的文章里这个词汇的具体含义 develop, the less the importance of non-mainstream is non-mainstream areas are. Moreover, to some extent, to insist on thesethose指上文提到 irrational pursuits lead to harmful results.我觉得首段表明主旨的时候没必要将后面第二部分反对的分论点阐述得这么详细，可以直接说你认为的是有一些作用，但不是vital之类的，点到即可，具体的分析留在后面
Admittedly, every thing exists for some reason汗一个= =||存在即是合理，不要在文章中说这样想当然的话, not to mention用得不合适 the non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits.直接说它有用就好，主旨句简单明了单刀直入，是为了说明非主流有一定作用，不是它存在的合理性。就算一个事物存在并合理，也不等于它是存在的理由就是它有用。厄，扯远了。明白我什么意思哦？ When confronting with dilemma or complex questions to resolve去掉。这些困境和问题是什么？具体具体，太泛泛！！, people often find that thinking over them carefully in traditional ways such as the logicin the logical way may be notmay not be helpful. Someone in these casesunder these circumstances willmay resort to astrology or fortune telling to resolve problems and to relive the regret and guilt caused by realizing the fact that our choices turn out to be poor ones.汗死，这个by后面是用来干吗的，这句话不懂 Moreover, to some extent, the anguish caused by losing our friends or members of family can be relieved by some kind of irrational pursuits. The presumption of the existence of 这个算是具体的例子。但"past life" regression and "channeling" 确保你考试的时候也想得起这些词汇，否则找点儿简单的来用is often the result of human enduring fascination with search for the other method to connect with our past loved ones. Thirdly, indeed, there are some areas the mainstream scienceareas cannot address or attain, and the paranormal pursuits can meet human curiosity by giving some explanations.具体的例子，不要泛泛地说 Even though these explanations might sound ridiculous, it is still impossible to assess their legitimacy by science and technology now.
这里根据你的提纲，全段主旨是说can not play a vital role，然后给出两个分论点阐述为什么不是vital的原因。在段首一定要注意点明段落主旨，老美的习惯就是开门见山，单刀直入，要让他通过第一句明白你要说的全段内容。来看你的开头，直接阐述分论点一：non-mainstream areas is fading。分论点二没有在首句中体现出来，在中间通过on the other hand开启，这样不大好。主旨句应当将两部分都点出来，统领全段。
However, the status of non-mainstream areas of inquiry is fading as the time goes by, so they will never play a vital role in society这句话怪怪的they will never？是说以后不会，难道以前会？说不明白的话不如把so去掉，直接说前半句即可。话说回来，前半句用到status of non-mainstream非主流的地位，是什么？题目中没提。另外思考非主流的地位和作用分别是什么？两者相同么？下文你提到过去非主流曾经被认作是主流，认作主流某种程度上可以认为是在社会中扮演着极其重要的角色，但并不等同于有极其重要的作用。因此从你的正文似乎又可以窥探出你的意思又倾向于说过去非主流曾扮演过很重要的角色，但是现在这种重要性正逐渐消退。但这点没在你的全文主旨和段落主旨中体现出来. As we all know口语化，少用, what we call non-mainstream inquiry 加个nowwas once the"mainstream"英文中的引号是单引号 onewas once called the ‘mainstream’这样说是不好些. In the past, they not only had the function like I have discussed above, but also were the authority of the society. The primitive people resorted to the astrology, fortune telling and the like to make decision and to meet their psychological need如果举个更加具体的例子就更好了 since they are the only "reasonable" 引号methods. Even in this situation不懂这句话什么意思, the science and technology still found their way to thrive, because the non-mainstream inquiry cannot meet human need sufficiently.这句话说得太泛泛，没说服力，this situation也不知具体指什么，science and technology的way是什么也不明白，还有为什么前面说non-mainstream areas可以meet…这句话又说不能完全满足，例外是什么，严重缺乏例子和说服力 So we can conclude that the rational and reasonable science is the methods human prefer to resort to. 这个结论得出的很荒谬，相当于对于某题，有AB两种解法，你先说A可解，但又说A解的不充分，B也可解，然后就得出结论是B是更合理的解。B比A合理在哪没告诉我们。Again，没有说服力On the other hand,这个不能单独使用，要和on the one hand配套起来 stubborn adherence to the irrational pursuit might lead to self deception, delusion, even intolerance. Since the non-mainstream inquiry is an exclusive system whose consequence and logic cannot be explained by science and technology, confronting with the suspicion from others, the ones fascinating the fortune telling and the like will consider the others as heretics or even enemy.这句话另外开始，大写首字母，不要和前面连起来了。另外，这个观点很新奇，不知道怎么想出来的呵呵The cogent example is easy to find in the world. The holy war and terrorism, which are often caused by the religionary conflict, both are the examples on the societal level. 为啥？比一位每个人都明白你想要表达的潜台词，有些话该说的要说出来。What is the relationship to religionary conflict and non-mainstream areas?!
In sum, even though that the non-mainstream areas of inquiry can relieve human mental suffering and some kinds of problems science加上and technology cannot address, they still are fading as the time goes by加个, since science is developing rapidly. On the other hand又汗= =+, stubborn adherence to irrational inquiry would lead to some harmful consequences相当于在你的文章中说了三次，开头，段落中和结尾。一模一样的分论点。开头可以简洁一些，结尾可以改变些句式用词，也不一定要完全再复述一遍。. So, in my view,大可不必用，废话 only the mainstream science用areas好一些，主流领域包含科学 plays a vital role in human society.
总的来讲思路和语言还算不错了，没什么太大的问题，继续加油。注意多积累，多思考。有个严重的问题是你的例子，太泛泛，不具有说服力，这个问题不要注意。

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yaoying
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8楼

发表于 2006-12-12 23:14:31 |只看该作者

问题太多了，汗！
本来想看完了讨论一下，但是看得我有点有点晕，所以先谢谢斑竹了！！

至于“and to relive the regret and guilt caused by realizing the fact that our choices turn out to be poor ones.汗死，这个by后面是用来干吗的，这句话不懂“ 我认为"caused by realizing the fact that "部分是分词短语的用法，呵呵，换成定语从句就是，which is caused by realizing the fact that...
不知道这么解释合理么？

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yaoying
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9楼

发表于 2006-12-13 00:23:52 |只看该作者

Even in this situation, the science and technology still found their way to thrive, because the non-mainstream inquiry cannot meet human need sufficiently. So we can conclude that the rational and reasonable science is the methods human prefer to resort to.
situation是有点指代不明，回头一定好好想想，但这句话的关键，我认为是thrive，至于way是什么并不重要吧？解释是ab两者不是同时存在的，现有a可以解释问题，但发现a不能满足需要，于是同时b的解释就凸现并兴旺起来了，借此说明b比a更有优势，当然可能因为我的语言表达能力有限，以至于斑竹没法理解我的意思，呵呵
不知道这样理解的话可不可以？如果可以的话，再改的时候，就把它加精一下再写出来
欢迎指导！

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