Daily Writing——【Carol】作文帖 求批改 求进步！

carol0607UID??3022610

8.27 上考场的妹子 开始跟进小组  努力中……

7.13

Which is better, challenging plans about one's future or practical plans about one's future?

412
Everyone makes plan for their own life, there are various plans accompany with our grow up such as: work plan、exercise plan、diet plan and career planning. Each of this motivates us to do better. And making a plan is just like to set up a ruler in order to estimate whether we have a great progress or not. Therefore, it is scientific to make a rational plan in future. You should set a clearly goal and you know you can get it. The plan which is suit for you is a practical plan.

Many students have makes several plans for their dream. There is no denying that it is good habit. However, to make a useful plan is important. You should work out schedule base on your practical situation. Then hold the opportunity to enhance yourself. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be an architect, or a lawyer, or a member of our military? You should practice yourself in every single one of those careers. Practical plans can help you. Because it can solve problems of what you meet in short-term stage. You can choice a university that you want to go in the future when you at senior high school. Then, work hard to make a success. When you are in the college, you want to get a wonderful job in the future. Then, set a goal and proceed in a planned way.

In addition, make practical plans come true can bring us sense of satisfaction. When you accomplish you plans, you will have particular feeling that you are winner. It will increase your confidence when you overcome all kinds of difficulties. For example, people who want to change a job and make salary from 20,000 dollars increase to 35,000 dollars one year. If he get to train for it and work for it and learn for it, he will achieved it. And then, it brings him more motivation and confidence to make a next plan to do it. However, challenging plans are disadvantage. It full of unknown situation in the future. The more difficulties appear the more possible to fail.

In light of these, I would like to say that I personally agree with the statement that is better for one’s future to make a practical plans. To set up rational plan enable us recognize real situation and condition so that do it more easily.


唉 越到后面越词穷了……

carol0607UID??3022610

8.13  TPO8

234
The professor provides sufficient evidences which contradict the conclusion of the passage. In her view, the long memoir wrote by Chevalier is real. Thus, he did not distort or invented many events in the memoir.

First, the professor argues that the Chevalier had seems not very rich. According to her, Chevalier borrowed money does not means he is poor. Because every businessman knows that you should loan enough money to go around while you are selling something. So before Chevalier’s money arrived, he has had to borrow money from Swiss merchant.

Second, the professor opposes the point in the passage that the memoir cannot possibly capture these conversations accurately about Chevalier had chat with Voltaire. The professor explains that Chevalier wrote down exact details every night after the conversations end up. Therefore, the point in the passage that it is impossible to remember exact phrases from extended conversations held many years earlier is seriously attacked.

Third, the professor contradicts the passage by demonstrating the Chevalier’s escape from Venetian prison. She says that other prisoner in that prison has more powerful friends than he did. However, those people were not able to bribe jailers to have freedom. What’s more, the old government documents indicated that the event of having escape from Venetian prison is true. Because the ceiling in the room has been repaired, it confirmed that Chevalier preparing escape.

愤怒公爵UID??2929648

楼主，12号应该是TPO7吧，你做错了。我也不改了，因为楼主的tpo6实际上做得不错，抓点都抓到了。

lisq9989UID??2110509

改过了，希望对你有帮助

carol0607UID??3022610

8.12  独立
帮忙修改的同学~我知道我写的不是当天的题目，因为有些题目之前写过了，或者思路练过，我就挑了些思路对我来说难想的
麻烦了

07.12.15
It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn fact.

What is the responsibility for student? Obviously, it is to learn knowledge. Knowledge is base of everything, people through study to obtain ideas and concepts and use them in real live. Ideas and concepts just like tools in order to let students understand fact and explore it in the new world. That is the reason why it is important for students. In light of this statement, I agree that to understand ideas and concepts is more important than it is for students to learn fact.

First and foremost, education is indispensable. Everyone should get the education from kindergarten to middle or high school and college so that students can get more ideas and concepts in classes. It is apparent that before they step into society to learn fact they should makes more concentration to enhance the abilities and skills from classes. Maybe they could be a writer, maybe even good enough to write a new book or article in a newspaper, but they might not know its idea until they write that English paper——that English class paper assigned to them. Maybe they could be an innovator or inventor, maybe even good enough to come up with the next Iphone or new medicine of vaccine, but they might not know its concepts until they do their project for their science class. Maybe they could be a mayor or senator or Supreme Court justice, but they might not know that until they learn in law class. There is no doubt that ideas and concepts are foundation enable the students to learn fact and to do what they like.

What’s more, our nation needs every single of students to develop their talents and their skills and their intellects so that they can help our government solve most difficult problems. They’ll need the knowledge and problem solving skills they learn in science and math to cure disease like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. They’ll need insight and critical thinking skills they gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and to make our nation fair and more free. They’ll need creativity and ingenuity they develop all their classes to built new company that will create new jobs and boost out economy. We cannot emphasize the importance of learning ideas and concepts too much. Without it students cannot learn fact more clearly.

To sum up, although learning fact is also very important, it is base on the fact that understands ideas and concepts. Therefore, I totally agree with the author's statement that it is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn fact.

carol0607UID??3022610

8.12    TPO6

241
The professor provides sufficient evidence which contradicts the point in the passage that the l online encyclopedia has several important problems that make them much less valuable than traditional. In her view, the communal encyclopedia will never be perfect but communal online encyclopedias are also very useful.

First, the professor oppose the point in the passage that communal online encyclopedia often lack academic credentials and also makes some inaccurate information in many cases. She says that the traditional encyclopedia have never been close to accurate or without any mistakes. And the online encyclopedia can correct errors but the traditional encyclopedia will remain the errors for decades This indicate that the traditional encyclopedia are write standard academic rigor that is impossible which is opposite to the claim in the passage.

Second, the professor mentions that the online encyclopedias can protect its articles from hackers and no one can change the format, it makes articles reliable. Therefore, the point in the passage that the information will be corrupt by hackers or vandals is seriously attacked

Third, the professor contradicts the passage by demonstrating the online encyclopedias have large space to get various articles and topics but traditional encyclopedia have to decide what's important and what is not. This evidence clearly shows that the online encyclopedia has strong advantages in this field. Thus the point in the passage that the communal encyclopedias do not provides a considered view is objected by the professor.

阿叶UID??3145578

亲~对不起啦。。。
我TPO5 还没做过呢。。。我下次做过了再给改你吧~~~

carol0607UID??3022610

你这写的不是昨天的内容啊！！！！
paooozhixia163 发表于 2011-8-12 09:47

有些之前我写过了的  我就换着写其他的内容

也都是屠龙分类里的~

carol0607UID??3022610

40# lyn7981


恩恩  

我10号没写tpo 于是就补上了

后面可能都会落后一个topic~

lyn7981UID??2758158

8.11 Annie's 修改稿

The professor disagrees with the arguments in the passage. She provides more evidence which refuses the problems of the settlements of Chaco Canyon’s function【function是落脚点，the function of ....】 raised by the passage.7 o; @- w, V" ^6 o/ O% P% k2 v
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First, the professor opposes the point in the passage that the Chaco structures were purely residential, with each housing hundreds of people. He says that if it is true, why people cannot find fire place【不是没找到，只是找到的量不够多，这种错误一定不能犯，再去听一下试试】. Because about hundreds of people need fire in order to cooking and some people just find a few fire place which not enough【are not enough/ are insufficient】. This indicates that the settlements of Chaco Canyon were not place for people living which are opposite to the claim in the passage. % N5 d% K6 ]* @% l. w; D) s

Second, the professor mentions【好词，记下了】 that the Chaco structures were not storage, because they cannot maintain the fresh food and some people saws that the maize are spread on the floor which could not be stored for long time【听力里是这么说得吗？还有似乎有提到container吧？我是前天听的这篇听力，记得不是很确定，不过还是建议你再去听一下】. Therefore, the point in the passage that the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies is seriously attacked.4 z1 m; L$ d0 X) h
; B! y8 F# J( d3 F8 d$ o! ]6 P
Third, the professor contradicts the passage by demonstrating【陈述的好句法，学习了】 the houses were not used as ceremonial centers. Because there are large quantities of building material including sand, stone and others also the spots beside them【besides the pots】. And these probably are trash which thrown away when a house was being built. This evidence clearly shows that the spots【pots？】 were not used as materials for special ceremonies.【感觉听力中似乎没有直接说不可能是ceremonial center，只是说可能是建筑工人丢弃的，个人感觉应该属于有保留的否定，不是完全否定】 Thus the point in the passage that the houses were used as ceremonial centers is objected by the professor.

可能修改中有不足或者说得有偏颇之处，请谅解。个人觉得，语言不一定要多地道，多华丽，但一定要能表达清楚观点，而且综合写作一定不要再罗列观点上出错，那就太可惜了。你说呢？【Annie】
P.S.:1. 记得帮我也改一下作文哟，亲~
       2. 你貌似写错题目了，这是8.10的TOPIC哟~

pirateasyUID??3133642

肿么~题变了~吓我一跳~~
08.05.314
It's better to use own knowledge and experience to solve questions, or ask other for advice

There are many difficulties and problems in our live which will be hard to overcome or solve（去掉it, 这里定语从句，which指代了it). Some of these can (be solved 被动) by own knowledge and experience and（用转折语气会更好，比如while） others may （be）not. We should ask other for help or advice, because they may have mature experiences（maturer比较级，不要急。 experience，用单数扣题。） than we have. Also we can learn a lot from it. Therefore, in light of this statement, ask（asking分词做主语） other for advice is a better choice.

First and foremost, people can find a better way to solve problem if they ask for advice from older people who have much more knowledge and experiences（这个experience也是哦）. My best friend, Shelley, who have had（这个had不要，现在完成时就够了~） gone aboard for a trip. She is very lucky that she met a wise elder who is a successful businessman and they get along well with each other. Shelly talked about some problems in her company and she doesn't （时态一致didn’t, 据说文中不能出现撇号，还是did not好些）know how to solve it. Fortunately, the elder tell (told) her lots of experiences that he has（had）. Shelly learned many skills about interpersonal skills and negotiation abilities. Finally she makes (过去发生，用made较好)a great progress in her company and makes （不要了，或者换个词，比如created）more contributions. There is no denying that ask (同样asking)other for advice can obtain more methods to solve our problems.

What's more, people can learn something new if they ask for help from others. Don't be afraid to ask questions, (and) don't be afraid to ask （for）help. Even Obama do(第3人称does) it everyday （every day 分开表状语）. Asking for advice is not a sign of weakness it（转折，但没谓语了。‘,in contrast, it is’） a sign of strength because it shows (that) you have courage to admit when you do not know something and then that allows you to know something new(并列内容有些突兀，最好中间加may表示一种可能性，使意思表达更连贯). So （去掉so，因为所以只许用一个）find an adult that you trust——a parent, a grandparent or teacher, a counselor or a coach. And ask them to help you stay on track and meet your goals. When I graduate from my college, I don't know how to adjust myself in society and I was afraid to communicate with others. So I ask my mother for advice, she tell me a lots of things about behavioral science and tell me how to get along well with others. Then I gradually suit for（suit及物，去掉for吧） it(这一段例子都应用过去时). Therefore, ask （还是asking）other for advice can solve questions that we cannot to （不要to）use own knowledge and experience to solve it（定语从句，that已经指代了这个it）.
To sum up, asking for advice is a good virtue（virtue很唐突，建议使用be beneficial）. Although to use (用using，to do做主语有表示未来呀计划呀什么的意思) own knowledge and experience also can solve some questions, it will spend （nevertheless it will take （it做主语时，花费时间用take））more time and energy to do it. Compare to ask other for advice, not only people can obtains （用原形）new experience but also get a better choice. Thus, I agree with ask（asking） other for advice is better than to use own knowledge and experience to solve questions.

文章还需要在语言方面多加改进，比如一些动词如solve， use，get等，一些名词problem, advice等，第一试着换成别的更高级的托福词汇， 第二试着在后面的句子使用中用同义词变化，因为一个词不宜重复使用。
少用祈使句吧，祈使句中含有命令语气，给改卷老师的印象可能不好。
另外，需要注意时态一致，还有被动语句、定语从句的使用~
好啦~相信你~再接再厉呀~加油！

paooozhixia163UID??2588527

你这写的不是昨天的内容啊！！！！

carol0607UID??3022610

8.11  独立

08.05.31
It's better to use own knowledge and experience to solve questions, or ask other for advice

447
There are many difficulties and problems in our live which will be hard to overcome it or solve it. Some of these can solve by own knowledge and experience and others may not. We should ask other for help or advice, because they may have mature experiences than we have. Also we can learn a lot from it. Therefore, in light of this statement, ask other for advice is a better choice.

First and foremost, people can find a better way to solve problem if they ask for advice from older people who have much more knowledge and experiences. My best friend, Shelley, who have had gone aboard for a trip. She is very lucky that she met a wise elder who is a successful businessman and they get along well with each other. Shelly talked about some problems in her company and she doesn't know how to solve it. Fortunately, the elder tell her lots of experiences that he has. Shelly learned many skills about interpersonal skills and negotiation abilities. Finally she makes a great progress in her company and makes more contributions. There is no denying that ask other for advice can obtain more methods to solve our problems.

What's more, people can learn something new if they ask for help from others. Don't be afraid to ask questions, don't be afraid to ask help. Even Obama do it everyday. Asking for advice is not a sign of weakness it a sign of strength because it shows you have courage to admit when you do not know something and then that allows you to know something new. So find an adult that you trust——a parent, a grandparent or teacher, a counselor or a coach. And ask them to help you stay on track and meet your goals. When I graduate from my college, I don't know how to adjust myself in society and I was afraid to communicate with others. So I ask my mother for advice, she tell me a lots of things about behavioral science and tell me how to get along well with others. Then I gradually suit for it. Therefore, ask other for advice can solve questions that we cannot to use own knowledge and experience to solve it.

To sum up, asking for advice is a good virtue. Although to use own knowledge and experience also can solve some questions, it will spend more time and energy to do it. Compare to ask other for advice, not only people can obtains new experience but also get a better choice. Thus, I agree with ask other for advice is better than to use own knowledge and experience to solve questions.

carol0607UID??3022610

8.11
综合

The professor disagrees with the arguments in the passage. She provides more evidence which refuses the problems of the settlements of Chaco Canyon’s function raised by the passage.

First, the professor opposes the point in the passage that the Chaco structures were purely residential, with each housing hundreds of people. He says that if it is true, why people cannot find fire place. Because about hundreds of people need fire in order to cooking and some people just find a few fire place which not enough. This indicates that the settlements of Chaco Canyon were not place for people living   which are opposite to the claim in the passage.

Second, the professor mentions that the Chaco structures were not storage, because they cannot maintain the fresh food and some people saws that the maize are spread on the floor which could not be stored for long time. Therefore, the point in the passage that the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies is seriously attacked.

Third, the professor contradicts the passage by demonstrating the houses were not used as ceremonial centers. Because there are large quantities of building material including sand, stone and others also the spots beside them. And these probably are trash which thrown away when a house was being built. This evidence clearly shows that the spots were not used as materials for special ceremonies. Thus the point in the passage that the houses were used as ceremonial centers is objected by the professor.

carol0607UID??3022610

我发现楼上就是个时态高手……我就是个语法白痴……学习学习……