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16# adj-remy
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
People who go outside are more successful and happier than people who stay in villages
Nowadays, numerous people have nostalgias because they have already hanged ('hanged' specifically means someone is dead by hanging. The past tense of the 'hang' in 'hang out' should be 'hung'.) out to for a long time and they have not any chance to stay in their hometowns. (Now this is some weird logic. 'Hang out' doesn't say anything about having to leave your hometown. In fact a 'hang out' is usually near where you live or study or work. You go out to a nice cafe just next to your house with some friends on a Saturday - that's called 'hanging out'. You seem to want to express 'stayed away (from their hometowns)' but somehow, somehow, you thought 'hang out' is the expression to use - probably because 'hang out' loosely translates to 外出 in Chinese, which loosely translates back to 'leave', which is very different from 'hang out'...) In this case, some people hold that one of the standards for the successful people is whether they are busy or not (I don't see the relationship between this sentence and the previous one. What does 'nostalgia' have to do with people having this standard of successful people?) Therefore, they think that going outside are is happier and successful than staying in the countryside. However, other people, like me, prefer choosing to stay in villages, and I have several reasons to support my viewpoint. (The question is about whether you agree with the topic. It's not about where you prefer to stay. You don't have to 'prefer' to agree with anything.)
First and foremost, if people stay in villages, they will produce (This means 'make'. You can't 'produce' a sense. You 'develop' a sense.) the sense of belonging. For example, Adriano, : he is a world-famous footballer all over the world. When he was successful in Inter Milan, he had to choose came (You choose something, or choose to do something. There is no 'choose do' something.) back to the village (Which village? There are thousands of villages in the world and which one you're referring to by 'the'? If you use 'the', the noun must be SPECIFIC, for example, 'the cat I saw yesterday', or 'I have a book. The book is here.'). Because he maintained that after he became famous, only having the strangers and speculators surrounding him but not people how the kindness and honesty has (This not even a proper sentence. What are you trying to say?) . A lot of reporters always traced and agents induced him (Yeah, so? What does this piece of information try to illustrate? I think you're trying to give examples of 'stranges and speculators...not people of kindness and honesty', but there is no obvious connection showing what you're trying to do. Simply speaking, you're just writing one sentence after another. You're not making a COHESIVE argument.). Although he had already been successful in Italy, he still had strong homesickness, he wanted to seclude himself in a village: the village could give the serene and clean environment to him. Consequently, no matter people become successful or not, if they always go outside and live in a strange environment, they cannot feel happier and belonging than staying in villages. (Good. This is indeed how paragraph conclustions should be written.)
The first above example above is only an illustration that there is a deeper theory underlying this problem which is that people will have family happiness if they stay in villages (But why is this a 'problem'?). Compared with it (What?), if they go outside all the time, their family members will both worry and be apprehensible (This means 'understandable'. Do you mean 'apprehensive'? They happen to be siblings with different extended meanings.). For instance, there are a lot of millionaires who prefer to stay in villages with their children after they retire, because they hold that after they become successful, the material living cannot be gratified (Things 'gratify' people. People 'gratify' their desires. People are 'gratified' by things.Things don't 'get gratified to' people - just like you can't say 'this meal is not satisfied to me'.) to them, they need the a spiritual living to compensate for their families who was miss? the chance to stay together before. So, choosing a secluded and serene village to them is definitely better than going outside. (Right, but that doesn't say anything about whether they must be less successful or happier than people who are still out there. You conclusion is essentially comparing 'villages' with 'the outside', not 'people who go outside' with 'people who stay in villages'. Again, this falls through from your opening paragraph - 'other people, like me, PREFER to stay in villages..' - which, in your mide, molds the question into something remotely relevant but different.)
On the contrast (You mean, 'contrary'?), sometimes people who go outside have also some advantages, like they can broaden their kens. However, a close inspection of this argument would reveal how flimsy it is: to broaden the horizon is only be happy to the juvenile, but not all types of people (I'm sure Sir David Attenborough would think otherwise..). Consequently, I am sure my above examples can conquer all opponents (You sure? Your second argument is not even arguing the right question.. Don't be so absolute when dealing with opponents.).
In conclusion, although some people still hold that if some people always are busy to hang out, they must be successful and happy, I still support my opinion: to producing the sense of belonging, we should choose to stay in villages. To compensate for family, we should also stay in villages. (There it goes again. The question is not even asking you where everyone should choose to stay.
Think about this:
甲: Do you agree that married people are happier than unmarried people?
乙: Some people might think so, but I prefer marriage, once you marry you'll know it's happy, many good people choose to marry because it is happier, single life is good too but marriage is still so much better, so of course everyone should be married!
This is basically what your essay looks like to an examiner.)
总结:
词汇 - 很多大词你明显是不会用的。。要么查字典弄明白这个词应该怎么用(不只是知道意思),要么不要用,换个你能用对的词。
语法 - 问题不大,但是有很明显的一不知道要怎么表达某个想法就连语法也不管导致不知所云的倾向。。
逻辑 - 基本上就是你最后回答的问题和问题问的根本就不是一回事儿。。=.= 请注意扣题。。 |
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