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Education is an important affair to both students and educators, both parests and communities. (四个玩意并列,能这么用both么?)In the issue, the speaker declaims(claims 就好了......) that besides professional educatiors, parents and communities also should(should also) take part in the local schools. I agree with the broad assertion of the speaker. (这两短句要合一起 I agree with the borad assertion of the speaker, which claims that...)In the detailed methods to implement this idea, I consider that parents and communities should choose proper ways to participate in education.(开头没大问题)
At the beginning of all, I agree with the speaker that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools.(合一起啦?) Nowadays, education is an important standard to evalue that developing levels of nations and countries. We can see that the developed countires always have the best systems of educations, which have activate all factors arround educations and students.(走题了.教育的重要性和家长/社区参与的必要性有关系么?) For example, in the United States students of primary schools usually have some homeworks needing to do with their parents or relatives. Such kinds of homeworks could attract parents in the education of the local schools. Moreover, departments of communities usually control some budgets of educations. In China, besides educational departments of communities, there are some other communities are involved in the local schools. Some communities provide working positions for students to practice in society. Some communities bring a lot of money for poor students to help them finish their school works. Because parents and communities could do many crucial works for education assistant to professional educatores, the broad assertion of the speaker is reasonal to advance education scientifically.(后面没问题,再细化一点更好)
However, the speaker should give more detailed information about his suggestion. Because both parents and communities are not professional as educators, they often do some improper actions to education. In the following parts, I will discuss this problem further in order to analyze completely.(恩, 这段这么表达更好: However, since both parents and communities are not as professional as educators, it is possible that they may do improper actions to the education of children. Thus, one cannot simply suggest that they should be involved in education without any further and detailed advice. As for me, I believe that their participation need to obey the following suggestions:)
Firstly, because praents always use to excessly love(coddle/spoil) children, parents should be trained by professional educators to teach their children in right methods. In some families, scientific educational methods are hard to pratice constantly which are not positive for education. Parents easily give up schedules because of children's request. Or some parents would implement educational plans by their points or experience which are not corrent to their children's education. In these instances, parents should be trained often by professional teachers of their children to accept right opinions about home-education which is an important part of education.(重复啦!把前面的去掉...)
Secondly, communities should also be trained to be known about scientific education.(歧异啊...) Communities always play important roles in educations. (废话!说过了.)In local schools, professional educators always ask students to take part in local activities of communities. Therefore, communities should often organize proper practicing plans for different age students. For example, for little age(晕.) students communities could bring them to natural parks or zooes to help them contact with nature. For university students, communities could provide some actural positions in companies or community departments to help them konw social requests well to choose better jobs after they graduate.(上段是说怎么不好,这段也应该说社区教育可能存在的弊端才是撒)
In summary, the opinion of the speaker is persuasive enough. Education is a systemic work which need both parents and communities involving in besides a group of professional educators. If parents and communities could take part in the local schools properly, education could develop better than before.(中规中矩吧.) |
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