【独立作文】Denise_stats 作业贴

Denise_statsUID: 3435533

写作是我的心头病啊，请大家多多指教！拜谢~

• 谢谢每一位认真批改我作文的同学，我也在从你们的批改中不断改进批改他人习作的方法。愿我们一起进步~
• 我看完你们的批改后争取每天都有一个反馈，无论是对结构，语法或表达，希望同你们一起讨论一起进步！
  

修改语法错误固然很重要，但针对逻辑思路、语言表达、和例证等方面，更希望能和批改者讨论~

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4.15 独立作文 In the past, it was easier to identify what type of career or job would lead to a secure and successful future.

难产了，未限时...
这篇感觉好抽象…

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4.08 独立作文 The most important thing people learnt is from family.

耗时 30 minutes, 340 words
疑难
1. 只写了两个主体段落，第三个没想出怎么论证，也没时间了。
2. 错别字和语法错误有点多。
3. 事先有构思....所以时间还是不够。

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4.07 独立作文 The most important characteristic of a political or business leader is an ability: responsibility for mistake.

耗时 35 minutes; 369 words

思路：disagree
1. The chief ability of a political leader is necessarily to be an ability to improve the well-beings of the public whom he serves.
2. the ability of management is of equal importance to a company.
3. it is also increasing important for a leader in business field to earn profit for his company.

疑难：
1. 几乎没有例证，纯说理。。。
2. 超时约3-5 minutes

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4.06 综合作文 TPO 11

听一遍，限时完成

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3.28 独立作文 It is better to take a secure job with a low pay than to take a job with a high pay but is easy to lose.

耗时 40 minutes; 410 words

思路：
1. to better enjoy an abundant life, one needs a job with a high salary.
2. a job with high pay but easy to lose can increase our pressure, which plays an important role in facilitate us to work with efficiency
3. under such high risk of losing the job, one will make his greatest effort to improve his work skills

疑难:
1. 又没写完！！！
2. 感觉写得好渣，求批改者妙手回春。
3. 第三个论据没有足够的例子支撑【不知道为什么，每次写到第三个分论点就歇菜了】

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3.27 独立作文 It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than by doing physical exercises.

耗时 30 minutes, 另外修改 5 minutes; 377 words

思路：
1. physical exercises is a better way to relax their brains
2. doing physical exercises is of great importance to appreciate a health life
3. it is also good for our mental health

疑难:
1. 微微超时
2. 第三个论据没有足够的例子支撑

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3.26 独立作文 To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success.

耗时 48 minutes, 406 words

思路：
1. remaining in a happy and optimistic mood is good for people's mental health
2. to remain happy and optimistic is important for us to keep tenancy and persist till success.
3. in the mood of optimism, one can overcome difficulties and appreciate success more effectively.

疑难:
1. 严重超时了
2. 我写的时候一直在纠结怎么论证 more，感觉自己论证成了：在失败时保持乐观很重要，但是没有充分论证比成功时保持乐观更重要。
3. 第三个论据没有足够的例子支撑

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3.23 独立作文 Technology designed to make our life simpler actually makes our life more complicated.


思路：
1. techniques and software facilitate the communication among people and make it more convenient.
2. the increasing kinds of high-tech vehicles expedite people's life and save their time spent on roads.
3. artificial intelligent technology emancipates labors from simple, repeated works, and consequently they could commit to more valuable and difficult programs.

疑难：
第一次写托福独立作文，没限时，写得非常痛苦。也很难形成分论点，所以只好采用了枚举法。觉得这样的论证逻辑不够严谨，欢迎小伙伴们拍砖！

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3.20 综合作文 TPO15


思路 key words：
1. fence ineffective <- young cane toads and eggs can float through rivers & streams
2. volunteers capture dangerous <- untrained volunteers may catch frogs, some of which are poisonous
3. virus will harm ecosystem <- South America (细节没听清 T^T)

lalamayUID: 3467622

改了，这么晚抱歉哈，，，，

SYSU-MindyUID: 3438352

真抱歉现在才回复给你。
楼楼好腻害，作文我看起来都吃力。所以也没什么能力改了。
楼楼看看吧。

Denise_statsUID: 3435533

fengyang0317 发表于 2014-4-10 23:30
暂时先这样了，得睡觉了

谢谢~ 412考试顺利！

SYSU-MindyUID: 3438352

楼楼我的作业贴 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1714562-1-1.html
你写好也给哦留个言吧。

lalamayUID: 3467622

改好啦，写的不错！！

Denise_statsUID: 3435533

wwhnu 发表于 2014-4-8 21:30
个人感觉还是把托福先考好吧，尤其是口语。。。说多了都是泪。。。

对呢，GRE准备放在暑假了，谢谢建议~
口语还没开始...多线程时间永远不够用...心酸，但还是要加油！

wwhnuUID: 3467316

Denise_stats 发表于 2014-4-8 20:09
考了两次都3分，泪奔啊。。。于是要考第三次。。。。

个人感觉还是把托福先考好吧，尤其是口语。。。说多了都是泪。。。

Denise_statsUID: 3435533

wwhnu 发表于 2014-4-8 20:10
个人感觉fundation好一点，意思就是“基础”,fundament虽然也有基础的意思，但平时见得少哎。。。可能是语感 ...

好的~ 谢谢哇，我写的时候没反应出foundation这个词。。。

wwhnuUID: 3467316

个人感觉fundation好一点，意思就是“基础”,fundament虽然也有基础的意思，但平时见得少哎。。。可能是语感让我感觉fundation好点哈，仅供参考哈

Denise_statsUID: 3435533

wwhnu 发表于 2014-4-8 20:07
哎，说起G都是泪啊。。。AW才3.0.。。

考了两次都3分，泪奔啊。。。于是要考第三次。。。。

wwhnuUID: 3467316

哎，说起G都是泪啊。。。AW才3.0.。。

Denise_statsUID: 3435533

wwhnu 发表于 2014-4-8 19:11
楼主，改好了，意见仅供参考哈！

谢谢修改！怎么会生气呢，感谢还来不及呀~
确实写得太渣了，明天按照你的意见再修改一遍。

弱问一下，为什么要把fundament 改成foundation呢？是不是后者更好？还是语境原因啊？

第三个例证。。。因为实在觉得不能没有例子，就编了一个反例，让公司损失了利润，甚至都没有改正的机会。所以盈利能力比改错重要。。前面没写过渡句，所以例子就很奇怪。。。

其实之前考G就是写不完，一直觉得掐时间就不忍直视，所以每次就慢慢写，一篇要一个小时。。。结果考试就悲剧了。。。【不知道你GRE AW怎么准备的呀？求教！】
这回准备T，就想着多掐时间练习，其实掐时间写完我应该像你改我的作文一样自己先细致地改一遍，但是。。偷懒了，只改到不划线了。。。结果依然全是错误。

wwhnuUID: 3467316

楼主，改好了，意见仅供参考哈！