Cherrycarrie的写作练习帖

cherrycarrieUID: 2943359

本人为寄托IDcherrycarrie的持有人，现通过本论坛参与tesolchina的GRE写作研究，在这里授权tesolchina和hj1313的ID持有人使用本人的所有习作及互改记录做教学与科研用途。

托福：26?
背景：目前在国外读本科
考试日期：6.30

cherrycarrieUID: 2943359

目录

6.21

Issue 59 (快速练习) 3L 已点评 (修改版6L)
Issue 15 - 4L

cherrycarrieUID: 2943359

Issue 59 – 快速练习

Scientists and other researchers should focus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number of people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

Scientific research have been supporting and benefiting large amount of people. 搭配问题
However, it is not reasonable to make scientists and researchers only focus 选词搭配 on maximizing the population of beneficiaries. Although cost efficient research are encouraged (should be/ by ?) , other areas that are less likely to benefit the greatest size of population should also be investigated since ‘useless’ discoveries could be turned into valuable findings as time passed by, specific type of people should also be take care of and urgent problems should be solved instead of long-term problems that are relatively less significant. 注意断句  

主旨句里没有看到三个point 请学习1+3模型  


请尝试列表
1.Research that seems useless at the beginning turns into very significant discovery as time passed


(Example) discover the outside space – turn into Cloud storage
这是什么例子 outside space是啥


2.Research benefit specific type of people/ not the greatest amount are also significant
(Example) a few people with disease (minors)


3.The problems that would affect the greatest number of people are not the most urgent problems to solve. 不懂你这句说什么

(Example) global warming

你可能需要用汉语解释一下你如何展开


---------------------------------------------------------
(下面的是看过了老师的想法之后觉得应该添加的或者更好的)
Other opinions: scientists are not responsible for other people, main reason for curiosity
Other examples: social science

cherrycarrieUID: 2943359

ISSUE 15:

Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Confusing point: what’s the fields of study? Is it a major or courses? I defined it broadly in the following essay.

Encouraging students to choose courses based on whether they are usefulness for the future careers is a beneficial but not applicable movement for educational institutions. Students with sufficient preparation for work would face less pressure and be more confident when they start to work in real industry, especially in school of technologies and for students studying applicable sciences. However, for many other types of educational institutions, critical thinking, imagination and joining extra-curriculum activities would be more valuable.

Students who prepare for work from the start of education is a wise choice.
(example1) course for writing professional research paper
(example2) leadership program
(example3) resume consultation and interview preparation

Despite the advantages of choosing courses based on career concerns, it is not applicable for many universities. To prepare for lucrative careers, universities would be required to provide a wide range of courses and subjects so that students could study skills that they would possibly be required in the future. For example, it is useful if one studying biochemistry also knows computer science. However, educational institutions such as college of art and literature which focus on only some subjects and do not involve other types are not able to provide such education.

Furthermore, even if universities involve multiple disciplines and are able to provide students with courses required concerning future careers, mental development that cannot be learned by solely choosing appropriate fields of study. For art-major students, imagination is a crucial ability to develop rather than drawing skills. For philosophy-major students, critical thinking is more important than writing skills. For psychology-major students, applying theories in daily life by communication and observation in interactive activities could play a more significant role in real life. However, these skills cannot be chose to study from any course.

In conclusion, although obtaining working skills is a significant factor that needs to be considered when a student decide his/her field of study, it is not applicable for universities to encourage students to make the decision based on future career because of unsupportive educational system and students should be more encouraged to learn mental skills that cannot be studied from any course or field of study.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

cherrycarrie 发表于 2015-6-22 14:22
Issue 59 – 快速练习

Scientists and other researchers should focus their research on areas that a ...

已点评

cherrycarrieUID: 2943359

Issue 59 – 快速练习(修改)

Scientists and other researchers should focus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number of people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

Great number of people have been benefited from scientific studies. However, it is not necessary for scientists and researchers to decide field of study based on other people’s need since areas that people are curious of should also be explored, useless studies can be turned into valuable information as time passed and studies influencing small number of people are also significant.

1.The development of sciences are pushed by human curiosity about the world.
(Example) archeology – history has already be written and no longer influence great number of people but we still want to know what happened before or why dinosaurs went distinct
(Example) explore outer space (之前写成了outside space orz)

2.Research that seems useless at the beginning could turned into other usage that is not anticipated before.
(Example) when scientists studied genes, they cannot imagine that the genes can be manipulated and help to improve agricultural production or prevention for certain diseases

3.Areas that can only affect small number of people should also be investigated.
(Example) a few people with rare diseases

感觉自己的弱点是例子不能很好的和论点结合，每次想例子然后不知道怎么说会更有条理