ISSUE 10 请求指教 有拍必会

zhufengchUID：2695107

复制到word里看了看，几点拙见在下面的文中插入了；同时同意“沙发”所指出的几点建议；尤其注意其中的第1，3点建议；语言功底很好，一同努力。同时感谢批改我的作文，欢迎为其余那几篇提出建议。
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1069541-1-1.html

The speaker's view neglects that those areas out of major cities take important position in generating and preserving cultural traditions, in that he（第三人称要避免；同时不能确定he 还是she） wrongly(这类词汇尽量避免) concludes that governments must meet the financial requirement of the big cities needed to thrive.

I concede that some notable cities possess a great number of cultural assets. For instance, every individual living in Beijing is proud of those famous historical buildings like the Greet Wall, the Summer Palace and so on. In a not dissimilar （这个双重否定的具体意义是？这样用是不是有点狠了）way, peopel share a opinion that Paris is a string place, since most top-rank fashion shows are hold there. After all, governments should take enough actions to support these cultural traditions.

However, the city is not the only garden that the flowers of culture could grow and bloom, and is（可去掉） even not the most significant one. To witness the development of cultural traditions, one need （needs） look no further than the wide countryside of modern China, where most of Chinese historical traditions , such as the folk song and the national dress which have almost disappeared in cities , are preserved well. On the contrary, since the complete acceptance of the mercantilism, most urban people are complaining that the heavy work leave little time for them to enjoy the happiness of reading , watching dramas and other kinds of cultural life. In short, the country is a better place for culture to develop than the city, （加thus凸现逻辑性）deserving more government attentions.