0910AW 同主题写作第一期 ISSUE13 by cc

.C.C.UID: 2645494

13"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."
  
提纲：
1.鉴于现在主流的语言被广泛使用，看上去小语种没有多大实际用处。
2.但是细想，保护小语种是必须的。
   历史：有文字才可以研究他的历史。
   文化：有了文字和历史，才能研究他们的文化。
   团结人心（这段没找到好例子，没展开）
3.已有的保护：昆曲，看上去是很有利的。


In this era, lesser-known languages are being endangered, since international languages are widely used. However, in my own point of view, I strongly agree with the author's suggestion that governments should take actions to avoid those non-mainstream languages being extinct.

Admittedly, it seems ostensibly that lesser-known languages are truly out of use, thus not worthing saving. In this high-tech times, we enjoy high speed communication devices to living in global village. Many country arrange their curriculum with English, a convenient tool to communicate with foreigners. Also, every country,as well as international organization, has its own official languages, where governments issue rules, where news organizations send latest news, and so forth. It seems the lesser-known languages are truly out of use. What's more, since languages are complex, the cost of such prevention may extremely high.

Nonetheless, after a deep pounder over whether the government should protect the rare languages is of great importance. The fact that we don't use those languages in our daily life never indicates that we have no duty to protect them.. Languages develop with the regions' history and culture. Only by truly understand the native languages, can we learn its history and culture. On the one hand, languages do help us to learn a crowds history. As is in the case, archaeologists and historian try really hard in understanding those lost civilizations due to the uncomprehension of the languages. Imaging if they can read every single word on the cultural relics, there are surely no difficulty in understanding their history. On the other hand, after acknowledge its history, the expert can possess significant insight into its culture. Consider Shakespeare, whose poetries are full of complex symbolics, various sentence structures, strict tone and syntax. When his poetry translated in other languages, there is no denying that no matter how they translate, the translated poetry can never in comparision with the original ones, sickling Sharkspere's ideas and literal charming. Even his humor are lost due to lack of understanding its cultural backgrounds. Same with other lesser-known languages.The river of every language runs a long course from a remote source, its culture and history can never separated and long live solely. What's more, people share a same rare language makes them enjoy unity, recalling the sweet memories of their hometown and sharing a sense of belonging.

It may cost considerably to take actions, conversly, the cost of losing them may be immeasurable. As is in the case, for example, a dialect of China, recently begin to record its local dialect into digital sounds in order to save its cultural founded dialect in more than 2500 years. The dialect composes two local drama which is called Pingtan and Kunqu Opera, while Kunqu Opera is listed as one of the Masterpieces of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO. If such language faded out, the Kunqu Opera will certainly lost, not to mention enjoy such artful artistic opera.

In sum, as far as i can concerned, we should and must take actions to prevent lesser-known languages being extincted no matter how it cost. Otherwise, the cost of losing any languages beside its culture and history will be ever greater than we can imaging.


这是第二遍写的I，可能想的太多，反而不会写了。而且宿舍的问题，写这篇作文每次都被狠狠的打断思路，写的自己都觉得乱，但是写过两遍印象太深刻了，没办法……过一阵可能要第三遍了~

彩虹沙漠UID: 2328322

In this era, lesser-known languages are being endangered, since international languages are widely used. However, in my own point of view, I strongly agree with the author's suggestion that governments should take actions to avoid those non-mainstream languages being extinct.

Admittedly, it seems ostensibly that lesser-known languages are truly out of use, thus not worthing saving. In this high-tech times, we enjoy high speed communication devices to living in global village. Many country arrange their curriculum with English(这句想说的是英语课程还是英语授课，如果是后者应该是in English吧？前者的话可以考虑写成curriculum focused on English避免歧义，个人陋建啊，呵呵~), a convenient tool to communicate with foreigners. Also, every country,as well as international organization, has its own official languages, where governments issue rules, where news organizations send latest news, and so forth. It seems the lesser-known languages are truly out of use. What's more, since languages are complex, the cost of such prevention may be extremely high.

Nonetheless, after a deep pounder over whether the government should protect the rare languages is of great importance（此句没看懂啊……是不是把ponder拼错了啊？而且可以不用after，That deep pondering over...）. The fact that we don't use those languages in our daily life never indicates that we have no duty to protect them.. Languages develop with the regions' history and culture. Only by truly understanding the native languages, can we learn its history and culture. On the one hand, languages do help us to learn a crowds history. As is in the case, archaeologists and historian try really hard in understanding those lost civilizations due to the uncomprehension of the languages. Imaging if they can read every single word on the cultural relics, there are surely no difficulty in understanding their history（LZ的意思我能理解，但是这样绝对的表达最好还是在AW中少出现为妙，呵呵~个人陋建）. On the other hand, after acknowledge its history, the expert can possess significant insight into its culture. Consider Shakespeare, whose poetries are full of complex symbolics, various sentence structures, strict tone and syntax. When his poetry is translated in other languages, there is no denying that no matter how they translate, the translated poetry can never in comparision with the original ones, sickling Sharkspere's ideas and literal charming. Even his humor are lost due to lack of understanding its cultural backgrounds. Same with other lesser-known languages（这话别扭啊，好像日常口语……）.The river of every language runs a long course from a remote source, its culture and history can never separated and long live solely（这个比喻挺好）. What's more, people share a same rare language makes them enjoy unity, recalling the sweet memories of their hometown and sharing a sense of belonging.

It may cost considerably to take actions, conversly, the cost of losing them may be immeasurable. As is in the case, for example, a dialect of China, recently begin to record its local dialect into digital sounds in order to save its cultural founded dialect in more than 2500 years. The dialect composes two local drama which is called Pingtan and Kunqu Opera, while Kunqu Opera is listed as one of the Masterpieces of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO. If such language faded out, the Kunqu Opera will certainly lost, not to mention enjoy such artful artistic opera.

In sum, as far as i can concerned, we should and must take actions to prevent lesser-known languages being extincted no matter how it cost. Otherwise, the cost of losing any languages beside its culture and history will be ever greater than we can imaging（imagine）.

summary：总体感觉LZ文章思路不错。第3段过长，把文章的节奏稍稍打乱了。感觉完全可以把“on the other hand”后面的另起一段。还有一个是，感觉楼主的文章稍显绝对，很多反方向的问题考虑不太全（比如楼主说不记cost的挽救小语种，也不能说不对，但是还是稍显绝对。就好像你要不计代价的拯救灭种物种一样，有的时候很大的cost花出去了也不一定有效果，这往往是一种历史的必然，就好像生物里面的“natural selection”一样。）很多前辈和书籍都建议不要太过绝对，尽量保持一点点平衡，这样才能展现文章的高度，呵呵~希望LZ可以考虑下这个问题哈~一点愚见，不对的地方海涵，呵呵~~

xiaoxiaoWUID: 2611108

1# .C.C.
你好  no offence  弱弱的问一句  请问你的这篇作文是根据模版写的吗？

112810asUID: 2646494

In this era, lesser-known languages are being endangered, since international languages are widely used. However, in my own point of view, I strongly agree with the author's suggestion that governments should take actions to avoid those non-mainstream languages being extinct.(挺简洁的，不错，但是感觉更侧重政府保护)

Admittedly, it seems ostensibly that lesser-known languages are truly out of use, thus not worthing saving. In this high-tech times, we enjoy high speed communication devices to living in global village. Many country arrange their curriculum with English, a convenient tool to communicate with foreigners. Also, every country,as well as international organization, has its own official languages, where governments issue rules, where news organizations send latest news, and so forth. It seems the lesser-known languages are truly out of use. What's more, since languages are complex, the cost of such prevention may extremely high.（这段是写lesser-known language 不被重视的原因，有种承上启下的感觉，不错，但是感觉应该短点）

Nonetheless, after a deep pounder over whether the government should protect the rare languages is of great importance. The fact that we don't use those languages in our daily life never indicates that we have no duty to protect them.. Languages develop with the regions' history and culture. Only by truly understand the native languages, can we learn its history and culture. On the one hand, languages do help us to learn a crowds history. As is in the case, archaeologists and historian try really hard in understanding those lost civilizations due to the uncomprehension of the languages. Imaging if they can read every single word on the cultural relics, there are surely no difficulty in understanding their history. On the other hand, after acknowledge its history, the expert can possess significant insight into its culture. Consider Shakespeare, whose poetries are full of complex symbolics, various sentence structures, strict tone and syntax. When his poetry translated in other languages, there is no denying that no matter how they translate, the translated poetry can never in comparision with the original ones, sickling Sharkspere's ideas and literal charming. Even his humor are lost due to lack of understanding its cultural backgrounds. Same with other lesser-known languages.The river of every language runs a long course from a remote source, its culture and history can never separated and long live solely. What's more, people share a same rare language makes them enjoy unity, recalling the sweet memories of their hometown and sharing a sense of belonging.

It may cost considerably to take actions, conversly, the cost of losing them may be immeasurable. As is in the case, for example, a dialect of China, recently begin to record its local dialect into digital sounds in order to save its cultural founded dialect in more than 2500 years. The dialect composes two local drama which is called Pingtan and Kunqu Opera, while Kunqu Opera is listed as one of the Masterpieces of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO. If such language faded out, the Kunqu Opera will certainly lost, not to mention enjoy such artful artistic opera. （感觉你开头的观点说了同意政府保护，但是没有给出措施）

In sum, as far as i can concerned, we should and must take actions to prevent lesser-known languages being extincted no matter how it cost. Otherwise, the cost of losing any languages beside its culture and history will be ever greater than we can imaging.

感觉你思路不错，但是表达出来以后不是特别流畅
楼主的逻辑感觉不够具有说服力，显得太绝对

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-960036-1-1.html

这是我的作业，希望可以帮忙改下~

.C.C.UID: 2645494

3# xiaoxiaoW

这次这没看模版啊………………自己乱写的……连范文都没看…………

.C.C.UID: 2645494

2# 彩虹沙漠

哈哈，我认真的看了你的改的………………额，真的挺有道理的，也看出来我思路混乱了……哎……所以准备写第三遍了，觉得你那个别太绝对的建议挺好的，我努力重新写下，谢谢啦~

彩虹沙漠UID: 2328322

6# .C.C.
太客气了，应该的。互改互改，一起进步嘛~~~

i2000sUID: 2108019

1# .C.C.
我要狠狠批啦  嘿嘿

In this era, lesser-known languages are being endangered, since international languages are widely used（popularized要比used好吧，要跟前面营造的气氛融洽起来）. However, in my own point of view, I strongly agree with the author's suggestion that governments should take actions to avoid those non-mainstream languages being extinct（？）.（开头简洁多了，提出论点）

Admittedly, it seems ostensibly that lesser-known languages are truly out of use, thus not worthing saving. In this high-tech times, we enjoy high speed communication devices to living in global village. Many country（？） arrange their curriculum with English, a convenient tool to communicate with foreigners. Also, every country,as well as international organization, has its own official languages（languages？还是就一种？）, where（in which？后面的where也不知什么意思哦） governments issue rules, where news organizations send latest news, and so forth. It seems the lesser-known languages are truly out of use. What's more, since languages are complex, the cost of such prevention may （be） extremely（既然用了这个极端的词，是不是想展开论证一下？） high.（让步开始了，看上去两个分论点还是支持主题的，不过句子有点乱哦）

Nonetheless, after（删，否则词句没有主语！） a deep pounder over whether the government should protect the rare languages is of great importance. The fact that we don't use those languages in our daily life never indicates that we have no duty to protect them.. Languages develop with the regions' history and culture. Only by truly understand the native languages, can we learn its（指native languages？） history and culture. On the one hand, languages do help us to learn a crowds history. As is in the case, archaeologists and historian try really hard in understanding those lost civilizations due to the uncomprehension of the languages. Imaging if they can read every single word on the cultural relics, there are surely no difficulty in understanding their history（这个论点是在说理解民族语言很重要吗？是不是要跑题了？）. On the other hand, after acknowledge its history, the expert can possess significant insight into its culture. Consider Shakespeare, whose poetries are full of complex symbolics, various（varied） sentence structures, strict tone and syntax. When his poetry（poetries are） translated in（into） other languages, there is no denying that no matter how they（这个they是指his poetries嘛？） translate, the translated poetry（they） can never in comparision with the original ones, （用which 从句吧，重点强调一下）sickling Sharkspere's ideas and literal charming. Even his humor are lost due to lack of understanding its cultural backgrounds. Same with other lesser-known languages（这句太突兀了，前面没说**less-known language啊）.The river of every language runs a long course from a remote source, its culture and history can never separated and long live solely（最好把后半句提前，前半句做原因）. What's more, people share a same rare language makes them enjoy unity, recalling the sweet memories of their hometown and sharing a sense of belonging.（这段实际是说language的重要意义，但是并没有回答主题句whether to protect the rare languages;另外，莎士比亚用的是英语吧，小心让考官觉得你把英语也看成了小语种）

It may cost considerably（没有这么用的吧。cost much） to take actions(to prevent the ...), conversly, the cost of losing them may be immeasurable（看看这样排比一下如何：however, it definitely cost more to indulge them dying out）. As is in the case, for example, a dialect of China, recently begin to record its local dialect into digital sounds in order to save its cultural founded dialect in more than 2500 years. The dialect composes two local drama which is called Pingtan and Kunqu Opera, while Kunqu Opera is listed as one of the Masterpieces of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO. If such language faded out, the Kunqu Opera will certainly lost, not to mention enjoy such artful artistic opera. （一定要扣住主题句，你做到了吗？另外，dialect是否就是一种language？）

In sum, as far as i can concerned, we should and must take actions to prevent lesser-known languages being extincted no matter how it cost. Otherwise, the cost of losing any languages beside its culture and history will be ever greater than we can imaging.

夸你的话不多说，女生还是多批评一下  嘿嘿
1、全文有把dialect当成一种language的嫌疑，有把理解一种语言当成防止语言消失的一个手段的嫌疑。。。这是致命的！
2、断语段之间的逻辑安排不是很合理，倒数第二段和前一段有重复的部分。最后可以深挖一下保护的具体措施什么，大胆发展下去。
3、段内分论点对主题的支持力度不够，比如三四段。
4、句式以简单句居多，彼此间的联系、过度做的不好，该强调的写成了补语（比如莎士比亚那句），或者关系代词不明（where那几个）。
5、有很多指代混乱和简单语法错误，这个要注意了。

轻轻的我飘走了，留下几朵云彩~~

ystyleUID: 2454212

B07改

In this era, lesser-known languages are being endangered, sinceinternational languages are widely used. However, in my own point ofview, I strongly agree with the author's suggestion that governmentsshould take actions to avoid those non-mainstream languages beingextinct.

Admittedly, it seems ostensibly that lesser-known languages are trulyout of use, thus not worthing saving. In this high-tech times, we enjoyhigh speed communication devices to living in global village. Manycountry arrange their curriculum with English, a convenient tool tocommunicate with foreigners. Also, every country,as well asinternational organization, has its own official languages, wheregovernments issue rules, where news organizations send latest news, andso forth. It seems the lesser-known languages are truly out of use.What's more, since languages are complex, the cost of such preventionmay extremely high.（让步写得不错~）

Nonetheless, after a deep pounder over whether the government shouldprotect the rare languages is of great importance. The fact that wedon't use those languages in our daily life never indicates that wehave no duty to protect them.. Languages develop with the regions'history and culture. Only by truly understand the native languages, canwe learn its history and culture. On the one hand, languages do help usto learn a crowds history.(这句话感觉和上面那句重复了...) As is in the case, archaeologists andhistorian try really hard in understanding those lost civilizations dueto the uncomprehension of the languages. Imagining if they can read everysingle word on the cultural relics, there are surely no difficulty inunderstanding their history. On the other hand, after acknowledge itshistory, the expert can possess significant insight into its culture.Consider Shakespeare, whose poetries are full of complex symbolics,various sentence structures, strict tone and syntax. When his poetrytranslated in other languages, there is no denying that no matter howthey translate, the translated poetry can never in comparision with theoriginal ones, sickling Sharkspere's ideas and literal charming. Evenhis humor are lost due to lack of understanding its culturalbackgrounds.（这个例子举得很好，赞一个~） Same with other lesser-known languages.The river of everylanguage runs a long course from a remote source, its culture andhistory can never separated and long live solely. What's more, peopleshare a same rare language makes them enjoy unity, recalling the sweetmemories of their hometown and sharing a sense of belonging.（这句是不是可以作为另一个分论点另起一段陈述呢？比如，每当这些小语种在一个陌生的国度被谈起，都会引起我们的民族自豪感blabla...）

It may cost considerably to take actions, conversly（没这个词吧？）, the cost of losingthem may be immeasurable. As is in the case, for example, a dialect ofChina, recently begin to record its local dialect into digital soundsin order to save its cultural founded dialect in more than 2500 years.The dialect composes two local drama which is called Pingtan and KunquOpera, while Kunqu Opera is listed as one of the Masterpieces of theOral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO. If such languagefaded out, the Kunqu Opera will certainly lost, not to mention enjoysuch artful artistic opera. （这段是不是可以再详细一些，比如在结合例子进行一些道理论述等等）

In sum, as far as i can(am) concerned, we should and must take actions toprevent lesser-known languages being extincted(extinct就是形容词） no matter how （much？） it cost.Otherwise, the cost of losing any languages beside its culture andhistory will be ever greater than we can imaging（imagine）.

1、文章的句子不错，就是有些用词不够准确得体，如果仔细一点的话应该会好很多。
2、文章结构有待进一步整理，有点混乱，特别是第三段。
3、例子举得都不错，不过有些地方缺少一些道理论证。

刚看了帖子是在什么也没参照的情况下完成的，确实很厉害，换做是我可能都写不出这么多字，思路打不开。。。anyway，加油~~

sally_zhiyiUID: 2636363

我来看看C.C的~~ 加油加油！！！

sally_zhiyiUID: 2636363

我来看看C.C的~~ 加油加油！！！