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TOPIC: ARGUMENT2 - The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres. "Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting."WORDS: 482 TIME: 3:21:29 DATE: 2007-2-14This argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned.(这一句最好移到本段最后) By making a comparison of the region of Deerhaven Acres with the region of Brookville, the community with the adoption of a set of restrictions on landscaping of yards and painting color of the exteriors of homes and therefore current average property values tripled(尽量不要全部照搬长长的原文句子,这样既显得罗嗦,又容易雷同), the argument for raising property values in Deerhaven though the adoption of their own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting seems logical.However, the committee of Deerhaven Acres(主语好像应该是conclusion)is based on an incomplete comparison and is wholly unpersuasive(避免使用极端的词语,防止逻辑错误) by this analogy. The committee simply assumes that their homeowners adopt the similar restrictions, as ones implemented in Brookville, and then lead to raise property values. In other words, the committee considered that if these restrictions were not implemented, then any change in Bookville's property values cannot be attributed to them(你应该是想说如果不这样,那么change就不会发生是吗?).(这里好像还没有写清楚,就转入了下一个问题的分析,看起来会比较混乱的) The committee drew this conclusion based on a ridiculous assumpsion that Deerhaven is similar to Bookville. But there was not any information about these two regions mentioned in the letter, and therefore they cannot provide any evidence(应该说has not provided比较好) that is indeed comparable. Perhaps Deerhaven Acres is remarkable and popular just due to unique style of its constructions. These various traits of landscaping and painting of homes and yards attract a number of businessmen to invest, as well as amounts of immigrants to settle, in Deerhaven. This case pushes local real estate industry. It is possible that the adoption of the restrictions on landscaping and housepainting would undermine characteristics of Deerhaven, and then results that less and less foreignness come here and therefore property values adversely decrease. Accordingly, without accounting for these and other possible dissimilarities, the committee cannot assume that what resulted in rising property values in Brookville would bring about the same result in Deerhaven Acres.Another point worth considering is that the committee's inference rests on the poor assumption that the implementation of a set of restriction on landscaping of yards and colors of housepainting was responsible for the increase in Brookville's average property values. However, it is entirely possible that one or more other factors were instead responsible for the increase. Property values are a function of supply and demand. Perhaps the demand for housing increases with the development of local economy. Or, perhaps the supply of housing has decreased. In addition, a seven-year period is a particularly long time. Since a considerable period of time has passed, there happen various changes in economy, culture and other aspects of Brookville; so that the adoption of restrictions as the letter mentioned, which perhaps had effects on property values seven years ago, was not responsible for the increase. Either scenario would provide an alternative explanation for the increase in property values.Overall, the reasoning behind adopting their own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting in Deerhaven seems logical as presented above since the committee want to raise their local property values. However, before any final decisions are made about raising their local property values, the committee should evaluate all possible alternatives and causes that could have effects on them.
文章的每一点过渡的还是可以的,但是思路不是特别的清晰,而且语言的表达也应该提高,缺乏长句,而且,千万不要总用这么久的时间写argu,我看见前人说这样特别不好。 |
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