Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement:
Younger school children (aged five to ten) shouldbe required to study art and music in addition to math, language, science and history.
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There are more and more children are asked in ournation to learn a extra skill such as art and music. There are, actually, twodifferent opinions towards this problem.6 Z2 `8 a* R. x, V&C9 [9 \2 {6 @
First of all, with thedevelopment of our society, the life standard has increased dramatically. Andthat guarantees many families to offer their children opportunities to learnextra skills beyond school's course. Also, most parents hope their childrenmake good use of these opportunities to develop their own good hobbies andadvanced skills in order to better prepare for future challenges. (这里突然开始说你自己的例子,显得突兀.)My parents asked meto learn piano when I was seven years old. I still remember that she told methat(强调一下learning piano比较好,第一眼看还以为后面是个从句。) would benefit mylife when I grew up. (In my view,)She is right! I learneda lot about the music history and its basic theory which is very useful. And byplaying piano, I can relax and relieve the pressure from work and study. Also,I have made many friends who share the same love for music. This skill providesme a good opportunity to promote our friendship and get to know each otherbetter.
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这段建议开始说for future challenges,然后提学更多课程。这样感觉更有因果关系,后面的例子也是围绕future来讲的。
I believe that some children should be requiredlearning extra courses.(这句没有说明,没有解释) Mozart and Beethoven bothare example of music talents. And both of them began to learn music very young.In the end, they became two of the most influential musicians. In my opinion,even though not all children could as great as Mozart and Beethoven, they mayobtain an opportunity to change their lives. As an old Chinese saying goes,"No skills(skill感觉就可以) is useless."More or less, the additional requirements will broaden children's horizon.
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However, I hold a negativeopinion for those parents who command their children learn new skills. Becausethe capability of young children is limited, people should not put too muchexpectation on them. Too much burden and pressure may make young children anunpleasant childhood. In contrast, if people just follow what children are interestedin, they may find that children will learn faster with passion. One theory isthat teachers are those who offer introductory courses. And how well a childperforms is depends on his or her own. 这段逻辑优点乱,前面没说什么就in contrast,那这段到底要表达什么? In general, some basiccourses of art and music should be required for young children. And those skill(skills) and knowledge willbenefit them in their whole life. And, how to ask their children learn thesecourses is one more essential problem needed to be fully discussed.结尾这句没明白和前面有什么关系。 文章逻辑还不错,但是建议主旨句明确,而且文章明显头重脚轻。句子写的不错,总体还是很不错的。 |