issue83 V6站队 7.30

kobestrongUID: 2117374

Issue83
“Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.”


Whether the government should preserve those publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state has become an important question drawn lots of people’s attention. In my view, I strongly recommend that government should preserve the wilderness areas. My view will be confirmed by the following discussion.

First of all, the measure of preservation of the wilderness areas is of great importance for both the wilderness areas themselves and our human beings. On one hand, with the development of the modern industry, what we can see is that the skyscrapers are built up one after another, and the confines of our human being’s territory are extended day after day, while the wilderness areas where most wild species live are declining day by day. Meanwhile, excluding the natural disaster, the deforestation, excessive hunting and some other such deeds are all threatening the existence of the wild and precious creatures. If this situation goes on without any limits, more and more wild propagations would be indirectly murdered by our human beings. Take the giant panda for example. Because of the declining of their habitats and the tiny number of the progenitive groups, the giant panda are facing the threat of extinction. Thus, now, their future does not only depend on the natural circumstance but also the human being’s help.

On the other hand, taking measure to preserve the wilderness areas is also beneficial to our human beings. As we know, the global circumstance is a whole that will be affected by any destroy in part. The greenhouse effect is just a solid evidence. The greenhouse effect, directly leading to a serially interlocking problems, such as desertification, climate deregulation, increasing of pests and so on, which are all extraordinarily harmful to human beings, as the scientists say, are caused by several reasons, one of which is the unlimited deforestation. Therefore, in order to make our living space better and leave our descendents a circumstance that is suitable for growing and living, controlled exploit of the wilderness areas should be advocated, in other words, preservation is necessary.

Furthermore, if only the government stands out to advocating preserve the wilderness areas, could the preservation measure really be effective. The harm to the wild propagations brought by human beings is always greater than the natural factors. In order to gain more interests, some people tend to unlimitedly cut the forest, or hunt and kill the wild animals excessively, or build some appliances in these areas to attract more tourists. All these deeds have potential disadvantage, and only through laws, regulations and bans established by the government, can we prevent the harmful deeds effectively. In addition, there are great deal of sources with priceless value for scientific research which require enormous support of money and material resources. There were some scientists or organizations spontaneously researching and preserving the wilderness areas, however, due to the lack of resources, the results turned out to be unsuccessful. Thus, government is the only one which possesses the ability.

To sum up, not only for the benefits of the existing propagations, but also our human beings and our descendents, the government’s preservation the publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state is necessary.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-30 at 14:12 ]

kobestrongUID: 2117374

嗯~! 谢谢了! 继续努力!!

dinddind2003UID: 196353

队长好严厉阿，但是每句话都挺有理的，也很有帮助

zehuaUID: 199246

Whether the government should preserve those publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state has become an important question drawn lots of people’s attention.（这纯数废话。删！） In my view, I strongly recommend that government should preserve the wilderness areas. （有这句就够了）My view will be confirmed by the following discussion.（删！）（后面可以再把正文几段的TS提下。）

First of all, the measure of preservation of the wilderness areas is of great importance for both the wilderness areas themselves（这里思路较乱。什么叫对土地本身有意义？你要想说保护动物就明说。） and our human beings. On one hand, with the development of the modern industry, what we can see is that the skyscrapers are built up one after another, and the confines of our human being’s territory（这里表述不清晰。想说人类活动的范围在扩大？那为什么练activity这个词都没提？） are extended day after day, while the wilderness areas where most wild species live are declining day by day（语法错误）. Meanwhile, excluding the natural disaster, the deforestation, excessive hunting and some other such deeds are all threatening the existence of the wild and precious creatures. If this situation goes on without any limits, more and more wild propagations would be indirectly murdered by our human beings. Take the giant panda for example. Because of the declining of their habitats and the tiny number of the progenitive groups, the giant panda are facing the threat of extinction. Thus, now, their future does not only depend on the natural circumstance but also the human being’s help.

On the other hand, taking measure to preserve the wilderness areas is also beneficial to our human beings. （既然这里才提人，前段TS中就不要提人）As we know, the global circumstance is a whole that will be affected by any destroy in part. （表述不清）The greenhouse effect is just a solid evidence. The greenhouse effect, directly leading to a serially interlocking problems, such as desertification, climate deregulation, increasing of pests and so on, which are all extraordinarily harmful to human beings, as the scientists say, are caused by several reasons, one of which is the unlimited deforestation. Therefore, in order to make our living space better and leave our descendents a circumstance that is suitable for growing and living, controlled exploit of the wilderness areas should be advocated, in other words, preservation is necessary.

Furthermore, if only （only if）the government stands out to advocating preserve the wilderness areas, could the preservation measure really be effective. The harm to the wild propagations brought by human beings is always greater than the natural factors. In order to gain more interests, some people tend to unlimitedly cut the forest, or hunt and kill the wild animals excessively, or build some appliances in these areas to attract more tourists. All these deeds have potential disadvantage, and only through laws, regulations and bans established by the government, can we prevent the harmful deeds effectively. In addition, there are great deal of sources with priceless value for scientific research which require enormous support of money and material resources. There were some scientists or organizations spontaneously researching and preserving the wilderness areas, however, due to the lack of resources, the results turned out to be unsuccessful. Thus, government is the only one which possesses the ability.

To sum up, not only for the benefits of the existing propagations, but also our human beings and our descendents, the government’s preservation the publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state is necessary.

总的说来，语言不好。废话多，表述不清。每句话的关键词是什么，自己要想清楚了。如果1句话写完还没出现关键词，那肯定是不行的。
继续努力:lol

zehuaUID: 199246

好。我来改