chikako.k的作文贴

chikako.kUID：2853696

有点弱...大家帮忙～^^第一天 8.17
2008.5.16 NA            
writing: 是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effect


Thequestion of whether telephone or television has more effects on human being isone that has concerned many people. It is held by some people that telephoneplays a vital role in the life of most people rather than the using of thetelevision. However, there is an equally good argument that television has madesignificant changes in our life. From my point of view, as one of the publicmedia, television abounds in the visual effects which can provide people adirect feeling that seems to affect us more than the telephone.
Firstand foremost, as a result of the timelinessof the television，we can get to know a greatnumber of news from home and abroad in a faster speed. And realizing thedevelopment trends all over the world will help us keep up with others at thesame time. All these may let us make progress, especially in the boosting of ourindividual personalities.
Futhermore, to utilize theconvenience of the scenes on television，people learn more knowledge in fact.For instance, students can learn how to apply a language more fluently with aprofound impression when watch the real communication circumstance. Thatwill
do a great favor in their progress.The housewife can also benefit from all sorts of TV programs, especially inlife skills. When they acquire a new method to improve the quality of our life.Only some tips can make them more comfortable and vivid. The family will becomeharmony and sweet. The aged take advantage of these programs which aim at particularpeople to enjoy themselves and alleviate the solitude who seem to stay withoutthe care of relatives. Thus their late years in their life are still full ofamusements.
Ultimately, we can dosome shopping via the TV. This way provides us
more convenience instead going out to be tired of lookingfor something you really need. The traffic will not always jam because of not somany people choose to buy commodities by bus or car any more. People justrequire to make a telephone call, all these will be settled in merely a fewminutes. With the clear advertisement played during the break of programs, peoplecan get a distinct comprehend to these products，therefore no matter rain orshine, you don’t be exhausted in shopping. The rest time you can use it to domore significant things rather than wasting in all kinds of waiting always happenwhen you are shopping.
In summary, compared tothe telephone, the television has been giving us more effects during our all life.It seems to a multicomponent
tool whichalter our life all the time and everyone need it.

灰色精英UID：2664078

10.7
“A good laugh is sunshine in a house“, as we all know, keeping happy and optimistic is needed by everyone who is more likely to undergo heavy burdens from life and work. However, some people advocate that achieving success is more important than remaining happy. As far as I am concerned, although we insist on something that ended by failure, we can still utilize the happiness from our heart that give us courage to pick it up and try again until the day we succeed. Thus, to remain happy and optimistic seems to be the first choice when faced with the dilemma.
First of all, keeping happy and optimistic can support us in a benign state that attracts many friends and relatives around us to look for an appropriate way to solve it together. As long as the happy mood is here, anything can be thought over. If people who just want to be successful and don’t care about the circumstance they live, the kinsmen who love them, they will lose more and more until they own merely the success itself. We may take affairs of my workmate, for example, he is the man with wild ambition and always looking forward to be promoted.  For this aim he kept on trying to please his boss，rarely have fun with his old friends and even left his family alone. At last, he had got his wish to become a superintendent in his company. But he said to me he never felt happy since the day he tried harder for the promotion. That is to say, happiness is more important than achieving success.
In addition, to remain happy and optimistic can give us more opportunities to access the success we need. There is no doubt that a happy man/woman can inspire many things that will benefit him/her. For instance, once there was a better opportunity to traveling abroad for our class during my high school. My headmaster finally chose Jeremy who always optimistic and cheerful for everything happened in his life. He said he seemed to be easy to communicate with others that will help him learn a lot outside our country. / F# J; V. t# r# ?9 w
Eventually, a person who remains happy and optimistic when he/she fails can help him/her recover sooner(语法错)（happy and optimistic attitude can help a person recover sooner when…）, then grabs new orientation to achieve success. Admittedly, failure is easily to bring pain in our heart which is difficult to relieve. Whereas, if we own the happy mood, we will be tended to find the bright side between two choices.  There is a half cup of water provided in front of us. The optimistic people seem to feel that they still have half cup of water, while the others believe that they only have the half cup of water. These former people can use their happy state to relieve their pain from the failure in a rapid speed.
In summary, to remain happy and optimistic when we fail can teach us more lessons not only in relationships, but also in emotion which is more important than achieving success.
写的不错！但有一些语法错误。但还是可以压缩一下

cathyxinUID：2746039

10.7
“A good laugh is sunshine in a house“, as we all know, keeping happy and optimistic is needed by everyone who is more likely to undergo heavy burdens from life and work（这句话有点奇怪，你对everyone作了限制，改成those who are more likely….会不会更好点呢） However, some people advocate that achieving success is more important than remain（remaining） happy. As far as I am concerned, although we insist on something that ended by failure, we can still utilize the happiness from our heart that gives us courage to pick it up and try again until the day we succeed. Thus, to remain happy and optimistic seems to be the first choice when faced with the dilemma." o# C- N1 _- R+ \% ^
First of all, keeping happy and optimistic can support us in a benign state that attracts many friends and relatives around us to look for an appropriate way to solve it together. As long as the happy mood is here (there), anything can be thought over. If people who just want to be successful and don’t care about the circumstance they live under/in, the kinsmen ,who love them, they(不需要they) will lose more and more until they own merely the success itself. We may take affairs of my workmate, for example, he is the man with wild ambition and always looking forward to be promoted.  For this aim he kept on trying to please his boss，rarely have fun with his old friends and even left his family alone. At last, he had got his wish to become a superintendent in his company. But he said to me he never felt happy since the day he tried harder for the promotion. That is to say, happiness is more important than achieving success.& x4 v+ w+ G* q+ {* y: m
In addition, to remain happy and optimistic can give us more opportunities to access the success we need. There is no doubt that a happy man/woman can inspire many things that will benefit him/her. For instance, once there was a better opportunity to traveling abroad for our class during my high school. My headmaster finally chose Jeremy who always optimistic and cheerful for everything happened in his life. He said he seemed to be easy to communicate with others that will help him learn a lot outside our country.
( }" ?% w, x. vEventually, a person who remains happy and optimistic when he/her fails can help him/her recover sooner, then grabs new orientation to achieve success. Admittedly, failure is easily to bring pain in our heart which is difficult to relieve. Whereas, if we own the happy mood, we will
tend find the bright side between two choices.  There is a half cup of water provided in front of us. The optimistic people seem to feel that they still have half cup of water, while the others believe that they only have the half cup of water. These former people can use their happy state to relieve their pain from the failure in a rapid speed.
! N1 p, G: ?9 W2 ^  eIn summary, to remain happy and optimistic when we fail can teach us more lessons not only in relationships, but also in emotion which is more important than achieving success.
写的不错！例子举得很恰当，也很有说服力，语言流畅，几乎没什么错误。不过感觉内容有点多，第二段和第四段是不是可以浓缩成一段呢

chikako.kUID：2853696

the 11th, 10.9
09.03.07NA    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should not show their social or political views in the classroom.
“Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. “ As the initiator in the process of education, teacher has played a vital role to help us students master all sorts of techniques or academic knowledge. On the other hand, teachers are more likely to infuse some personal inclined opinions to the learners, especially in politic or society area. That will have an inestimable effect on receiver. Thus, from my point of view, teachers should not show their social or political views in the classroom.
First of all, the tendency the teachers transmit to students may be not the most accurate that easily misguide students’ conception of life or world. As we all know, students usually respect or admire their teacher mostly, who even worship the broad and profound showed in their teacher. They seem to imitate what their teacher does. Therefore every word and action that the teacher does will affect his/her students in some ways. If the views which expressed by the teacher are not accord with the benefit of all the human being, the students will do something terrible in pace with. That is the last thing we want to face.

In addition, if teachers show their more social or political views which are related to their personal orientation, that may change the students’ attitudes in learning. Admittedly, there are always many politic or social events happen everyday. When the teacher chooses to represent their views constantly to their students，especially something instigative, it is hard to say whether the stability of these students’ study can be guaranteed or not. They may cause some emotional fluctuation that can divert students’ attention. We may take my junior high school experience, for example, we got a head teacher who liked to tell us something happened recent days and expressed his opinions on them at the same time. He was fond of remarking all kinds of selection happened in different countries, some conflicts between two countries, some areas which were suffering flood or crop failure and forth. What he had told us let us realize our world was in a negative state. Even some of my classmates believed there would have a disaster sooner or later. That is to say, the behavior the teacher did had made the students could not concentrate on their study.

In the end, to show the political or social views of the teacher may limit the diversified development in students’ learning. They will share just one opinion which provided by their teacher and not to explore new views by themselves. That will go ill with their future studies no matter which area they will work on.
In summary, teachers have the responsibility to teach students knowledge and improve their ability. However, they should not show their personal political or social views in the condition that can not ensure the correctness.

chikako.kUID：2853696

the 10th, 10.7
09.03.21NA    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success
“A good laugh is sunshine in a house“, as we all know, keeping happy and optimistic is needed by everyone who is more likely to undergo heavy burdens from life and work. However, some people advocate that achieving success is more important than remain happy. As far as I am concerned, although we insist on something that ended by failure, we can still utilize the happiness from our heart that give us courage to pick it up and try again until the day we succeed. Thus, to remain happy and optimistic seems to be the first choice when faced with the dilemma.
First of all, keeping happy and optimistic can support us in a benign state that attracts many friends and relatives around us to look for an appropriate way to solve it together. As long as the happy mood is here, anything can be thought over. If people who just want to be successful and don’t care about the circumstance they live, the kinsmen who love them, they will lose more and more until they own merely the success itself. We may take affairs of my workmate, for example, he is the man with wild ambition and always looking forward to be promoted.  For this aim he kept on trying to please his boss，rarely have fun with his old friends and even left his family alone. At last, he had got his wish to become a superintendent in his company. But he said to me he never felt happy since the day he tried harder for the promotion. That is to say, happiness is more important than achieving success.
In addition, to remain happy and optimistic can give us more opportunities to access the success we need. There is no doubt that a happy man/woman can inspire many things that will benefit him/her. For instance, once there was a better opportunity to traveling abroad for our class during my high school. My headmaster finally chose Jeremy who always optimistic and cheerful for everything happened in his life. He said he seemed to be easy to communicate with others that will help him learn a lot outside our country.
Eventually, a person who remains happy and optimistic when he/her fails can help him/her recover sooner, then grabs new orientation to achieve success. Admittedly, failure is easily to bring pain in our heart which is difficult to relieve. Whereas, if we own the happy mood, we will be tended to find the bright side between two choices.  There is a half cup of water provided in front of us. The optimistic people seem to feel that they still have half cup of water, while the others believe that they only have the half cup of water. These former people can use their happy state to relieve their pain from the failure in a rapid speed.
In summary, to remain happy and optimistic when we fail can teach us more lessons not only in relationships, but also in emotion which is more important than achieving success.

caomiao723UID：2686630

我没办法上传附件，把修改后的10.2作业发到你的QQ邮箱了，注意查收^^

chikako.kUID：2853696

the 9th, 10.2
08.12.07NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Spending time alone is the
best way to relieve stress
Our society is in a period of rapid development, which, while making  our world  a better place to live, also make people faced with an increasing number of pressure. For  working with more efficiency，people all need to look for some ways to relieve their pressure, just like chatting with a psychologist, playing some sports they love or going on a trip. Some people also choose to spend time alone. However, in my opinion, spending time alone is merely one way to relieve stress, not the best.
First of all, stay alone may cause some puzzle in mental. If a person always relieve stress through spending time by himself/herself, he/her will more easily lack the time get along with others, then less time to touch the society, his/her personality may become unsociable and eccentric. They can not tell their depression to their friends or relatives.  Some mental puzzles will always around them until they are solved. What’s more, when he/she comes across some pressure he/she can not endure, he/she will be more likely to take an extreme measure that we can never imagine to deal with them.
In addition, spending time alone to relieve stress can waste more time in facts. There is an old saying which goes that two heads are better than one. One person’s power is limited, and also more slowly, but if they can handle this stress with others, more methods can be available. They can communicate different opinions with different people from all sorts of areas. In the end, an appropriate way will be produced after some discussion. That will be more productive without precious time’s waste.
Eventually, to put up with stress alone can facilitate people to lose their confidence in undergoing.  As we all know, spending time with others when faced with pressure can give people more opportunity to warm each other and encourage themselves to become strong. That will never be attained by oneself. All the pressure they need to undertake alone whether they have the capacity or not.  At that time some of them are attend to be passive.
Admittedly, spending time alone is still one way to relieve stress in some ways. People can use these spare time to think about themselves and the life they own quietly. In this process they will receive more philosophy about their life which compared to their pressure provide more material to deep thought.  At last they may get through it.
In summary, we can take many alternative ways to relieve our stress. Spending time alone as one part of it can be used in some instances, but most time, we should deal with it with our friends and parents, though just some amusements which will relieve our pressure and let us have fun.

chikako.kUID：2853696

the 8th, 9.23
09.04.03NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to improve the quality of education in a country is to increase teachers' salaries.

Brougham，one of the greatest  British statesman remarked that Education makes a people easy to lead, but difficult to drive ； easy to govern but impossible to slave. Education plays a vital part in a country’s development so that an increasing number of countries take all sorts of measures they can do to improve the quality of education. Some people advocate that the best way to achieve it is to increase teachers’ salaries. But from my point of view, there are lots of methods   to develop our education. Among them increasing teachers’salary is just one part of it. Thus, we can not regard it as the best one merely.
First of all, to increase the expenses in the fundamental construction of education is the priority among priorities. If we don’t get enough equipments just like classrooms, textbooks, desks and so on, the process of education can nearly not be completed and the quality also decrease. For in stance, some remote villages in china where simple and crude schools are located in, students study without wide and bright rooms only to seat in the yard. With few teacher available, the teacher usually teach many courses such as Chinese, mathematics, art and science. In this case, we can imagine the quality of education can not be guaranteed.
In addition, the qualities of teachers are an essential requirement in improving our education. There is  a profound saying which goes that  　a teacher affects eternity； he can never tell where his influence stops. Therefore, a teacher who has a wide range of knowledge seems to teach students more effective， because the stock of information will help students understand easily and inspire their enthusiasm in studying.
Furthermore, to raise the awareness of students in learning by themselves is also an important measure to improve the quality of education. As we all know, a successful man is one who is able to study alone constantly.  So the development of our education is also need people to as that. What they think decide what they will do in some ways. If every student can study actively, the quality of our whole society will be soon improved.
Admittedly, as an alternative factor in this basic education, the function teacher operate can not be neglected. However, we still have a great deal of teachers not be pay with high salary but they insist on working and just want to make a little contribution to the development of our country’s education. And in fact they rely on their great moral character do pretty well. Thus, the high salary is not the only way to perfect our education.
In summary, there are too many measures we can take to improve the quality of our education. We need not to totally depend on increasing teachers’ salaries and it is not the best way that still exist some problems.

S酱UID：2883188

23# chikako.k

With the rapid development of modern society, an increasing number of versatile talents are in need. Many parents choose all sorts of courses just for their children which help them more easily to deal with anything（something that觉得重句多的时候最好不省略东西） will happen in their future life. This has become an essential factor can influence the choice of children’s growth although some people advocate that children may be not need to study so tough merely do what a children deserved to do. （这句好复杂－ －汗）From my point of view, our children are （是不是应该加个应该？不然貌似没有什么建议的感觉而是陈诉事实的感觉）all not only required to study basic subjects such as math, science, history and language but also to learn（觉得可以省略to learn，就是前面to study就够了） some courses can improve their accomplishment and qualities. If they follow this, they are more likely to spend（live） a meaningful life.

" G0 s5 W, y  B$ x; Q
First of all, to study art and music can expand their vision and extend their mind. Math, science, history and language are only some（certain） parts of enormous human being knowledge circle（这circle前面定语好长…human being没有形容词词性，并貌似不名词做定语）. Art and music are also belong to it which will give children more inspiring, realize more famous musicians or artists(art and music realize more...这句话不太对) and even guide them in their later studying（guide in＋名词，貌似study就行了～） in some areas.

* R  J7 A6 H9 w9 E$ L8 YIn addition, if children develop their hobbies in music and art, they can own a happy mood and enjoy a colorful life. As we all know, music can relief our stress， let us forget pain and take away
something（去掉，和后面feelings句子成分重复）awful feelings in our life. Most of children have a strong feedback when they listen to the music. Some of them even wave their hands or feet, dace with the rhythm of the music.（这句话表现儿童喜爱音乐，但是觉得不说明什么问题） Take my once experience as a an example, I saw a child playing with a ball in wonderland, however, he fell down when he was trying to pick up the ball. The little boy hurt his knee so that acute pain made him crying （cry ，反正都是转述过去事情的过程觉得不需要用ing）. But the music from the carrousel attract him, at last he stop crying and was almost  obsessed with（be obsessed with）these music. I believe it may be the music made him forget the pain and let him smile again.
  Q" d9 h1 V' p# M. o
In the end, art and music as professional skills can increase children’s confidence, then give them more opportunities in choosing their life（好像没这么说的）. A child who owns a skill in art or music seems to perform prominently than others. That will help her/his（him） set confidence very（much，very不修饰比较级） earlier during their childhood. This kind of confidence has a vital effect on their later life that can decide their taste, operation and life. Our society always need inter-disciplinary talents not contain the intelligent ， a positive mentality like confidence is also critical. These will stem from这词不错 the study of art and music.

  B$ H' g2 W4 z9 |3 Q; h; ]
In summary, children need to be cultivated from very little age. Art and music are significant aspects in their permanent study. Compared with other subjects, art and music can give us more than simple knowledge by leading us a beautiful life.

1，重句太多了，用的有点乱和太随意，也就是在外国人看来觉得句子逻辑会有问题，另一方面影响语言的节奏；
2，固定搭配里的用词方面也需要再仔细斟酌下，语法也要注意里面有不少语法错的；
觉得lz如果写得更严谨点就更好啦；

ps：中秋快乐～

chikako.kUID：2853696

09.05.30NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

With the rapid development of modern society, an increasing number of versatile talents are in need. Many parents choose all sorts of courses just for their children which help them more easily to deal with anything will happen in their future life. This has become an essential factor can influence the choice of children’s growth although some people advocate that children may be not need to study so tough merely do what a children deserved to do. From my point of view, our children are all not only required to study basic subjects such as math, science, history and language but also to learn some courses can improve their accomplishment and qualities. If they follow this, they are more likely to spend a meaningful life.
First of all, to study art and music can expand their vision and extend their mind. Math, science, history and language are only some parts of enormous human being knowledge circle. Art and music are also belong to it which will give children more inspiring, realize more famous musicians or artists and even guide them in their later studying in some areas.
In addition, if children develop their hobbies in music and art, they can own a happy mood and enjoy a colorful life. As we all know, music can relief our stress， let us forget pain and take away something awful feelings in our life. Most children have a strong feedback when they listen the music. Some of them even wave their hands or feet, dace with the rhythm of the music. Take my once experience as a an example, I saw a child playing with a ball in wonderland, however, he fell down when he was trying to pick up the ball. The little boy hurt his knee so that acute pain made him crying. But the music from the carrousel attract him, at last he stop crying almost obsessed with these music. I believe it may be the music made him forget the pain and let him smile again.
In the end, art and music as professional skills can increase children’s confidence, then give them more opportunities in choosing their life. A child who owns a skill in art or music seems to perform prominently than others. That will help her/his set confidence very earlier during their childhood. This kind of confidence has a vital effect on their later life that can decide their taste, operation and life. Our society always need inter-disciplinary talents not contain the intelligent ， a positive mentality like confidence is also critical. These will stem from the study of art and music.
In summary, children need to be cultivated from very little age. Art and music are significant aspects in their permanent study. Compared with other subjects, art and music can give us more than simple knowledge by leading us a beautiful life.

zcnvszwjUID：2815734

Do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.

One of the results of social economic development is that，an increasing number of people are faced with a dilemma in choosing jobs. Some people advocate that having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is rational, while opponents suggest that people should clutch a high salary no matter how dangerous they will go through. As far as I am concerned, a job with better secure seems to be appropriate even though there is only less income.
First of all, once we accept jobs with low paying salary and being high secure, it means that we will undertake more risky in your working. These potential factors may drop qualities of your life in some ways, then the worse condition may make us get occupational disease or any other chronic disease so that we have to waste more time on healing them and can not enjoy our life with relaxed mood. For example, in some places of china, many peasants prefer to mining than farming in their hometown just because they can get high paying salary in exploiting a mine, meanwhile they must afford more even their precious lives sometimes.2 x9 z; ]# w. G" }" V
In addition, the low secure will have a great effect on our surroundings not only in our relatives, but also our friends. As we all know, they are the people who love us the most in the world. When they realize we are in dangerous even though it is just a job and we comfort them constantly, they will still worry us unconsciously. The last thing we want to face is to let someone our loved grieve.
Admittedly, having jobs with high salary will provide us more alternative commodities and different sorts of life style. On the contrary, the lower paying salary can also ensure our fundamental need in life. It just likes that we always believe. Although we haven’t enough money to pay for the luxury traveling in Hawaii where we can enjoy the hot wave and the fascinating scenery, we can still relax in our cool yard. What most important is you are healthy rather than how rich you are.
In summary, health Is pre-condition of all word. a secure job with low paying salary can also enjoy ourselves. the high salary will not be the only thing we pursue in our own life.  
1、        第一段模板痕迹太重，建议修改；
2、        第二段逻辑有些乱，如第一句话所说，我们应该选择高工资低风险的工作，为什么接下来又说我们会冒很大的风险呢；
3、        第三段内容不够丰满，可补充具体的例子，如某人选择了高风险工作，然后出事了，亲人很伤心；
4、        整篇文章词语量不够丰富贴切，望继续积累；
5、        言语直接，还请见谅，祝楼主成功。

chikako.kUID：2853696

The 7th 9.14
Do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.
One of the results of social economic development is that，an increasing number of people are faced with a dilemma in choosing jobs. Some people advocate that having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure are rational, while opponents suggest that people should clutch a high salary no matter how dangerous they will go through. As far as I am concerned, a job with better secure seems to be appropriate even though there is only less income.
First of all, once we accept jobs with low paying salary and being high secure, it means that we will undertake more risky in your working. These potential factors may drop qualities of your life in some ways, then the worse condition may make us get occupational disease or any other chronic disease so that we have to waste more time on healing them and can not enjoy our life with relaxed mood. For example, in some places of china, many peasants prefer to mining than farming in their hometown just because they can get high paying salary in exploiting a mine, meanwhile they must afford more even their precious lives sometimes.
In addition, the low secure will have a great effect on our surroundings not only in our relatives, but also our friends. As we all know, they are the people who love us the most in the world. When they realize we are in dangerous even though it is just a job and we comfort them constantly, they will still worry us unconsciously. The last thing we want to face is to let someone our loved grieve.
Admittedly, having jobs with high salary will provide us more alternative commodities and different sorts of life style. On the contrary, the lower paying salary can also ensure our fundamental need in life. It just likes that we always believe. Although we haven’t enough money to pay for the luxury traveling in Hawaii where we can enjoy the hot wave and the fascinating scenery, we can still relax in our cool yard. What most important is you are healthy rather than how rich you are.
In summary, health Is pre-condition of all word. a secure job with low paying salary can also enjoy ourselves. the high salary will not be the only thing we pursue in our own life.

shufescUID：2616499

谢谢你的修改！
一些个人观点仅供参考。

FatalerrorUID：2798581

18# chikako.k
（09.02.27NA）Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.


One of the results of social economic development is that, as basic essential of life is satisfied (逻辑很严谨 chikako一定用了很多心思 但是有个疑问 basic和essential可能在意思上有些重复), people begin to question how to balance the jobs and vacations (balance用的很好 但是两个对象貌似需要进一步解释 有其是job 因为题目中的比较对象两种不同类型的job 这里把job单独提出来和其属性vacation进行比较 有可能产生歧义 可以替换成workload等词). The debate about people who choose a job with more vacation time but a low salary or would rather a job with a higher salary but less vacation time certainly fits in that pattern. From my point of view, more available leisure time is better than formidable working even with less income. (此句改写得很精彩 只是比较对象有点不对称 time is better than working 可以将主语的核心词换成job 用leisure time做定语 而且此句最后的with短语所修饰的对象貌似也应该是本句的主语job)


There is no doubt that people are all eager to get wages as more as possible meanwhile (meanwhile是副词 不能引导从句 应该用句号或分号将两个句子分隔开) they are also lazy who (定语从句需要紧跟先行词 这里有些远了 而且似乎这里用定语从句也不太恰当 这里应该是想表达lazy的具体表现形式 而不是去限定是哪种类型的people 个人建议将定语改成壮语 如 with the manifestation of failing to keep up work all the time) never keep up working all the time. The case is not rare in our life. However, there is an old saying which goes that if you sell the cow, you sell her milk too. (名言 我喜欢) Nobody can reap where one has not sown. (连续两句很有哲理的话 需要进一步解释 和本段论点联系起来 这样才能最大限度的发挥名言的效力) It is important that you take an appropriate job with sufficient vacations. A job with more vacation time can strike a proper balance between work and rest. That will be benefit for relieving the enormous pressure from working constantly (不知我理解的是否正确 这里chikako想说从持续不断的繁忙的工作中得到解脱 如果这样的话 个人推荐将working constantly替换成consecutive work 理由是名词优于动名词 副词constantly貌似不是想修饰relieving的 而是想修饰working的). We can enjoy our life with springlike (很生动的表述) mood.

In addition, more free time create more chance to communicate (发现chikako在词汇上下了很大的工夫 有一个相当形象的表达) with the life. Through the process of chatting we can cultivate our temperament and become more positive to the life. Eventually a harmonious (相当与时俱进 感谢党感谢国家) and friendly society can be set up. Although we haven’t (可能想说don’t have) enough money to pay for (pay for -> afford) the luxury traveling in (travel可以做名次 并且搭配介词to) Hawaii where we can enjoy the hot wave (精彩 这个词打死我也想不到) and the fascinating scenery, we can still relax in our cool yard. What most important is you are free (you are free有点简单 抬不起important 这里是本段的结尾可以再引伸一下 呼应一下本段的论点 如我们由此陶冶了情操 感受到和谐所带来的美好 什么的).

In contrast (要反证喽~), the other people who prefer to purchase high efficient jobs without enough rest can not relax to face the life. We can take Chen Yifei (喜欢例子), a famous Chinese painter, for instance. As we all know, his paintings adept at the traditional Chinese culture with modern Western painting. The "bridge" (最好加个定语或者同位语 来说明bridge是一幅Chen的画作) was selected as the United Nations First Day Covers, (看到这 貌似前面应该是主语从句 应该在句首加that 但是又与后面的表语部分冲突 表语的核心词是artist 需要大改 一个方案是That one of his famous painting “bridge” was selected as the UN FDC, places him the first Chinese artist to confer this honor.) is the first Chinese artist to be so honored. He never stops his marching step with making films, displaying his personal works and even founding his own fashion brand “Layefe”. Admittedly, he is a successful man.  However, he died of overwork in the end.  All these money he made become nothing for himself. Therefore we should not keep on working instead of proper rest. That is no means for us getting higher salary.


In summary, we can not be satisfied with all the thing (things) such as a high salary and more vacation time. Nevertheless we can make a better choice. That is to choose a job with more vacation time but a low salary.

Development organization 都没得说 逻辑严谨 例证充分 结构清晰 只是最后反正我不太喜欢 有点过于极端了 但仅仅是个人观点 而评分的时候是不看观点的 而看的是论证过程
Language use是亮点 chikako一定下了很大的功夫 但是多多少少有点虎头蛇尾的感觉 我也有类似的问题 也许写到最后太疲惫了 有空的时候可以再打磨一下后半部分

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（09.02.27NA）Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

One of the results of social economic development is that, as basic essential of life is satisfied, people begin to question how to balance the jobs and vacations. The debate about people who choose a job with more vacation time but a low salary or would rather a job with a higher salary but less vacation time certainly fits in that pattern. From my point of view, more available leisure time is better than formidable working even with less income.
There is no doubt that people are all eager to get wages as more as possible meanwhile they are also lazy who never keep up working all the time. The case is not rare in our life. However, there is an old saying which goes that if you sell the cow, you sell her milk too. Nobody can reap where one has not sown. It is important that you take an appropriate job with sufficient vacations. A job with more vacation time can strike a proper balance between work and rest. That will be benefit for relieving the enormous pressure from working constantly. We can enjoy our life with springlike mood.
In addition, more free time create more chance to communicate with the life. Through the process of chatting we can cultivate our temperament and become more positive to the life. Eventually a harmonious and friendly society can be set up. Although we haven’t enough money to pay for the luxury traveling in Hawaii where we can enjoy the hot wave and the fascinating scenery, we can still relax in our cool yard. What most important is you are free.
In contrast, the other people who prefer to purchase high efficient jobs without enough rest can not relax to face the life. We can take Chen Yifei, a famous Chinese painter, for instance. As we all know, His paintings adept at the traditional Chinese culture with modern Western painting. the "bridge" was selected as the United Nations First Day Covers, is the first Chinese artist to be so honored. He never stops his marching step with making films, displaying his personal works and even founding his own fashion brand “Layefe”. Admittedly, he is a successful man.  However, he died of overwork in the end.  All these money he made become nothing for himself. Therefore we should not keep on working instead of proper rest. That is no means for us getting higher salary.
In summary, we can not be satisfied with all the thing such as a high salary and more vacation time. Nevertheless we can make a better choice. That is to choose a job with more vacation time but a low salary.