凉凉的作文贴。

凉言UID：2996787

谢谢修改的同学~鞠躬

凉言UID：2996787

谢谢~~！！

lv1015UID：2505136

4.12已经改好， 47# 凉言

mpromanusUID：2565872

34# 凉言

Do you agree or disagree?
A job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.

Nowadays people view the standard of a good job differently: some prefer jobs with more vacation time, while others admire jobs with a high salary but less vacation time. In my view, a job with more vacation time but a low salary, which can offer employees more than just money, is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

To begin with, during vacation time people can participate in plenty of other things ('Other', as opposed to what? You can't really talk about 'other things' without an idea of what the 'non-other' things are, can you? I understand you meant to say 'other things than their jobs', but this is the beginning of a new paragraph and you can't assume readers will know automatically what 'things' you want to talk about.), say, take some courses that may advance (You 'promote' a person, not 'promote' his career.) their career positions and do whatever they are interested in. Not only can those activities broaden the scope of their knowledge, but also enable them to improve their career abilities (A 'career' means 'a field of choosing for your professional life' [ex. a career in medicine = the field of medicine is my chosen area to work in as a professional], which obviously doesn't go too well in front of 'abilities' - do you normally say 'field abilities' or 'abilities IN (the) field'?), which can lead them to a better job. One of my best friends Coral, who was majored in English, her first job was in a small firm with low salary and, of course, little work to do (If you take out the 'who' part, this reads 'my best friend Coral, her first job was xxx' - it's not a proper sentence.). But my friend did not want to yield to this situation, so she took some courses about accounting in her spare time, which was an area she knew nothing about (If you use 'the', it implies that accounting is THE ONLY area she knew nothing about - which is hardly true for anyone.). Although the payment she got was very low, it was enough for her to live with. And after two years of learning that course (So it's one course or 'some courses'?), she also succeeded in applying (Although I'd encourage to you to use 'succesfully applied'. Use simple verb phrases. Cut gerunds.) for an accounting certificate (Again, if you use 'the', it implies there is ONLY one accounting certificate in the whole world for her to apply.). Finally, she got her dream job thanks to that accounting courses (Now you are contradicting yourself.) and the English skills she previously mastered. Therefore, it is of great significance to use vacation time to improve oneself. (This example is particularly interesting because your friend eventually changed to another presumably higher-paying, busier job [accountants are almost always the most overworked people in companies, as far as my experience goes..]..and according to your stand on this question, her old job should be better than her new one..quite a paradox, yes? Of course, if you explicitly say her new job pays much higher but doesn't require her to work more, than that's indeed a better job. This is for you to think about what details you should bring out in your example to really support your point.)

What's more, people all need to have a rest. A job with little vacation time may stress people and even depress them even though the salary is high. Taking a vacation or other leisure activities, such as listening to a music performance and hanging out with friends, may help people escape from the real world without that heavy load of work. And thus, ensure employees are vigorous and positive to face whatever difficulties in their lives (This sentence doesn't have a subject.). Plus, vacation time plays a vital role in one's family life. Take a story I once read for instance: a father did not accompany his daughter for a whole year due to his busy work, and after one year he returned home, his daughter even could not even recognize him. (I don't think your story adds much to your discussion. Sure she doesn't recognize him, but if she has been in close touch with him - it's not very clear what you mean by 'did not accompany' - then she could kind of re-establish the relationship pretty fast. All in all it is not necessarily 'worse'. You've only argued that the lack of family time leads to some distance between family members, but not that this job is better or worse than another.) Hence, taking vacation to relax or to stay with one's family is of equal (What does this 'equal' with?) importance to work.

To sum up, I agree with the assertion that a job with more vacation time but less payment is better than a job with less vacation time even the salary is high.


总结：


你的语法有到后面越写越乱的倾向，另外请注意单复数一致。


论述方面第一个例子还好，第二个例子就比较明显地漂了 - 段落的起始句是假期少的工作让人有压力云云，收尾是‘假期对工作有同等重要性’（先不说你‘同等’的是什么。。），那么你这一段到底想说明什么呢？是假期的作用还是假期的重要性还是什么呢？所以请注意论述的时候不要让你的逻辑随着句子漂流。

凉言UID：2996787

难产。

Yvaine198831UID：2956487

4.11 综合

郝郝同学UID：3024925

In recent years, high school students are required to take a broad range of courses, such as economic courses. Some people claim that it is unnecessary for high school students to learn economic. However, I hold the opposite idea, that all high school students should take basic economic courses.

To begin with, basic economic courses provide the students a basic understanding of money, as well as cultivate their abilities of managing money effectively. In basic economic courses, students learn the origin and function of money, and thereby they form a complete sense of the value of money, which restrain them from spending money with meaningless purposes. Plus, taking basic economic courses may help students make plans about how to use their money or even how to earn money by themselves. Thus, it is of great importance to learn basic economic courses for high school students.

Moreover, it is basic economic courses that enable the students know the global economic trend, which may be of great significant （名词形式）when they choose their majors in universities or career in the future. Students may take the economic tendency into account as a vital consideration when they encounter a discrepant situation to choose majors or career. For instance, if high school students who lived in the Depression period in America, they would acknowledge that the banking or Finance area was not a promising career through learning basic economic courses of current economic tendency. By contrast, they might turn to public insurance area, which was strongly supported by the government at that time, in order to get a good job. Therefore, learning basic economic courses is essential for students to know about the international economic condition, which is needed in choosing career in the future.

Admittedly, probably not all high school students are suitable for learning basic economic courses. It may be a little abstract and difficult for some students to understand the complicated principles of the subject. Nevertheless, basic economic courses can still offer them the primary consciousness of the definitions of money or other economic terms.

All in all, the advantages of taking basic economic courses prevail over disadvantages, so I strongly agree with the assertion that all high school students should take basic economic courses.


语法很好 现在的作文去考试已经没什么问题
提几点 希望能给作者锦上添花
文中一些基本词汇 比如说 good  learn 这样基本的词汇 应该尽量用些高级词汇替换
句型 定语从句用的很好 但是次数过多 举行不够多样 可以尝试倒装句 强调等的句型
希望作者上述能够几点
水平有限 望见谅
希望作者能有优异的成绩 :loveliness:

jiangruiqianUID：2838124

修改凉言的综合  by ranger   0412

凉言UID：2996787

谢谢~~

qianhuangUID：2766587

4月9日 独立 修改不好意思，我确实是改不出什么，而不是不改。
修改的几个小问题我觉得无伤大雅，所以没有传。再传一次。

郝郝同学UID：3024925

In the lecture, the professor argues that the three theories about the use of Chaco Canyon（这个应该是一个地方吧写house就可以了）, which are discussed in the passage, are all unconvincing.

To begin with, the speaker says that the inside sculpture of Chaco Canyon totally does not meet the needs for living, for there are only few fire places in it. If Chaco Canyon was used as living apartment, there would be more for every family to cook with. Plus, in the largest building, merely enough fire places for ten families are found. All mentioned above contradicts that opinion that Chaco Canyon was （这里有点混乱that Chaco Canyon was可以去掉）which is stated in the passage, even though its appearance looks like the apartment building.

Secondly, the lecturer believes that provided the purpose of Chaco Canyon is storing the green maize, why traces of maize were not found? Why Chaco Canyon doesn’t uncover with maize container remains or spilt maize in the floor? Those give the evidence that the idea in the reading material was incorrect, that （that变which 或者把逗号去掉）Chaco Canyon was used for food storage.

Lastly, the professor maintains that besides those broken pots, plenty of other stuff was discovered in the Pueblo Alto, such as building materials like sand, construction tools, which indicate that the Pueblo Alto may be a train’s hip（这个是？）. And the pots may be remains of the construct workers’. This opposes the theory in the reading text that Chaco Canyon was used as circumstances for ceremonies.  

作者的语法很好 思路很清晰 行文流畅 词汇的变化也比较好
全文就是那个house的名称写的不对（如果我没弄错的话）
看到你的作文 我发现我听得 好像漏掉好多东西
也多谢你的批改

求共享文字版 综合写作听力部分

christina1949UID：2992239

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: If parents want their children to do well at school, they should limit the time their children spend on watching TV.


Television, with its profound influence and prevalent acceptance among people, has become increasingly common in people's everyday life. Some people claim that it is bad for children to watch TV too much, which I agree with. Also, I deem that in order to let children do well at school, parents should limit the time their children spend on watching TV.

To begin with, children lack the ability of controlling themselves, if the time of they watching TV is beyond the limits, it may distract their attention from studying or other meaningful things. Young children education plays a fundamental role in children's development, since it fosters basic skills as well as cultivates children’s interests in studying. Provided that a child watches television all day, then he/she has no time to study, which thus, makes him/her fall behind other students in the first place. Therefore, parents should help children allocate their time to both studying and watching TV.

Moreover, too much exposure to TV may hurt the vision of children. Children are on the growing period, their bodies are vulnerable, and eye vision plays an extremely vital role in children's physical health. Take my younger brother for instance, when he was very young, my parents did not restrain him from watching too much television. As a consequence, he watched TV all the time, occasionally he even stared at the television the whole day without any rest for his eyes. However, when he entered the primary school, he found that he could not see the words in the blackboard at all. Then my parents had my brother tested of his eye vision, it was too poor for my brother to see things distant clearly. If my parents confined the amount of time my brother applied to watching TV（apply time to watch TV？这个用法···）, things would not go like this way. （这个例子好长啊，太累赘）

More importantly, a number of TV programs have bad influence/effection on children, such as sexual or violent factors, which do harm to the development of children's mental health. If a child watches such types of TV programs too much, he/she may imitate the behaviors or words of the certain programs, which, of course, have bad influence on children’s grown/growth. Thereby, parents have to take control of the time their children use to watch TV in order to maintain their mental health./keep them positive

Although watching television for a certain amount of time may not only enrich children's knowledge and broaden their horizon, but also relax them from the heavily stressed study. Nevertheless, its disadvantages, which are placed on children, prevail over advantages. In sum, I strongly agree with the assertion that parents should restrict the time their children spend on watching TV.

Apply ：to use sth or make sth work in a particular way
所以“apply time to watching TV”用法不妥

christina1949UID：2992239

TPO 5 综合
In the lecture, the professor argues that the three theories about the use of Chaco Canyon, which are discussed in the passage, are all unconvincing.

To begin with, the speaker says that the inside sculpture of Chaco Canyon totally does not meet the needs for living, for there are only few fire places in it. If Chaco Canyon was used as living apartment, there would be more for every family to cook with. Plus, in the largest building, merely enough fire places for ten families are found. All mentioned above contradicts that (the) opinion that Chaco Canyon was which
(what) is stated in the passage, even though its appearance looks like the apartment building.

Secondly, the lecturer believes that provided （这个不要）the purpose of Chaco Canyon is storing（to store） the green maize, why traces of maize were（could） not
（be） found? （这样句子比较地道）Why Chaco Canyon doesn’t uncover with maize container remains or spilt maize in the floor?( Why can’t they uncover the maize container remains or spilt maize in the floor through the excavation progress? )Those give the evidence that(according to these,) the idea in the reading material was incorrect, and that the Chaco Canyon was not used for food storage.

Lastly, the professor maintains that besides those broken pots, plenty of other stuffs was (were) discovered in the Pueblo Alto, such as building materials like sand, construction tools, which indicate that the Pueblo Alto may be a train’s hip(这是神马意思“火车的臀部”?). And the pots may be remains of the construct workers’. This opposes the theory in the reading text that Chaco Canyon was used as circumstances for ceremonies.



我水平有限，只能修改这么多了
你的长句使用有点···
关于那个stuff，
我个人觉得plenty of 既然出来了，
你后面又例举了那么多，
就应该把它当负数看了，
所以就改了；如果你后面没有那么多例举，
我觉得直接用stuff也勉强
我查了很多资料，
很少看见stuff 的负数形式
你写得比我好，
加油！

christina1949UID：2992239

TPO 5 综合
In the lecture, the professor argues that the three theories about the use of Chaco Canyon, which are discussed in the passage, are all unconvincing.

To begin with, the speaker says that the inside sculpture of Chaco Canyon totally does not meet the needs for living, for there are only few fire places in it. If Chaco Canyon was used as living apartment, there would be more for every family to cook with. Plus, in the largest building, merely enough fire places for ten families are found. All mentioned above contradicts that (the) opinion that Chaco Canyon was which (what) is stated in the passage, even though its appearance looks like the apartment building.

Secondly, the lecturer believes that provided （这个不要）the purpose of Chaco Canyon is storing（to store） the green maize, why traces of maize were（could） not
（be） found? （这样句子比较地道）Why Chaco Canyon doesn’t uncover with maize container remains or spilt maize in the floor?( Why can’t they uncover the maize container remains or spilt maize in the floor through the excavation progress? )Those give the evidence that(according to these,) the idea in the reading material was incorrect, and that the Chaco Canyon was not used for food storage.

Lastly, the professor maintains that besides those broken pots, plenty of other stuffs was (were) discovered in the Pueblo Alto, such as building materials like sand, construction tools, which indicate that the Pueblo Alto may be a train’s hip(这是神马意思“火车的臀部”?). And the pots may be remains of the construct workers’. This opposes the theory in the reading text that Chaco Canyon was used as circumstances for ceremonies.



我水平有限，只能修改这么多了
你的长句使用有点···
关于那个stuff，
我个人觉得plenty of 既然出来了，
你后面又例举了那么多，
就应该把它当负数看了，
所以就改了；如果你后面没有那么多例举，
我觉得直接用stuff也勉强
我查了很多资料，
很少看见stuff 的负数形式
你写得比我好，
加油！

qianhuangUID：2766587

4月9日 独立 修改
写的挺好的，我找不到什么问题，就不传修改的了。