【独立写作】sodapeng 托福写作

sodapengUID：3242849

注意注意！！
1 写长句子一定要注意主语是否明确，是否可以省略，即是否主语相同。
2 写完长句子一定要看成分是否完整。
3 冠词的使用现在还不是很清晰，要看语法书！
4 标点符号的问题：小连词：and but so or yet for前用逗号 大连词：however nonetheless nevertheless therefore thus hence 前用分号或句号！
5 多找些替换词！用词不要太绝对！
6 既然是议论文，文章中除引述个人经历外，莫用we you 第一 第二人称代词。
7 从句有问题！which可不可以引导主语从句？？
现在终于知道欠缺在什么地方了，先不说句子是否漂亮，因为那是在内容已经很好的基础上。托福作文是让你阐述一个观点，并且证明它。一般有三个论点。要证明这三个论点，无非是从两方面下手1.举例证明2.逻辑推理。在作文中每个分论点的段落就只有这两种说明情况。内容要从这两方面下手，内容才回出彩。
8少用点the 是不会死的
9 少写点长句也是不会死的。。写的时候不觉得。。读的时候觉得自己一口气都读不下来！！！
最近在写综合，发现一定要把教授的观点稍微总结下再网上写，不能一句一句照搬，毕竟你记得有限，单独搬一句不能说明问题，记下几个点的关键词，把它们连成比较好能说明的一句话。。。只要听懂了，完全不是问题哇。。= =
10 一定要注意 哪怕没有长句子 也不能犯语法错误！！！更重要的是不能有拼写错误！！切记切记！！
11 还是综合写作。。一定要用替换词~~尽量不要照搬听力原文。。。。实在没辙了，没替换词只能照搬也木有办法了啊。。。
最近体会到了写完文章一定要自己检查下。。。现在这么放松都有可能出现错误，等到考试肯定有下错误，一定要留时间给自己检查啊~！！！检查一些比较基础但是老外很看重的东西 时态 单三 拼写！！！！切记切记！！！
嘿嘿，在这里小自恋下。。。刚才翻文件夹，翻到一篇文章，看了下说。呀，谁写的啊~真不错。。结果，看完发现是自己写的= =
开始准备二战。
主要目标是不要犯拼写和语法错误。
最近各种考试 五一一收假两门，然后五月末一门。接下来就是各种实习加期末。
可能没有准备一战写的那么勤快，可能一周才能写2 3篇，有可能还不到。但是坚持下去就好。
一战后就没碰过作文，写作能力大幅度下降= =。。。也没多读。。没有积累什么句子和素材。。。
现在就开始~句子更加出彩，多用替换词，多举例~fighting~
12突然觉得我应该转换下托福写作的思路。。。。刚才看了下别人的经验贴。。发现那种写法也蛮好’‘’
。。。哎。。最近不限时写作文写习惯了。。加上各种拖延症。。真是要命。。现在在此励志 第一步 这几天必须40min写完！！！！必须！！must！！！

idealibtUID：2667256

等你改完的文章啊

towardsBTUID：3236375

同等~

sodapengUID：3242849

2.2 110304NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems affecting our society today could be solved within our lifetime.

With the development of science technology and the increasing population, people crazily pursue the profit but to some extent ignore the consequence they may lead to. The past decade has witness the rises of many important problems that affect our society. Some individuals claim that these problems like environmental problem can be solved in our lifetime. But I don’t think so. Problem like population and taking the treatment cannot be easily find the solution in our daily life. Instead if not taken seriously, the outcome it make may out of our imagine.

It would be of use to begin by examing that overpopulation is the origin of many problems. The stereotype, parents getting more payback with the offspring increasing, can not be changed readily. In fact, more people means we need more grain to feed them. Nevertheless, god won’t give us more fields because of the increasing people. The only approach to solve the problem is overgrazing, which will lead to the desertification. In addition, overpopulation leads to the stress to obtain the education and work opportunity.

It should be also emphasized that getting medical treatment in reasonable charge is tough. as the old saying goes: Man of noble character is keen on wealth and take have the road. However the truth that a great number of people are greedy and selfish, the number of doctor, prescribing a huge amount of expensive but not necessary medicine to the patients, must be a considerable number. Thus, many people, lacking of money, reluctant to hospitalize when having a sick, and may lead to more serious problem and even to death.

Admittedly, environmental condition may be changed by the people diligently work. Some citizens suggest that we can use recycled water and renewable energy can to some degree released the problem. Reasonable as it seems to be, it is akin to advertisement in that its appearance cover the truth that there are merely people would like to use the renewable energy which is a little bit more expensive than the unrenewable ones. Therefore, It cannot be solved within our lifetime.

Obviously, all the evidence conforms an undoubted conclusion that the problems affect our social like the mentioned above cannot be solved in our daily life. Instead, we have to apply the things we have learnt on the practical to promote the technique development,.

wqr619UID：3007621

2.2 110304NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems affecting our society today could be solved within our lifetime.
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With the development of science technology and the increasing population, people crazily pursue the profit but to some extent ignore the consequence they may lead to. The past decade has witness the rises（rise多用于正面的吧，建议deterioration） of many important problems that affect our society. Some individuals claim that these problems like environmental problem can be solved in our lifetime. But I don’t think so.（But I insist the opposite） Problem like population and taking the treatment （medical treatment）cannot be easily find the solution(be easily solved) in our daily life. Instead if not taken seriously, the outcome it make may out of our imagine(may go beyond our imagination).( S0 e$ A6 g. \  F1 o# F0 j

It would be of use to begin by examing that overpopulation(学到了，好词) is the origin of many problems. The stereotype, parents getting more payback with the offspring increasing, can not be changed readily. In fact, more people means we need more grain to feed them. Nevertheless, god won’t give us more fields because of the increasing people. The only approach to solve the problem is overgrazing, which will lead to the desertification.（过渡人口导致过渡放牧？！楼主解释下） In addition, overpopulation leads to the stress to obtain the education and work opportunity.
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It should be also emphasized that getting medical treatment in reasonable charge is tough. as the old saying goes: Man of noble character is keen on wealth and take have the road.（权威翻译A man with noble characteristics who loves money should make it by honourable means） However the truth that a great number of people are greedy and selfish, the number of doctor, prescribing a huge amount of expensive but not necessary medicine to the patients, must be a considerable number. Thus, many people, lacking of money, reluctant to hospitalize when having a sick（when sick）, and may lead to more serious problem and even to death.

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Admittedly, environmental condition may be changed by the people diligently work. Some citizens suggest that we can use recycled water and renewable energy can to some degree released（建议assuage） the problem. Reasonable as it seems to be（好句）, it is akin to advertisement in that its appearance cover the truth that there are merely（little） people would like to use the renewable energy which is a little bit more expensive than the unrenewable ones. Therefore, It cannot be solved within our lifetime.

Obviously, all the evidence conforms an undoubted conclusion that the problems affect our social like the mentioned above cannot be solved in our daily life. Instead, we have to apply the things we have learnt on the practical to promote the technique development,.

楼主文章论证很全面，结构也不错~~
就是有些语法错误还要推敲下
用词很亮~

sodapengUID：3242849

5# wqr619
我把我写的又看了一遍。。好多错= =。。。谢谢提醒~！！！语法一直弱项。。一直跟着语感走。我一直结构都有固定模式= =。。让步式攻击。。。谢哇~~用词还有语法纠正修改很有收获~！！！

坏绿的眼睛UID：3138294

[url2.2 110304NA

With the development of science technology and the increasing population, 这句话应该是模板哇 建议换一个开头 因为 随着XXX的发展 这样的开头中国考生用得太多了people crazily pursue the profit but to some extent ignore the consequence they may lead to. The past decade has witness the rises of many important problems that affectING our society. Some individuals claim that these problems like environmental problem can be solved in our lifetime. But I don’t think so. Problem like population and taking the treatment cannot be easily find the solution 是不是该写成find the solution easily呢 in our daily life. Instead if not taken seriously, the outcome it make may out of our imagine 应该用imagination.


First and foremost,It would be of use to begin by examing that overpopulation is the origin of many problems. The stereotype, parents getting more payback with the offspring increasing, can not be changed readily. In fact, more people means we need more grain to feed them. Nevertheless, god won’t give us more fields because of the increasing people. The only approach to solve the problem is overgrazing, which will lead to the desertification. In addition, overpopulation leads to the stress to obtain the education and work opportunity.

Also,我一般都用五段论写法 不熟悉让步进攻式 当我想还是应该多些连接词 It should be also emphasized that getting medical treatment in reasonable charge is tough. as the old saying goes: Man of noble character is keen on wealth and take have the road. However the truth that a great number of people are greedy and selfish, the number of doctor, prescribing a huge amount of expensive but not necessary medicine to the patients, must be a considerable number. Thus, many people, lacking of money, reluctant to hospitalize when having a sick, and may lead to more serious problem and even to death.



Admittedly, environmental condition may be changed by the people diligently work. Some citizens suggest that we can use recycled water and renewable energy can to some degree released the problem 唔 从结构上来说换成to released the problem to some degree更通顺. Reasonable as it seems to be, it is akin to advertisement in that its appearance cover the truth that there are merely people would like to use the renewable energy which is a little bit more expensive than the unrenewable ones. Therefore, It cannot be solved within our lifetime.! D+ [) p4 T7 [7 q  O9 F

Obviously, all the evidence conforms an undoubted conclusion that the problems affect our social like the mentioned above cannot be solved in our daily life. Instead, we have to apply the things we have learnt on the practical to promote the technique development.

苏打这篇文章让我学到这种新的写法也很好哇~ 唔 BODY可以写的更充实一些，多举例子和数字 = = 共同进步咯

sodapengUID：3242849

2月3日 110815NA One of your classmates needs help with some schoolwork. Which solution would you recommend your classmate should do: to ask you for help or to find a professional tutor for help. Include reasons and details to in your response.% G2 }! O: X; Y; U+ k

Whether students should ask classmates for help or turn to professional tutor when they have problems with some schoolwork. That they have confronted many kinds of difficulties is a fact, however from which way can they get efficient and accurate answer, the answer to this question is vary from individual to individual. For me, nothing is more evident than that the profound knowledge that professional tutor have and the improving quality of the lecture will simply and solve the problems.

My main reason, palpable and universally, associates with the point that the professors’ profound knowledge is what exactly the classmates lack. Students can learn a lot from the tutor’s explanation on numerous aspects. What you can learn is not only the solution to an exact problem but also the train of thought to solve this type of question. Meanwhile, the tutor can point out the weakness and offers you the method to improve it, which left a deep understanding in undergraduate’s mind.

Secondly, tutor can sum up the questions that have been asked for several times by different students, which means that it is the place that students cannot readily interpret, and it is the place that the tutor should emphasize when taking the class. By learning that, the tutor will adjust the content and the way he teach. Thus, to some extent, the quality of the class will be improved. Furthermore, students can obtain the things they may ignore.

Asking classmate for help can trigger the thought in the deep of students’ mind by changing the opinion. And for the some part, that is what they are. In fact, it is very difficult for two of the students to come to an agreement with a long time discussing, which is kind of wasting time. In addition, these discussions, obviously and generally, converged in changing the opinions and argue about a theory and ultimate in gossiping and whispering, which make nosense.

To conclude, as undergraduate, we should have ability to sense and make full use of the sources we have. Just like the profound knowledge the tutors have. Thus when my classmates suffer from any school problem, I will advice them to ask the professional tutor for help.

这篇写的特别久。。不知道写啥= =。。。而且觉得像小学生写的= =。。求各种拍砖

alexfanfanUID：3133140

真不好意思！这么晚才给你改！

wqr619UID：3007621

LZ过目~~

sodapengUID：3242849

9# alexfanfan
我也觉得我逻辑不是很严密。。。需要锻炼啊~！！谢猛拍啊！！

sodapengUID：3242849

10# wqr619
实在是很感谢啊。。很多语法错误都被挑出来了。。收获颇丰！！！！

sodapengUID：3242849

2月4日 100619NAWhen people need to discuss upseting or controversial problems with others,some people prefer to use e-mail or text messaging, other like to use telephoneor voice messaging. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support youranswer.


Nowadays, in this highly competitive society, a large amount of pressure is unceasingly putting onto our shoulder at an unprecedented speed, which to some extend, will causes many kind of psychological problems phobia and depression. This is an exact time that we would turn to friends for help or comfort. Whether texting or calling your friends to express yourself. I prefer to use telephone because nothing is as attractive to me as the vivid and convenient which telephone call brings me.

First and foremost, by bring the voice message the phone-connecting allows us to make sense of what our friends’ mood and condition, thus offer comfort to friends. Just imaging we are listening to a piece of music expressing the war with the sound of artillery and fighting. There must be a picture emerge in front of your eyes, the war reducing mighty edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames, the streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded. While a only piece of word cannot leave you such an deep impression, which Same to our topic. The voice that our friends bring me can make us more impressed. Therefore we can really get to the solution or just console them.

Secondly, have you ever been low mood and texted to your friends and they didn’t text back? Have you ever kept yourself waiting for the back text for near three hours and even you have forgotten what you are unhappy for? Have you ever got conflict with your friends because of the time texting back. If you are not, you will never probably know how that feels just like desperation and sadness. So to get the comfort immediately is of great importance when you are suffering from psychological problem, or it may lead to some serious problems.

Admittedly, sending e-mail is cheaper, as a student, we would like to save money for our interests and development. And also, the text message and e-mail will be our best memory in our relationship. Reasonable as it seem to be, we should make it clearly that spending money on communicating and consoling is worthwhile. Not only it can promoting friends’ relationship but also solve the mental problem. Furthermore, the advent of many newly techniques, our private, the things we talking to our friends in e-mail and text message, is no longer safe. There is potential risk for that our privates will be leak, the consequence may beyond our imagination.

To conclude, I prefer to call my friends when I am in low mood
这篇是我喷的最多的一次。。。最后实在不行，收尾就一句了= =。。。求猛拍！！

LusotaUID：2929567

Whether students should ask classmates for help or turn to professional tutor when they have problems with some schoolwork(怎么只有半句呢？“是否。。。”之后应该如何呢？). That they have confronted many kinds of difficulties is a fact, however from which way can they get efficient and accurate answer, the answer to this question is vary from individual to individual.（这三个短句好像不能组成一个完整的，可以用一条更简洁的句子替换；另外，记得有老师说过既然已经是事实的东西就不应该很明白地再重申了，我指的是前半句这个事实。） For me, nothing is more evident than that the profound knowledge that professional tutor have and the improving quality of the lecture will simply and solve the problems（此处的主谓貌似不太合理喔~it’s obvious that professional tutor with abundant knowledge will simply solve the problem.不知道为什么苏打会认为这个主题和lecture有何关系？看到这儿，lusota发现苏打的一个需要加油的小地方喔，苏打好像很喜欢把好几个半句糅合到一起，但最后却导致一个句子太过累赘，甚至因为缺乏合理的连接词和句子的链接方式导致句子本身不成一句，希望soda多看看范文，多分析里面的句子结构，从句子入手。）.



My main reason, palpable and universally, associates with the point that the professors’ profound knowledge is what exactly the classmates lack. Students can learn a lot from the tutor’s explanation on numerous aspects. What you can learn is not only the solution to an exact problem but also the train of thought to solve this type of question. Meanwhile, the tutor can point out the weakness and offers（offer） you the method to improve it, which（这个which很容易让人以为指的是紧跟着的it） （will）left（leave） a deep understanding in undergraduate’s mind.

Secondly, tutor can sum up the questions that have been asked for several times by different students, which means that it is the place that students cannot readily interpret, and it is the place that the tutor should emphasize when taking the class. By learning that, the tutor will adjust the content and the way he teach. Thus, to some extent, the quality of the class will be improved. Furthermore, students can obtain the things they may ignore.
r" M5 w1 D

Asking classmates for help can trigger the thought in the deep of students’ mind by changing the opinion. And for the some part, that is what they are. In fact, it is very difficult for two of the students to come to an agreement with a long time discussing, which is kind of wasting time. In addition, these discussions, obviously and generally, converged in changing the opinions and argue about a theory and ultimate in gossiping and whispering, which make nosense.（这个句子的动词好像丢了？）W1 R9q! {1


To conclude, as undergraduate, we should have ability to sense and make full use of the sources we have. Just like the profound knowledge the tutors have. Thus when my classmates suffer from any school problem, I will advice them to ask the professional tutor for help.（结尾最好先下结论再陈述其他，即此句提到第一句最好，米国的思维习惯很直接的啊。。。）

建议soda最好把classmates的缺点提到第一个论证，然后重点突出tutor，毕竟你的论点是tutor，你觉得呢？

坏绿的眼睛UID：3138294

紫色是赞   棕色是困惑 蓝色是添改
Nowadays, in this highly competitive society, a large amount of pressure is unceasingly putting onto our shoulder at an unprecedented speed, which to some extend,这样结构就乱了 应该这样，which will causes many kind of psychological problems phobia and depression. This is an exact time that we would turn to friends for help or comfort. Whether texting or calling your friends to express yourself 结构是不是不完整？. I prefer to use telephone because nothing is as attractive to me as the vivid and convenient which telephone call brings me.9 t- |/ ]$ {% n$

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First and foremost, by bring the voice message the phone-connecting allows us to make sense of what our friends’ mood and condition, thus offer comfort to friends. 这句话我没搞明白主语= = Just imaging we are listening to a piece of music expressing the war with the sound of artillery and fighting. There must be a picture emerge in front of your eyes, the war reducing mighty edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames, the streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded. While a only piece of word cannot leave you such an deep impression, which Same to our topic. The voice that our friends bring me can make us more impressed. Therefore we can really get to the solution or just console them. 6 A6 E0 楼主举得这个例子是不是合你的论点联系不太紧密？这一段的论点是电话更能让我们弄清朋友的情绪和情况。你的例子主要说声音能给予我们很多联想 然后后面的论证又转向了 所以说我们朋友们给我们的是声音会让我们更印象深刻。这逻辑关系是不是不太紧密 你觉得呢？
Secondly, have you ever been low mood and texted to your friends and they didn’t text back? Have you ever kept yourself waiting for the back text for near three hours and even you have forgotten what you are unhappy for? Have you ever got conflict with your friends because of the time texting back. If you are not, you will never probably know how that feels just like desperation and sadness. So to get the comfort immediately is of great importance when you are suffering from psychological problem, or it may lead to some serious problems.这个结论句应该在本段一开头就亮出来 米国人是直肠子。。。另外 我不确定BODY 都用这种疑问形式可行与否 毕竟考官喜欢数据和实例
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Admittedly, sending e-mail is cheaper, as a student, we would like to save money for our interests and development. And also, the text message and e-mail will be our best memory in our relationship. Reasonable as it seems to be, we should make it clearly that spending money on communicating and consoling is worthwhile. Not only it can promoting friends’ relationship but also solve the mental problem.这个词用得是否太重了annoyings就行吧 Furthermore, the advent of many newly techniques, our private, the things we talking 楼主是想用telling吧？to our friends in换成by e-mail and text message, is no longer safe. There is potential risk for that our privates will be leak, the consequence may beyond our imagination.

To conclude, I prefer to call my friends when I am in low mood.

一点浅见  其实主体很好的  就是逻辑和结构上我觉得有一些问题 还有楼主可能喜欢用长句子 有一些疏忽就是经常丢句子的成分 要仔细哦   共同进步吧~！                  ——坏绿