0910AW 同主题写作第四期 ISSUE144 by blade134 --请大家拍砖

blade134UID: 2328542

A diamond is just a naturally gleaming stone underground. The artist picks up the original stone and sculpts it with his opinion and skill until it has some beautiful shape with dazzling shining. Then the critic watch over it, praise or deny it with some reasons. These are typically what artist and critic do for an art work. As beautiful diamonds are usually considered as "eternal", which one offers this lasting value? It is clearly that the artist, not the critic, has an essential function in this producing process.

The value of an art work, to be more clearly, usually has two types - the art value and the commercial value. The art value represents the aesthetic achievement the work makes, more concretely, the beauty it brings to society. On the other hand, the commercial value means the number of money it worth. It is not difficult to see that the former is deserved for "lasting", because the esthetics of people is static and can be passed from one generation to another. In contrast, the commercial value of an art work is easily changed for it is usually affected by many factors, including the material cost, the price at which people would purchase.

To create this lasting value, the art value, it is the major responsibility for the artist. An artist must have ability to express his ideas with his excellent skill so that he can create great art work. These art work, such as Mona Lisa of Da Vinci, Statues of David by Michelangelo, for instance, change people's view about how to appreciate the beauty. Without these great artists, these changes can never happen because they are the combination of outstanding ideas, excellent skills and hard working, which are too difficult for us to own all at a same time. However, these works can still be in obscure if no one find and help majority know them, and that's what the critic usually do.

From some points of view, critics also have their contribution to the art development for they can not only help more people know art, but also collect the social response of the art work and help artists improve their compositions. With these help, the art value, or even the artist himself can be widely accepted by most of people, so it can be called "lasting".

In summarize, the role of the artist plays in creating lasting value to society is essential and irreplaceable. But with the proper help from the critic, the artist could make more immortal art works with more efficiency.


欢迎大家拍砖，谢谢

iloveusa2009UID: 2650557

A diamond is just a naturally gleaming stone underground. The artist picks up the original stone and sculpts it with his opinion and skill until it has some beautiful shape with dazzling shining. Then the critic watch over it, praise or deny it with some reasons. These are typically what artist and critic do for an art work. As beautiful diamonds are usually considered as "eternal", which one offers this lasting value? It is clearly that the artist, not the critic, has an essential function in this producing process. (这种开头模式并不推荐使用。开头最好简洁一些，直接陈述两种不同的观点，然后表明自己的立场就好了，类似的比喻类的写法最好不要出现在开头段)

The value of an art work, to be more clearly, usually has two types - the art value and the commercial value. The art value represents the aesthetic achievement the work makes, more concretely, the beauty it brings to society. On the other hand, the commercial value means the number of money it worth. It is not difficult to see that the former is deserved for "lasting", because the esthetics of people is static and can be passed from one generation to another. In contrast, the commercial value of an art work is easily changed for it is usually affected by many factors, including the material cost, the price at which people would purchase. （给艺术的价值分类，并确认lasting value是出自于艺术品的Art value. 建议可以对后面的commercial value进行一些补充说明，比方说critic 更多的是服务于commercial value的，这跟你的开头段TS就吻合了）

To create this lasting value, the art value, it is the major responsibility for the artist. An artist must have ability to express his ideas with his excellent skill so that he can create great art work. These art work, such as Mona Lisa of Da Vinci, Statues of David by Michelangelo, for instance, change people's view about how to appreciate the beauty. Without these great artists, these changes can never happen because they are the combination of outstanding ideas, excellent skills and hard working, which are too difficult for us to own all at a same time. However, these works can still be in obscure if no one find and help majority know them, and that's what the critic usually do. （这句话从文章的结构排列上讲，更应当划归到下一段吧？）

From some points of view, critics also have their contribution to the art development for they can not only help more people know art, but also collect the social response of the art work and help artists improve their compositions. With these help, the art value, or even the artist himself can be widely accepted by most of people, so it can be called "lasting". （缺乏进一步的例证）

In summarize, the role of the artist plays in creating lasting value to society is essential and irreplaceable. But with the proper help from the critic, the artist could make more immortal art works with more efficiency.（读到这，说实话，你这篇文章通篇都缺乏对这句话的佐证，希望你可以补充一些具有说服力的例证）

总结：
文章主体段落文字过少，缺乏例证，即便没有具体的历史人物事件作例子，也可以自己归纳一些“原形例子”进行演绎分析，同样会取得不错的效果。

文章后半部分强调了critics的作用，不过似乎并没有贴近主题。你的主题是强调Artist对lasting value的作用，结合第一主体段落我给你的修改意见，你应当侧重于对critics更多只能提供商业价值这一点来展开，并进一步指出他们给艺术品lasting value的作用只能是次要的辅助作用，这一点要强化论述和佐证。

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