[九月iBt第5次作业] Independent Writing & Speaking

napUID??196976

TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with thefollowing statement? People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoydoing. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
WORDS: 461          TIME: 00:20:05         DATE: 2007-7-21 20:22:03

There is a discussion that whetherpeople should sometimes do things that they are reluctant to do. As far as I amconcerned, there are some certain things people do not really enjoy which theyactually should do so though in most cases they may find an alternative way toreach the goal.

Thereis always something compulsory people should face and they can not be averted. Everyday we face all sorts of things. Some of these things arethose we enjoy such as playing with friends, having a good dinner and surfingon the Internet, meanwhile some other sort of things are those we do not enjoy,studying and working for instance. The latter ones, however, are those matterswe can not ignore and must do so. The student must study to graduate though theprocess is boring. The employee should work for money though at the same timehe may be looking at the watch. Thus, there are always some things we should doregardless whether we like them.

Despite those compulsory and boringmatters, some of those may be the preparation for the things people reallyenjoy. Studying is a rather tiresome process and nearly all the students wantto finish it quickly. On the other hand, the success of studying means that thestudent can graduate from, for example, a university and he can find a good joband thus have a better life than of those who do not have sufficient skill. Theresult is exciting and we can notice that it is the studying, an unwelcomeprocess, that makes one can have a better life which is almost any one want.

However, in some conditions people can find alternative way to prevent thosethey do not really enjoy. For instance, dealingwith everyday’s trivial affair is such a boring matter that the employeewant to give it up. Nevertheless this is especially true when the employee likes the job itself and if hecan choose another job he likes he may reduce the resistance to a certain levelwhere he may not feel very tired of it. Despite the hard-working, if one canselect a job fit himself, for examplesome creative things, the situation may change a lot and the previousunwelcome state can be prevented.
我的观点就是大部分的事务不能避免，但有些可以

In sum, in most situations the things people do not enjoy should be done withoutany excuse. On the other hand, people should not stop finding an alternativesolution to prevent the doing they are tired of but achieve the same goal.


A gift(such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to child’sdevelopment. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasonsand specific examples to support your choice.


Response:
I’d like to give a child an old computer. First, he or she may feel interested in it. He or she can play games and surf on the Internet. All of these sortsof things are attractive and he may be absorbed in it. And second he may try tostudy it. Because it’s an old computer, he may find there aren’t many functionsand will not be satisfied. Thus hemay try to learn and to improve it. This process involves a lot that can drivehim to investigate it.
That's the reason why I will give a child an old computer.
第一次做口语，感觉有点控制不好，不过上传相当艰难

[ 本帖最后由 nap 于 2007-7-22 21:16 编辑 ]

napUID??196976

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napUID??196976

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napUID??196976

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optoAzUID??2313070

那个，俺的语法实在无敌的糟糕，很多用词方面我都不敢妄加评判了，
不过感觉楼主遣词造句功底不错的，值得俺学习哈。

optoAzUID??2313070

TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
WORDS: 461          TIME: 00:20:05          DATE: 2007-7-21 20:22:03

There’s(作文当中似乎还是少用缩写的好) a discussion that whether people should sometimes do things that they are reluctant(这个词替换的很好。) to do. As far as I am concerned, there are some certain things people do not really enjoy which they actually should do so though in most cases they may find an alternative way to reach the goal.

开头论点明确，用词替换的挺好。

There are always some things people should face but actually they do not want to do so. Everyday we face all sorts of things. Some of these things are those we enjoy such as playing with friends, having a good dinner and surfing on the Internet, meanwhile some other sort of things are those we do not enjoy, studying and working for instance. The latter ones, however, are those matters we can not ignore and must do so. The student must study to graduate though the process is boring. The employee should work for money though at the same time he may be looking at the watch. Thus, there are always some things we should do regardless whether we like them.

这一段感觉例子举的很好，很形象也很详细。段落结构好，中心句总结句都很明确。感觉缺点是中心句提得观点有点模糊，有点散。“一些事情我们不想做又不得不做”这个论点有点太笼统了，虽然有后面的例子支撑让人可以理解，可是没有细化，让人觉得就是原题目的同意替换。

Moreover, some of these things people do not want to do may be the preparation for the things people really enjoy. Studying is a rather tiresome process and nearly all the students want to finish it quickly. On the other hand, the success of studying means that the student can graduate from, for example, a university and he can find a good job and thus have a better life than of those who do not have sufficient skill. The result is exciting and we can notice that it is the studying, an unwelcome process, that makes one can have a better life which is almost any one want.
感觉这一段和第一段有些重复。其一是观点上，第一段的论点涵盖面太大，已经包括了后面的部分。其二是例子上，第一段和第二段都提到了学习，并且并没有本质的差别，没有表达出同一个例子的不同方面。。

楼主的段落结构把握的仍然很好。句子见链接平滑，长短句子交替，主题分明，例子翔实。

However, in some conditions people can find alternative way to prevent those they do not really enjoy. For instance, working is such a boring matter that the employee want to give it up. Nevertheless this is especially true when the employees(这里用单数吧？) like the job itself and if he can choose another job he likes he may reduce the resistance to a certain level where he may not feel very tired of it(说实话，这个句子长的有点吓人…). Despite the hard-working, if one can select a job fit himself, the situation may change a lot and the previous unwelcome state can be prevented.
这个应该算一个让步段吧。讲做喜欢做的事情的好处。亲爱滴，我们能放过work和study么？或者稍微细化一下，变成work overtime, have lunch with customers, or have exam, prepare papers, class debate之类的。这样表达的意思虽然都类似，可是就能让文章更多样化更具体，而不会是一个study和work,从第一段写到最后一段了。。

可是可是，让步段让完了以后得转回来啊，一般的结构是，虽然B有某种优势，比如XXX，可是我们仍然选择A因为XXX….楼主这一段只谈了B的优势，可没有谈我们为啥还是要选择A…这里再加几句就显得更完整了吧？比如加上一个大多数情况下我们还是要A….我表达能力不好楼主凑合理解。。

In sum, in most situations the things people do not enjoy should be done without any excuse. On the other hand, people should not stop finding an alternative solution to prevent the doing they are tired of but achieve the same goal.

总结段就两句，一句讲应该A，另一句讲不应该停止对B的追求。Lz的写法稍微有点递进了，感觉重点放在B上了，能不能调整一下段落句子结构，在意思不变的情况下，把中心往A倾斜一下呢？毕竟按照我读来，这篇文章还是属于论点鲜明带让步的那个结构。

整体就这样了，俺水平底下，有说的不合适的地方请楼主指正。感觉逻辑上的硬伤是第一段，论点立的太大，让后面几段都没办法展开。另外就是例子举的太大。以至于通篇都只能看到study和work两个词。让步段和总结段立场不够鲜明，看到最后俺又回头去瞅了半天开头到底是支持哪个观点的。。呃也可能是lz文章比较高深我没理解。。。。-_-##..

优点很多。段落内部结构好，主题句突出，例子支撑，适当的总结。连接词用的很平滑，长短句子交错，总的来说很好。。

最后提一句，楼主打作文的时候，好像很容易少掉词和词之间的空格呢，大概是时间比较仓促的缘故。其实打完以后可以复制到word里面，检查一下最基本的拼写和语法错误。也比较有助于自己提高~俺一般都是这样子滴。

A gift(such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

Response:
I’d like to give a child an old computer. First, he（or she?或者开头就说，if是个小男孩。。这个代词问题是xdf老师特别提过的） may feel interested init. He can play games and make some simple programs. And second he may try to study it（前面make programs属于study么？似乎也是属于的吧？）. Because it’s an old computer, he may find there aren’t many functions.（没有很多功能和try to learn it..之间的逻辑关系是什么？俺有点看不出来啊） And he may try to learn and to improve it.
That's the reason why I will give a child an old computer.
第一次做口语，感觉有点控制不好，不过上传相当艰难

楼主谦虚了，上传的部分我还没听，回头考回去慢慢听一下。光看文字部分，两条理由，一个interest,一个study,结构清晰，就是中间我加括号的部分，例子是不是稍微有点重叠？

辛苦了~一起加油哈。