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本帖最后由 ヤ.魔ポ☆. 于 2013-9-5 16:48 编辑
ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-2-15 14:41
Do you agree or disagree: It is important to know about what is happening around the world, even if ...
Do you agree or disagree: It is important to know about what is happening around the world, even if it doesn't affect your personal lives.
Nowadays, it is really an interesting phenomenon that people who concentrate in only one specific aspect, paying little attention to other things, and those who seem to know almost everything happening in the world, are both highly respected. It raises up ('raise' means 'to cause <someone/something> to rise/stand up', so you don't need 'up' with 'raise'.) a long-lasting discussion that whether it is important for us to know about what's going on outside our personal lives. In fact, as I see it, to have, at least, (I removed the commas because 'to have' is too short to warrant another set of commas immediately after. If the subject is very long, then you may want to use these extra commas, but for a short subject like 'to have', the extra commas are really just unnecessarily breaking up the sentence.) a rough understanding of what's in the world is crucial for everyone.
Admittedly, staying unaware of whatever happens in other places seems no harm to us. We can easily imagine living such a life, in which we only think about ourselves, caring about things connected with our own benefits such as salaries and positions. Flames of wars in the Middle East or Africa are far away from our peaceful lives. We just have to take care of ourselves.(Yeah, unless you are a civil engineer in the Middle East or Africa – China sends quite many people to development projects in these places because, well, our government formed 'good relations' with many countries there..I don't intend to go full scale on politics and diplomacy here so the point is: qualify your statements carefully. If you're talking only about people working/living in places other than the Middle East/Africa right now, this paragraph is perfectly fine, but by not qualifying 'we', you run the danger of making an overly sweeping statement. Of course, as usual, I wouldn't expect TOEFL examiners to be this picky, but I reckon it's beneficial to start early with good practices in thinking.)
However, ignorance risks our future lives. Keeping living that way, we are likely to be gradually left behind and restrained in a narrow cage. This may be safe when everything remains stable, but unfortunately, the world is changing fast and we are likely to be influenced suddenly. For example, conflicts in the Middle East seems not able to affect an ordinary worker of a company in China (There, that's your hidden qualification of who the 'we' were in your previous paragraph..), but they really do. Fluctuations of oil prices are directly caused by the instability of the situation there, which influence the cost of the company and therefore, the salary of the worker. In a word, our lives are influenced by numerous invisible (If it's really 'invisible', you won't be able to see it coming at all, which would be something like a crazy lunatic who decided out of the blue to walk into a cinema and shoot at the people there. The relation between the tension in the Middle East and world economy, on the other hand, is actually quite obvious, if not straight-forward. I'd probably just say 'indirect' or 'unobvious'.) factors, if paying no attention to them (This needs to be a new sentence.), we cannot really control our own lives.
In addition to that, basic social skills a basic understanding of things happening all over the world (I don't get this sentence. Seems like a main verb is missing.). The fundamental method of building up and maintaining relationships with others is communicating, which requires knowledge far more than what we have learned from daily experiences. People are often attracted by those who can communicate with them on their interests, and then they will know more about each other, from which friendship arises. On the contrary, those who always make others feel dull (I know what you mean but this is actually ambiguous as to who is dull here – it could be either the subject or the object of 'make'.), due to their lack of knowledge, are difficult to truly build up strong links with others. Generally speaking, knowing more means more chances to create new relationships and at the same time keeping them better.(If your argument is just 'knowing more', then I could easily challenge you, as knowing more doesn't necessarily mean knowing a lot of different things happening around the world. One can know a lot by knowing something really well while remaining oblivious to other irrelevant happenings in the world – and worse, you yourself mentioned this very scenario in the opening sentence of this essay. So your introduction backfires on your own point. What makes this knowledge about the world important is really its variety, not sheer quantity.)
In all, although we may live a lazy but convenient and content life without knowing about what is happening around the world, for the sake of our future development in both working and social relations (I don't see where 'future development in working relations' was discussed. Your first point was about lives being affected by indirect factors that we need to be aware of to wield better control – not quite what you've summarised here in the conclusion.), it is better for us to care about the outside world.
总结:
啊,请注意大小写。。论述的点很好,例子也很好,但是论证不够到位噢,请继续往一针见血努力
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