0910G 同主题写作第一期 Issue13 By Lucarl

lucarlUID: 2616426

用时：3.5 hours 字数 663 日期：06.03

提纲：

地球是个有机的生命系统，每时每刻都有生物出生，同时还有生物死亡。人的死亡带不走什么东西，但是有一样东西可以被带走，语言，抑或说是文化。

阐述语言承载了文化，代表了文化。两者共荣共衰

语言消亡的原因是使用的人越来越少了，而造成这一原因的因素有两个，一个是使用者去世，另一个是使用者学习更加通用的语言，而放弃了小语种母语。

政府是否should？假设不保护，推测出结果:人类文化单一，精神生活贫瘠。得出答案：should

How？ 政府是主角。双语教育。注意培养下一代对母语以及传统文化的重视。

正文：
Our mother earth is a big organism, every second there are some newborn creatures come to this planet, and some go away. People die, having nothing with them. But there is surely something goes with them, or after them, which is the language they used when they were still breathing.

Culture, indisputably, is the spirit of a nation. It represents the history and the value of this nation. But culture is being viewed at the spiritual level, nothing real. To generate and develop it, we need a carrier which is our language. It's easy to understand why language could represent the culture. Think about the poetry, novels, opera and some other literary works along the river of our country's history, they are written by the very language we use. As long as the language exists, the culture goes.

The lesser-known languages are becoming extinguished because fewer and fewer people use them. There are two reasons that lead to the fact above. First, the users die which we cannot stop. The other one is that they just do not use it any more. It's easy to understand why they would give up their mother tongue and learn some more widely-spoken language. They need to communicate with the rest of the world and their own language cannot afford that function. It's more likely in unindustrialized countries or religions to have people surrender their own languages to learn a more widely-spoken one. Let's take this as an example, Tsing is a farmer with a family to feed, of which more than ten members including 2 old parents who cannot offer any labor and several children before school age. He has no fields to grow enough crops to sell for the money he needs to feed his family. He chooses to get a job in big cities, such as Beijing and Shanghai. But what company would hire a farmer with no skills except in the fields who still holds dialect and has hindrance communicating with others. So what would he do first? Learn Mandarin, and further more, learn English. Roll the camera to 30 years after, maybe his grand children would never know Tsing's dialect, and so it dies.

With the two reasons cleared, of which languages becoming extinguished, should the governments take action to protect the lesser-known languages? Let's assume that we do nothing about the protection. As a result, people voluntarily learn some more convenient languages which offer them more job opportunities and thus a better living condition. After some generations, fewer and fewer people understand the culture which writes down by the language they used to speak, the culture dies eventually. And after, say, 400 years, English become the only existing language on the earth, and the once various culture system become the only mixed culture of global English. Artists have no inspiration because all they can see is the same culture, they have nothing to compare any more, and thus nothing to compose. Our spiritual world becomes more and more unfertilized, all the entertainment left is nothing but eating and drinking, and working for no goals. We earn some money but do not know where to spend them. What life is it? Is there anyone could tolerate that? Now the answer to the question at the beginning of this paragraph is amazingly clear. The governments SHOULD, or we SHOULD, take action to prevent the languages from being extinguished.

But how? It's a question of holding on with generations. The best starting point is education. Parents could be allowed to "betray" their own language for getting a better life for their family, but the education of language for children shouldn't be neglected. In Norway, the government allocates 30 million euro for Sami, helps them for their bilingual education system. It's a hard task and a burden to the government finances, but we have other options, as long as we want a various system of different cultures glittering all over the world.



感慨两句：
第一次写Issue，昨晚花了两小时，结果只写出360字。写完自己看了一遍觉得缺例子，全是大道理，还是说不清那种的。。。

今天下午背完单词再一看，觉得昨晚写了300多字的狗屁！于是搜例子，几乎是重新写了一遍。然后检查错字，大概要有10处。呃，这篇目前自个儿是算满意了，毕竟第一篇。

请好心的童鞋帮忙看两眼，从思路上指导一下，文章的思路全是自己想的，没有参考什么书籍提纲，因为第一次写，想看看自己的真实水平。

ok了~谢谢，寄托是Gter们的好归宿，谢谢各位版主用心的工作~bow~

.C.C.UID: 2645494

我过来弱弱的问下，你编号是什么啊~改寄托我不认识了………………

对于这篇文章，我每天一个想法，我作文没研究多久，不评论你文章，哈哈

.C.C.UID: 2645494

你是A04？

lucarlUID: 2616426

恩对，A04~

这篇文章。。。我只是拿它做为一个开始，呵呵~

蘅芜雪UID: 2646650

毒舌来也~
Our mother earth is a big organism, every second there are some newborn creatures come to this planet, and some go away. People die, having nothing with them. But there is surely something goes with them, or after them, which is the language they used when they were still breathing.句子很美，但问题是考官不想看你抒情，他们想看观点~第一段一定要明确提出观点，切记切记！

Culture, indisputably, is the spirit of a nation. 我知道你想从language引到culture上，但是每一段的开头一定要是中心句。language这个关键词到了第四句才出现，实在有点太晚It represents the history and the value of this nation. But culture is being viewed at the spiritual level, nothing real. To generate and develop it, we need a carrier which is our language. It's easy to understand why language could represent the culture. Think about the poetry, novels, opera and some other literary works along the river of our country's history, they are written by the very language we use. As long as the language exists, the culture goes.你论证了语言对于传播文化的重要性，这点很好，但是最后一定要落在“因此，政府采取措施保护语言是必要的”这一点上，因为这一点是你论证的目的。

The lesser-known languages are becoming extinguished because fewer and fewer people use them. There are two reasons that lead to the fact above. First, the users die which we cannot stop. 童鞋，这句实在有点太口语化了……The other one is that they just do not use it any more. It's easy to understand why they would give up their mother tongue and learn some more widely-spoken language. 此句和后一句可以合并，否则看起来罗嗦They need to communicate with the rest of the world and their own language cannot afford that function. It's more likely in unindustrialized countries or religions to have people surrender their own languages to learn a more widely-spoken one. Let's take this as an example, Tsing is a farmer with a family to feed, of which more than ten members including 2 old parents who cannot offer any labor and several children before school age. He has no fields to grow enough crops to sell for the money he needs to feed his family. He chooses to get a job in big cities, such as Beijing and Shanghai. But what company would hire a farmer with no skills except in the fields who still holds dialect and has hindrance communicating with others. So what would he do first? Learn Mandarin, and further more, learn English. Roll the camera to 30 years after, maybe his grand children would never know Tsing's dialect, and so it dies.别怨我毒舌……例子有这样几个问题，第一，最根本的，编例子是可以的，但是不要看起来这么明显。瞎编的例子是可以用在toefl中而不是GRE的。第二，太详细。例子里面有些细节描述是很好的，但是细节到上有80岁老娘下有嗷嗷待哺之婴儿就免了~这样会给人凑字数的感觉。其实你这个例子是不错的，你只要说，很多偏远山区的人们，为了获得更好的工作提高收入，在城市工作时就放弃了他们原本的语言。就可以了。最后一点，例子写完最好有一个小总结，进一步阐述一下你的观点

With the two reasons cleared, of which languages becoming extinguished, should the governments take action to protect the lesser-known languages? 还是和刚才一样，第一句没有明确观点。而且这个句子看起来有点weirdLet's assume that we do nothing about the protection.太口语化 As a result, people voluntarily learn some more convenient languages which offer them more job opportunities and thus a better living condition. After some generations, fewer and fewer people understand the culture which writes down by the language they used to speak, the culture dies eventually. And after, say, 400 years, English become the only existing language on the earth, and the once various culture system become the only mixed culture of global English. Artists have no inspiration because all they can see is the same culture, they have nothing to compare any more, and thus nothing to compose. Our spiritual world becomes more and more unfertilized, all the entertainment left is nothing but eating and drinking, and working for no goals. We earn some money but do not know where to spend them. What life is it? Is there anyone could tolerate that? Now the answer to the question at the beginning of this paragraph is amazingly clear. The governments SHOULD, or we SHOULD……其实不必大写的……这两个大写给人以无力的呐喊的感觉……, take action to prevent the languages from being extinguished. 问题还是和上一段一样，描述得过于仔细。而且这完全是作者的主观臆想，你自己创造了一个模型，说如果不拯救的话怎样怎样。你怎么知道400年后就光剩英语？你怎么知道光剩英语了艺术家就没有思路了？古代东西方根本没有交流的时候，各国艺术家照样有很多好作品啊。主要问题不是说这个想法是不对的，而是你如果这样详细描述的话，这个就由“可能的趋势”变成了“必然的未来”，从而失去了论证的有力性。

But how? It's a question of holding on with generations. 没有主题句……不用我再说了吧~The best starting point is education. Parents could be allowed to "betray" their own language for getting a better life for their family, but the education of language for children shouldn't be neglected. In Norway, the government allocates 30 million euro for Sami, helps them for their bilingual education system. It's a hard task and a burden to the government finances, but we have other options, as long as we want a various system of different cultures glittering all over the world.
这一段从整个论证结构上来说，是不需要的。你同意说拯救语言很重要，但是为了逻辑的严谨性，要想到不是拯救每一个语言都是必要的。最后一定要有结尾段，来总结你的几个论点。

想法是很好的，加油~

lucarlUID: 2616426

谢谢ls同学，第一篇写的这么惨也得到如此详细的修改，太感谢了~

拖到今天才改。。。

提纲也修改了一下，字数变少了，453字，因为修改前太多的重复话。

感觉还是思路很窄，欢迎楼下同学继续狠批！别客气~


提纲：

开篇说出现象：世界上6000种语言中3000多种正在消失。并提出这些正在消失的语言需要政府出面来保护。

解释为什么这些语言会消失。
因为这些小语种在使用上范围太窄，国民如果想要和外界交流，只能通过主流语言。久而久之，使用本国语言的人越来越少，而下一代对本国语言的重视程度将更加小，导致语言消亡。

但是我们不能坐视语言消失，因为语言是文化的载体。语言的消失意味着文化的缺失。
有语言就有文化，诗歌，小说，戏剧。都需要语言来做这个载体。这样的损失，我们负担不起。

进一步推理，这些语言消失会怎么样。
古代，每一次大帝国的建立，都伴随着一次文化的振兴，而这随着征服与被征服而出现的文化振兴的背后，实际上是各个不同民族文化的撞击，才有了文化的大爆发。假如，随着各种语言的消亡，这些语言所记载的文化也消失于人们的视野，那么缺少了文化的碰撞，艺术家的创造力受到影响，人们的精神生活越来越贫瘠。

具体成功例子，及总结段
挪威人帮助萨米族拯救他们的语言。同时说明政府才能付得起这么一个财政负担和组织工作。



正文：
According to the survey by Unesco, 3000 languages out of the 6000 ones on this planet are dying out. The governments should take actions to protect the languages from extinct, if we want a multicultural world.

The lesser-known languages are becoming extinguished because fewer and fewer people use them. It's easy to understand why they would give up their mother tongue and learn some more widely-spoken languages to communicate with the rest of the world. This phenomenon is more likely to be spotted in unindustrialized countries or religions. People from remote villages go to city for some well-paid jobs, and they have to learn other languages, such as English.

As long as the language goes, the culture exists. Think about the poetry, novels, opera and some other literary works along the river of our country's history, they are all written by the very language we use. Moreover, culture is the spirit of a nation. It represents the history and the value of this nation. If the language disappears, the culture will fade away as well, and that's a loss too terrible that we can't afford.

In ancient times, followed by a cultural explosion, an empire was established, Rome and Qin Dynasty for instance. Different cultures blend into each other, then a mixed culture born and subsequently a cultural burst. During the cultural burst, many artworks emerge by the inspiration of different cultures. When lesser-known languages die out and therefore the cultures fade away, artists have no inspiration because all they can see is the same culture, they have nothing to compare any more. Our spiritual world becomes more and more unfertilized, all the entertainment left is nothing but eating and drinking. What life is it? Is there anyone could bear that? So the governments should, or we should, take action to prevent the languages from being extinguished.

Most of the lesser-known languages are dying out, but there are a lot of things we can do to prevent them from being extinguished. Some people are leading the track and getting some effects. In Norway, the government allocates 30 million euro for Sami, helps them for their bilingual education system. Education is a good point to start. Parents could be allowed to "betray" their own language for getting a better life for their family, but the education of language for children shouldn't be neglected. It's a hard task and a burden to the government finances, but we have other options, as long as we want a various system of different cultures glittering all over the world.

To conclude, only by governments the languages can be saved, due to the hugh financial cost and the impossible organization mission for single human. To maintain a multicultural

米丽水UID: 2637300

没有看到改写的，汗！现在再改一遍。能改写真的不错了，很好，这点做得比我好多了。学习。
According to the survey by Unesco, 3000 languages out of the 6000 ones on this planet are dying out. The governments should take actions to protect the languages from extinct, if we want a multicultural world.第一段不要引述了，放在后面做should的论据，最好第一段阐释题目，表明立场。
The lesser-known languages are becoming extinguishing because fewer and fewer people use them.(越来越少的人用未必是他们放弃转而学习，或许他们就永久放弃了？) It's easy to understand why they would give up their mother tongue and learn some more widely-spoken languages to communicate with the rest of the world. This phenomenon is more likely to be spotted in unindustrialized countries or religions. People from remote villages go to city for some well-paid jobs, and they have to learn other languages, such as English.
As long as the language goes, the culture exists.（语言与文化共存亡） Think about the poetry, novels, opera and some other literary works along the river of our country's history, they are all written by the very language we use. Moreover, culture is the spirit of a nation. It represents the history and the value of this nation. If the language disappears, the culture will fade away as well, and that's a loss too terrible that we can't afford.
In ancient times, followed by a cultural explosion, an empire was established, Rome and Qin Dynasty for instance.你这段的中心句呢？ Different cultures blend into each other, then a mixed culture was born and subsequently a cultural burst. During the cultural burst, many artworks emerge by the inspiration of different cultures. When lesser-known languages die out and therefore the cultures fade away, artists have no inspiration because all they can see is the same culture, they have nothing to compare any more. Our spiritual world becomes more and more unfertilized, all the entertainment left is nothing but eating and drinking. What life is it? Is there anyone could bear that? So the governments should, or we should, take action to prevent the languages from being extinguished.(这一段我看还是很没说服力，放弃这个例子吧，艺术家难道就因为文化单一就造不出艺术品？)
整个一段应该先说政府该保护，然后是原因。最好这样
Most of the lesser-known languages are dying out, but there are a lot of things we can do to prevent them from being extinguished.恩这个鲜明。但是we合适吗？不是让说gov should or not吗？ Some people are leading the track and getting some effects. In Norway, the government allocates 30 million euro for Sami, helps them for their bilingual education system. Education is a good point to start. Parents could be allowed to "betray" their own language for getting a better life for their family, but the education of language for children shouldn't be neglected. （这个but一用我还以为要将小孩教育的重要性呢）It's a hard task and a burden to the government finances, but we have other options, as long as we want a various system of different cultures glittering all over the world.到最后不知侧重点该放到哪，因为but频繁了。
To conclude, only by governments（这个你除非论证其他途径走不通时才可以说只有政府才能挽救语言，那我说个人挽救就不行了？明显个人挽救也很有用） the languages can be saved, due to the hugh financial cost and the impossible organization mission for single human. To maintain a multicultural维护仅靠政府是不够的，还要大家主动行动配合。

米丽水UID: 2637300

这是对原文的批改
Our mother earth is a big organism. Every second there are( 删去) some newborn creatures come- to this planet, and some go away. People die, having nothing with them. But there is surely something goes(句子语法错误) with them, or after them, which is the language they used when they were still breathing.(我的改写But there is surely something left, which is the language they used when they were still breathing.)
第一段不知道用这种引述性的文字开头是好是坏，通常应该是对题目分析，同意或不同意的。论点提出也不鲜明，难道论点在下一段？且看下文。

Culture, indisputably, is the spirit of a nation. It represents the history and the value of this nation. But culture is being viewed at the spiritual level, nothing real->physical (spiritual对应的词是物质上的).（我以为but之后就是本段的论点，但明显不是。所以用but的时候一般就是论点了，不是论点句少用but） To generate and develop it, we need a carrier which is our language. It's easy to understand why language could represent the culture. Think about the poetry, novels, opera and some other literary works along the river of our country's history, they are written by the very language we use. As long as the language exists, the culture goes.
阐述了语言是文化的载体。
The lesser-known languages are becoming extinguished->extinguishing(是不是用主动呢？) because fewer and fewer people use them. There are two reasons that lead to the fact above.(啊，终于看到久违的论点了，跟题目照应的东西了) First, the users die, which we cannot stop. The other one is that they just do not use it any more. It's easy to understand why they would give up their mother tongue and learn some more widely-spoken language->languages. They need to communicate with the rest of the world and their own language cannot afford(这个提供和function能配吗？) that function. It's more likely in unindustrialized countries or religions to have people surrender their own languages to learn a more widely-spoken one. Let's take this as an example, Tsing is a farmer with a family to feed, of which more than ten members including 2 old parents who cannot offer any labor and several children before school age. He has no fields to grow enough crops to sell for the money he needs to feed his family. He chooses to get a job in big cities, such as Beijing and Shanghai. But what company would hire a farmer with no skills except in the fields who still holds dialect and has hindrance communicating with others. So what would he do first? Learn Mandarin, and further more, learn English. Roll the camera to 30 years after, maybe his grand children would never know Tsing's dialect, and so it dies.（这个例子我觉得不合适，描述还是很清晰的，就是方言的消失和世界各国小语种的消失在级别上是否一样。联合国统计的语言消失我想还不包括方言消失吧，就是同一语系不同语言的消失。方言和普通话严格起来使用的是同一语言，声音表达有区别而已，这和世界小语种消失重量级不一样）
With the two reasons cleared->clear, of which (把前面的删掉会更简洁)languages becoming extinguishing, should the governments take action to protect the lesser-known languages?政府该不该？这是论述题目的下一段 Let's assume that we do nothing about the protection. As a result, people voluntarily learn some more convenient languages which offer them more job opportunities and thus a better living condition. After some generations, fewer and fewer people understand the culture which writes->was written down by the language they use to speak, so the culture dies eventually. And after, say, 400 years, English become the only existing language on the earth, and the once various culture systems become the only mixed culture of global English. Artists have no inspiration because all they can see is the same culture, they have nothing to compare any more, and thus nothing to compose.（这会不会很绝对？单一语种难道艺术家就无从创造？明显没道理的） Our spiritual world becomes more and more unfertilized, all the entertainment left is nothing but eating and drinking, and working for no goals.（这个我没有觉得，单一文化难道我们的精神食粮就会空虚，不，你看到那些不讲汉语的香蕉人，他们的精神空虚吗？可能空虚的是跨文化两种语言都会说的，但是眼睁睁看语言消失的人会有这种感觉，所以表达要准确，该限定要限定） We earn some money but do not know where to spend them. What life is it? Is there anyone could tolerate that? Now the answer to the question at the beginning of this paragraph is amazingly clear. The governments SHOULD, or we SHOULD, take action to prevent the languages from being extinguished.
这个should or not主要通过反例假设来论证。但是很有漏洞。另外有点意识流，天马行空，前一句和后一句的逻辑连接性不强。
But how? It's a question of holding on with generations. The best starting point is education. Parents could be allowed to "betray" their own language for getting a better life for their family, but the education of language for children shouldn't be neglected.这是在哪个国家的例子，要交待清楚 In（不要介词） Norway, the government allocates 30 million euro for Sami, and helps them for their bilingual education system. It's a hard task and a burden to the government finances, but we have other options（看到这个我想作者还有很多要说，至少列举其他选择啊，阐释一个主要选择，其他一笔带过，但是这个其他没有说出来）, as long as we want a various system of different cultures glittering all over the world.
文章语言很不错，极少有什么拼写，语法错误。这很赞。思路鲜明。
一二段引述语言和文化不可分割，这个可以作为政府保护的原因写放在倒数第二段，当然要压缩。第三段是小语种消失的原因分析，第一个太少了，第二个例子又太牵强了。
最后一段是怎么做来保护，教育优先，当然还有很多，能不能列举出来就一笔带过，这样让人觉得你思考过多种解决方案，碍于时间和篇幅限制不能多谈，至少你知道的。

xiang427UID: 2649178

8# 米丽水

A31小培改A04 lucal

Our mother earth is a big organism, every second there are some newborn creatures come to this planet, and some go away. People die, having nothing with them. But there is surely something goes with them, or after them, which is the language they used when they were still breathing.（第一段有点跑题吧）

Culture, indisputably, is the spirit of a nation and(尽量把句子写长) represents the history and the value of this nation. But culture is being viewed at the spiritual level, nothing real. To generate and develop it, we need a carrier which is our language. It's easy to understand why language could represent the culture. Think about the poetry, novels, opera and some other literary works along the river of our country's history（表达太中式了）, they are written by the very（可省略） language we use. As long as the language exists, the culture goes.（不用花整段来讲语言的重要性吧）

The lesser-known languages are becoming extinguished because fewer and fewer people use them. There are two reasons that lead to the fact above. First, the users die which we cannot stop（这个理由有点牵强吧）. The other one is that they just do not use it any more. It's easy（不合适） to understand why they would give up their mother tongue and learn some more widely-spoken languages. They need to communicate with the rest of the world but their own language cannot afford that function. It's more likely in unindustrialized countries or religions to have people surrender their own languages to learn more widely-spoken one. Let's take this as an example, Tsing is a farmer with a family to feed, of which more than ten members including 2 old parents who cannot offer any labor and several children before school age. He has no fields to grow enough crops to sell for the money he needs to feed his family. He chooses to get a job in big cities, such as Beijing or Shanghai. But what company would hire a farmer with no(改为without) skills except in the fields who still holds dialect and has hindrance communicating with others. So what would he do first? Learn Mandarin, and further more, learn English. Roll the camera to 30 years after, maybe his grand children would never know Tsing's dialect, and so it dies.

With the two reasons cleared, of which languages becoming extinguished, should the government take action to protect the lesser-known languages? Let's assume that we do nothing about the protection. As a result, people voluntarily learn some more convenient languages which offer them more job opportunities and thus a better living condition. After several generations, fewer and fewer people understand the culture which writes down by the language they used to speak, the culture dies eventually. And after, say, 400 years, English become the only existing language on the earth（应加虚拟语气）, and the once various culture system become the only mixed culture of global English. Artists have no inspiration because all they can see is the same culture, they have nothing to compare any more, and thus nothing to compose. Our spiritual world becomes more and more unfertilized, all the entertainments left are nothing but eating and drinking, and working for no goals. We earn some money but do not know where to spend them. What life is it? Is there anyone could tolerate that? Now the answer to the question at the beginning of this paragraph is amazingly clear. The governments SHOULD, or we SHOULD, take action to prevent the languages from being(不应该为被动语态) extinguished.

But how? It's a question of holding on with generations. The best starting point is education. Parents could be allowed to "betray" their own language for getting a better life for their family, but the education of language for children shouldn't be neglected. In Norway, the government allocates 30 million euro for Sami, helps them for their bilingual education system. It's a hard task and a burden to the government finances, but we have other options, as long as we want a various system of different cultures glittering all over the world.

1. 首段一定要提出自己的观点
2.各段的主题句不清晰
3.没有假想敌，感觉像是说明文
4.短句太多，尽量写长句

xiang427UID: 2649178

A31小培改
Our mother earth is a big organism, every second there are some newborn creatures come to this planet, and some go away. People die, having nothing with them. But there is surely something goes with them, or after them, which is the language they used when they were still breathing.（首段没有表明观点）
Culture, indisputably, is the spirit of a nation（主题句要表明观点）that represents the history and the value of this nation. But culture is being viewed at the spiritual level, nothing real. To generate and develop it, we need a carrier which is our language. It's easy to understand why language could represent the culture. Think about the poetry, novels, opera and some other literary works along the river of our country's history, they are written by the very language we use. As long as the language exists, the culture goes.(怎么全是说明文字啊)
The lesser-known languages are becoming extinguished because fewer and fewer people use them. There are two reasons that lead to the fact above. First, the users die which we cannot stop（这个理由太牵强了吧）. The other one is that they just do not use it any more. It's easy to understand why they would give up their mother tongue and learn some more widely-spoken language. They need to communicate with the rest of the world and their own language cannot afford that function（不能这样表达吧）. It's more likely in unindustrialized countries or religions to have people surrender their own languages to learn a more widely-spoken one. Let's take this as an example, Tsing is a farmer with a family to feed, of which more than ten members including 2 old parents who cannot offer any labor and several children before school age. He has no fields to grow enough crops to sell for the money he needs to feed his family. He chooses to get a job in big cities, such as Beijing and Shanghai. But what company would hire a farmer without skills except in the fields who still holds dialect and has hindrance communicating with others. So what would he do first? Learn Mandarin, and further more, learn English. Roll the camera to 30 years after, maybe his grand children would never know Tsing's dialect, and so it dies.（没有让步啊）
With the two reasons cleared, of which languages becoming extinguished, should the governments take action to protect the lesser-known languages?（还是主题句的问题） Let's assume that we do nothing about the protection. As a result, people voluntarily learn some more convenient languages which offer them more job opportunities and thus a better living condition. After some（several更合适） generations, fewer and fewer people understand the culture which writes down by the language they used to speak, the culture dies eventually. And after, say, 400 years, English become the only existing language on the earth, and the once various culture system become the only mixed culture of global English（太绝对）. Artists have no inspiration because all they can see is the same culture, they have nothing to compare any more, and thus nothing to compose. Our spiritual world becomes more and more unfertilized, all the entertainment left is nothing but eating and drinking, and working for no goals. We earn some money but do not know where to spend them. What life is it? Is there anyone could tolerate that? Now the answer to the question at the beginning of this paragraph is amazingly clear. The governments SHOULD, or we SHOULD（不应该大写吧）, take action to prevent the languages from being extinguished.

But how? It's a question of holding on with generations. The best starting point is education. Parents could be allowed to "betray" their own language for getting a better life for their family, but the education of language for children shouldn't be neglected. In Norway, the government allocates 30 million euro for Sami, helps them for their bilingual education system. It's a hard task and a burden to the government finances, but we have other options, as long as we want a various system of different cultures glittering all over the world.（结尾没能真正的总结全篇）
1.        第一段没有表明观点，感觉像是说明文
2.        各段的主题句也不明显
3.        短句太多，尽量写长句

lucarlUID: 2616426

这篇确实是漏洞N多，找时间再重新写一遍。

谢谢ls的同学们