闫颜的作文贴

闫颜UID：2788503

今天开始

tgbusUID：3111035

托福真诚服务0定金Q17125#18723★★★雅思托福考位Q84522#0028

闫颜UID：2788503

6-30: It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends?

Due to the development of the market economy and also the increasing process of globalization,  people have more and more chances to change jobs which may require them to move to a new city or even a new country.  Some people are unwilling to move fearing the loss of old friends. However, considering all the advantages and disadvantages , I thinks it is a good thing to move to a new city or a new country.

First of all, in my opinion, moving to a new place does not necessarily mean losing contact with old friends. In fact, with the help of modern communication and transportation technology, one can easily make contact with or fly to meet his or her friends even they are several thousand miles away from each other. To be more specific, old friends are those with whom we can share our sorrows and joys and those to whom we can ask for help when we are in trouble. In this sense, living in a different place from our friends does not entirely stop us from doing the same things, because with the help of high technology, we still can chat with friends on the phone or through the MSN, we can also get the recent news about them from their Face book, and we can even fly back to their city to go shopping or play football with friends when comes to vacation. In a word, there is no need to worry about losing old friends because of moving.

Instead of bringing the effects of losing old friends and the shrink of social network, moving to a new place can also viewed as a great opportunity to visit more places and make friends with more people . If you spend most of your time in the same place, the number and the diversity of your friends may be  limited. On the other hand, if you have the chance to change your job and thus move to a new place, you will have more opportunities to meet more diversity kinds of people. They may be different from you in many aspects and hence you can learn from they a lot. For example, if you lived in New York and have been accustomed to the heated competition between workmates, then you will learn leisureliness and enjoyment from your new workmates in Paris. You may start to learn how to savor the red wine, how to appreciate the fashion show in Milan and so on.  All in all, you can also make friends with residents where you are moving to and benefit a lot from them.

Apart from making new friends, living in a different place can also broaden your horizon and give  you a different perspective to view the things around you and even the whole world.  In fact, every place and country has its own culture which is resulted from its special history. Normally, this culture includes the values, morals or norms that are recognized by all people in this community. So, living with those people in their resident will help you attain another way of thinking. For instance,  in US, young people will  move out and no longer live with their parents when they become independent. When their parents are too old to take care of themselves, they will usually choose to live in the rest-room and their kids seldom visit them. But in Asian countries where the family value is very important in their culture, people there are thankful and respect to parents and thus enjoy the harmony of generations of the family living together. So once you live in Asian country for a period of time, you will be more or less affected by this value and when you come back to home, maybe you will think of and visit your parents.

In sum, moving to a new place does not necessarily mean a lose of old friends. On the contrary, it can also offer a good opportunity for you to know more new friends. Besides, you can also learn a lot from other cultures and benefit from that.

闫颜UID：2788503

6-27独立写作：赞成在家利用电脑和电话（work at home by using computer and telephone)工作，还是去公司的办公室（company's office）工作

   Nowadays, the development of the technology, especially those in areas of communication, have greatly changed not only the daily life of people, but also their working habits and experience. For example, with the help of those inventions such as computers and telephone, people are allowed to work at home instead of staying in the office from the morning to the night. However, when it comes to the question that which way is better, working at home or in office, I 'd say that both of them have advantages as well as disadvantages, mangers of all companies should make flexible use of these different ways as long as they satisfy the purpose of the company.
   Without question, working at home by using computers and telephone has a lot of advantages. First, it means a more flexible schedule for working people, which allows them to work when they are active and have a rest whenever they feel tired.  This ensures their interest in the job and also a high working efficiency. Besides, working at home may offer opportunities for creativeness and therefore inventions and innovations. It is hard to imagine that people who sticking to a stiff schedule every day, seeing the similar scenery during the commute, and working with the same group of people, will have the inspiration to come up with some significant innovations to contribute to the company. In this sense, working at home and enjoying the freedom is of great importance.
   More than that, working at home also helps people avoid wasting money and time, and even to some extent make a difference in protecting the environment. To be specific, instead of working in the office, which may be far away from one' house, he or she can save the money spent on the commute. Or he or she will not need to worry about the increasing price of oil because they do not need to drive a long way from suburban districts to the downtown city. Apart from that, working at home also help solve the increasing traffic jams which have became a problem that bothers almost every big city in the world. Instead of wasting time on the highway, people could make a fully use of this time by reading, enjoying some entertainment or having a good rest as preparations for the work in another day.
   However, cooperating only through the internet also poses a lot of problems. One of them is the loss of familiarity between workmates and also between staff and managers. In fact, familiarity is the basis of teamwork spirit and the solidarity of the entire company. It is hard to imagine that a company full of strangers will work towards the same goal and contribute all their intelligence and energy to the company.
   In sum, although there are many strong points when adopting the method of working at home by using computer and telephone, its drawback is also obvious and inevitable. Taking the current conditions and limitations into account, we'd better combine both of these two methods to achieve the goal of maximization of the profit.

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

Nowadays, the development of the technology,especially those(主语是thedevelopment，应该使用that而非those) in areas of communication,have(主语thedevelopment是单数应该使用has)greatly changed not only the daily life of people, but also their workinghabits and experience. For example, with the help of those inventions such ascomputers and telephone, people are allowed to work at home instead of stayingin the office from the morning to the night. However, when it comes to thequestion that which way is better, working at home or in office, I 'd say that（TOEFL作文不允许有简写，比如it’s等，所以此处应该写为：I wouldlike to say that） both of them have advantages as well as disadvantages, mangers ofall companies should make flexible use of these different ways as long as theysatisfy the purpose of the company. (最后一句没看懂….)
我感觉第一段的背景有些长，加了一个forexample愈发显得冗长（例子的作用按照常理应该放到后面展开使用），而且forexample之后的话并没有很像个例子。我个人认为，可以把第一句话删掉，直接以with…那句开头。表达自己观点的句子可以用简单句，简单词，以表达准确为准。


Without question, working at home by usingcomputers and telephone has a lot of advantages. First, it means a moreflexible schedule for working people, which allows them to work when they areactive and have a rest whenever they feel tired.  This ensures（retains） their interest in the job and also a（不用加冠词） highworking efficiency.(有必要加一句话解释怎么就保持兴趣和高效率了)Besides, working at home may offer opportunities for creativeness and thereforeinventions and innovations. It is hard to imagine that people who sticking to astiff schedule every day, seeing the similar scenery during the commute, andworking with the same group of people, will have the inspiration to come upwith some significant innovations to contribute to the company.（这个will have 是哪来的？前面it is hardto imagine…group of people已经是独立的一句话了。后面应该另加一个主语于will have构成一句话） In thissense, working at home and enjoying the freedom is of great importance.（Besides后面，虽然你反着说去office的不好也是可以的，但是没有解释清楚怎么在家就有creativeness,inventions and innovations的机会了呢？）



More than that, working at home also helpspeople avoid wasting money and time and, even to some extent, makes adifference in protecting the environment.(注意逗号的使用) To be specific, instead of workingin the office, which may be far away from one' house, he or she can save themoney spent on the commute. Or he or she will not need to worry about theincreasing price of oil because they do not need to drive a long way fromsuburban districts to the downtown city. Apart from that, working at home alsohelp solve the increasing traffic jams which have became a problem that bothersalmost every big city in the world(没有bother big city, bother的是人). Instead of wasting time on thehighway, people could make a fully（full）
use of this time by(to) reading, enjoying someentertainment or having a good rest as preparations for the work in anotherday.


However, cooperating only through theinternet also poses a lot of problems. One of them is the loss of familiaritybetween workmates and also between staff and managers. In fact, familiarity isthe basis of teamwork spirit and the solidarity of the entire company. It ishard to imagine that a company full of strangers will work towards the samegoal and contribute all their intelligence and energy to the company. (如果你想说两个都好，那么就要说在公司的有点，这一段整个都是反正说的，即说在家的不好。但是在家不好并不能证明在公司一定好。所以，反着说的说法是可以的，但是不能常用，大段的用。用的方法最好是对比着用，比如先说在公司好，然后下一句说在家的不好。正反结合。)

In sum, although there are many strongpoints when adopting the method of working at home by using computer andtelephone, its drawback is also obvious and inevitable. Taking the currentconditions and limitations into account, we'd better combine both of these twomethods to achieve the goal of maximization of the profit.
第一段和结尾给人的感觉都是以为你要各打50大板，但是看完文章发现你的观点其实是大正小负，大大的同意在家工作，小同义在公司工作。所以开头结尾应该适当修改一下用词。另外注意语法和句法的使用！祝进步！

xiangtuoUID：3047550

有异议欢迎联系！

闫颜UID：2788503

谢谢，意见很中肯，收获很大！！！ 5# 冰雪蜂鸟

闫颜UID：2788503

7-16：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.

In the age of globalization, it is more and more important for different countries and companies to cooperate with each other. So it is the same within the company. Members of one company should be open to the critics from others. However it is also of great significance to have the critical thinking about other’s comments.

Without question, accepting other members’ critics is very crucial to the development of the company, especially when you are in the decision-making position and what you do will play an important role in the running and the developing of the company. Imagine that, without the critics of his coworkers’, how could Jobs changed his drawbacks in his character and think over his ill-behavior causing great lose to the company ,and finally help the Apple get through a lot of difficulties. Similarly, Liu Bang, the King of the Han Dynasty in the history of China, who was a farmer and without too much knowledge, is another good example. Even though Liu did not know how to manage the country and fight the war, he made full use of the comments, suggestions and even critics from his employees. In the end, Han Dynasty lasted a relatively longer time.

However as an independent individual, we should also keep the quality of critical thinking and try to tell whether the critics is right or wrong before adopt them. Bach is a good example here. The music composed by Bach was always difficult to understand because of its subject of the religion. Not being able to appreciate these pieces of music, critics at that time looked down on Bach and Bach died without any fame. Until about one hundred years later, another composer found the importance of Bach’s music and since then Bach is regarded as the father of religion music. It is hard to imagine if Bach took the comments from other musicians at the time seriously, would he stick to his own idea and created so many great music to us.  In a word, we should take careful consideration about other’s critics and suggestions before we are determine what we should do next.

In a word, we had better keep a balance between sticking to our own ideas and adopting useful information offered by other people.

闫颜UID：2788503

lyn7981UID：2758158

一起互改哈~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1284659-2-1.html

应小呆UID：3109940

改好了~

lyn7981UID：2758158

7.20 独立改好了~

闫颜UID：2788503

11-14独立作文。

我有几个问题需要大家给我出点主意，我这作文602字，太罗嗦了，可是自己改又下不了手，大家帮帮忙啊！！
写的太少怕说不清楚，但是说清楚了又罗嗦了==

还有就是关于文章结构如果是大正小负（就是偏向其中一个观点，但是不完全否认另一个观点）的时候，逻辑就混乱了。大家帮我看看吧。

谢谢啦！！

liang0603UID：3182007

个人觉得文章，得前面有点冗余，后面写的很好，比较顺...所以前面改了些，总体来说还是不错的，就是句型有点单一...我的也灰常单一的句型啊。。。。共勉！在楼主这里学习了很多

elevatorUID：3111052

13# 闫颜