【Daily Writing作文特训小组】小呆的作文贴，求监督求指导~

应小呆UID??3109940

楼主关于英语的背景：
四级裸考585，六级继续裸考577。
以娱乐为主考过一次雅思6分（因为同时在准备CPA，然后杯具滴都考了50几==）
GMAT 720 作文4.5
各种普通各种不靠谱==

慕名来参加作文特训小组~
希望取得好成绩，大家互相监督，共同努力！
考试时间是7月23日，在山大~

ilhrxUID??2759939

前来学习29的作文！

应小呆UID??3109940

今日之计，只能把这货扔在这儿了==
愿意的来帮帮忙吧==
雅思论坛和寄托的雅思板块真的不给力吖，帮他们改了也不会回来帮我一下==
阿西吧==

以下为雅思作文==
笔考，40min完成，其他要求似乎和托福差不多==

题目
Some people say that governments should pay for the public health care and education, while others say that it is not the government’s responsibility. Please discuss both views and give your own opinion.


37min34s
With the development of people’s life, there is more and more attention paid to the public service, especially public health care and education. Some people hold the view that these service should be paid by the government. Others take the opposite point. From my point of view, this question does not have an either-or answer. In other word, government alone should not take the whole responsibility.

First and foremost, even if the most powerful government can not pay for all the expense of public health care and education. As far as I know, the GDP of my hometown last year was only 5.3 billion yuan. Thus you will know how much tax the government of my city gets. As there are so much construction needs to be paid, there may not be enough money for public health care and education. Furthermore, there are more and more elder citizens all around the world. The decrease of working fore is accompanied with the increase of old people. As a result, the financial stress of the government is very huge.

However, on the other hand, the government has collected so much tax that it should do something for its people, such as offering some free assistance to public health care and education. What’s more, this assistance will do good to the government itself. With healthy and educated people, the society will operate more efficiently. Finally, only government has the ability to control and manage the whole public health care and education system. As a result, government should take the responsibility to provide its people with public health care and education.

All in all, from my perspective, government and the society should work together to build up a reliable health care and education system. Either one of the two can not hold the whole responsibility alone.

kagomerwUID??2453843

同组的人给我说我才发现，21号改的你们的文章都没上传成功。好像是我网络卡了的原因。。
然后我才发现改的你的也没上传成功。。。。


现在再传一次。。八好意思了

theflyfishUID??2101420

改好了。感觉你的进步太快了。考场要是能写出这个水平，满分跑不了吧

冰雪蜂鸟UID??2754485

加油~

应小呆UID??3109940

7月22日
独立
我今天要坐车去济南考试了==（小城市木有考点）
所以今天和我一组的同学，请问我23号考完回来再改可以吗？
PS：God bless me~~~~(>_<)~~~~

幕阳素素UID??3025800

观点挺好，我怎么就想不出那么多观点来呢

应小呆UID??3109940

7月21日
独立
我明天要坐车去济南考试==（小城市木有考点）
所以今天和我一组的同学，请问我23号考完回来再改可以吗？

闫颜UID??2788503

There are no two leaves, which are exactly the same. So there is no team, whose members hold the same opinion from the beginning. People holding different opinions can achieve success as a team. What's more（后文用了很多次，建议多储备几个）, in my opinion, teams with various kinds of views are more easily to succeed. From my perspective, the following discussion can support my point of view.

First and foremost, the more the better（我觉得这里没有说明的很清楚，the more views, the better?）. As an old Chinese saying goes, three stupid shoemakers can take the place of a genius. So the power of discussion is enormous. Every opinion has its own virtues. As long as we can collect all the virtues and avoid all the withdraws and discuss them thoroughly, we can make up（应该是用come up with吧？）a solution better than all the others. For example, when we decide the topic of our study group to research for a history class, the more the better. That means, when different people have different opinions, then they will try to find different means and materials to prove their rightness. When we stop collecting and present(presenting )to others what we have, we will have a broader viewpoint than any individual of our group would do. As a result, our report will cover all the corners of a specific topic and have a general conclusion. What's more, as everyone using different way, the way others used can give us inspiration of new idea to look at the world.

In addition, people hold（holding） different views can see what you do not pay enough attention to. As we all know that, you cannot see the hole on the back of your pants, but others can. When you work with people with different opinions, your eyesight will be broadened. You can analyze things from a more thorough perspective. Thus you can learn more from what you are doing. Moreover, to work with people hold different opinions, you need to learn how to communicate with different people. As we all know that communication skills are very critical quality for both a individual and a group to be successful. Dealing with different people in a group is a very useful practice for you to deal with different people in a society. For example, if you can learn how to reach a consensus in a group, then you will know how to persuade other people to admit your idea. If you can persuade other people to admit your idea, then you will get more help from others. Thus success is nearer to you. The same is to groups.

Some people may take the view that, there will be more conflicts in a team, whose members have different opinions. But as a matter of fact, as long as the team has a mutual-helpful and harmonious atmosphere, there won't be so many conflicts. What's more, people will learn more about how to communicate with other people, as I have said above. Moreover they will learn how to deal with people who have different opinions and learn from each other.

That is why I think different opinions in a team will help it to be more successful.

写的很好很好很好啊，好羡慕啊~~我总觉得自己词汇和句型变化很少~~一定要学习楼主。
我的文章是附件
7-16号的文章没有人给我改，楼主要是有时间就看下吧谢啦！！，https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1278705-1-1.html
82# 应小呆

闫颜UID??2788503

我7-20号独立，现在才写完， 麻烦了！！

82# 应小呆

lyn7981UID??2758158

7.20 TPO 9 改好啦啦啦~【Annie】5 [0 |# e" @) j" E" T
The lecturer holds the view that although what the reading provides is true,(这里用破折号） the internal-combustion engine do lots of harm to the environment（能不能改成does/inflicts irreparable/lasting harm on the environment)  , (这个逗号也改成破折号）fuel-cell engines are not a better solution to the problem. She has（lists会不会比has好一些些？） the following reasons to support herself.

Firstly, although hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful sources, it is not easy to attain. For example we usually derive hydrogen from water. But the water we need is pure liquid water, which can only be made artificially. For instance, producing pure liquid water needs considerable low temperature. What’s more, it is hard to store pure liquid water. So hydrogen is not so easily available as what is said in the reading.（听力里说，通常我们认为H2能从水里得到，但这种方法是行不通的。要得到H2我们必须先把它弄成液态【liquid state】，我特地再去听了一遍，你再去听听是不是这样的？）$ @$ W9 R+ v+ a' Q) Y2 J. y' r
% c5 b" l: Z4 ?0 C# g9 N3 I

Secondly, there will be a lot of pollution in the progress of producing pure water（一样的问题，producing pure 【hydrogen】creates a lot of pollutions）, from which we derive hydrogen to get fuel-cell engines. In the progress of manufacturing pure water, we need to burn a lot of coal and oil, which will do harm to the environment. If we use fuel-cell engines, we just remove the pollution from using progress to producing progress. This makes no sense.8 [1 w) m2 z# O0 S; k6 _
$ d/ j7 F* ^1 V+ {; u9 [

Thirdly, money will not be saved. In the progress of producing pure water, we need a lot of materials, one of which is a kind of very rare metal. There is no doubt that this kind of metal is very expensive. What’s more, the alternative material has not been manufactured successfully.(听力里讲用【其他便宜的材料不管用】~其实我们都知道的，说白了就是铂能催化氢气的传电子反应，而其他金属不能罢了，有时候没听清可以试试用常识自己解释解释~我觉得还挺有用滴~分享给你，希望对你有帮助）Moreover, as we can see from the information above, progress of producing pure water and storing it also needs lots of money, so using fuel-cell engines can not be cheaper at all.

改好了改好了~~~嘿嘿，我发现用彩色的字改很漂亮诶~哈哈哈哈。不过如果我能把内容改得这么漂亮就好了。。。。T T

lyn7981UID??2758158

写的很不错呢~！
我的作文：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1284659-2-1.html