求各位看看我的study plan~~

youyouxiaoxiUID：2883506

准备礼拜一递签 有木有人比我更晚递签啊 有木有啊~~~求各位拿到小v的看看我写的作文吧 (*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
请猛烈拍砖~~

Dearvisa officer:
My name is XX. I graduate fromXX University, majoring in Software Engineering. During my undergraduatestudies, I have developed great interest and also laid solid foundation in thefield of Computing Science. My study plan is to pursue further study in thisarea in Canada.

Why amaster degree in Canada
The decision is made after carefulconsideration. With almost two years’ work experience in the cross field ofNetworking and Database, I realize that what I have learned in my undergraduatestage is rather basic and way far from enough for my career plan. A masterdegree can not only hone my knowledge but also make me more competitive in thesevere job market.

And I choose Canada to purse my graduatestudy without hesitation. In my point of view, Canada has rich educationalresources and atmosphere for students to concentrate on the researches. Whenstudying and living in an English-speaking country, I can practice and improvemy English every day, every moment which fits my goal to work in aninternational company in China after graduation. Besides, studying in a foreigncountry can be a great experience for me to broaden my horizons. And thetuition and living expense in Canada is fairly reasonable comparing to othercountries.

WhyComputing Science (CS) in Simon Fraser University (SFU)
The School of Computing Science in SFUis one of the best schools of this field in Canada. Its research focus,facilities and eminent faculty are absolutely ideal to help me meet my precisegoals. While many universities focus on the theories of CS, the School ofComputing Science in SFU provides a wide range of researches into InformationTechnology used in modern society, which means I can acquire practicalknowledge in my specific field. Furthermore, there are many famous professors,who I can talk with, ask for help and gain experience and advice from. I firmlybelieve that my graduate will bring me a deeper understanding and mastery ofComputing Science and enable me be closer to my long-term career path.

Myoverall educational goal
I plan to get my master degree inComputing Science from SFU in 2 years. Through this program, I expect to beinstructed in advanced research techniques and methodologies, expose myself tothe cutting-edge technology in Computing Science, and develop my capacity forindependent research. I arrange my time to choose the courses as follows.
Year 1:
CMPT 814-3 Algorithmic Graph Theory, CMPT 740-3 Database Systems,(They are the basis of Database and Datamining). CMPT 765-3 ComputerCommunication Networks, CMPT771-3 Internet Architecture and Protocols, (Relevant to Networking). CMPT 745-3 SoftwareEngineering, CMPT760-3 Operating Systems, (useful).
Year 2: CMPT 816-3 Theory of Communication Networks, CMPT842-3 Concurrency Control in Database Systems,
CMPT843-3 Database and Knowledge-Base Systems,
CMPT 896 M.Sc. Course Option ExtendedDocument

Superiorwith SFU degree and go back to China
My prospects in the Chinese labor marketwould be extraordinary after acquisition of the Master degree from SFU. As China’sburgeoningdevelopment,qualified people are in great demand. More and more international companiesmove their headquarters to my hometown, Shanghai, China. I believe with goodmastery of Information Technology, excellent English communication skills andmy former job experience, I can easily find a decent job in IT area in China.

And another important reason that Iexcept to go back to China after graduation is that my family, my friends are allin China. I am lucky enough that my parents are willing and have sufficientmoney to supply me to study abroad. Then that’s my turn to take good care ofthem. Happiness is not how much you can earn, but how wonderful you can seeyour families and share feelings with each other.

To sum up, I am well motivated and wellprepared for my graduate study. I sincerely hope you can approve myapplication.

alicecarolUID：2598586

好像课程不用罗列出来
回来找工作那里，我感觉应该加强一些，比如到某公司，具体就职是什么工作内容，为什么你会比别人有竞争力

纯属个人见解啊，不专业的点评一下

fqmercuryUID：2994320

Dearvisa officer: （）这个要不要写成信的形式，其实并没有明确的说法。但是貌似没有visa officer这么一说，只有visa office，一般审查你的application的人叫“consul”。你可以说dear consul。
My name is XX. I graduate （过去时吧）fromXX University, majoring in Software Engineering. During（后面接的词感觉怪怪的） my undergraduatestudies, I have(上个during时间段应该是过去时吧，所以这个是不是要过去完成时呢？) developed great interest and also laid solid foundation in thefield of Computing Science.（interest不能用那么长时间形成吧，后面还行） My study plan is to pursue further study in thisarea in Canada. （最后一句完全和整个段落没有关系，而且这句话是废话。）

我想你应该是想在第一段介绍一下自己的背景，和为什么选择读这个硕士的原因。建议你列好提纲后再谢谢。这样整段结构完整，句子之间带有清晰的逻辑联系。





Why amaster degree in Canada
The decision is made after carefulconsideration.  (废话，可以说 I chose to go to Canada because。。。。) With almost two years’ work experience in the cross field ofNetworking and Database, I realize（完成时吧） that what I have（过去时） learned in my undergraduatestage is （was）rather basic and way far from enough for my career plan. （写点东西，比如举个例子为什么basic，而你master这个怎么就不advanced了。 Far from career plan 后面也解释一句，你的plan大体方向）A masterdegree can not only hone my knowledge but also make me more competitive in thesevere job market.

And I choose 过去时 Canada to purse my graduatestudy without hesitation. In my point of view, Canada has rich educationalresources and atmosphere（这个不能用rich修饰吧） for students to concentrate on the researches. Whenstudying and living in an English-speaking country, I can practice and improvemy English every day, every moment which fits my goal to work in aninternational company in China after graduation.（这个感觉你是读语言的，我感觉具体强调一下专业方面的优势能好些） Besides, studying in a foreigncountry can be a great experience for me to broaden my horizons. （无用的话，foreign一个词马上又把canada模糊了） And thetuition and living expense in Canada is fairly reasonable comparing to othercountries.

WhyComputing Science (CS) in Simon Fraser University (SFU)
The School of Computing Science in SFUis one of the best schools of this field in Canada. Its research focus,facilities and eminent faculty are absolutely ideal to help me meet my precisegoals. While many universities focus on the theories of CS, the School ofComputing Science in SFU provides a wide range of researches into InformationTechnology used in modern society, which means I can acquire practicalknowledge in my specific field. Furthermore, there are many famous professors,who I can talk with, ask for help and gain experience and advice from. I firmlybelieve that my graduate will bring me a deeper understanding and mastery ofComputing Science and enable me be closer to my long-term career path. 感觉不是很清晰，这方面我不懂，没法提意见。

Myoverall educational goal
I plan to get my master degree inComputing Science from SFU in 2 years. Through this program, I expect to beinstructed in advanced research techniques and methodologies, expose myself tothe cutting-edge technology in Computing Science, and develop my capacity forindependent research. I arrange my time to choose the courses as follows.  （这个挑几门重点的说吧，然后再具体说说你能学到得哪些）
Year 1:
CMPT 814-3 Algorithmic Graph Theory, CMPT 740-3 Database Systems,(They are the basis of Database and Datamining). CMPT 765-3 ComputerCommunication Networks, CMPT771-3 Internet Architecture and Protocols, (Relevant to Networking). CMPT 745-3 SoftwareEngineering, CMPT760-3 Operating Systems, (useful).
Year 2: CMPT 816-3 Theory of Communication Networks, CMPT842-3 Concurrency Control in Database Systems,
CMPT843-3 Database and Knowledge-Base Systems,
CMPT 896 M.Sc. Course Option ExtendedDocument

Superiorwith SFU degree （什么意思）and go back to China
My prospects in the Chinese labor marketwould be extraordinary after acquisition of the Master degree from SFU. As China’sburgeoningdevelopment,qualified people are in great demand. More and more international companiesmove their headquarters to my hometown, Shanghai, China. I believe with goodmastery of Information Technology, excellent English communication skills andmy former job experience, I can easily find a decent job in IT area in China. （太笼统，你应该分析下你专业在国内的优势）

And another important reason that Iexcept to go back to China after graduation is that my family, my friends are allin China. I am lucky enough that my parents are willing and have sufficientmoney to supply me to study abroad. Then that’s my turn to take good care ofthem. Happiness is not how much you（建议改成one，不要出现you） can earn, but how wonderful you can seeyour families and share feelings with each other.

To sum up, I am well motivated and wellprepared for my graduate study. I sincerely hope you can approve myapplication.


只是我个人的意见，还应该多问问别人。我建议你如果自己想不好怎么写的话还是找中介写吧。我感觉你的大学不错，成绩肯定也行，能不能过谁也说不准。但是可以肯定的是，和我读过别人的sp相比，这绝对不可能是一个合格的sp。

gardenia324UID：2822250

Dearvisa officer: （）这个要不要写成信的形式，其实并没有明确的说法。但是貌似没有visa officer这么一说，只有visa office，一般审查你的application的人叫“consul”。你可以说dear consul。
My name is XX. I  ...
fqmercury 发表于 2011-7-9 17:02

别轻易劝别人找中介哦~

fqmercuryUID：2994320

4# gardenia324

现在不是找不找中介的问题了，是大家能不能提意见的问题，LZ的时间很紧迫。中介这种事不是对所有人都适用的，讨论也没用。

GuessyUID：2184792

我建议你开头写Dear Sir/Madam
这篇文章的全部意义在于最后一段 最后一段的内容就是签证官决定你是否有移民倾向的内容
而你这段写的太general了 没有什么说服力 最好能再详细一些

t8086UID：2679535

word的排版功能很强大，lz可以注意调整一下排版，比如1,2,3,4,5。插入表格、图片之类的

youyouxiaoxiUID：2883506

谢谢大家的建议，gter这个大家庭真的很温暖噶~~~修改版出炉，请大家继续拍哈~~

Introductionof my background
Graduated from XXUniversity, I received my bachelor degree in Engineering in July, 2009. Afterthat, with great interest and solid foundation in Computing Science, I began mycareer in Information Technology industry to dealing with network and databasesupport. And now, in order to stand out in the severe job market, I am pursinga mater degree, which I believe will equip me with cutting-edge technology inComputing Science and make me be an IT specialist in the future.

Whycome to Canada to study Computing Science (CS) at Simon Fraser University (SFU)
Ichoose Simon Fraser University to purse my graduate study for several reasons. First of all, the School of ComputingScience in SFU has rich educational resources, peaceful environment and greatacademic atmosphere for students to concentrate on the researches. Furthermore,comparing with other institutions, there are more outstanding researchers specializingin Database, Data Mining and Network, which ideally meets my interest. I haveconfidence that I will definitely learn a lot during my graduate study in sucha good place. Secondly, SFU isuniquely hospital to international scholars and graduates all around the world.The diversity in culture can help me broaden my horizons and enrich my lifeexperience. Thirdly, as English isthe international communication language as well as one of the officiallanguages in Canada, I can practice and improve my English by dailyconversation, which will profit me when seeking jobs in international companiesin China. Last but not least, themaster degree issued by Canada is recognized worldwide, which is also anadvantage over the one from a Chinese university when hunting jobs.

Myoverall educational goal
I plan to get my master degree inComputing Science from SFU in 2 years. Through this program, I expect to beinstructed in advanced techniques and methodologies, expose myself to the pioneeringtechnology in Computing Science, and develop my capacity for independentresearch. I arrange my time to focus on database and network. First, I willtake basic courses in these topics, such as Database System and NetworkProtocol etc. and some other mandatory courses like Software Engineering,Operating System. Then, I will take more advanced courses related with mytopics to hone my knowledge and to prepare for my career objective to be anexpert in the cross field of database and network in IT industry.

Reasonsto go back to China
My prospects in the Chinese labor marketwould be extraordinary after acquisition of the master degree from SFU. AsChina’s burgeoningdevelopment,more and more international IT enterprises are establishing their headquartersin China. Consequently, well-trained professionals with excellent technology,good English proficiency and quick adaptation to different cultures are ingreat demand. What’s more, there is no doubt that database and network are keyfactors in most of IT companies, which offers sufficient job opportunities. Iexpect to work in an international IT company like Microsoft, SAP, after I goback to China. I believe my good mastery of Information Technology, excellentEnglish communication skills and former job experience will lead me to apromising career in IT industry in China.

And another important reason that I wantto go back to China immediately after graduation is that my family, my friendsare all in China. I am lucky enough that my parents are willing and havesufficient money to supply me to study abroad. Then that’s my turn to take goodcare of them. As my parents say, happiness does not depend on how much one canearn, but on how wonderful families can stay together and share feelings witheach other. I will take the responsibility to look after my parents and to makethem happy.

To sum up, with strong technicalbackground and study motivation, I am confident that I have been well preparedfor my graduate study. I hope to learn advanced technology in Canada and thenreturn to China to fulfill my long-term career plan and make contribution to mymotherland as well.

alicecarolUID：2598586

可以加上，国内IT发展环境比加拿大好
比如加拿大发展已经饱和了，没有更多的发展（我不晓得哈，不是这个专业）
国内IT刚刚起步，急需大量人才，所以在中国发展将会有更高的职位和更高的薪酬（不是这专业不清楚情况）