【独立写作】sodapeng 托福写作

LusotaUID：2929567

2.8 by Lusota

快来拍~

stancy_zhangUID：3235143

第一次改作文呐，自己水平也不是很高，如果有改错的地方，请多多原谅哈

As the significant development has taken place unevenly in the(去掉这个“the”) modern society, the developed countries like America seems（貌似应该去掉“s”，修饰developed countries） to offer more opportunities than the developing countries do. Thus, to some extent, this kind of imbalance development stimulates more youngsters to go abroad seeking for jobs.（读起来怪怪的，个人感觉饿） While some of them are reluctant to move to a new town or a new country, afraiding of losing their friend. However（加一个“，”）in my point of view, moving to a new town can (help us) not only make more new friends but also enjoy the exoticism. （这句话感觉句子成分不完整啊）

First and foremost, as the age of information, leaving for another town or country is not （是不是应该加一个the）agents of losing friends, people can use all kinds of techniques to get connection with their friends. The invention of cell-phone and computer changed(感觉不需要用过去时，用一般现在时就好了) the world’s connecting in fundamental ways. We don’t write letter any longer which takes even a month on conveying, instead, a cell-phone makes the connecting easy（这里是与前文的比较，个人觉得用easier）. Whenever and wherever we are, if I miss my friends, the only thing I have to do is opening my cell-phone and entering some number(numbers). The distance will never alienate the true friends.
Furthermore, people will meet great variety and diversity of folks in the new country and build relationship with them. When I was seven, my parents took me to another town to meet the need of working, and we settled down. At that time, I thought I must be lonely. However (,)the fact was proved that I was wrong. People (in)there are very friendly; my classmates show me the local culture and cuisine. They let me feel at home. From (the) friendly local citizens, individuals can know more about the country and that allow people to adapt to the new circumstances readily. （觉得后半部分也应该用过去时）

Ultimately, changing a place to live helps the(这个the应该去掉) people to get relaxed. A recent poll, conducted on line, ffered a world wide report about the satisfaction of your jobs. The result really surprise（surprised） me a lot(really, a lot 意思上感觉重复了，一个就可以了),over 80 percent of the attendant said that they get（got） bored when doing the same thing in the sameworking condition, and 60 percent of which claimed that they would like to changing the work place if it possible. It is very common for people who confront unchangeable things to feel（feeling） boring. When the individuals were in a different country, everything there may rise their curiosity up. Therefore （，）to help people get relaxed.
（在这一段中，过去时和一般现在时感觉用的很混乱）
The distance will never alienate the true friends. Leaving for another country（countries） will never lead to losing(lose) of(去掉) friends. Instead, we will have more frrends.(friends 拼写错误哦~)
总的来说，层次很清晰，用的例子也挺好的，自己觉得这篇文章中写的最好的是倒数第二段的用数据举的例子。就是，语法上有一些错误，以及有些段落中时态感觉用的有些混乱。

shibin11UID：3228029

We have variety of dreams during the time we growing up, such as flying, being an astronaut or a teacher. Some of the dreams are unrealistic or even ridiculous; others may seem to be realistic. Nevertheless, when we grow up, we start to thinking which one should i（主语前后一致下） follow. the answer varies form individual to individual. in my point of view, i prefer to follow ambitious dreams and goals rather than the realistic ones.

It would be of use to begin by examing that everyone has the rights and demand to pursue their dearms regardless of reality. Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, develops theory of the hierarchy of needs. a pyramid depicting the levels of human needs, psychological and physical. as the significant development has taken place in our society, we have already satisfy（satisfied） the first three level of the theory, thus we begin to take care of the forth level, self-esteem, which involves self-achievement. We all have demand to follow our dreams, although some of them heard to be unrealistic.

It also should be mentioned that follow the ambitious and goals, to some extent, can help to prompt the development of the whole society. Fort Henry, an American industrialist, sponsor of the development of the assembly line technique of mass production. His dream, producing a n automobile that everyone can afford it, seems to be incredible at that time. Instead of giving up his insistence help him to achieve his dream, which revolutionized transportation and American industry. His dream, so called ambitious and unrealistic at that time, is achieved by his diligence and intelligence, which is a breakthrough in the automobile industry and prompt the development of the society.

Undoubtedly, some people may claim that focusing on the realistic dream can help to increase the confidence from certain aspects. Seeing that the realistic dream can be easily achieved. However, this kind of confidence and gratification will make people satisfied their current lives, and to some extent, people may deny to make more progress. Ultimately, both personal and social development will remain stagnant.

Taking into account all these factors, we may draw the conclusion that following our ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic is beneficial.(个人觉得里面语法不太对)


例子都很牛 学习了。

sodapengUID：3242849

29# shibin11 21楼啊= =

shibin11UID：3228029

你7号的作文呢。。

sodapengUID：3242849

2月8日 101031NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country because they will lose their friends.

As the significant development has taken place unevenly in the modern society, the developed countries like America seems to offer more opportunities than the developing countries do. Thus, to some extent, this kind of imbalance development stimulates more youngsters to go abroad seeking for jobs. While some of them are reluctant to move to a new town or a new country, afraiding of losing their friend. However in my point of view, moving to a new town can not only make more new friends but also enjoy the exoticism.

First and foremost, as the age of information, leaving for another town or country is not agents of losing friends, people can use all kinds of techniques to get connection with their friends. The invention of cell-phone and computer changed the world’s connecting in fundamental ways. We don’t write letter any longer which takes even a month on conveying, instead, a cell-phone makes the connecting easy. Whenever and wherever we are, if I miss my friends, the only thing I have to do is opening my cell-phone and entering some number. The distance will never alienate the true friends.

Furthermore, people will meet great variety and diversity of folks in the new country and build relationship with them. When I was seven, my parents took me to another town to meet the need of working, and we settled down. At that time, I thought I must be lonely. However the fact was proved that I was wrong. People there are very friendly; my classmates show me the local culture and cuisine. They let me feel at home. From friendly local citizens, individuals can know more about the country and that allow people to adapt to the new circumstances readily.

Ultimately, changing a place to live helps the people to get relaxed. A recent poll, conducted on line, offered a world wide report about the satisfaction of your jobs. The result really surprise me a lot, over 80 percent of the attendant said that they get bored when doing the same thing in the same working condition, and 60 percent of which claimed that they would like to changing the work place if it possible. It is very common for people who confront unchangeable things to feel boring. When the individuals were in a different country, everything there may rise their curiosity up. Therefore to help people get relaxed.

The distance will never alienate the true friends. Leaving for another country will never lead to losing of friends. Instead, we will have more frrends.

sodapengUID：3242849

26# idealibt 新东方呦亲~

idealibtUID：2667256

25# xiesisiminerva
你们都和马斯洛很熟喂，咋认识的来

xiesisiminervaUID：2997765

2月7日 100306NA Some people believe that people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic, others believe that people should focus on achieving realistic goals./ k" u4 e/ n* S1 v* t3 @. D - a1 r; w4 ^$ c5 F/ E8 q  ]8 K We have variety of dreams during the time we growing up, such as flying, being an astronaut or a teacher. Some of the dreams are unrealistic or even ridiculous; others may seem to be realistic. Nevertheless, when we grow up, we start to thinking which one should i follow. the answer varies form individual to individual. in my point of view, i prefer to follow ambitious dreams and goals rather than the realistic ones. 7 l4 h: @* Z, f! ?2 j , B+ a5 r- j0 T It would be of use to begin by examing that everyone has the rights and demand to pursue their dearms(dreams) regardless of reality. Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, develops theory of the hierarchy of needs. a pyramid depicting the levels of human needs, psychological and physical. as the significant development has taken place in our society, we have already satisfy the first three level of the theory, thus we begin to take care of the forth level, self-esteem, which involves self-achievement. We all have demand to follow our dreams, although some of them heard to be unrealistic. （我的例子也讲的是马斯洛，学习一下你论述方法。）) （y- V. h( D" `5 d! q' I7 X, G: w& r    It also should be mentioned that following the ambitious and goals, to some extent, can help to prompt the development of the whole society. Fort Henry, an American industrialist, sponsor of the development of the assembly line technique of mass production. His dream, producing a n automobile that everyone can afford it, seems to be incredible at that time. Instead of giving up ，his insistence helpS him to achieve his dream, which revolutionized transportation and American industry. His dream, so called ambitious and unrealistic at that time, is achieved by his diligence and intelligence, which is a breakthrough in the automobile industry and prompt the development of the society.（时态都改为过去式会不会好些啊？）(这段中都是长句，有一些应该可以改为断句，读起来舒服点） m/ E0 c Undoubtedly, some people may claim that focusing on the realistic dream can help to increase the confidence from certain aspects. Seeing that the realistic dream can be easily achieved. However, this kind of confidence and gratification will make people satisfied their current lives, and to some extent, people may deny to make more progress. Ultimately, both personal and social development will remain stagnant.: X5 h9 h" o4 I7 S + t$ U' E! L5 e( o, G Taking into account all these factors, we may draw the conclusion that following our ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic is beneficial.

idealibtUID：2667256

写的蛮好的喂！！！

loveinwcUID：3241878

对不起改晚了> <   ，啊那啥，紫色修改，黄色困惑，蓝色好棒呀~~

2月6日 101009NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can take care of their family members better when they live in big cities than in the countryside.( q0 q3 e1 w7 B8 P! k# h( u# o
1 n9 }7 s- D+ I
The past decade has witness（ed） the remarkable changes in the urban areas, (主语不同了诶，拆否？)many people think rush（ing） into the urban areas to pursue their dreams would help them to earn more money to take care of their families. While others claim that the people （who） live in urban areas are busily engaged( engaging) in their work that don’t have enough time to look after their families.' T0 }# d% W+ u' m0 x% m

It would be of use to begin by examing (没看懂……) that living in urban areas is convenient. With the incredible development (which) had take (taken) (with 后面跟的得是名词性xx君撒…place in technology, people have more alternatives in transportation, it （主语不同了喵，拆或者变成which？）may takes people (who)live(s) in rural areas 2 hours on commuting everyday by bus which may takes half of time in urban areas by subway and taxi. Thus it (指代不明喵，做两阅读的指代题就知道啦嘿嘿嘿)can save a lot of time on（from） commuting and spend more with family members（交通工具能花更多的时间陪伴家人？想想就寒啊，加个help us 撒？）. Furthermore, the shopping mall and the hospital are placing in all parts of the area, it is convenient for the resident to go shopping and take medical treatment.

At the same time it is true to say that living in urban areas can improve our living quality. Urban areas offer academic university（ies） for the youth. In which the undergraduates can gain knowledge in one field and improve themselves. In addition, there are various of gyms cinema and museum that not only let students(前面的主语there are，后面从句的呢？难道是体育馆电影院自己获得娱乐？喵？所以加了下主语撒) gain(have ) the entertainment and(or) kill the time but also allow individuals to keep fit and(or) obtain the knowledge.
还有不好意思啊，not only but also 后面的并列成分要用or哟。下面是权威例句供给参考：
IaaS and Platform as a Service options can not only eliminate or limit capital expenditures, but can reduce or eliminate the expectation of operations and sustainment costs



Undoubtedly, some rural areas are less polluted. In fact, since constructing industry (industrial) production base has been forbidden in urban areas, they (the industries were) moved to the rural areas, which (such behavior) lead(s) a series of environment problem(s). Because of lots polluted air(没有lots air这样的撒…… ) and water which exhaled the pungent odor have been put away（喵，because of 后面应该跟名词性从句呐……所以谓语君）, they are very likely ( to be) doing harm to the people （who）live in the rural areas and may lead to more serious problem subsequently.


Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that people living in urban areas can take better care of their families.


喵，改的不好，莫怪莫怪………ps感觉你的论据啥的比我清晰多了~~~望共勉~~

alexfanfanUID：3133140

谢谢你给我改的！～

sodapengUID：3242849

2月7日 100306NA Some people believe that people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic, others believe that people should focus on achieving realistic goals.

We have variety of dreams during the time we growing up, such as flying, being an astronaut or a teacher. Some of the dreams are unrealistic or even ridiculous; others may seem to be realistic. Nevertheless, when we grow up, we start to thinking which one should i follow. the answer varies form individual to individual. in my point of view, i prefer to follow ambitious dreams and goals rather than the realistic ones.

It would be of use to begin by examing that everyone has the rights and demand to pursue their dearms regardless of reality. Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, develops theory of the hierarchy of needs. a pyramid depicting the levels of human needs, psychological and physical. as the significant development has taken place in our society, we have already satisfy the first three level of the theory, thus we begin to take care of the forth level, self-esteem, which involves self-achievement. We all have demand to follow our dreams, although some of them heard to be unrealistic.

It also should be mentioned that follow the ambitious and goals, to some extent, can help to prompt the development of the whole society. Fort Henry, an American industrialist, sponsor of the development of the assembly line technique of mass production. His dream, producing a n automobile that everyone can afford it, seems to be incredible at that time. Instead of giving up his insistence help him to achieve his dream, which revolutionized transportation and American industry. His dream, so called ambitious and unrealistic at that time, is achieved by his diligence and intelligence, which is a breakthrough in the automobile industry and prompt the development of the society.

Undoubtedly, some people may claim that focusing on the realistic dream can help to increase the confidence from certain aspects. Seeing that the realistic dream can be easily achieved. However, this kind of confidence and gratification will make people satisfied their current lives, and to some extent, people may deny to make more progress. Ultimately, both personal and social development will remain stagnant.

Taking into account all these factors, we may draw the conclusion that following our ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic is beneficial.

sodapengUID：3242849

2月6日 101009NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can take care of their family members better when they livein big cities than in the countryside.

The past decade has witness the remarkable changes in the urban areas, many people think rush into the urban areas to pursue their dreams helping them to earn more money to take care of their families. While others claim that the people live in urban areas are busily engaged in their work that don’t have enough time to look after their families.

It would be of use to begin by examing that living in urban areas is convenient. With the incredible development had take place in technology, people have more alternatives in transportation, it may takes people live in rural areas 2 hours on commuting everyday by bus which may takes half of time in urban areas by subway and taxi. Thus it can save a lot of time on commuting and spend more with family members. Furthermore, the shopping mall and the hospital are placing in all parts of the area, it is convenient for the resident to go shopping and take medical treatment.

At the same time it is true to say that living in urban areas can improve our living quality. Urban areas offer academic university for the youth. In which the undergraduates can gain knowledge in one field and improve themselves. In addition, there are various of gyms cinema and museum that not only gain the entertainment and kill the time but also allow individuals to keep fit and obtain the knowledge.

Undoubtedly, some rural areas are less polluted. In fact, since constructing industry production base has been forbidden in urban areas, they moved to the rural areas, which lead a series of environment problem. Because of lots polluted air and water which exhaled the pungent odor have been put away, they are very likely doing harm to the people live in the rural areas and may lead to more serious problem subsequently.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that people living in urban areas can take better care of their families.

水果的夏天UID：3022981

原来，谢谢啊。。。