argument117 G-89-互助社-10日写作 大家一起加油吧

huangdaoUID: 190018

Argument117  第14篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分0秒     308 words 461
从2005年7月10日12时22分到2005年7月10日12时30分
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The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
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The author recommends that Val-Mart should increase the stock of office supplies and home office machines. To support the claim the author cites a survey result which reveals most of respondents reported they need to take more work home than they were in the past. However, there are several flaws in the memo, which render it unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the survey's reliability remains unknown. First of all, the group of people who were surveyed is not mentioned. Maybe they survey the people in the same company which need people to take work home to gain more profit for the company and people themselves, but other companies which can deal well with the management of company, and few need to take work home. Secondly, the survey mentioned the respondents of the poll, but the number of people who take part in the survey was not referred to. The more the number is, the more insubstantial 这样可能好些the survey is. Thirdly, the exact details were not offered about the work taken home. The survey only mentioned the people reported the work was more than they were in the past, yet maybe the work did not increase much and the people only complain about it. Thus, the survey remains unreliable without ruling out the possibilities above.

Then, even if the survey is reliable, the assumption that the company should store the stock of home office machines and office supplies is ill-grounded. The work taken home is not needed to use the home office machines, like typing, designing, and the like. And the trend of work-at-home does not have causal relation to the increasing need of office supplies, maybe the work taken is needed to complete at office but they not, so the supplies would not rise. To this extent, the assumption would be undermined.

Finally, the conclusion that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of these stores is suspicious. Even if the need of home office machines and office supplies is increasing, would the customer choose this store to buy them? There are many other stores sell the similar things; no evidence shows this store will win the favor of customers. And even the profit of office-supply rise, which does not mean that it is the most profitable component, maybe there are other components win more profits. Thus, the conclusion needs more consideration to make.

In sum, the author relies on a incredible survey to support his or her claim, and make a hasty conclusion. To convince us, the author needs to offer more details about the survey, and to make a exact research about the market of office-supply. Then, to strength his or her point of view, the other parts of the stores should also be offered.

[ Last edited by huangdao on 2005-8-12 at 08:49 ]

huangdaoUID: 190018

自己顶一个 盼望回啊

ryanqUID: 154025

The author recommends that Val-Mart should increase the stock of office supplies and home office machines. To support the claim the author cites a survey result which reveals most of respondents reported they need to take more work home than they were in the past. However, there are several flaws in the memo, which render it unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the survey's reliability remains unknown. First of all, the group of people who were surveyed is not mentioned. Maybe they survey the people in the same company which need people to take work home to gain more profit for the company and people themselves, but other companies which can deal well with the management of company, and few need to take work home. Secondly, the survey mentioned the respondents of the poll, but the number of people who take part in the survey was not referred to. The more the number is, the more substantial the survey is(感觉反过来说the less, the less更有力度). Thirdly, the exact details were not offered about the work taken home. The survey only mentioned the people reported the work was more than they were in the past, yet maybe the work did not increase much and the people only complain about it. Thus, the survey remains unreliable without ruling out the possibilities above.

Then, even if the survey is reliable, the assumption that the company should store the stock of home office machines and office supplies is ill-grounded. The work taken home is not needed to use the home office machines, like typing, designing, and the like. And the trend of work-at-home does not have causal relation to the increasing need of office supplies, maybe the work taken is needed to complete at office but they not, so the supplies would not rise. To this extent, the assumption would be undermined.

Finally, the conclusion that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of these stores is suspicious. Even if the need of home office machines and office supplies is increasing, would the customer choose this store to buy them? There are many other stores sell the similar things; no evidence shows this store will win the favor of customers. And even the profit of office-supply rise, which does not mean that it is the most profitable component, maybe there are other components win more profits. Thus, the conclusion needs more consideration to make(删掉).

In sum, the author relies on a incredible survey to support his or her claim, and make(makes) a hasty conclusion. To convince us, the author needs to offer more details about the survey, and to make a exact research about the market of office-supply. Then, to strength his or her point of view, the other parts of the stores should also be offered.

补充:home work比以前更多了，但是由于以前也曾home work所以并不一定需要额外的添加设备。
写的非常不错，一些句子的结构需要注意一下，比如说倒数第二段的后面。
其他的没啥了。加油。

huangdaoUID: 190018

多谢 :lol