Argument1,球拍(限时没有完成，拖延五分钟)

duguflyUID: 2524196

TOPIC: ARGUMENT1 - The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."

While it is true that the facts presents above contribute to the idea that the residents in Plainsville concern about leading a healthy life, it can hardly be concluded from the facts that Nature's way company should build its new store in Plainsville.

In the first place, people in Plainsville may in the favor of wearing comfortable clothes during their leisure time since the suits and leather shoes are much too formal in their spare times. Therefore, it will not be surprising that the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are all-time highs. Moreover, perhaps Plainsville is a location which contains kinds of stadiums, in which various of sports are made everyday. So surely the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing will be high due to the enormous population taking exercise there. Thus, the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all time highs can not provide enough evidence that the residents in Plainsville are in favor of leading healthy lives as well as health food.

Second, there are many possible alternatives ignored ,which can also greatly influence the health pub’s business. Perhaps the former management faculty of that club failed in increasing the pub’s attractiveness, which includes the quality of service, the infrastructure of the pub and etc, therefore, even people who like exercise would not like to attend the pub. So when the problems mensioned are solved properly, it is quite possible that the pub has more members than ever. Thus, there is no clear causal relationship between the increase of pub members and the increase of people who are interested in leading healthy lives.

Finally, not all the next generations are participating the “fitness for future” program willingly. Given that people always reject compulsory things, the products of Nature’s way may be rejected subconsciously by the ones who attend the program nilly-willy. Even if all of the future generations participate the program actively, there are obviously differences between regular exercise and health food. It is highly possible that a man who is interested in basketball likes Coca-cola and hamburgers desperately. Thus, it is unwarranted that the next generation who participate the “fitness for life” program is surely the potential customers of the company.

To sum up, the argument is not sound as it stands. To make it logically acceptable, the author has to provide more clear evidence that there are causal relationships between the high sales of running shoes and exercise clothing and the concern of leading healthy lives. To make it more convincing, the author also has to prove that people who participate in 'fitness for life' program would also be interested in health food.

[ 本帖最后由 dugufly 于 2008-10-20 12:23 编辑 ]

nvligreUID: 2689384

论据上有点缺陷。

nvligreUID: 2689384

论据上有点缺陷。

duguflyUID: 2524196

嗯，谢谢楼上兄弟，我多多注意改正。:handshake

pettyhelloUID: 2365188

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."

While it is true that the facts presented above contribute to the idea that the residents in Plainsville concern about leading healthy lives (注意复数), it can hardly be concluded from the facts that Nature's way company should build its new store in Plainsville.

In the first place, people in Plainsville may in the favor of wearing comfortable clothes during their leisure time since the suits and leather shoes are much too formal in their spare times. Therefore, it will not be surprising that the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are all-time highs. Moreover, perhaps Plainsville is a location which contains all kinds of stadiums, in which various of sports are made everyday. So surely the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing will be high due to the enormous population taking exercise there. Thus, the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all time highs can not provide enough evidence that the residents in Plainsville are in favor of leading healthy lives as well as health food.
开头很突兀,如果能先指出作者fails to provide evidence that the residents in Plainsville are in favor of leading healthy lives as well as health food会更好一点.

Second, there are many possible alternatives ignored, which can also greatly influence the health of pub’s business. Perhaps the ability of former management of that club failed in increasing the pub’s attractiveness Perhaps due to lacking of savvy ability, the former manager fails to get more public attractiveness for the pub, which includes the quality of service, the infrastructure of the pub and etc, therefore, even people who like exercise would not be likely to attend the pub. So when the problems mentioned are solved properly, it is quite possible that the pub has more attendants than ever. Thus, there is no clear causal relationship between the increase of pub members and the increase of people who are interested in leading healthy lives.
同样的问题,最后的错误最好在段首指出来,这样头句在后面接着说.
Finally, it is important to know that not all the next generation is willing to participate this program named “fitness for future”. Given that people always reject compulsory things, the products of Nature’s way may also be rejected subconsciously by the ones who attend the program nilly-willy(??). Even if all of the next generation participate the program actively, there are obvious differences between regular exercise and health food. It is highly possible that a man who is interested in basketball likes Coca-cola and hamburgers desperately. Thus, it is unwarranted that the next generation who participate the “fitness for life” program is surely the potential customers of the company.

To sum up, the argument is not sound as it stands. To make it logically acceptable, the author has to provide more clear evidence that there are causal relationships between the high sales of running shoes and exercise clothing and the concern of leading healthy lives. To make it more convincing, the author also has to prove that people who participate in 'fitness for life' program would also be interested in health food.

提个小意见: 你的结尾句可以放在开头来说,就我个人而言我觉得段首句应该是先指出大致错误,然后说明理由,再顺势总结.
语言上面还需要提高,不过我这方面做的也不好,所以帮你修改的不多!
加油吧!

duguflyUID: 2524196

大侠们,帮帮小弟吧