豆豆,豆豆~~~~~~~~~

eunice007269UID: 2322842

这是我今天晚上写的,看到了你 给我改的,复制下来明天再好好研究,下次争取写得好一点,这篇肯定也不咋地~~~~~~~~
In your opinion, which one is better, to spend money on sth last for a long time, such as valuable jewelry, or spend your money on short term pleasure such as vacation?

There is much discussion over money. One of the questions under debate is that spending money on something last for a long time or short term pleasure. When facing with this choice, it is definitely difficult to decide for both jewelry and vacation lure people a lot. However, if I am asked to choose one way, I will spend my money on a car, notwithstanding vacation is also inviting. There are several reasons to explain my decision.
In the first place, compared with vacation, a car can bring me more comfort and convenience. Having a car, I do not need to wait for bus every morning, which really costs me much time everyday. Instead, I can spend more time on my work and study, and therefore get more money .In this way, I will get more opportunities to travel and live a more comfortable in a few years. Nevertheless, vacation can only offer me a short time fun, and after that, I may suffer from saving money for a long time.
In the second place, buying a car is one kind of investment. When the vacation time ends, you can get anything back, expect some photos. As for car, when you don't like it any more, you can sell and get some money back which you can spend on what you want, maybe a vacation. There is no denying that this is a long time investment. You have enjoyed the comfort and convenience it brings, and now, you, again, get some chance to do other things with the money it offers you.
Finally, a car can improve the family relationship. You can share the car with your parents, grandparents by driving them out for dinner while vacation may not. Your devotion will win you your parents' praise. Most importantly, it is one way to show your love to people who nurtured you and teach you how to become a upright person during your growing.
In conclusion, different people have different choice depending on their personality and other considering. For me, I think the advantages of a car are more valuable than a vacation. So, I choose to spend my money on a car beyond doubt.

豆豆～UID: 2378384

There is much discussion over money.(Currently, there is a compelling issue about how to make full use of our money.) One of the questions under debate is that("that" ==> "whether") spending money on something last for a long time or short term ("long- or short-term" maybe possible, but im not so sure.) pleasure. When facing with(no "with") this choice(try "dilemma"), it("it" cannot "face choices", so you should use "I" as the subject of the clause.) is definitely difficult to decide for both jewelry and vacation lure people a lot. (When facing this dilemma, I always feel confused since both lure people a lot.)However, if I am asked to choose one way("choose .. over ..." is an idiom, as in "choose one over another",try that out), I will spend my money on a car, notwithstanding vacation is also inviting. There are several reasons to explain my decision.(This sentence is too general. You can say"This can be proven through the expedience a car would cause, the profit it would bring as an investment, and the possibility it has to stick the whole family together." It really depends on your reasons.)

In the first place, compared with vacation, a car can bring me more comfort and convenience. Having a car, I do not need to wait for bus every morning, which really costs me much time everyday(I think a bus wouldn't cause you much. A cab maybe.). Instead, I can spend more time on my work and study, and therefore get more money .In this way, I will get more opportunities to travel and live a more comfortable(live a more comfortable? "lead a more comfortable life" or "lead a more cozy life") in a few years. Nevertheless(Nevertheless? why you used that word? "On the contrary"), (a) vacation can only offer me a short time fun, and after that, I may suffer from saving money for a long time.

I said, you need to use EXAMPLES!!! It doesn't have to be a real example; you can fake one.

In the second place, buying a car is one(a) kind of investment. When the vacation time ends, you can get anything back, expect some photos.(When the vacation ends, there is nothing you can take back except for those photos.) As for car, when you don't(do not) like it any more, you can sell (it) and get some money back which you can spend on what(ever) you want, maybe a vacation("maybe a vacation" ==> "say, a vacation" or "a vacation, maybe"). There is no denying that this is a long time investment. You have enjoyed the comfort and convenience it brings, and now, you, again, get some chance to do other things with the money it offers you.

This is comparatively a good paragraph. It's coherent, example-supported. However, you need to make it a little bit longer in order to make you opinion clearer.

Finally, a car can improve the family relationship.(Finally, a car may be able to maintain the friendship between family.) You can share the car with your parents, grandparents by driving them out for dinner while(whereas) (a) vacation may not. Your devotion will win you your parents' praise. Most importantly, it is one way to show your love to people who nurtured you and teach(taught) you how(no "how") to become a upright person during your growing("during your growing" ==> "as you grow up").

In conclusion, different people have different choice depending on their personality and other considering.(Different people would hold opposing ideas regarding various situations.) For me, I think the advantages of a car are more valuable than a vacation.(For me, the merits of a car outweigh those of a vacation) So(never use a "so" to start your sentences. It's dumb. Try "Thus" or "Consequently"), I choose to spend my money on a car beyond doubt.


Obviously, YOU HAVE CROSS OVER THE LINE. The topic asked you to choose between "long-term pleasure" and "ephemeral contentment", but you only mentioned it in your first paragraph. I know you mean a vacation is a short-term satisfaction and a car is a long-lasting object, but you have to say it out. don't make readers guess what you are trying to say.

There is really no need to use three paragraphs to compose a body. When you can't think of good ideas more than two, just write what you have. Don't push yourself so hard to think out another one, because maybe the one you later come up with is a bad example. A two-example-supported body is good enough.

豆豆～UID: 2378384

UPUP!!!