issue 3.请多多指导。

beilongzhuhaiUID：175441

Topit:it is more important to allocate money for immediate,existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.




Syllabus:
1. allocating money for immediate,social existing problems is very important.
2. spending money on long-term research for future is also very important.
3. cooperating two of them is most important thing.




Text:
  As we all know,money is very important for us as a currency tool to increase the developmental speed of our society.specially,when we meet some immediate things needing much money to deal now.but we also don’t forget spending money on long-term research which will benefit our future generations is also very important.both two of them are crucial for us.so,I don’t agree with the author that allocate money for immediate social problems is important than spend it on long-term research.i believe that both of them are the equal important for us and our society.




  Undeniably,to solve the immediate existing social problems is very important for us because these kinds of problems often would cause many serious even destructive problems which not only can affect the economic and ecological circumstance,but also can destroy the stable political environment and all the country.so,solving these problems can break the block for the purpose to our society developing more fastly and safly. it also benefit the stable of our society. at the same time,the immdiate things also can make many persons psychology displacement if we won’t deal it spending much money in time.for example, the 11/9 accident known by all over the world almost defeat the whole strong USA if they haven’t been spent so much more money to deal it in time as soon as they can.and Japan also can’t reconstruct so fast after the world war two if they haven’t spent so much effort to increase their economic which the immediate thing they have to do right now that time.




  On the other hand, spending money on long-term research can also benefit our society, special for our future generations. in fact, there is very difficult to compare between the immediate things with the long-term research.because the long-term research is the basis for the future to decrease the immediate things to happen and enhance the ability of solving these kinds of immediate things to do harm to our society.for example, after the 11/9 accident,the American take much money for which their army begin to look for the murderer and the chief person or organization planning this action. And find out and make flawlessly of the leak place of their safe to prevent these things to happen anymore.



  From above two arguments,we can conclude that which is more important between the allocating money for the immediate,exsting socail problems and spending money for long-term research is no valuable to compare with.their purpose is the same to enhance the stability and improve the development of our society making us can to live more better and safeter.how we can realize that we only use most money to deal immediate socail problems or only to focus on the long-term research.



  And this principle also fit to us as individual. We collect money for our future when something happen to us which we can’t control immediately if we don’t have enough money to deal.because only after dealing these things,we  have a stable circumstance to study more for the purpose to own much more money to allocate for us freely. so, that is a good circulation to us for handle the relationship of these two things, also to the whole society.



  Summary,it is wrong to say that allocating money for the immediate,exsting social problems is more profit than spending money for long-term research for future generations.we should not only focus on the former but also the latter .only let these two things to cooperate tightly, our society may change more stronger in the future.

beilongzhuhaiUID：175441

非常感激你对我的文章的评价与修改。谢谢！

我会加油的！

himekiUID：112261

[B]首先有几个小问题以后写文章的时候尽量避免，养成好的习惯[/B]
1. 避免写一些informal的词，象so啊，不太正式，用些正式的词替换，therefore, thus, Consequently等等，有很多。 不要用一撇来缩写，比如don't 把它展开了写，do not 。其他类似情况自己多注意改。

2.  句首字母大写，标点后空一格，这都是小问题，但是要养成好习惯。

[B]语法方面自己写完多检查几遍，会发现不少语法问题的，这样以后避免再犯[/B]
如第一段有一句话： so,I don’t agree with the author that allocate money for immediate social problems is important than spend it on long-term research   
首先allocate money不对，我想你是照抄题目原文的，但是人家用的是不定式啊，所以你拿过来用的时候应该是allocating money 或者是to allocate money
还有 is important than. 你有比较，但是more在哪里呢
还有一些语法问题我不多说了
自己平时多注意一下

[B]最后在内容和结构方面说说我的意见[/B]
以第二段为例，你说了要解决当务之急的重要性。我认为后半段的9/11的例子是可以支持你的论点的，但是前半段的例子不能很好的证明你的论点。你论在一个“急”字，不是只有眼前的问题才会带来很多后果的，其他一些发展缓慢的问题也可以在将来带来很糟糕的后果的。

看你的全篇，感觉是越写气越不足，所以我认为，你在写之前没有花太多的时间去构思和分析，还是要多些心思去构思的，去寻找些能很恰当支持你观点的例子。

还有一个问题，你句子太长，以至于很多地方我不得不回过去看好几遍

加油加油，只要动笔写就会有提高的，不过修改自己的文章是提高最快的